rebounded back to the ex

[isoc]

I just wondered if anyone had any advice or words of wisdom with my situation.

I was with this girl for 9 months)

 

I got with this girl who was coming out of a 5 yr relationship.

I knew that i could be on the rebound but her reassurance of how horrible her ex was, how it was over months before she finally left him and how different everything was with us kept me there.

When she was moving out of their house and i could see it was hard for her i would say let me give you space lets take a break, ill give you time but she would say no the last thing she wanted was to lose me.

 

We made future plans - most by her of how she see the future and everything was all good i had everything i ever wanted. We never argued always had a laugh and we were so affectionate towards each other.

 

She would tell me how she was the happiest she had ever been we were going to do things she couldnt have done before because her ex was nasty, control freak etc everyone she knew hates the guy

Where, i am totaly the opposite, got on with her friends went out a lot with them it was perfect

 

Then one day i rang her up and she seemed off, kept telling me she was coming up mine with my clothes i had left there. I didnt need them? i could of got them anytime

Anyway i went to her place to see her before i went out and everything was ok which reasurred me. When i walked in she gave me a big cuddle as she normally would do and she said to me 'we couldnt get up to (u know what) for the week as it was that time of the month' So this didnt seem like a girl who was about to do what she did the next day.

 

The next day i couldnt get hold of her when i did i got the good old i need some space, i keep thinking of my past and i dont know why.

I didnt know what to say. She told me she felt like she had for 2 days!? i know that cant be true. For the rest of the day she just ignored me. When i did finally speak to her she said she would call me later - she never did.

 

The next day same again i tried texting and calling but nothing back so i thought ok i get the message we are over. I emailed her saying i will come round to get my things and bang i get a reply straight away 'yeah ok come round now i am at work, can you bring my stuff back too'

I thought what the... so i rang her she answered and was talking to me like it was anyother day! very chirpy etc

 

This upset me loads that she could just be so cold and turn off like this.

 

Everything was so good, no bad times which makes it all harder for me to accept

 

I drunk text her etc got no reply then left it a week before asking was there any chance of us getting back together and i was told no, she cant ignore her feelings for her ex irrespective of what he did to her in the past and there for cant live a lie. Her feelings of loss out grew what she felt for us.

 

Its 6 weeks later now and havnt spoke to her for 4 weeks i have since heard she is back with him / seeing him

 

so what do i do now? i want her back but she has more of a past with him so chances are she will stay there regardless of me doing the NC or not

 

shes rebounded back to where she first was

 

I know no contact works but in this instance i cant see it making a difference

[deang]

I'm in a similar situation. I'd like to hear more opinions but I think NC is still the thing to do. If this guy hasn't done some major life changes then they will break up again and you will be there as the guy who treated her nice and she'll remember that. It sucks, it hurts but I don't see any other way to go. She needs to go with her emotions and learn from her mistakes. Now is your time to get yourself healthy and happy. I think the relationship being bad is in your favor because she either gets out again because it's not good or she doesn't and you have avoided a relationship with someone who probably isn't capable of having a healthy relationship. You have the advantage in that you weren't a jerk and she will remember that. She will also start to remember why she left this guy unless he has become a choir boy but then he will lose some of his bad boy attractiveness. Actually, looking at your situation and mine I think we are both in good shape. The ex's weren't great and they'll either fizzle out or these women aren't capable of healthy happy relationships anyway and we need to avoid them. Anyone care to comment?

[Clabs]

Hey isoc

 

Welcome to ena mate - but so sorry for the reason that has brought you here.

 

Your situation sucks - pure and simple.

 

This is not what you want to hear but there is absolutely nothing you can do to get your ex back. Some people fall straight from one relationship into the next to fill the void that is left in their lives.

 

Unfortunately, if you read some of the posts on here you will come to realise that it usually takes a good year to get over an ex - and it looks like your was still hung up on her ex.

 

She has told you that there is no chance of getting back together with you and at least she has been honest hear because some people get strung along for months not knowing what is going on.

