questions about swinging lifestyle

[cooldudeny]

Hi today at work one of my co worker with whom i share a very good relationship told me that him and his gf are into the swinger lifestyle and i was like damn .. because personally i will never think of sharing my gf or wife or even if i a date someone

 

so thought let me share it with all of your out here and see your thoughts on this and if anyone into this lifestyle or debating to try it

[CrazyKing]

Boredom...

It happens in relationships where sex plays the most important role...

[melrich]

I couldn't be less interested. It's not for me.

[novaseeker]

Not for me either. I'm not very good about sex without emotional intimacy -- not appealing to me personally.

[cooldudeny]

i agree to i live sex with emotions i not into one night stands or enjoy * * * * ing someone else wife/gal while they watch

[GPrime]

Talking from a 'wife sharing' point of view, the biological reason behind it is based on competition. Most guys will feel a level of jealousy, but also a level of arousal when they see, or know their mate is with, another man.

 

There was a study several years back that proved men that thought or knew their mate engaged in intercourse with another man in the last few hours actually ejaculated a larger volume of seminal fluid when they had sex with their mate, which although not mentioned, can equate to a more powerful orgasm, and probably explains the interest. Also, given enough years, men may start to see their mate as less of a sexual person, and this would rejuvenate it ('wow, my wife is a !'

 

As with most sex, there's complex psychology behind it, which is what makes sex so great. People get bored of the simple "in and out", and this is something that complicates a boring sex life.

 

Personally I don't do it and doubt I'd ever go for it, but every aspect of sex interests me so I research the hell out of it

[volyund]

Boredom...

It happens in relationships where sex plays the most important role...

 

I'd say it happens in any relationship, that's why you got to spice things up with romantic getaways, having sex in unusual places... and maybe swinging.

 

I'm not really into it, but it does sound quite intriguing. If in 10 years my BF came to me with the idea, I'd consider it.

[jsx730]

Boredom...

It happens in relationships where sex plays the most important role...

 

If that's why a couple gets into it, then the relationship prolly isn't going to work out.

 

It's really more of a freedom thing.

 

The level of trust in an open relationship has to be far and above average.

 

At the end of the day, I know that my girl is coming back to me no matter what some other guy can do with his penis.

[Johnathan]

I know that my girl is coming back to me no matter what some other guy can do with his penis.

 

don't you mean "no matter what she can do with some other guy's penis" ?

[jimthzz]

I don't remember where I read it, but I read somewhere that a guy that wants to share his wife, is a repressed homosexual getting a secret thrill.

[teknoise]

I tried this once and it failed because she wasn't ready to be 100% honest, and for this sort of thing you NEED to be 100% honest. I'd definitely try this again though if I was with someone I could trust 100% and who I felt was mature enough to handle it.

 

I don't remember where I read it, but I read somewhere that a guy that wants to share his wife, is a repressed homosexual getting a secret thrill.

 

haha... i'm assuming you are joking, cuz that doesn't even make any sense. sounds like something you'd read in one of those "Tradition Family Values Super Religious" groups though.

[JadedStar]

If that's why a couple gets into it, then the relationship prolly isn't going to work out.

 

It's really more of a freedom thing.

 

The level of trust in an open relationship has to be far and above average.

 

At the end of the day, I know that my girl is coming back to me no matter what some other guy can do with his penis.

 

Well i differ on that view. I think it is about sex, and that is why most swingers get into it. I never met a swinging couple who were not both very high sexed. I think that is the catalyst, the freedom is more a byproduct of the high sex drive and wnating to keep options open sexually.

 

the level of trust does have to be high, i agree, but this is not a lifestyle for everyone for sure. I have a high level of trust but have no interest in sharing my partner. None at all. And wuoldn't be very turned on knowing he wanted to share me either.

 

I dont mean to diss you but i think a lot of swingers get a real reality check sometimes because it is one thing to trust, but humans are sexual creatures, swingers being even moreso than most, and attraction to you might be high but you run a much higher risk of your lady falling for another guy in this lifestyle because women (and men) can potentially get emotionally attached to an FWB even if in a swinger style relationship.

 

IT is a risk you will ALWAYS take and i dont think ANY couple can profess to having no fears of this, and those who swing have an even greater risk becuase of the high level of intimacy they are sharing with other people.

 

To me, it is very paradoxial to say i trust my partner, but in the next breath know he will be sleeping with other women. Knowing whose bed he is in wouldnt' really help my comfort levels.

 

I have a high sex drive but am also creative enough to spice it up in other ways without bringing third parties into the mix.

