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Does race play a role in Dating/attraction?


CrashTestDummy

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I am asian and I am attracted to white girls more so than asians (some of my asian friends find this weird)

 

For some background, I'm incredibly whitewashed, I was born in the US and raised in the US in a dominantly white community until I moved into a mixed community.

 

My race has always bugged me since I was little. I was picked on constantly in elementary and middle school because of my race and because of that I never liked associating myself with it.

 

I have no idea if race plays a role in dating and attraction, like do some women find men of different race more attractive than others? I'm gonna sound incredibly insecure saying this, but if so, are asian men on the top tier or bottom tier?

 

Yeah I feel really insecure posting this but I want to know

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Everyone is attracted to different people. You can't really ask if women find a certain race more attractive because the truth is.. It is different for everyone. Race does play a big part in dating for most people (for example, I am only attracted to white guys so I only date white guys) you just have to find the person who is attracted to whatever race you are if it's that big of a deal.

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Well, y'know, the concept of race in itself is outdated. You know that right.

 

There is what people look like. Where they come from. Their cultures. Their ideas. Their language. Blah blah blah.

 

And in this time, most of us are a mix of many different traditional things.

 

If you are asking if a girl with pale skin and 'caucasian' features can be attracted to a guy with 'asian' features: yeah, it happens.

 

Who these girls are to track them down and poll them (what features? from where? what ideologies are allowed? religions?) ....you get the idea.

 

The thing is to come to terms with your own sense of your self and how this whole concept of 'race' and who you are sits with you. Then you are good to go!

 

Lucky thing we get to define ourselves.

 

Otherwise...I would be screwed! lol.

 

At some point I think if you come from a few different worlds or where you come from doesn't exactly fit into the norm's idea of how you look - well, you have to find a way to come to peace with that.

 

Rejecting with an active dislike of a part of our identity, or heritage, or history can cause more damage than a rejection from potential partners ever could.

You don't have to keep it all' but at least come to some acceptance of it. (there's a word for this)

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Race, will in fact hinder you, but at the same time, it will only hinder you as much as YOU allow it to. To be blunt, taller men are more attractive than shorter men, men with hair are more attractive than men without hair, tan men are more attractive than pale men, well toned men are more attractive than overweight men, I could go on and on... There are certain things that women are subconsciously attracted to because those traits convey the possibility of producing the best offspring... BUT that doesn't mean that a shorter, bald, overweight man can't attract women. In fact, to say such a thing would be complete and utter BS. It's just a handicap, and the more you think about race hindering you the more it WILL hinder you. There are just certain things you cannot change, and you have to accept them knowing that there are many other things you can change or improve upon. Because men are first attracted to looks and women are first attracted to... well, a number of things (personality, body language, social status, etc), but looks play a very small role. Anyway, because of the way attraction works on either side it is A LOT easier to build an attractive man than an attractive woman.

 

EDIT ~ If a person says they're only attracted to one type of person all that means is those characteristics are what they're MOST attracted to. Just because my "type" is a toned, blond caucasian does NOT mean I wouldn't date black women, asian women, brunettes, etc... It's just that my "type" is someone I notice more often.

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The reason that you're more attracted to white girls is because that's what's in the media and your environment. Your entire life, you've been bombarded with the concept/image that white people are attractive.

 

I would suggest going to a bookstore/library and looking in their international section for popular magazines, or view some form of media from Asia (TV, movie, music video, whatever). It will completely change your notion of "Asian people cannot be attractive".

 

If you actually go to Asia, you'll realize that all of their models/actors/actresses/musicians/etc are Asian. I honestly believe that there is the perception that Asian males are less attractive in Western culture because of this cultural difference. There are certain ways you (as someone who is Asian) can dress or cut your hair to appear more attractive. If you just go through life with a crappy haircut and don't work out, you won't be attractive regardless of your race (well, I'm just making random statements - you can not work out and still be attractive, etc, but it certainly still helps, and if you're worried about your image you could try that).

 

Anyone can be attractive regardless of his/her race. Your race does not define you. Any person who is ONLY attracted to people of one certain race is lying to himself/herself. There are attractive people of every race - it's just that you may not have come accross any who you think are attractive in your lifetime because you haven't been exposed to media from that culture, or met enough people of that race.

 

Even if people believe that Asian men are on the bottom tier, if YOU as an individual make yourself attractive and confident, you can easily become a top tier potential date/boyfriend to any girl.

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I find myself more attracted to white men from any country,or black men like Wesley Snipes,Eddie Murphy & Denzel!!lol I cant say that iv ever been attracted to eastern men at all,be they from Japan,India,Pakistan or anywhere else,but then again i havent met that many..

