How often do you say it?

[d24]

I'm just wondering.... recently my girlfriend has been saying it like 10+ times a day - either I've done something good, or she's feeling guilty about something... haha

 

Personally I'll probably only say it once or twice a day (not counting going to sleep or leaving the house).

 

What's 'normal' for you and your SO.

I'm interested in SAYING the words, not texts, emails, etc...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Love is felt and love is actions...too many people feel the need to say those words constantly so that it ends up being trite and meaningless. If you really love someone it is not necessary to say it every single day. Certainly 10 times a day is extreme. By saying it so frequently it cheapens the notion of love. How many people on this forum are completely shattered by their breakup because even just the day before their partner was saying "I love you". Those three words are the most overused words in relationships. They slip off the tongue so easily for so many people and yet often it is just something to say. It becomes as meaningless as calling someone "dear" or "honey". Sure, it is nice when someone says I love you...but to make it special, it should not be said with such frequency (even once or twice a day is too frequent). There are so many ways to SHOW love without having to simply repeat those words over and over and over again like a broken record.

[Hunny1607307342]

Sometimes you just feel the urge to say it a lot. Recently ive been saying it a lot of the bf and he too says it very frequently, and i did stop to consider this issue you've bought up. I mentioned that i thought i said it way too much, and he said 'no no, dont stop saying it, its a nice thing to hear'. So its debatable really...his reaction, and the way i feel afterwards, doesn't seem to be a bad thing! It evokes nice feelings if it is genuine. Some people probably dont say it enough, even.

[PRSOV]

LoL... I think it's different for everyone... but

 

Ten times a day would be a bit extreme for me. If I was saying it that much it would lose it's meaning after about a week.

[d24]

Just to clarify I'm not saying I have a problem with it, and it happens every so often that you just feel like saying it a lot.... I agree wholeheartedly that it's constantly over-used by everyone these days, and that saying it and doing it are different things and can mean just as much if not more in some situations.

 

I only wondered how often people SAID it, and what they consider to be their 'normal' is all.... Like I said, once or twice a day I'll say it. And recently for her she's been saying it 10 times a day. That's fine if she's feeling it.... but how often do you say it?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think people in the honeymoon period say it a lot because it is about hormones and infatuation....or if there was a recent breakup/reconciliation, it might be said a lot...but it is really not about love itself...it is more about neediness and feeling good. When a relationship is more solid and the people are comfortable in their love for each other, I think they both feel secure enough that the other person loves them that they don't need to say it or hear it constantly...they just feel it...they are in tune with it.

[Smile_83]

I say it to my bf about 3 maybe 4 times a day, and that includes the good morning and good night.

[eleanorrigby1]

i dont say it ever really, maybe if we have a row or we are lay in bed and discussing the future, but if I had to count i would say in the 3 years we have been together i have SAID it out loud about 20 times if that!

 

I sometimes email it at the end of an email.

 

He doesnt SAY it ever unless i am feeling upset about something and he will comfort me and say "I love you sooo much! i really do!"

 

He shoes he loves me all the time.

 

I say things like "your gorgeous" or "you're fit" and i kiss him all the time and he gets irritated with it sometimes and says i say it too much that it loses meaning, that kinda hurts my feelings because he may just look cute doing something and i just blurt out "you look fit!" and kiss him and he rarely says things like that to me.

[RayKay]

Hmmm.....it almost sounds to me like it is being said more out of neediness/insecurity/wanting to hear it back then out of really "feeling it" if that makes sense, particularly as it is a change...

 

I probably physically say it 1-3/day, as does he. For the record, for us I do not feel it is overused for us personally, I feel very loved as he shows it to me, and I do too in return.

 

But, I have been with partners whom said it maybe once every couple months and felt VERY loved, and partners whom said it 10 times a day and felt totally unloved. So for me it's not so much how often its said as it is about HOW it's said, but also far more important how they act towards me. I would take someone whom shows they love me and never says it over someone whom says it all the time but treats me like crap anyday for example!

[eleanorrigby1]

But, I have been with partners whom said it maybe once every couple months and felt VERY loved, and partners whom said it 10 times a day and felt totally unloved. So for me it's not so much how often its said as it is about HOW it's said, but also far more important how they act towards me. I would take someone whom shows they love me and never says it over someone whom says it all the time but treats me like crap anyday for example!

 

I agree! my ex used to say it all the time! "you are amazing! i love you soooo much!" and stuff like that, but he didnt! and I remember at the time being shocked when 'out of the blue' he dumped me because 'he didnt love me'. I thought "but he said all the time!" grrr in hindsight he never SHOWED it.

 

My current partner says it VERY rarely! but shows it all the time and i totally feel loved.

