Are men afraid of women who know what we want sexually?

[Aschleigh]

Don't get me wrong i would love nothing more than a relationship but i am not getting that so:

 

This doesn't just apply to booty calls either, it applies to relationships, do guys have a serious problem with women who are in touch with there sexuality and know what they want in regards to sex?

 

Ok the reason i ask this is:

 

I am 31 and seriously in my sexual prime, I have a friend she is 25 and you could say the same as me as far as her sex drive is concerned, we have spent the last few days b***ching about the fact that men have become women, we know what we want, especially when it comes to sex, and men being a bunch of girls, they either are so scared they can't perform, or they don't shut up during the whole process shaking like a leaf, they think if we want a booty call, it means we want a relationship (Booty call is just that sex, and nothing else).

 

What ever happened to the male out there driven by pure lust, and just wanted sex. (because he doesn't exist here anymore)

 

Has womens rights gone to far and we have hurt ourselves by becoming assertive and dominant?

[kuiks8]

ahhh good thread...looking forward to reading replies!

[Batya33]

I don't think women's rights ever was in favor of women - or anyone - acting like a drill seargent in bed, or being tactless or self-centered. That's a tired old cliche and stereotype - that women's rights are fans of women being dominant and power hungry, etc as opposed to striving for equality and feeling empowered because of equality.

 

I do think it's interesting that you trash men for being "like women" as if "women" are all "submissive" in bed.

 

I think it could be a turn off to any person to be with someone who conveys what he or she wants in bed like a drill seargent or in an uncaring or tactless way. Nothing to do with women's rights or a man being "a man".

[agent1607307371]

Has womens rights gone to far and we have hurt ourselves by becoming assertive and dominant?

 

In a word; no.

[DN]

When you find a man like this he is usually held in contempt by most women who dismiss him as a 'player', they complain about the fact that he breaks their heart by just wanting sex and no relationship and they wish men would not behave like that.

 

So I suppose you and your friend are reaping the benefits of 'be careful of what you wish for because you might get it.'

[itsallgrand]

Geez, it bothers me when people bring women's rights into discussions that have nothing to do with it.

 

It's weird to me you'd complain that there are so few men who are lining up to use you! lol.

 

Dominance has always been the most complete form of submission. Think about it. You are throwing away your control to your crotch-al whims. lol.

 

just spewing at this point..this isn't serious right..

[JadedStar]

I don't think women's rights ever was in favor of women - or anyone - acting like a drill seargent in bed, or being tactless or self-centered. That's a tired old cliche and stereotype - that women's rights are fans of women being dominant and power hungry, etc as opposed to striving for equality and feeling empowered because of equality.

 

I do think it's interesting that you trash men for being "like women" as if "women" are all "submissive" in bed.

 

I think it could be a turn off to any person to be with someone who conveys what he or she wants in bed like a drill seargent or in an uncaring or tactless way. Nothing to do with women's rights or a man being "a man".

 

Totally AGREE!

 

I find that some women have gotten as DN said "be careful what you wish for you might get it" kind of deals.

 

If a woman wants to be very aggressive sexually and let men know upfront and early on that is what she would like then she has to realize that an unpleasant byproduct of this will be finding men who don't take her seriously or men who want more than that personally so they are turned off.

 

I mean if you want to use history as an example, women were very turned off by men who came on strong sexually, so why is it such a stretch to think some men might feel that way about women who are like that today? Men who were llike that in the past (and still today) were snubbed by women who wanted a meaningful relationship because his emphasis on sex turned her off. Why it is a strange concept to think that men might think that same way about women like that is a mystery to me.

 

I guess life would be fantastic if we could do whatever we wanted and find people who think exactly like we do but that is a rare find whether one is sexually aggressive or conservative.

 

I think sexually aggressive women will attract sexually aggressive men because like attracts like, and since men who are sexually aggressive early on most often are not really relationship minded that means the ones who are are likely not going to gravitate towards you.

 

It is what it is.

[JadedStar]

It's weird to me you'd complain that there are so few men who are lining up to use you! lol.

