Contrast between attractive men and women

[Carmine]

I'm just curious, is it more common for an attractive man to go without getting women's attention for a long period of time than vise versa, an attractive woman to unwillingly go without dating or a boyfriend?

 

It seems like every attractive girl I see effortlessly gets male attention, but it doesn't seem to work like that the other way around. What made me wonder about this the other day is a fairly new friend whom I thought had no problem with girls when I first met him - stunningly good looking guy with a good personality, intelligent, very friendly, an all-around great guy. The topic of girls came up the other day and he said he has very little experience - never had a girlfriend or even dated that much, said he's just gotten rejection like me. I was pretty surprised. Meanwhile I see several guys separately come up to this pretty girl a few tables down. They all seemed to know her previously, but it was obvious they were hitting on her.

 

Is it a thing about approaching? Can some women do nothing and receive attention while even the best looking guys need to really use some effort in order to meet women?

[EQD]

well if you think i am attractive then i am proof. i think it has more to do with standards than attractiveness. i could have dated alot of deadbeat guys who do drugs and have meth mouth.. did i? no.. so that makes me single... and i get rejected by the ones i do want.. partly because (ready for this??) they are taken and partly because i got no game.

[JadedStar]

yes, absolutely. Attractive women are far more approached than attractive men. That is because society has geared people up for men to be the aggressors and women expect to be approached.

 

 

There are exceptions with both sexes but as a general majority, yes attractive women are approached far more than attractive men.

[bmwm3]

its all about confedence for men... even an avarge guy can have a hot girl.. if he has confendence, and knows how to treat her... an attractive girl doesnt have to do much to get attention... but it only goes so far... meaning i have been out with hot girls, but were boring as hell, stuck up.. or clueless about anything... and no matter how hot they were i couldnt stand being around them... on the other hand i have been with cute, sexy girls.. thast might not have the whoo factor to every male... but with great personality, attuide, and was fun... made her 10x hotter then the other girl... looks will only carry you so far both male and female... personality and the rest is more important in the long run...

[xika5]

The reason attractive girls get more attention than attractive males is I think mainly because society rules that men are the ones who should do the approaching. Also it's mighty scary to approach a very attractive male! The girls who would go about approaching an attractive man are probably very attractive themselves so they don't NEED to approach them as they are the ones that are used to getting hit on. Did I make sense?

[EQD]

The reason attractive girls get more attention than attractive males is I think mainly because society rules that men are the ones who should do the approaching. Also it's mighty scary to approach a very attractive male! The girls who would go about approaching an attractive man are probably very attractive themselves so they don't NEED to approach them as they are the ones that are used to getting hit on. Did I make sense?

 

makes perfect sense. i agree. attractive men are scary.

[Superfreak]

Falls back to the fact that men still do the majority of asking. If a man decides he's an unfit partner because he's unconfident about his looks, his wealth, his personality, then this results in him not taking action to get dates and he effectively removes himself from the dating pool.

 

Women have the exact same concerns, but they don't get to remove themselves from the dating pool since they're (usually) the one's that get asked rather then the one's that initiate.

 

So taking no action to get a date for women at worst reduces the probability of finding a partner, while taking no action to get a date for men pretty much guarantees 100% they will not have a partner.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Guys usually give more attention to girls than girls to guys. Social trends, I suppose.

[Ammy]

I know a lot of attractive girls in the same boat.. and the girls I know that go from one relationship to the next, and always have guys "hitting on them", are not what I would usually consider stunning.. It's more to do with confidence rather than looks.

 

I have been told I am pretty (sometimes I'm not sure about this though, I know I am not ugly though), but I have never been approached in a bar or any setting other than online dating, and have no relationship experience and I am 25. I am shy however (but not overly so) & not great at flirting... so that might explain it...

 

It's definitely a confidence thing.

