Change your personality... possible?

[lux848]

i've heard of the concept willpower conquers all but can we actually change our personality? i mean it is what defines us, makes who we are right? can we really change that? im sensing that the personality i have right now is not the ideal one i'd like to have. the people i admire and idolize all seem to have a different personality than mine.

 

i know its not easy but can we change it by doing things differently or behave differently? i dont want to "act" different cuz its just the outside. i wanna change from the inside. im 22 i just hope its not too late.

 

who here has done it and succeeded?

[just M.E.]

What traits do you want to change?

 

We can't change who we are in essense, but we can change our actions, our behavior. We can change the way we treat people and view the world. We can change our personal habits and goals.

 

There is much within ourselves we can change and still retain our core personality. It's under that category of personal growth. Hopefully, in life, we all do this. To not grow is to stay stagnant. That in itself, is repulsive.

[blueangel]

I've done it a bit through imitation but no matter how much you fake, when people get close to you, the true core comes out so it isn't always really worth it. My social personality is one I put on like makeup

[pianoguy]

You can definitely change parts of your personality. I used to be extremely shy and withdrawn, but over the years I've become much more outgoing and comfortable among people.

 

I would say make a list of the attributes that you want to work on, and think of small steps you can take to work on those qualities you want to have. What qualities is it you want to work on?

[lostandhurt]

Are any of us the same we were when we were little? No, we change as we grow and learn. M.E. is right (again) figure out what YOU don't like not what OTHERS tell you they don't like or you will be making a change for them not you. We all can be better people but it has to be for the right reasons or it simply won't stick. Who hasn't been told by their s/o "you will never change" My stbx changed me forever when she betrayed me. It can be done......just try.

 

lost

[Beyondthesea]

You can change qualities about yourself, but in reality, your personality is something that is quite unchanging once you hit about age 30. That's what I learned in my psychology courses, and I've found it to be quite true.

 

But keep this in mind:

A person always is who they are because they choose to be

A situation can always be changed if a person want it to be

[easyguy]

i've heard of the concept willpower conquers all but can we actually change our personality? i mean it is what defines us, makes who we are right? can we really change that? im sensing that the personality i have right now is not the ideal one i'd like to have. the people i admire and idolize all seem to have a different personality than mine.

 

i know its not easy but can we change it by doing things differently or behave differently? i dont want to "act" different cuz its just the outside. i wanna change from the inside. im 22 i just hope its not too late.

 

who here has done it and succeeded?

 

Actually, you can, but it is not permanent. In other words, we all have the ability to change our relationship with 'ourselves', who we think 'we' are, 'I' this, 'This self', et cetera. There is a lot that goes into the practice of understanding and realizing this.

 

In part, it is cultivated through realizing that personality is a delusional way of thinking about the mind. It infers that there is some kind of permanence, when actually, nothing is permanent and nothing is there, it is just that we have fallen into so many conditional habits that blind us from seeing it. This idea of personality also infers that we are objects, not subjects - i.e. the body and the personality. If you think that you are an object, you are thereforeee relating and comparing everything to what you think the 'I' is. These comparisons bolster the ego, which causes the mind to suffer when it does not get what it wants.

 

When you point a finger at yourself, thinking, "This is me", you are simply pointing at something that is non-existent. 'Me' is not anything visible, it is just a stream of mental formations. The effects in the world are certainly real, but 'me', 'personality', is something that we tend to think of as being a super glue. However, when you remove the words and the ideas that lead the mind to believe that there is one way of being, you begin to see that there can be a dualistic relationship between two contrasting planes - no self and self. No self is the observer of the self.

 

That said, one practice that is very helpful in seeing this in your own life is developing the ability to watch the thoughts that arise in the mind non-judgmentally, even for just a minute every day. No inner commentary, no comparisons, just the mind's eye acutely aware of what comes and goes. Simple? Yes. Easy? Nope.

 

Anyway, I hope you get something out of this, if not now, some other time when it seems less abstract.

 

Be well.

[NowandZen]

I suppose it depends on your definition of personality. I believe that we can change our thoughts and behaviors, as well as our "default" reactions.

 

I used to allow many things (practically everything) to get to me emotionally. Now I have a different attitude.

 

When the checkout line is long, e.g., instead of fuming about how long it is taking, I wonder if there is anything there I am supposed to notice, so I look around to see. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. Either way, I am a happier person, and more able to DIRECT my emotions rather than be led by them.

 

I believe that every decision we make (and an emotional reaction is a decision) takes us either closer to, or further from, our source. When we choose the source, we change our personality.