[_Asti_]

The ILY for us is usually said when its felt, when the atmosphere or the moment reflects those words. In no way, is it ever overboard, or feel like its lost its meaning because its said so much because its obvious in those moments. I'd say on average, several times a day. Maybe 2-3.

[anggrace]

Im with raykay. How often it's said doesn't determine how loved I feel. I enjoy hearing it and saying it but hearing anything ten times a day might be a bit much.

[SinfullySweet]

My boyfriend and I agree that saying it all the time cheapens the word. We say "I heart you" a few times a day which means the same thing, but we only say "I love you" once in a while when it strikes us. We don't need a word to know how we feel about each other... we can feel it. "I love you" seems so much more meaningful when it's saved for those special moments (sometimes those moments are also the most seemingly ordinary). "I heart you" is cute and it's ours - we both know it means we love each other. Words really are never enough...

[shadowdreamz]

Here is something I wrote on my blog.. I think it fits.

 

We want to hear the words "I love you," yes, but more than that, we want to feel the truth of those words. We know the truth of our partner's love when we see it acted out every day, in small ways, and large ones.

[CaptainNapalm]

It varies from person to person but it loses it's value in meaning when abused or said too often. For me saying it or hearing it once a day or every other day is enough.

[allypally]

My bf said it constantly which had me questioning how he genuinely felt about me.

 

I told him that I only said it when I really felt it.

 

I'm still not sure whether he really loves me or not.

 

I always go by "actions speak louder than words" like a lot of people.

[amtjrtcet]

I'm just wondering.... recently my girlfriend has been saying it like 10+ times a day - either I've done something good, or she's feeling guilty about something... haha

 

Personally I'll probably only say it once or twice a day (not counting going to sleep or leaving the house).

 

What's 'normal' for you and your SO.

I'm interested in SAYING the words, not texts, emails, etc...

 

Not very often...when I'm in a relationship it usually takes me a really long time to say it...and even after the first time, only maybe once a month if that.

[flgirl777]

I guess it just depends on the day, sometimes i'll say it twice a day, and others if im in a great mood and were having a great time together ill say it more often. it really just depends on my mood and how loving i am being that day

[alcide]

I don't ever say it, not more than 2x a month, but i act on it every dayyyyyyyy.....non stop...no complains, difference in sayin, than actin, better sayin when supportin with acting lol....

[knightingale]

It depends on the day. Yesterday I took care of him while he was sick, and while that was my act of love, all he could really do was say it with words. So he said it close to ten times yesterday, and I would say it back because I like saying it to him. The day before we said it maybe twice. The day before, if not at all then possibly once. It just depends. Sometimes I just can't help but say it. And on a rough day I want to hear it as much as I can from him. We rarely say it over the phone or through text--I think we've said it a grand total of four times each that way. Sometimes we say, "I really like you" or "I care about so much" instead. It depends on the couple.

 

The word is only cheapened if you make it that way. Meaning, only say it when you mean it and when you want to say it. Don't ever say it out of obligation because you think that's what your SO wants to hear. If you mean it every 20 times a day you say it, then that's awesome. I like to hear it and I like to say it because I know we both mean it.

[Stars_n_Guitars]

I tell my man I love him whenever I feel like I need to. I may oversay it, but I don't care, it's what I feel and I think it's better to say how you feel than to not ever say it! You shouldn't put a limit on how many times it can be said!!! I never say I love you because i'm feeling guilty and if you suspect a person is doing that, how are you so sure they really do love you? Love is beautiful and wonderful and meant to be shared and should have no boundaries, no limitations, no expectations!

[gracerules2008]

I say "I love you" once for every 5 times she says it!

[lana111]

we say it to each other all the time. mosly everytime we talk on the phone and whenever we leave each other for the night. sometimes before bed. its really automatic and mundane. but id say once a week one of us just grabs the other and looks into the eyes and says " i love you" or "im so in love with you" or "i wouldnt trade you for a thing" and thats when it really has feeling.

[bijoux27]

i say it whenever i feel like it...whether it be 10 times a day or once every few days. who cares! for me it doesn't lose its meaning according to the number of times i say it, it's the emotion within those words that count.

[Parsley]

At the moment I'm home for summer, meaning I don't see my boyfriend every day - so when I talk to him it's usually at the end of the conversation or phone call or whatever. When I see him at uni, it's mostly when we wake up and one or the other of us leaves, and then right before we go to sleep.

 

Like someone earlier said they say "I heart you" and keep "I love you" for when it strikes them, we kinda do that but with the tone of our voice. The majority of the time for goodbyes or hellos or whatever, we'll say it in a silly voice, like really high or say "I laaaaaffff ooo!" When we're saying it because we're really feeling it, it will just be us speaking normally. And I love it like that.

x