 

Ammy

[xika5]

Yeah but being overly confident and on top of that attractive can also keep others from approaching. More attractive, confident girls will be approached by men than attractive, confident men by girls. It takes A LOT of guts to approach a very handsome man.

[itsallgrand]

Attention is easy to get as a female. Pretty, plain, confident or not - almost irrelevant as far as quantity.

 

Quality control is the main issue.

 

This is why, in my opinion!, so many young men go without attention. It's that the young girls are busy ducking, weaving, or dating the aggressive and "loser" group of guys.

 

Not always, but generally, a young woman has a lot of attention and choices to make early on - a lot of girls make poor ones ...or choose to opt out all together as the 'safe' route.

 

I think it changes as you get older. Balance starts happening.

 

Unfortunately, some people never grow out of it . And some women begin with the assumption/belief/tradition that it is a 'man's' job to initiate and lead a relationship.

 

Still,..there are people out there for who it all means nothing. And bottom line is : you only have to meet and get to know one special girl/woman who is a good match for you.

 

There are mature young women out there too. Not all of them get caught up in the flurries of attention - - just like not all guys get caught up in becoming 'players' or 'nice guys'.

[Ammy]

Yeah but being overly confident and on top of that attractive can also keep others from approaching. More attractive, confident girls will be approached by men than attractive, confident men by girls. It takes A LOT of guts to approach a very handsome man.

 

I agree, as the guy, you and your friend should be approaching girls.

For eg. I would never approach a guy in a bar.. and the only girls / women I know that would (out of my friends and acquaintances) are very overconfident people who may not be the best catches.. lol...

 

In terms of giving a guy attention if he is within a friendship group of mine, or at work etc.. If I find a guy attractive I will usually be quite subtle about it, but I will talk to him more, spend more time around him etc....

 

At the end of the day you will never know if a girl is attracted to you unless you ask.. It's worth the risk!

 

Ammy

[capbit]

It could be just how society is. Or maybe because women seek more than just physical attractiveness, perhaps an emotional connection aspect to it as well. For us guys? You just have to look good.

[i_win]

I'll probably get some negative responses but I've noticed that finding an overly attractive woman who is someone who has the qualities that I look for in a woman is extremely rare.

 

I think the reason is all of their life they have had guys wait on them and attend to their needs. I also think that their mental and social growth has been stunted because their looks have always gotten them into the social circles and the places they want to be. They never had the opportunity to form a personality all of their own.

 

Obviously not all and I am generalizing but this is my twisted take on this subject.

 

More on topic...I know of plenty of my guy friends who are considered by women to be extremely attractive are always the ones who are single. Maybe because they always have women around they can afford to go from flavor of the month to flavor of the month, or maybe girls want to stand out from their man a bit and someone more attractive than them would make them feel inadequate? Tought to say.

[Carmine]

I figured it was based on the fact that men are expected to approach. Why do we have to deal with all the hard stuff, grrrr

 

There are mature young women out there too. Not all of them get caught up in the flurries of attention - - just like not all guys get caught up in becoming 'players' or 'nice guys'.

 

After talking with my friend that day, I've been pretty confused. It always seems like I'm damned either way. I approach a lot of girls at parties, but none ever seem interested enough to call me back, let alone talk to me for more than 30 seconds. So I reason that college parties don't necessarily fit me great (drunk people, hip-hop dancing...not really my thing) and that I could meet better girls in more regular settings. Then when I approach girls in a cafe or something they seem freaked out by the fact that a guy they've never met wants to make a bit of conversation. If I've gotta approach, cool, I'll do it, but the girls could at least be a little more open and friendlier to make it a bit easier.

 

Everyone says confidence is the main thing you've gotta have, but heck, I think I'm a lot more confident than most guys. I'm confident enough where I'm not concerned about how I look or talk or whatever else - I just accept the fact that I'm a good guy; I'm confident enough where I don't want to change who I am or lie about who I am.