 

As hard as it may seem right now you have to take her at her word and accept that this is a done deal. Turn around and walk away and work on getting yourself together.

 

You say that you know that NC works but not sure it makes a difference in this case. I am not sure what you mean by this but your best bet is to stay out of contact with her - because there is nothing more to be said, is there?

 

Come back here for support ok?

 

Take care mate.

 

Mark

[deang]

I don't think that there is never the possibility that you will get back together (for one thing it's easier for me to gradually let go so I have my selfish reasons for holding out some hope) NC is your chance to get yourself ready for the next person or her in case she comes back. One thing I failed to mention is that basically it will be a new relationship with her....the old one is truly gone and you'd have to start all over but you'd have the advantage of knowing them pretty well. In the sense that you would be starting over then I agree with Clabs that you need to get over her first and consider that relationship gone.

[Aloisius]

isoc, based on what you've written it sounds like you handled this break-up with grace and dignity. my ex left me under (somewhat) similar circumstances, and i didn't go completely mental but i definitely didn't conduct myself as responsibly as you have.

 

if you can back away from her now, i promise you'll thank yourself later. if she's back with him, all the more reason to let her go off and make a big mistake without your support.

[Clabs]

I don't think that there is never the possibility that you will get back together (for one thing it's easier for me to gradually let go so I have my selfish reasons for holding out some hope) NC is your chance to get yourself ready for the next person or her in case she comes back. One thing I failed to mention is that basically it will be a new relationship with her....the old one is truly gone and you'd have to start all over but you'd have the advantage of knowing them pretty well. In the sense that you would be starting over then I agree with Clabs that you need to get over her first and consider that relationship gone.

 

Very well put, deang - very well put.

 

Mark

[isoc]

I just dont think the NC will work here because she hasnt made any effort to contact me at all.

 

Its like i never existed everything wiped clean

 

And when i did speak to her when i was working it out for myself that she didnt want me, she was fine as if it was any other day, just no feelings towards me at all.

 

All i think i can do is wait for karma to play its part and her bf to go back to how he was before because i know he will

[tushboy]

I have been in the exact same shoes that you have.....very similar story. My ex dumped me to go back to his Ex and I was his rebound. But let me tell you after doing NC for 4 months...he did come back...It's a different story that it didn't work out the second time....but don't lose hope....you will have another chance...you are doing so well...much much better than I did when I was in your shoes...don't make the mistaks of running behind her or acting clingy, needy and desperate as I did.

 

Everyone is telling you this and you make not get it but YES NC will get YOU back and HER back if you do it right. There is nothing you can do wrong if you don't do anything. Just go with the flow...go down the stream of well being...nothing can stop you from achieveing what you want. Trust me NOTHING and NOONE. Have faith.

[isoc]

cheers for the support guys,

 

i just bumped into her!!!! hows my luck!

 

i just swerved out the way and wen in a different direction, i know she see me. Makes me feel sad now but im just going to go with it.

 

I dont want to contact her because i am not going to lose face, i know she will just either ignore me or make me look silly and thats not going to happen.

 

hard work though!!!

[tushboy]

cheers for the support guys,

 

i just bumped into her!!!! hows my luck!

 

i just swerved out the way and wen in a different direction, i know she see me. Makes me feel sad now but im just going to go with it.

 

I dont want to contact her because i am not going to lose face, i know she will just either ignore me or make me look silly and thats not going to happen.

 

hard work though!!!

 

Its damn hard.....but trust me its WORTH IT...its a win win situation..if you don't get her back...which I think is unlikely...she will come back if you actually go NC and focus on ur life....however if that doesnt work then you still have got back yourself to being the person that you are!

[deang]

Thanks for the post tboy. It also gave me encouragement. I am committed to NC but it's nice to have a little hope to hold onto while you ease back into being the best person you can.

[isoc]

i just heard she put my mate on a limited profile onfacebook that must either be so he dont see pix of her with her bf or shes trying to play the game.

