VtecQueen Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 I don't mind my boyfriend having girls for friends but there is this one girl that likes him a lot, but she has a "boyfriend". Her and my boyfriend will talk though phone, texts, IMs while he's at work, Emails while he's at work. I've explained to him SOO many times how I do not like how they talk all the time in every way possible. I thought I was the only person he'd talk to while he's at work but I find out he talks to her too. When he doesn't like me talking to a guy I drop the guy because I care about my boyfriend more than the other guy, but he is obviously not doing the same for me. So I posted a blog on the infamous Myspace just ranting about how I wish that girl would go away. No names no pictures. I mad sure that only he and probably her would know what I'm talking about. So he calls me all mad about the blog and saying that someone called him telling him about it (obviously it had to be her that called) and mad how he doesn't like other people (really her) knowing what goes on in our relationship. So I put my myspace on friends only view. I'm so sick of this, something has got to give. I get on this other forum with mostly guys and he doesn't like me on that, I pretty much stopped getting on it but he continues to talk to that girl. I"m to the point where I'm like "If your going to keep talking to her no matter what I say, I'm going to keep getting on that other forum" What should I do? I'm really just fed up with it. He bought me a BMW and gave me a credit card for gas amongst other things so he throws that in my face last night too. I haven't talked to him since last night either. I'm really sick of this girl and I feel like he is choosing her feelings over mine. ugh What is going on?? Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 welcome to enotalone it seems like the bf is the problem, not this girl. afterall, if he didn't return her texts, calls, ims, etc.... she wouldn't be calling him. i think you should direct your energies towards HIM, not be angry with her. afterall, he's reciprocating. i think you should talk to your bf about what boundaries are and aren't appropriate. i don't think you should have cut contact with those guys you were chatting with on the forum if he isn't willing to do the same in real life. i reckon he also enjoys the attention of 2 girls fighting over him. Link to comment
Lisa_Grimino Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 This sounds awfully familiar to what happened with my boyfriend and his 'friend'. If she's too important to drop for you, she's more than a friend. My boyfriends 'friend' had a boyfriend too, that doesn't always mean everything's okay. I'm not saying he's cheating, my boyfriend didn't, physically, but what is starting to happen between them has already gone too far. You need to see this for what it is, and act on it. Quickly. Link to comment
VtecQueen Posted April 30, 2008 Author Share Posted April 30, 2008 My friends told me not to call him. They said let him call me. The thing is....if he's mad....he won't call. Should I send him a text or something? I kinda don't want to cuz once I do I will just have to keep saying the same thing i've been saying. Link to comment
Lisa_Grimino Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 My friends told me not to call him. They said let him call me. The thing is....if he's mad....he won't call. Should I send him a text or something? I kinda don't want to cuz once I do I will just have to keep saying the same thing i've been saying. Call him. Have a frank conversation, give him an ultimatum; you or her. His being friends with her is damaging your relationship, putting you under stress, you cannot be with him if things continue this way. Perfectly valid reason for him not to be friends with her. If he chooses you, you're rid of her. If he chooses her, you know something a little more than friendship was going on anyway, so you haven't lost anything. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 You doing what he wants to keep him as a boyfriend, doesn't mean he has to do what you want to keep you as a squeeze. He gets to keep you as a squeeze - as long as being his squeeze is important to you and you go along with his terms. Link to comment
VtecQueen Posted April 30, 2008 Author Share Posted April 30, 2008 Call him. Have a frank conversation, give him an ultimatum; you or her. His being friends with her is damaging your relationship, putting you under stress, you cannot be with him if things continue this way. Perfectly valid reason for him not to be friends with her. If he chooses you, you're rid of her. If he chooses her, you know something a little more than friendship was going on anyway, so you haven't lost anything. Been there done that. And he still talks to her. I did the whole ultimatum thing a while back sadly. He always says he doesn't talk to her like I think he does. But then the emails while he's at work and IMs came into play. ugh Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Here's what you're not seeing...YOU are the other woman...she is who he spends his time/attention/energy on. You get his money - money is an earnable commodity and disposable as a result. She has his attention..he finds her interesting, he spends his time interacting with her in every medium...with you, not so much. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Been there done that. And he still talks to her. I did the whole ultimatum thing a while back sadly. He always says he doesn't talk to her like I think he does. But then the emails while he's at work and IMs came into play. ugh then just tell him that he doesn't have the characteristics you look for in a boyfriend and be done with him. i've been in your shoes too. i'm nearly 99% certain that after we broke up, him and this girl that he 'hated talking to' got together, at least for a little while. i think it's good and healthy to have friends of the opposite sex. but if you feel like there is a line being crossed and he dismisses your feelings, then that sucks. especially if he's spending all this time talking to this girl he claims to not like talking to!!! that makes NO sense!!! if i don't like someone, i don't return their calls, or i just keep it to business only, if i know them through work. Link to comment
