Hollyj Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 How do the dumpers feel after their ex goes NC? This is considering they were on good terms-still had feelings for one another, but the dumper was not ready for commitment- but that it was too painful for the dumpee to continue contact? Link to comment
PushingDaisies Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 This should be interesting, I'm in this situation, it will be interesting to see what people say Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I was a dumper a few months ago. It just wasn't working out. She stayed in contact for the most part (a month or so n/c and then she contacted me). I know it sounds cheesy but I'd really like to keep her as a friend, she is a very nice and kind person. The problem is that we went for coffee last week and as soon as I saw her I wanted to sleep with her, even though I knew that would be a bad thing to do. I resisted although we did kiss and hug goodbye. This is very dangerous. The truth is, I miss her terribly but we were just not meant to be together. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Orange, It's unfortunate that things cannot work out when feelings are still so strong. I was curious as how the dumper felt when they were cut out of the ex's life? In my case he-dumper-did 95% of the calling after we brokeup-he did not want to end contact but understood. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Orange, It's unfortunate that things cannot work out when feelings are still so strong. I was curious as how the dumper felt when they were cut out of the ex's life? In my case he-dumper-did 95% of the calling after we split. Well, when my ex went n/c I did miss her but I was secretly happy that she was moving on and not making a scene or whatever (it looked like she was travelling down that road a bit so...) So yeah, I did miss her and wonder if she was dating someone new...however...I didn't ever call her...she ended up calling me. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Sounds like a lot of drama? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 The dumper often wonders about the ex and may occasionally try to contact them, but if there is no response, they move on. As time goes by, the dumper thinks less and less about the dumpee. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Sounds like a lot of drama? yeah...well...it happens. I've seen much, much worse. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I always felt relieved. It helped me move on with my life. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Jig, Even if you left on good terms? Link to comment
rtoycrow Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Has any of the dumpers on this post dumped someone but then continue to contact the dumpee even though the dumpee tried to go no contact? If so what were your motives behind that?? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Has any of the dumpers on this post dumped someone but then continue to contact the dumpee even though the dumpee tried to go no contact? If so what were your motives behind that?? This was many years ago and I had many regrets about dumping him. I tried to contact him a few times. I sent a card. I left a voicemail. It's been more than 10 years and I would love to talk to him again. We were very young when we met. It was a long distance relationship that lasted 4 years. I miss him very much. He was a friend, not just a lover. Link to comment
i_win Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I've been the dumper and the dumpee. As the dumper I have some occasional minimal contact with those I've dumped, but it is typically years later. As the dumpee I initiated NC and hope I never hear from the dumper again simply because I've healed and realized how lame of a person they were. So in essense, I've moved on and gotten over all of my relationships both as a dumper and a dumpee and I think NC has helped in every situation. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 It is not that dumpers feel nothing, it is just that they made a decision they knew was best for them and the other person. It hurts to dump someone you once cared for and when they keep contacting you, you feel like they are trying to 'rub it in' that you were wrong and a bad person. Most people do not dump someone without giving it a lot of thought. Being called a bad person can make you angry and that is why we feel relief when they dumpee stops contacting us. I have been dumped, too. I never contact the dumpee out of respect. My life has continued just fine and I have less of those "golden moments" of desperation to recall and be embarrassed by. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 My ex told me a few months ago: "Whilst it may seem like I've moved on, don't think that I don't think about you or the times we had because I do. How can I not?!" One way to look at it is that the dumpees often hide how they are really feeling and I guess on some level maybe dumpers put on an act as well.... not always, but sometimes. We (dumpees) are told so often to act like we are happy. We have to be upbeat and positive at all times. Which I can do when I talk to my ex (we're in LC now). She doesn't know that I'd do anything to get back with her. Link to comment
emalkoc Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I think most dumpers miss EXs someways, but mostly because of guilt or fantasy. If there was any love involved, there would be a constant thinking and regret not being able to go back.. I have been in both situations in past...I have dumped few and never regretted or thought about going back but had fantasies. On the other hand, there is one that I regret dumping and wanted to go back, but I knew it would screw up her life hence I stayed away years. so all depends..so far my latest EX, I bet she is thinking of me but not to come back but for sentimental reasons, and perhaps she is comparing the looser to me what she lost hahaha...Now, I am with even a better girl, and now I became the dumper sorta because I don't care... You guys should turn around Dump the Dumpers in your mind hence you will feel good about yourself! Once you value yourself higher than the dumper, you will get over! Link to comment
Panda2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I'm pretty sure my ex misses me, although he wouldn't ever tell me in case it instigated a 'let's try again' conversation (it wouldn't). He told me the decision to leave the relationship was the hardest of his life, and I believe him. About a month after the break up, when he posted ambiguous photos of him flirting at a wedding and I phoned up to protest about him getting in my face with them, I said, "sorry but I can't just turn my feelings off" and he said "neither can I!" so I know he still feels something. How long that will last, I don't know... Link to comment
Loris Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I've been the dumper before my ex dumped me and I must say i can't remember much of it. all I know is that she depended on me and I finished it without a tear in my eye, but she cried her eyes out. She was a lot younger than me and she got over it. In fact, I think she's engaged now but really doesn't bother me and I hardly think about her. Not only was I not attracted to her but I didn't really feel any love for them. I guess it's much easier to dump them and not feel much remorse when you feel like that. Maybe I'll get in contact with her and ask how she felt, as I'm sure I can relate to it now! As we get older I guess there's more to lose? Link to comment
servedcold Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I was the dumper the last goround. No deep heartache, but still angry about what a spoiled 30 something y.o. brat the woman turned out to be, as we had a pretty good thing with potential otherwise. It was a short 3 month relationship, and unlike other breakups in the past, I was not at fault in the least, was 100% her and her issues. Link to comment
kalimoo Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I'm the dumper in my last relationship. There was nothing "bad", I mean, we didn't cheat on each other or anything like it, but I just thought he was too young at that time (cause he's younger than me). I still carried feelings for him since then and still do... enough to think about reconsidering the relationship cause I see that he has changed and grown. But it's complicated now cause he has someone new. I'm not sure if it's a rebound or not, but I'm just going to let it be and back off. It does hurt and I do miss him a lot. I have regrets but I guess I have to deal with the consequences of my own decision. Link to comment
louhere Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 What would have made any of you guys reconsider the relationship? What stopped you from wanting to take a step toward working things out???? Link to comment
arcadefire Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Well, long story short I dumped my ex because he did not feel like he loved me and I did love him, so in order to save myself from further heartbreak (but didn't prevent it obviously) I broke it off with him and told him that I did not want to receive contact from him because he broke my heart. We were best friends, never did any childish foolish games or anything, it was a clean break up. We haven't talked since. At first I felt hurt that he never contacted me to say he missed me or anything. I felt rejected all over again. But eventually I came to be glad that he did not because if he did I wouldn't be this closer to being over him by now. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Music, Was he comfortable ending things? Also, did he say he would contact you down the road? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.