How do the dumpers feel????????

[arcadefire]

He did not try to get me back after break up, so I guess he was okay with it. But mostly in part that he did not want to hurt me more by continuing a relationship where he was not as emotionally attached as I was.

 

I was hoping he would come begging for me back but it never came and I lost hope for that. It felt like rejection of course. He never said that he would contact me. I also told him last I saw him to get my stuff (in tears while he was just sitting there) that I don't want to see him for a long long time. I guess he could've taken that pretty seriously thus the no contact from both parties.

[Illyria07]

I’m not really sure how my situation fits into this thread: in the strictest sense of the word I was the dumper in our break-up in that it was me making the final decision and telling him I wanted to end the relationship; however we’d been talking about it for a while, dithering over whether to keep trying or not, and when I told him I’d made up my mind he agreed it was the right thing to do. Although that was also how I felt, I was absolutely devastated and I had to do NC immediately after as talking to him was just too painful. I asked him not to contact me and he didn’t. As we work together we did see each other on a couple of occasions during this time and we’d say Hi but nothing more. As I started to heal, and because we have to see each other regularly, I started initiating LC after a couple of months, but he has been very distant and barely responding when I’ve tried talking to him. Consequently we’re now back to extreme NC – not even acknowledging each other when we see each other at work (luckily, it’s not every day!).

 

I know that for my part, there isn’t a day when I don’t think about him and I miss him enormously. The way he’s been acting, I’d say he’s just wanting nothing more to do with me and wanting to forget the whole thing (although, until one of us leave our current job, it will probably be impossible for him to forget me completely…).

[SchecterGuy]

I am the somewhat of the dumper, but the breakup was mutual. 8 months later I feel like hell and want her back so bad. I know she still loves me and always will, but she is torn with getting back together and getting on with her life. I wanted to get on with my life, but now I want her back. I am hoping we can be happy together. I also wish I knew then what I know now.

[Hollyj]

Schecter,

How long did it take you to realize you had made a mistake?

[SchecterGuy]

About 6 months after. I realized that I was being juvenile and needed a commitment. Plus I realized that she was perfect for me. I contacted her about a month and a half ago. She went on vacation and she was busy pretty much all of May so we couldn't see each other until this past weekend(she lives 4 hours aways). We had a great weekend together. It was like nothing had changed. She said if I contacted her a little earlier she would have come right back. Now it is a much harder decision for her. We dated for about 5.5 years and I told if we got back together within 6 months we would be engaged (don't want to rush that after moving back in together). But she is contemplating whether she needs to get on with her life.

[Hollyj]

I wish you the best!

[SchecterGuy]

When we first broke I was relieved. I felt she was incapable of handling her emotions. Plus I always had it in my mind that there is something better. Some time alone I realized a) She was the best for me. I could not find someone that completed me the way she did b) with everything going on in my life I cannot live the wild bachelor life. I needed a commitment. I wanted to get a feel for how she was and it seems like she was doing better. It meant her issues were not inherent and there is control. I actually heard nothing of her dating others. I am thinking the more time she takes the more it works in my favor. But I want to talk to her so bad and plead my case some more.

 

After we decided to meet up again she went on two dates with one guy who she wasn't feeling and she met another guy that I do not think she has even been on a date with. This has nothing to do with me wanting to get back together as I knew about them after I told her I wanted to get back. They are just x-factors that give me stress. She did not flat out reject me and is putting in time to think about it.

 

Long story short I had kind of an epiphone. It kind of just happened. Since about April it was in the back of my mind and since we met up it has been consuming me.

[SchecterGuy]

Actually my only other fear is distance. Her being 200 miles away kind of sucks. There is no such thing as casual contact that may make things better. I don't know if deciding in a vaccuum is all that good. And calling her would seem pushy to just talk.

[SchecterGuy]

To truly make it work, you cannot be miles apart. You must find a way of being closer to one another. Many will disagree with this and say that for "true love" distance does not matter, but IMO it truly does.

 

Well we would be together. We would do distance for a few months until she could move back out here. But within a few months we would be living together. I was thinking in the interim while she is deciding.

[SchecterGuy]

Oh I have a month to month plan of how we will see each other. Mainly me visiting her because I want her to have as much time with her family and friends as possible. I would see her at least once a month and sometimes twice. My plan was to do that until January when she moved in. Get engaged by the summer. Get married the following year.

[mca1975]

Yes, the dumpers do feel sad and miss those they have dumped, for sure. I know from experience.

[BrendaWalsh]

How long were you guys together? It seems really callous and cowardly to break up with someone over email of all things.

[needhimso]

I am the somewhat of the dumper, but the breakup was mutual. 8 months later I feel like hell and want her back so bad. I know she still loves me and always will, but she is torn with getting back together and getting on with her life. I wanted to get on with my life, but now I want her back. I am hoping we can be happy together. I also wish I knew then what I know now.

 

Why did you break up in the first place? I was with my ex the same amount of time, and he randomly wanted a break 3 months ago and has now been "kinda" seeing someone else for a month (he felt he had to see what else is out there). I feel he's the one, and I have the chance to move closer to him. I want to take it, but I don't want to make things worse. This isn't my only reason for wanting to go there, but I feel like we'll never have a chance again if I don't. On the other hand, if I do I don't want to risk him never speaking to me again. He said he wanted to stay friends, but it would be "creepy" if i move there. I really wish he'd have the same revelation you did, and fast! He's the one. I'm so scared he won't.

[musashi]

My ex broke up with me in October, completely out of the blue. There were many external circumstances like us being in a LDR for the last few months of the relationship, false rumours being spread about me where she lived, pressure from her church, she was financially broke - which I did not find out about until much later. I went immediate NC, blocked her phone number from my phone and started to work on healing. She called me two months later and told me that she had been crying herself to sleep every night, missed me extremely, rode around in her car for hours listening to cds I had made her crying, everywhere she went reminded her of me, she checked my myspace page daily, etc. I was shocked to learn that she took the BU as hard, if not harder than I did. I was not going to be her friend and she said "if I could be with anyone right now, it would be you". We tentatively got back together with promises to not look for or date anyone else. We started traveling on the weekends to see each other again and got back into pre-breakup routines of calling daily and at night before we went to bed.

 

March 16th she calls me and tells me that she has met someone that "she is interested in pursuing a relationship with". I was floored. I went immediate NC again. She sent me a "closure" email a week later telling me how perfect I was but I was just not "the one". We had a fantastic relationship. By far the most healthy relationship either of us had ever been in. We never argued or fought. We communicated well, laughed all the time, and made each other feel great. She stated that she was probably making the worst mistake of her life by leaving me.

 

I have heard nothing else from her since this last BU. Although, I know that she has been checking my myspace page daily for the past couple of weeks and has posted a picture I took of her on the day I proposed to her. So I know that she is thinking about me. Her myspace status says single and there is no mention whatsoever of another guy. Will she contact me again? I do not know. I do know that she will have to jump through hoops to prove herself before I will let her back into my life again.