Asset Distribution

[Mishmash]

Our divorce will only take 90 days, a very short time considering financial and emotional issues. Here's what we're both agreeing to and I just want unbiased opinions so that neither one of us are 'taken' during this process:

 

1. I get the car, he gets the motorcycle (both paid - close enough in value not to fight over).

 

2. I get 1/2 his 401K (I don't have any in my name to split)

 

3. He wants the home, I get 1/2 the equity

 

4. He gets the home furnishings except for the tv and couch

 

5. We have one joint bill that will be split 50/50

 

6. My student loan is my responsibility

 

7. The cc's in his name are his responsibility and the cc in my name is my responsibility (he obtained one card after we were legally separated and charged the other when separated - both involved spending on his gf)

 

8. He pays my attorney fees

 

The only question I have is about the house. His attorney told my stbx that if he wants the house then I should get all the equity since he will retain home ownership. My attorney is of no help and says whatever we agree to.

 

So, does anyone who's been through this know how the home ownership/equity issue is handled?

 

Thanks!

[melrich]

How long you been married for? No kids I assume? What does he earn, what do you earn?

[AwdreeHpburn]

well... it would seem to me if you bought the house together, you should both split the profits of its sale, yeh? Since you would if you were still together.

 

Since one of you is planning to live there, it seems only fair - to me - that who ever does keep it, is, in essense, buying it so should give the one who's NOT living there, their half.

 

Least that seems fair and reasonable to me.

 

Apologies, I have not been thru it myself but I know its been done that way for several people I know who HAVE been thru it....owned a home and gotten divorced..... including my parents.

[Mishmash]

How long you been married for? No kids I assume? What does he earn, what do you earn?

 

Married for 20 years with two kids - 18 and 16. His gross is $4160 a month and mine is $740.

[LifesontheUp]

When I divorced, I bought my xH out. The house was valued, it had gone up quite a bit since we took out a mortgage/home loan for it. They took the joint mortage away from the value and then the difference was split in two. I paid him his difference to keep the house and the mortgage was paid off and I got a new one for myself.

 

I'd be careful as you should be getting half of what it is worth now minus any mortgage/home loan on it surely? It should work the same as if he wasn't staying - you split the profit minus any joint mortgage/home loan that is to be paid off.

[melrich]

Married for 20 years with two kids - 18 and 16. His gross is $4160 a month and mine is $740.

 

You should get more than 50/50. I would have thought closer to 55/45.

[Mishmash]

 

Since one of you is planning to live there, it seems only fair - to me - that who ever does keep it, is, in essense, buying it so should give the one who's NOT living there, their half.

 

Least that seems fair and reasonable to me.

 

 

That's what I was thinking, but it was his attorney who brought up that my stbx would still retain home ownership while building up more equity vs. I would be renting and no equity build-up. He also mentioned that it would be to my stbx tax advantage when he refinances (I really don't care one iota on this).

I have the feeling his attorney wants us to fight and drag this out, but I want to make sure this house thing is fair, you know?

 

Sometimes I think it would be less complicated to just put the house up for sale and split the profits, but then with the economy the way it is...

Then I think I should be thankful we don't have an upside-down mortgage and to take half the equity and move on.

 

I seriously think his attorney is trying to play games...

[novaseeker]

On the house you should get 50% of the current value, less the remaining mortgage. If you need a valuation, you can get an appraiser to come and value the house. The issue is how your H will pay you that equity value without selling the house.

[Mishmash]

On the house you should get 50% of the current value, less the remaining mortgage. If you need a valuation, you can get an appraiser to come and value the house. The issue is how your H will pay you that equity value without selling the house.

 

The home was valued at $153,000 since there are a lot of foreclosed homes in our area. With the 1st and 2nd mortgages combined, we owe a little under $130,000. So my share of the house would be $11,000.

 

To pay he is going to sell his half of his 401K and the rest owed in a promissory note.

[novaseeker]

The home was valued at $153,000 since there are a lot of foreclosed homes in our area. With the 1st and 2nd mortgages combined, we owe a little under $130,000. So my share of the house would be $11,000.