 

And I don't necessarily mean ONLY physical attraction. Believe me, I laugh at guys wasting their time on really hot girls that are either really mean and shallow or total air-heads. I'd say I'm a lot more specific than some of my friends. They go for the dyed blonde fake tan sorority girls that always wear sunglasses covering half their face. They're also very plentiful here...I'm not into that at all, nor do I find them any bit attractive. The girls I find really attractive usually have something more just by looking at them, a really warming smile or something...can't really describe it, but I'm sure you all get what I mean.

[Chelmno]

I agree, as the guy, you and your friend should be approaching girls.

For eg. I would never approach a guy in a bar.. and the only girls / women I know that would (out of my friends and acquaintances) are very overconfident people who may not be the best catches.. lol...

 

In terms of giving a guy attention if he is within a friendship group of mine, or at work etc.. If I find a guy attractive I will usually be quite subtle about it, but I will talk to him more, spend more time around him etc....

 

At the end of the day you will never know if a girl is attracted to you unless you ask.. It's worth the risk!

 

Ammy

 

I'll let you in on a little secret, if I'm not almost sure that the girl is attracted to me, I would NEVER ask her out. You may think it's the guys job to approach, but it is the girls who pick the guys. Yes, there are guys who will go around flirting with all the hot girls without any sign from the girl, but for the most part, if you don't give a sign that you like them, guys will not initiate it and will not ask you out. It's really as simple as prolonged eye contact or touching their arm or complimenting something about them. You don't have to be a * * * * or anything, but you do have to let us know.

[lila...]

I'll let you in on a little secret, if I'm not almost sure that the girl is attracted to me, I would NEVER ask her out. You may think it's the guys job to approach, but it is the girls who pick the guys. Yes, there are guys who will go around flirting with all the hot girls without any sign from the girl, but for the most part, if you don't give a sign that you like them, guys will not initiate it and will not ask you out. It's really as simple as prolonged eye contact or touching their arm or complimenting something about them. You don't have to be a * * * * or anything, but you do have to let us know.

 

But are you the shy type? I find that more forward, direct guys will go ahead and hit on a girl even when that girl doesn't give them any advances to.

[Chelmno]

Ok, you are probably right about that, I am the shy type, and I probably mispoke. But that wasn't my main point. Ammy said we will never know if the girls are attracted to you unless you ask which is flat out wrong. It is your job to tell us, not our job to ask. My point was that girls have to let us know or we will never ask you out.

 

You are probably right that forward guys will initiate flirting, but without reciprocation don't expect them to continue. But even with initiating flirting, I would guess only about 20% of guys do this without ANY sign from the girl first and these 20% of guys are the ones who are flirting with lots of girls so I think some women are under the impression that all guys do this.

[lila...]

Ok, you are probably right about that, I am the shy type, and I probably mispoke. But that wasn't my main point. Ammy said we will never know if the girls are attracted to you unless you ask which is flat out wrong. It is your job to tell us, not our job to ask. My point was that girls have to let us know or we will never ask you out.

 

You are probably right that forward guys will initiate flirting, but without reciprocation don't expect them to continue. But even with initiating flirting, I would guess only about 20% of guys do this without ANY sign from the girl first and these 20% of guys are the ones who are flirting with lots of girls so I think some women are under the impression that all guys do this.

 

You're right. I'm shy too, that's why I asked. Even with guys I find attractive, I will almost never be obvious or let him know I like him. In fact I'm kind of cold towards them, probably scaring them off lol. You guys do have it tougher because in the end it's you guys that have the pressure to do the approaching, which can be pretty difficult if the girl doesn't at least hint she's interested.

 

Returning back to the OP's question, it's obvious why attractive females get lots more attention than attractive males. Like it has already been pointed out, society dictates the rules that men should do the approaching, it's their job.

[happytobealive]

yes, absolutely. Attractive women are far more approached than attractive men. That is because society has geared people up for men to be the aggressors and women expect to be approached.

 

 

There are exceptions with both sexes but as a general majority, yes attractive women are approached far more than attractive men.