 

..

 

OMG! lol

[boo121]

well if you catagorise men as either sex or relationship material. Have sex with the guys who are not relationship material. Then you wont get any "girly men"

[Godless_Heathen]

On booty calls

 

As a teenage virgin, I had all sorts of fantasies about having sex. With any girl I knew, whether I liked her or not. Being reasonably attractive was enough.

 

Yet in my early 20's, I turned down a couple of opportunties for sex that I thought would probably sabotage any possibility of a longer relationship with the girl in question. Never ended up sleeping with either one of them, so you could argue that I should have taken what I could get. I really cared about both of them, so I suppose that's not really a "booty call."

 

These days, rather than unemotional sex, I'd rather masturbate. More control, and fewer drawbacks.

 

On women who know what they want sexually, in a relationship:

 

My first reaction was, where were women like this when I was living in Los Angeles? It seems like I haven't had a relationship with a woman who really, really liked intercourse since '93.

 

My second thought was, wait, what does she want? There are a lot of things I don't want. Spanking, anal, that kind of thing really turns me off. I don't want to be Andy in that scene from Weeds, where he gets thrown on a bed and his girlfriend puts on a strap-on - not what he was expecting at all.

[Aschleigh]

who said anything about acting like a drill sargent or even giving orders at all.

I was referring to ask for what I know I need sexually in a tactful manner. If he doesn't want to comply there is no forcing or telling him what to do.

There also is no using. I am engaging in consensual sex with adults. If anything we are "using " each other. But I don't like the word using at all. That's an antiquated way of thinking about sex, women get used for sex. Some of us are looking for it just as much as men are.

[Batya33]

who said anything about acting like a drill sargent or even giving orders at all.

I was referring to ask for what I know I need sexually in a tactful manner. If he doesn't want to comply there is no forcing or telling him what to do.

There also is no using. I am engaging in consensual sex with adults. If anything we are "using " each other. But I don't like the word using at all. That's an antiquated way of thinking about sex, women get used for sex. Some of us are looking for it just as much as men are.

 

Asking for what you want has nothing to do with women's rights. You referred to being aggressive and dominant and that is only one of many ways to ask for what you want.

 

I agree that if two adults want to have intercourse with no strings attached, no emotional element that's totally fine. But I don't think the word "using" is antiquated in the least because that is likely how I would feel - rational or not - if I had casual sex, which is one reason I don't do it. I don't think it's fair to label other people's feelings as "antiquated" - we feel what we feel just as you do.

[Aschleigh]

Besides what I really want is the relationship wherein I can be sexually assertive and that turns my partner on.

[Batya33]

Besides what I really want is the relationship wherein I can be sexually assertive and that turns my partner on.

 

That's cool but that doesn't make you any more "modern" or a "women's rights" advocate just because that is what turns you on. It's just one of your preferences. If you're not meeting men who want that it might be because those particular men avoid casual sex or women who have a steady diet of casual sex - that might be their preference just like you have yours. It might have nothing to do with their feelings about "sexually assertive" women.

[itsallgrand]

I am engaging in consensual sex with adults. If anything we are "using " each other.

 

I agree with that portion. It's consensual. And it is using each other to meet certain needs/desires.

 

I don't think the word is antiquated, as you say, because it is still useful and apt to what it describes.

 

The two people agree to an arrangement where loving care takes a backseat to certain sexual needs.

 

Fine. But it is still using a human being and placing your needs on the forefront.

 

I've never noticed a lack of men willing and ready to play. Maybe you are looking in the wrong places, at the wrong men.?

 

There just is no perfect man out there built especially for us, on the spot without emotion able to perform like a robot perfectly to our needs.

 

But sexual robots are coming soon!!

[annie24]

i think there are plenty of men and women who want sex, nothing more. always have been, always will be. perhaps you're not looking in the right places?

 

i object to you calling men 'a bunch of girls'.

[Aschleigh]

Antiquated , Used, are not feelings. Sad, angry, happy are feelings.

"Being used" is a thought. Underneath the thought are probably feelings.

