ashlynn00 Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 I am graduating college in a few days......and my boyfriend just turned 21 last month. There is about 1yr and 4 months between us. I am through the hanging out with friends all the time/party stage.....I think he is just going through it, I think everyone does when their that age. I recently mentioned us taking a break because he gets frustrated when he has to call me everynight..... I told him to think about it because I don't want to hold him back from that phase......plus I think if he realizes I'm almost out of his life, he may realize some things.....I know I went through this with my ex and it worked for us.....ANy help would be addiontally helpful.....He said he would think about it..... and I went there today and he was tired, but I barely got a kiss, and not even an I love you.....SO please tell me what to do....I really don't want to lose him and he said the same thing.....I just dont know what to do Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 you either stay together and stick it out or break up completely and hope he passes the phase. maybe somewhere down the road you can be together. i think you are at a turning point now. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Yup, you either stick together and make it, and figure out some sort of plan or system to get you through this. I don't know why you'd have to separate just because he's now legal and wants to go out and have fun, why can't a relationship be maintained? What exactly does he plan on doing..drinking and partying 7 days a week? Its going to get old fast... Just talk and figure it out. If you don't want to end the relationship, don't. If its mutual, you will make it work, relationships are about compromises and sacrifices, from both parties..if you both want to stay together, you can make it work. If he wants to be single, and go out and party and be a single man, and enjoy the legal scene, well then thats a different story. Save yourself the frustration and heart ache and let him go. Link to comment
ashlynn00 Posted May 7, 2008 Author Share Posted May 7, 2008 I think that's what he's trying to figure out....He loves being with friends and partying now that he's 21.... He doesn't want to have to call me all the time just to say hello or to talk. I am getting tired of it, but I went through the same thing where I wasn't going to report to anyone. We both say we love each other and don't want to lose each other..... but I feel like he needs to realize what his life is w/o me in it........... he is taking me for granted. If I am not there for him all the time, maybe he'll realize he wants to be with me. Link to comment
shau_nee Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 i think that a break usually reusults into breaking up permanently. i say that you to should try to work out some kind of compermise. where it's ok to go out once in awhile but not all the time. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 .I know I went through this with my ex and it worked for us..... Must not have worked too well if he is now your "ex"?? Just pointing that out.. Anyway, you either deal with it and hope he outgrows it or you end things. Realize, it takes alot longer for guys to mature and "grow up" out of the partying stage than it does for females so if you are going to wait around you may be waiting a long time. No need to play the game of "if i'm not around he'll miss me" if you do it could come back to bite you in the behind once you're back around he will start doing the same things over and over again.. Been there done that. Link to comment
Lostkitton Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Kids will be kids. Some grow out of that phase quickly, some need more time. He might not be ready for a serious relationship. How long have you two been dating? Does he have to call or as you said report to you every night? I know it's nice to talk to them daily, but they have to want to call you and say hello. Otherwise it feels like a chore. Maybe you have out grown him. You seem to want more in life at the moment. Find out where you two stand at this point in time and where you two will be headed in the future. Link to comment
ashlynn00 Posted May 7, 2008 Author Share Posted May 7, 2008 I love to talk to him daily....maybe thats my problem....I shouldn't expect a call every night... Cuz it probably is a chore, I konw how that feels. We have been together 9 months....I love him so much, I fear that if he's thinking about it, then it's probably going to happen.... I put him in a state now where he's confused....I don't know what to say or how to come up with a solution Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 back off a bit and let him decide. if a week goes by and you are still having to question him, he isn't ready. Link to comment
ashlynn00 Posted May 7, 2008 Author Share Posted May 7, 2008 I went to his house today cuz he's off and he woudl barely talk to me, give me a kiss, or tell me he loved me. So I texted him when I left and asked if a break is what he wanted....he said he's still thinking about it..... I told him we are technically still together so he didn't need to be a jerk..... He later texted me and said " Baby, we will be fine" I love you..... What do I make out of this Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 If he told you he's still thinking about it when you ask if you two need a break, You don't need to be with him. He should know whether he wants to break up or not no thinking is needed. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 sounds like he is still there with you in the relationship. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 I think he's playing you. He's gettng to do his partying and as long as you will hang around without forcing him to make a decision, he will keep partying and ignoring you. This is called having your cake and eating it, too. It's up to you now, not him. He likes to keep you guessing. If you keep letting him, this is what your relationship will be like for quite a while. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 I think he's playing you. He's gettng to do his partying and as long as you will hang around without forcing him to make a decision, he will keep partying and ignoring you. This is called having your cake and eating it, too. It's up to you now, not him. He likes to keep you guessing. If you keep letting him, this is what your relationship will be like for quite a while. it's possible he is getting his cake and eating it too. but i didn't see where he didn't want to keep the relationship and he's screwing around. she said he's into the whole college scene stuff, but i didn't see any indication where he doesn't want to work for it. but i totally agree it's up to the OP and really not him at all. Link to comment
mke11077 Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 What happened??? Last I heard things we getting better. Anyway, the last text he sent you "things will be fine" seems as if something is on his mind right now. I'm not saying he's seeing anyone, but maybe he's going through something that he doesn't want you to know about. I've been telling you the whole time to stick with him, but maybe a break wouldn't be a bad idea. Not break up, just spend some time apart for a while. Maybe he'll realize what he's been putting you through Link to comment
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