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Haven has a really good point.

 

And personally, I fall in the same camp as J. Christina. Actually haven't found a part of the world that hasn't produced very attractive men. heh.

 

well..maybe the states. j/k. But seriously: NA has some of the most overweight, rapidly aging men around ! So think about it..ha.

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I am Asian and my girlfriend is white. I was born and raised in Canada but yet I am proud of and involved with my heritage too. You should not be ashamed of your race or where you came from, it's a part of you. I understand it must have been hard to be picked on and harassed because of your race, but it is a reflection of the ignorance and insecurity of the perpetrators. It's not a reflection of who you are or where you came from. Good luck in dating!

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I am not trying to say here that I am not attracted to Asians at all, I just find white women more appealing. Like many of you have said, all races have attractive people but its some internal mechanism in my head that's telling me that white women don't find asians attractive.

 

I don't have doubts in my dating ability, its just that I have been rejected before because of my race and it upsets me.

 

I want to get on the dating scene again but I keep having fears that my race will bring me down. A typical racist statement I've heard around this area is that Indians are on the bottom of the dating teir (I haven't heard anything on asians), so I'm afraid that race does play a huge role in this...

 

Sorry I'm not trying to be racist, it's just what I hear every now and then, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. It wasn't my intention.

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Just be yourself and you'll be fine. If a girl prefers to date a certain race over yours, that is fine, everyone is allowed to have their preferences. On the other hand, if a girl doesn't want to date you because of your race or stereotypes she has against it, then she's probably not worth your time anyways. Either way, just be yourself and you'll find someone. And there's nothing wrong with being more attracted to a certain race; like I said, everyone is entitled to their preferences.

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I'm incredibly whitewashed, I was born in the US and raised in the US in a dominantly white community until I moved into a mixed community.

 

That's interesting. There was a study done on this, and it explains why asian males and females will look towards a white male/female as a partner - they were raised among the whites, and in many cases, looked up to the white male/female as being ideal from such a young age. The results were inconclusive (I think), but your comment made me think of that study.

 

Nothing wrong with your preferences - we all have them. I've never dated a girl of my nationality (never had an interest), but I've dated mostly white girls, and I have dated two korean girls. Interestingly enough, both the korean girls wanted to marry me after some time, no white girl proclaimed that while we dated.

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I have a female Indian friend who is attracted the most to white, preferably German, guys.

Another Indian friend divorced her Indian husband and has dated only white guys since.

I have three male Indian friends who love blonde girls.

I have a white male friend who loves black & white girls but isn't attracted to asian girls at all.

I've met five latinas from the LA area who were attracted to me (I'm white) and white guys in general.

I have a white male friend in LA who dates latinas only exclusively. And the aforementioned latinas think he's really lame because of that.

 

Personally I like girls with dark hair & dark skin, and as a result the last two girls I've dated were Mexican and Filipina.

 

It's all about personal preference and what turns you on, IMO. As long as you don't fetishize a race, or look down on a culture, who cares.

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Its funny, because I JUST went through this the other night..went ot a nice sports bar/restraunt and saw a white lady acrros the bar w/ her friends. I'm just getting back out there to meet ppl, as I've been going through the whole seperation/divorce thing.

 

Anyway, I finally build up the nerve to approach the group(3 women, 1 guy - all white. One chick was the guys date) and ask them about her as her and her friend went to the restroom. Quickly the guy, starts to "cockblock"..

 

"Oh she's married, matter of fact all of them are married".

 

Me - "Well I didnt see any rings on their fingers, especially hers. So unless she's mad at her husband, and/or just plain forgot to put it on or forgot to invite her husband out to a bar that is known for having ALOT of single guys, I would say shes NOT"

 

"Well that may be true, but I dont think she would like your kind"..

 

"I see(eyebrow raised)..what is my kind exactly?"

 

"eh, just the hip hop, kind of black buy I guess. She's had problems in the past with that sort of thing"(his gf nods in agreement). Mind you Im wearing a button up and some nice jeans...

 

"Well sir for 1)Im a classicaly trained musician, 2) Cant help that God made me the color I am, and 3)I feel sorry for her seeing that she has "friends" like you who like to pre-judge"

 

SO..the chick comes back and I introduce myself, tell her I saw her when she walked in, and just wanted to say how pretty she was, slipped her my biz card, and told her to have a nice night.

 

So yeah..race does have alot to do w/ it. Especially in the south, but really everywhere. But on the other hand, I get approached by women of most races(no asians or middle eastern) It kind of opened my eyes again, as I've been in the IT field for a # of yrs, and have experienced racism before, but havent had it that blunt and in my face for a loooong time. You learn to adapt to it, because it isnt going anywhere, anytime soon.