[jimthzz]

I tried this once and it failed because she wasn't ready to be 100% honest, and for this sort of thing you NEED to be 100% honest. I'd definitely try this again though if I was with someone I could trust 100% and who I felt was mature enough to handle it.

 

 

 

haha... i'm assuming you are joking, cuz that doesn't even make any sense. sounds like something you'd read in one of those "Tradition Family Values Super Religious" groups though.

 

Nope, do not presume I am joking. Has nothing to do with religious groups. it has to do with the actual physicality of the act, what it involves.

 

If that is something that thrills you, well, the proof is in the pudding.

[jsx730]

I don't remember where I read it, but I read somewhere that a guy that wants to share his wife, is a repressed homosexual getting a secret thrill.

 

Yes, deep down, I'm a flaming homosexual. You've figured me out.

 

Well i differ on that view. I think it is about sex, and that is why most swingers get into it. I never met a swinging couple who were not both very high sexed. I think that is the catalyst, the freedom is more a byproduct of the high sex drive and wnating to keep options open sexually.

 

the level of trust does have to be high, i agree, but this is not a lifestyle for everyone for sure. I have a high level of trust but have no interest in sharing my partner. None at all. And wuoldn't be very turned on knowing he wanted to share me either.

 

I dont mean to diss you but i think a lot of swingers get a real reality check sometimes because it is one thing to trust, but humans are sexual creatures, swingers being even moreso than most, and attraction to you might be high but you run a much higher risk of your lady falling for another guy in this lifestyle because women (and men) can potentially get emotionally attached to an FWB even if in a swinger style relationship.

 

IT is a risk you will ALWAYS take and i dont think ANY couple can profess to having no fears of this, and those who swing have an even greater risk becuase of the high level of intimacy they are sharing with other people.

 

To me, it is very paradoxial to say i trust my partner, but in the next breath know he will be sleeping with other women. Knowing whose bed he is in wouldnt' really help my comfort levels.

 

I have a high sex drive but am also creative enough to spice it up in other ways without bringing third parties into the mix.

 

Ok, don't get me wrong, it's most definitely about sex. But it's the freedom that goes along with who you have sex with that's so liberating.

 

And there always is that chance of feelings developing. In my situation, we don't just have sex with random people, we become friends first. In fact some of our best friends have come from the lifestyle. I guess I'm just really confident in myself and my relationship. /shrug

 

The main reason we got into the lifestyle wasn't to spice up our relationship (although it has very much so done this), but rather because both of us were relatively inexperienced when we got together at 19 years old. Neither of us happened to be the jealous type, and it just kinda fits. Seems to be working for us although I know it doesn't for most, and that's fine.

[JadedStar]

And there always is that chance of feelings developing. In my situation, we don't just have sex with random people, we become friends first. In fact some of our best friends have come from the lifestyle. I guess I'm just really confident in myself and my relationship. /shrug

 

To be honest i think becoming friends with them first is even more of a risk. A one night stand bears less chance of attachment then becoming friends with these people first and THEN sleeping with them.

 

Glad it works for you but for most it isn't even an option. I wouldn't care to be that liberated. Period.

It's a tad offensive to suggest that people who are very confident in themselves and their relatioships would be open to sleeping around. I am very confident and that does not mean that I want to sleep with people other than the man i love. This has NOTHING to do with confidence but everything to do with one's sexual proclivities.

 

I could say that because I AM Confident it shows that i am confident enough to be satisfied with one person. That statement about confidence can be manipulated many ways - why? Because sleeping with multiple partners in a relationship has little to do with one's confidence levels.

[jsx730]

To be honest i think becoming friends with them first is even more of a risk. A one night stand bears less chance of attachment then becoming friends with these people first and THEN sleeping with them.

 

Yea, that was the point I was trying to make.

 

 

Glad it works for you but for most it isn't even an option. I wouldn't care to be that liberated. Period.

It's a tad offensive to suggest that people who are very confident in themselves and their relatioships would be open to sleeping around. I am very confident and that does not mean that I want to sleep with people other than the man i love. This has NOTHING to do with confidence but everything to do with one's sexual proclivities.

 

I could say that because I AM Confident it shows that i am confident enough to be satisfied with one person. That statement about confidence can be manipulated many ways - why? Because sleeping with multiple partners in a relationship has little to do with one's confidence levels.

 

I really wasn't suggesting that people with high confidence should do this. I was merely saying that if you are going to do it, you have to have confidence and be secure. This is not for everyone, regardless of confidence levels.