Too Controlling???

[megnic]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now. We just finished our first year of college, and was it a rough year. Recently we discovered alcohol, and ever since then hes been drinking and drinking. Just a few beers a few times a week. Then a lot during the weekend (every weekend!!!) I think it is too much, and I keep asking him to not drink as much, but whenever I do he gets made and says I can't tell him what to do. So he knows I get mad when he does, so he lies to me about it. I always find out because his roommate's girlfriend and I are good friends now. So the night before last I asked him nicely not to drink but he did. Then last night I asked him if he was tonight and he said they only had 4, but this morning I found out that his uncle had bought him a case earlier that day, and that they got completely wasted that night (which explains why he didn't answer my phone calls all night). He says he lies to me about it because I will get mad either way. I really don't mind that he drinks sometimes, I just don't want him getting wasted every night especially if he has work in the morning. I just can't ignore him and let him drink all the time, but I can't tell him no either because he'll just want a break because he says hes not happy because we always fight about it. So what should I do???

--Meg

[ghost69]

people like this have to learn the hard way. sucks cause it's the people we care about, but there is nothing you can do about it. he has to be the one that stops.

[arcadefire]

It might just be a phase, but it looks like his behavior can be something long term.

 

Tell him that you are serious about his drinking habits. Say you are okay with casual occasional drinking but drinking until he's drunk is unhealthy and damaging your relationship. If he doesn't control himself or get help, leave him. You're doing the best you can to help him and it's only up to him to choose: booze or you.

[rosephase]

A lot of people drink like that when they first start drinking and even all the way thru college. I think the real problem here is you have set up that it's okay for him to go back on his word and then lie to you about it. Basically by staying with him while he does it again and again you are telling him its okay. That seems like it might be setting you up for a lot of problems down the road.

[Sunshine311]

Sounds like typical college behavior to me. Many young people drink and party throughout college. As for what you can do about it...that's a tough one. He's discovering a whole new world and life is changing for him - for both of you. If I read your story correctly, you guys dated through high school, and now have just started college? If that's the case, this is the true test of your relationship, because this is where everything you've ever known changes.

You do need to talk to him seriously and figure out what he wants. If he doesn't want to loose you, then he'll make the changes to save the relationship (I don't blame you for not wanting a drunk partier for a boyfriend), but if he's not willing to change, then you need to be prepared to walk away.