 

To pay he is going to sell his half of his 401K and the rest owed in a promissory note.

 

Ouch, I hope he doesn't get hit with the superpenalty on an early 401k withdrawal, but yeah that sounds like the right way to do it. The promissory note is unfortunate, because you never know if it will be paid -- you probably want a payment schedule or something like that as a part of your settlement agreement.

[confusedmama]

I would make it more than a payment schedule, make sure there is a time limit on it. My X had to re-pay me the equity he took out of a line of credit at $100/month, unfortunately with no time limit it has taken him 27 months to pay off a $2000 debt and he still owes $400.

 

Just a suggestion-in retrospect. We also hope the X is going to live up to their end of the bargin. But the way you are doing is the way the judge decided for us.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think you need to look at the big picture and split that 50/50.

 

One thing is furniture is expensive to replace, so don't 'give' that to him. I'd go ahead and take the 100% equity his attorney is suggesting, and use half of that to pay for furniture in your new home.

[Mishmash]

I forgot - he keeps the furniture and I get his portion of savings, a whopping $3,000.

I plan to move out-of-state and would rather not deal with lugging furniture around - rather lug the cash around.

[novaseeker]

So maybe let him keep the furniture, as BSBH suggested, and take the whole equity value? But if he doesn't have the cash to pay it, in practical terms that will be hard. This is why many people end up selling the house -- it's the easiest way to raise cash, and then everyone is in the same boat.

[just M.E.]

What about child support? You never mention that?

[lostandhurt]

I think the child support is the most important thing here. M. E. is right. The house thing is easy. You get half of what is left after the mortages are paid in full, however he does it. Make sure he gets completely new loans that do not have your name on them! Do a quick value of the furniture in your head and see if it is worth fighting over a few more dollars. If you decide to sell the house instead of him keeping it then you both have to agree on a price then agree on an offer and then pay commision to a realtor if the house sells at all. good luck

 

lost

[novaseeker]

The child support should not be an issue -- in many/most states it's a statutory formula based on the total income and the relative income of the parents, so it's done differently from the asset splitting. At least in my state (Virginia) the courts would never adjust asset splitting issues based on child support amounts, because child support is a separate issue that is calculated based on a statutory formula.

[thejigsup]

$740 per month. Does he get any credit for supporting you? What do you do that you only make that little amount per month, work at McDonald's?

[just M.E.]

jigsup

 

She worked part time, but was a full time mom, now she has to start over with two teenagers, not an easy task when you spent the last 20 years thinking you were doing the right thing, raising your family, etc.

 

That's why here in Colorado, there are special provisions in the Equitable Distribution clause of the Divorce code to provide exceptions for her situation, they do not apply the concept of one spouse supporting the other in this situation, as they are the children of both parents and benefited from the mother who was able to stay at home for the children.

[Mishmash]

$740 per month. Does he get any credit for supporting you? What do you do that you only make that little amount per month, work at McDonald's?

 

We met at work and both held the same job title, both full time. When the kids came along we decided I would work nights and stay up during the day, taking care of the kids. After five years of this we decided I would quite my job and I would raise our children.

Over time I went back full time and he quite his job to pursue an education. I then went part-time and started my education. Going to school put a big strain on the marriage cuz I was either studying, at school, or working. Financially we were doing okay so it was a mutual decision for me to just go back to working part time. Three months later he met his gf online and the rest is history....

[AutumnBorn]

I'm getting 60% of the 401ks and half of all assets. I suggest you go for 60%, too. My husband made sure I couldn't continue my education, took care of the kids, and I'll never, ever make up for the loss of his income or retirement. An extra 10% for me is the least that I deserve for taking care of his home, ironing his shirts, raising our kids, and making sure the bills were paid while he was online responding to other women's personal ads and jet setting around the globe.

 

Oh, and I'm getting $1000 per month in maintenance for the next 12 years or until I remarry. Plus child support. Plus my car. Plus all the furniture in the house (he gets the furniture in his apartment). Plus he pays for the kids college education. Plus he covers their insurance and medical expenses.

 

That's the price he pays for getting out of this marriage and he thinks it's fair. But you should do what feels fair to you.