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hmm.. thanks for the story, that was interesting.

 

I live in a very multicultural city, so I never felt like racism takes place down here. However, new immigrants often comes into this place and claim people are racist to them. Maybe I'm adapted to this place and have no problems with it, but I never felt like racism occurs around here. New immigrants and I of the same nationality but one felt racism exist and another felt racism doesn't. Demographically speaking, I couldn't quite comment on what's taking place in your area, but just try talking with people who have a different experience... and try to see what they see.

I always comment on how other nationality is bad here, and good there. Perhaps I can also be taken as being racist, but I was just making distinctions since culture do influence people to behave in certain way. People who wouldn't agree with me usually are those who haven't lived in at least 2 countries.

 

As for the ladies whom you've talked with, maybe they just had bad experience with someone who is black. Maybe they caught something (specific attitude) that you didn't know they saw. Maybe they're just not attracted to black guys and are being honest with themselves, but worded it badly. Maybe the girl was coincidentally harassed by a black man, so it's a "no" immediately after seeing a black person. You never know what happened prior, so it's not a good idea to attribute their attitude with racism.

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Oh no I agree w/ you, but growing up w/ those factors(skin color, history, etc) you have a a certain "sixth sense" about it. I would have much rather had her tell me that, than he friend. But she didnt. Maybe she took the card to be nice, which Im fine w/ but also would have been ok w/ her saying "no thanks" because I still would've complimented her and went about my business..it wasnt so much what he said it was the way he said it with the look it was said with.

 

I've been to other countries so I know that some cultures are diff. for a reason(tradition, religion, etc.) so I concure. But this was one instance where it was that blunt to where I to do a self check on my approach, dress, speech, etc..just to see if I did it the wrong way..and I didnt. BUT it is what it is..

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I just wanted to throw in before it starts going that way just because (just for example!!) a white girl (or guy) won't date a black guy/girl or doesn't consider them their type doesn't mean it's about racism. I am white but I am not attracted to black or asian guys, it's just my personal preference i've never found anyone of those races attractive. But I have had people argue that it makes me racist. I've always felt uncomfortable denying someones request for a date because they were of another race for this exact reason.

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I just wanted to throw in before it starts going that way just because (just for example!!) a white girl (or guy) won't date a black guy/girl or doesn't consider them their type doesn't mean it's about racism. I am white but I am not attracted to black or asian guys, it's just my personal preference i've never found anyone of those races attractive. But I have had people argue that it makes me racist. I've always felt uncomfortable denying someones request for a date because they were of another race for this exact reason.

IM NOT SAYIN IT IS..I dont need to play the race card, mainly because I dont make excuses for my status(which is half decent), which alot of ppl do. Mainly blacks. I can speak on it BECAUSE as you can see, I am. Im just giving you an example of how race DOES matter. Was I crying about it, heck no..But ppl try to deny that it happens and it does, which is why I gave you an EXAMPLE..Im not a radical by any means, just giving a certain experience from a certain place in the world, thats all.

 

Its not going "that way", its just an open dialog. The question was, "Does race play a role in Dating/attraction?" My answer was yes, and I gave an example. Thats all.

 

Thats why i pointed out that he lied and said she was married when she told me directly that she wasnt and doesnt know why her friend said that(forgot to mention that). I asked her if it was true, so I could stop the build up of conversation w/ her and cut my "losses"(forgot to mention that, also). This was the short version of what happened.

 

ALso my preference is pretty open, but there are some features I look for, so I can understand where you are coming from.

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Imsoalive,hi

 

I just cant believe that people still use the term 'not your kind'!!!!! Wow thats just terrible. I havent seen or heard anything like that unless iv seen it on a film with Denzel in etc. Totally shocking

Hey storm..yeah it def. happens, but how you handle it is dependent on the person you are. I could've flown off the handle, cursed, etc..but wouldnt have gotten me anywhere and would've validated his point so to speak. Plus wouldve set me back from the person I've grown to be.

 

Heres a strange turn of events..The girl texted me and asked me out, lol..an apologized for her friends behavior.how crazy is that.I totally forgot about the situation, until I saw this thread then it was as clear as day..its cool..we're going out next week as I have my kids for daddy's day

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If you're not already, when you get the opportunity move to a multicultural city. That's good dating advice in general actually.

 

Also, enough of this unconfrontational B.S. If you classify an entire race as un-dateable of course it makes you racist on some level. Absolute statements made about any race almost by definition makes you one.

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