 

We all collapse our feelings with thoughts to an extent.

If you feel sad or hurt by having great sex with someone you are not in a relationship with, then you feel hurt. Great , don't do it. I feel energized, happy to have great sex, with or without a relationship. The possibility may be there , but may not.

[Godless_Heathen]

Define "sexually assertive."

 

Initiating sex? Wanting a particular position? Providing a little guidance as to what motions feel good to you? That'd be great, especially the initiating part.

 

Dominance games, on the other hand, ick. I read a couple of books recently by a guy who liked to write dominant-submissive sex scenes, and they were very repellent. He actually referenced John Norman's Gor books as sexual standards. I wouldn't want to be part of something like that on either end.

[Godless_Heathen]

Why is this thread in "relationships" anyway, and not in "sex and romance?" It doesn't seem to be about relationships at all.

[itsallgrand]

Antiquated , Used, are not feelings. Sad, angry, happy are feelings.

"Being used" is a thought. Underneath the thought are probably feelings.

 

We all collapse our feelings with thoughts to an extent.

If you feel sad or hurt by having great sex with someone you are not in a relationship with, then you feel hurt. Great , don't do it. I feel energized, happy to have great sex, with or without a relationship. The possibility may be there , but may not.

 

I disagree.

 

I am using it as a verb. An action.

 

Like "kicking" or "drinking". You can use a thing and part of that is in the mentality of starting with taking feelings out of the equation. Because things don't feel - though humans do.

 

Really, not trying to convince you of anything.

 

Only clarifying what I meant.

[DN]

Why is this thread in "relationships" anyway, and not in "sex and romance?" It doesn't seem to be about relationships at all.

Moderator Note: Good point.

[JadedStar]

There is a difference in being sexually aggressive BEFORE a relationship has started and being that way AFTER.

 

Because relationship minded people typically equate sex to love you are going to have a real tough time finding a partner who wants to settle down wtih you after you aggressively initiate a one night stand. Most men who go for that will not only have a ONS with YOU but others as well.

 

Once a relationship has been secured and two people are in a loving realtionship i dont think many men at all would have a problem with that. I am very sexually assertive in a loving relationship and never has a man balked at that.

 

I dont think because i am sexually assertive in a relationship and not afraid to not only satisfy him but also myself makes me a "modern" woman. It makes me a mature women who knows what she wants but who ALSO is very reciprocal and not worried just about my own needs.

[Batya33]

Oh, I didn't realize the OP meant sexually assertive as in initiating a one nigh t stand or a fling - I thought she meant while in bed (she probably meant both).

 

My personal opinion but I wouldn't find it necessarily assertive to initiate a one night stand - it might come accross as needy or desperate, whether a man or a woman initiated it.

[JadedStar]

Oh, I didn't realize the OP meant sexually assertive as in initiating a one nigh t stand or a fling - I thought she meant while in bed (she probably meant both).

 

My personal opinion but I wouldn't find it necessarily assertive to initiate a one night stand - it might come accross as needy or desperate, whether a man or a woman initiated it.

 

This made me think she is talking about ONS's:

 

and men being a bunch of girls, they either are so scared they can't perform, or they don't shut up during the whole process shaking like a leaf, they think if we want a booty call, it means we want a relationship (Booty call is just that sex, and nothing else).

 

She went on to mention she wants a relationship in which to be sexually aggressive but she also mentioned reciprocally using a few times and the above which makes me think she means both.

 

As for the quote above, i would think they are nervous perhaps because a fling isn't their style, which is a virtue, doesn't make them weak "girls".

 

I think her definitions of men are equally as or more deragatory as the defintions she says some men have of women.

 

If people don't like being stereotyped a first step is not to stereotype other people themselves.

[agent1607307371]

Dominance games, on the other hand, ick. I read a couple of books recently by a guy who liked to write dominant-submissive sex scenes, and they were very repellent. He actually referenced John Norman's Gor books as sexual standards. I wouldn't want to be part of something like that on either end.

 

Gor is a very particular subsection of that kink. I'm dominant and find the Gor stuff quite pathetic.