 

she blocked me when we broke up andi couldnt work out why as i hadnt done anything wrong

 

the way she carries on is as if i have cheated on her or i am in the wrong i just dont get it.

 

This is why i think NC wont work in my situation as she obviously isnt interested. I bet when i bumped into her earlier it didnt do anything to her bet she didnt feel cut up or anything. Its like i never existed. Just wiped out of memory

[deang]

you need to give her and yourself SPACE...if she's acting like that then you are pushing her away anyway so what have you got to lose. Go NC. I've rebounded onto someone and had them turn the tables on to me to where I was chasing them by the end and forgot about my previous ex. If she didn't care then why block you? NC can help get an ex back because it gives them time to miss you...she needs that time and you do too...You need to give yourself time to heal and get yourself straightened out. Once you can handle talking to her without getting upset if she tells you about the amazing bf then you can reach out to her but just get yourself taken care of first. You spent a few months with this person...heck if I worked with someone for a few months and they didn't say hi I would wonder if something was wrong...you are in a difficult spot as am I but there is something that attracted her to you she didn't just close her eyes and pick out someone to date...take that part she liked and make it stronger and add the attractiveness of being a confident strong man and you'll be ok even if she doesn't give you the time of day. All hope is not lost but you have to fix yourself before you can even worry about what she's thinking

[isoc]

im struggling this isnt getting easier

 

i think what ever i do NC etc its just not going to happen she really isnt bothered

 

i have been thinking of taking her friend off of my facebook because she keeps updating her status to things that are messing with my head, then changing her profile picture to her and my ex which again gets me thinking.

 

I did think that if i left her friend as one of my friends on there that i could use it to my advantage and let them know what i was up to and try and show im fine but i now think its not helping me out at all

 

i just cant see how someone could turn off so quick like that. All the things she said must have been lies wish i could just switch off as well.

[lost1234]

isoc, my ex couldn't get over her ex either. They have been back together for quite a while and are still going strong. Point is everybody is right here, you have to focus on yourself and not work on plans of getting her back. I hate to say this but odds are she won't come back. Sorry.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

The big problem is that she wasn't even alone following the breakup with her ex. She was just moving out of their home when she immediately fell into a relationship with you. Of course she was going to assure you that he was terrible and that it was over for a long time...because she didn't want to be alone...she is needy and needs a relationship...so you came along and she was relieved that she didn't have to be single...she could immediately jump to someone else. She thereforeee had no chance to process her feelings...9 months later she immediately bounces back to this ex. So even if things end with the ex, I wouldn't be in a hurry to get back together with her. While you may be good for her...she is clearly no good for you...because she isn't even any good for herself. Her neediness and self-esteem issues will pretty much guarantee that after things end again with her ex, she will immediately find another body to latch on to so that she doesn't have to be alone...don't let that body be you...she is not sincere.

[browneyedgirl36]

Great advice. I'm in a similar situation; my ex didn't leave me for his ex (we had already ended things before she decided she wanted him back), but something tells me that if it doesn't work out with her (it hasn't several times before over the last decade or so) that he will start trying to work his way back into my life. Though I still care for him and still want him in my life, I DREAD the day that he starts fishing around for my attention again because while I KNOW he's not good for me, if he got me at a vulnerable point, I'd have a hell of a time saying no. People who keep leaving relationships to go back to exes simply aren't at a place where they should be getting involved with anyone. As CAD said, they aren't even good for themselves, let alone for anyone else.

[isoc]

ok still NC here,

 

i deleted her friend from my facebook as i think she was keeping an eye on what i was up to and playing mind games then going back to my ex to tell her

 

i noticed today though my ex had unblocked me on FB.

 

Then 2 hours later im back blocked whats that about!!!

 

think i should break NC?

[BrokenDuc]

i think you should just move on, why do you want to be with a person that chose not to be with you?

 

her actions are probably manipulated by her guy as he most likely requested that she never contact you again if she wanted to be together with him.

 

why are you playing her games. get the hell off facebook its not doing you any good being on there.