[unabashed]

I have been divorced for over three years, now. We avoided going in front of a judge by handling the whole separation agreement in mediation, with some input for our own lawyers. At the time, I would have recommended this route, but now I am very regretful of the outcome.

 

We were married for 20 years, and together longer than that. My ex is a medical professional and I work in human services. Since my earning potential was much less, I ended up staying home for a number of years, taking care of one of our children who has chronic medical problems--thus giving up the opportunity to develop my own career. I was quite depressed, and both of us agreed many times that we were not happy together. When I finally decided to leave the marriage, however, he was not happy about this. I ended up feeling a lot of anxiety and guilt, and just wanted to get it over with as quickly and easily as possible. He threatened to "make my life miserable" if I tried to get any income from his medical practice or the building he owns. So, I compromised.

 

Here is our basic agreement: He pays for all expenses related to the kids, including a small amount of child support each month--amounting to $350 for one child. The other child is in college, and he no longer gives me anything for her. I received half of the retirement funds, half of the equity in the house, and half of our joint accounts (very little was held jointly). I received a small amount of alimony until I was able to raise my income level past a certain point. Although he worried that I would drag that out, I worked hard to advance in my career as quickly as possible. After only two years, he no longer paid me anything. He took on all of his professional debt as well as our personal debt, except for the car which I took and continued to pay the lease agreement. He paid for half of my furniture, which, in retrospect sucked since he kept all of the furniture we had, and I mainly bought junk.

 

Since the time is late and I need to get to work...I will just summarize to say that, on the one hand, I have a good life and the satisfaction of knowing that I am making it on my own. I have the benefit of his support for the kids and the security of a decent start to my retirement account. The equity in the house (which took him two years to provide, and he wanted to drag it out longer), was the down payment for my own house. I don't live a lavish lifestyle, but I have the ability to pay my bills and handle the things I need, even minor emergencies. On the other hand...I have watched while he has completely renovated the house, purchased a new luxury vehicle, landscaped the backyard (two large waterfalls, a koi pond, an extensive riverstone patio), purchased a new Harley, and bought a vacation home in a resort area. This is all within a couple of years of our divorce. I am told that, after 20 years, it would have been reasonable for me to expect some parity in our lifestyles, but this is not nearly the case. When I told him that I was going to use my tax refund to put a porch on my house (my house is under 1,000 sq. feet--his is over 3,000), he asked if I didn't have more important things to do with that money. I sometimes feel that, since our kids are with me half of the time, it would be reasonable for him to offer to help with necessary repairs. I know that he actually feels that he is quite generous and that I don't even "deserve" what I got.

 

In the matter of asset distribution as well as child support, I wish that I had used my head and not my heart. The desire to get through it as quickly as possible meant that I ignored what little advice my attorney offered. I didn't take the time to really think about things and understand the consequences of my decisions. I had some delusion that if I handled things well, we would be able to remain friends. We are cordial, but we are not friends at all. I feel he is still angry with me, and this is his way of sticking it to me. Whenever I do something or buy something, he needs to do it bigger and better--and he certainly can. My income is under $60,000 a year. That's what he grosses in an average month in his office, and I know that, by now, his overhead is not more than 50%, if that. I feel jealous a lot, and unsettled. At this point, I realize that it's my problem, not his, and I do plan to seek some counseling.

 

Sorry--I didn't mean for this to go on for so long. I just wanted to convey my opinion that it makes sense to move slowly and consider all the consequences of these decisions. Your spouse may use fear or guilt to manipulate you, but remember that, no matter what the circumstances of the divorce are, time will heal, and you will be left with the outcomes of your decisions.

 

Thanks for listening...

[beblebrox]

ours is very straightforward. we have no kids and very little assets. she makes almost 3 times as much as i do. we have agreed that i keep the home. she will not challenge the equity, and i will not pursue any 401k, which are about equal anyways, so there is no benefit to either of us to do so. considering the circumstances of our divorce, which I'll explain in a different post, she has offered to pay to mortgage for 1 year, after which I'm on my own. we used the joint account to catch up on all utilities, now they are all my problem. that pretty much sums it up.