 

 

I agree that society has played a huge role in this however it is not JUST society that dictatesour actions. The male IS the agressor, it basically come down to the fact that men can/ should (in nature not society) impregnate as many women as possible. Whereas women have only a limited no. times they can get preganate and arent going to waste that on someone with bad genes. It takes a lot more energy for a moman to bare a child than for a man to make one. Which is how we get put in a situation where men chat up women and women regect them. Dont get me wrong it does happen the other way i know. Also i know its about the emotional too. Its just a point.

 

 

 

Attention is easy to get as a female. Pretty, plain, confident or not - almost irrelevant as far as quantity.

 

Quality control is the main issue.

 

This is why, in my opinion!, so many young men go without attention. It's that the young girls are busy ducking, weaving, or dating the aggressive and "loser" group of guys.

'.

 

 

 

Also i just thought I'd throw this out there. I read this really interesting article the other day where by computer scientists have come up with a program that can rate females on thier attractiveness and fix things that are wrong. Basically take a picture of a girl give her a percent,, change the pic, give her a higher percent. The computer gets it right when compared to an average score given by one hunderd men. They have yet to formulate a similar program for men as their attractiveness is far more complex.

Food for thought ... eh?

 

I get hit on quite a bit. But have no problem hitting on guys either. everyone faces regection men and women. super models and billionares included.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I work in a place filled with romanyic possibilities, and I'll be damned if I didn't see an attractive guy get so much attention, be it subtle or front of your face. But the attention they get is nowhere near the attention the girls get. Especially the new girl, everyone wants to help her with the fax, take her out to lunch, ask her if she needs help with her project, ect. I just stay away.

[itsallgrand]

So I reason that college parties don't necessarily fit me great (drunk people, hip-hop dancing...not really my thing) and that I could meet better girls in more regular settings. Then when I approach girls in a cafe or something they seem freaked out by the fact that a guy they've never met wants to make a bit of conversation. If I've gotta approach, cool, I'll do it, but the girls could at least be a little more open and friendlier to make it a bit easier.

 

 

That's really normal, but I think you have the right idea. ! And a good head on your shoulders.

 

You are 18, right? So these things are harder in general at that age. Trust me, they are!!

 

People grow up and into their skin, and the guys like you start to get noticed a lot more.

 

I'm a woman so don't truly know how it is to be a guy..but...I can tell you that at that age I was so shy, and bookish, and reserved with guys it was crazy.

I wasn't at frat parties, or going with popular guys - I was just retreating waiting for a good guy and trying to get my courage up to let him into my life.

 

Now in my 20's it's a whole different story, and it would as likely be me initiating the convo as the guy.

 

So I have a lot of confidence that you will meet someone nice and attractive and warm with some time, trial, and error. We all go through it.

[poloplayer]

Attractive men, who don't give off an aura of being a jerk or a player, are assumed to be:

 

1 - Taken

2 - Gay

[Carmine]

It certainly seems like it gets better; even by junior and senior years most people seem to be more mature and more open to having meaningful relationships, not just drunken hookups and one night stands. Now that I think of it, the girls whom I've approached who have treated me the warmest and seemed to enjoy meeting me were a few years older than me. You'd think I would have felt a bit embarrassed when one of them would say that she's a junior and I'd say I was a freshmen, but I didn't, I felt really good actually because I really felt a good vibe between us. Unfortunately, every one of the girls in that category had boyfriends, but with every one, I felt more confident about myself and realized that there are girls out there who are open to meeting guys like me.

 

 

 

Funny, both assumptions have been made about me many times. After the girls on my floor realized I didn't have a girlfriend, they thought I was gay, lol! Gay guys I know told me the same thing after hitting on me - they figured I was a very subtle and reserved gay guy since I didn't have a girlfriend.

 

 

 

That reminds me of that scene from Liar Liar in the elevator, I don't want to quote it here though, haha!