Lisa_Grimino Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Excalibur is definitely not sugar- coating words here, but is pretty much right. You have to either try the ultimatum once more and stick to every word, or let things go on and keep being that doormat whilst he enjoys this other girl's company over yours. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 First, you can't control another person. So trying to firewall who he does and doesn't talk to won't work. People think that will control cheating etc., but it doesn't. What controls cheating is his own moral character and whether he loves you or not. So I'd drop trying to tell him who he can and can't talk to. He should do the same with you. But he should try to consider your wishes, if your wishes are reasonable. But it is very disturbing that he is buying you expensive gifts then expecting them to buy you off so he can do other things that you don't like. It reeks of he 'owns' you because he has bought you. You'd better straighten him out on that really soon, or perhaps return his gifts and find someone who doesn't give based on contingencies. Link to comment
redhearts Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Seems like you would of left him if he hadn't given you that car. Hes throwing the I GOT YOU A CAR thing to rub in your face like, thats a nice car I can do what I want sort of thing. Face it hes a scum bag and hes probably having an emotional relationship with this girl, leave him. Link to comment
Enigmatika Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 I don't mind my boyfriend having girls for friends but there is this one girl that likes him a lot, but she has a "boyfriend". lol...ask HER BF what he thinks about it... Link to comment
VtecQueen Posted April 30, 2008 Author Share Posted April 30, 2008 You'd better straighten him out on that really soon, How do I straighten him out?? Link to comment
catwalk Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 If it was earlier in this situation I would have gotten this one right away and gone on double dates with her and her boyfriend, to show her you are a real person and the relationship with your boyfriend is something you and him value. Guys usually don't take well to ultimatums and will lean towards the person that is NOT making them decide something major like this. It's much easier for guys to choose the person who's NOT making them choose! How do I straighten him out?? You shouldn't have to. He should want this because it's what's right. He's not a dog you can hit on the head with a rolled up newspaper and make him stop writing to this girl! Link to comment
Girl79 Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Take the BMW and drive, far away from him. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Here's what the OP isn't processing. Time is a commodity Money is a commodity. Time is what he's spending with this other woman...in texting, in email. He doesn't spend money on her - but she's important enough to merit his time...for whatever need or want he has that time with her meets. Time and money is what he's spending on the OP......that can be a catch 22 possible. He spends time with her and on her in dating, sex, conversation...and he spends money as well. it's possible his reasoning pattern says because he spends money on her he can spend his time anywhere he likes, with anybody he lies - period. But it's evident that spending "time' with someone is more important than spending money on them.....although we all scream to the contrary. There's the adage about prostitution that applies.......are you paying for sex in paying a prostitute? Not reallyl - sex is available anywhere for free. You're paying them to "go home' -so that at the conclusion of sex there is no more obligation. The Famous Madam Heidi Fleise put it quite well - there is no such thing as a $3k hooker, there's only such a thing as a $3k john. Link to comment
VtecQueen Posted April 30, 2008 Author Share Posted April 30, 2008 So I just got an email from him saying "I know you cheated on me and I"m done with you" pretty much. The weird thing is.....I've never cheated on him lol. I don't know..... I've never even thought about cheating on him. I don't see how he could even think that!!! All because of that other forum I get on....a guy made a thread asking where have i been and now my boyfriend thinks I cheated on him. What???? Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 No, he just send you an email stating 'I cheated on you, I'm done with you." He figures his insinuations and accusations are going to have you either attempting to grovel and beg and prove he's wrong while he does what he wants anyway - ego boost. Or else you're giong to cease all ccontact because of the accusation and he's free to do what he wnts, where and when and with who he wants, without your interference. Link to comment
Girl79 Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 No, he just send you an email stating 'I cheated on you, I'm done with you." He figures his insinuations and accusations are going to have you either attempting to grovel and beg and prove he's wrong while he does what he wants anyway - ego boost. Or else you're giong to cease all ccontact because of the accusation and he's free to do what he wnts, where and when and with who he wants, without your interference. Yes exactly.. he's the cheater. It sounds to me like you are better off. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 So I just got an email from him saying "I know you cheated on me and I"m done with you" pretty much. The weird thing is.....I've never cheated on him lol. I don't know..... I've never even thought about cheating on him. I don't see how he could even think that!!! All because of that other forum I get on....a guy made a thread asking where have i been and now my boyfriend thinks I cheated on him. What???? i would call back and say, 'where did you get such a ridiculous idea from? that is untrue.' but i agree - i wonder if he's trying to 'force' a breakup. let us know how it goes. Link to comment
VtecQueen Posted May 1, 2008 Author Share Posted May 1, 2008 Well we had a looooooooooong conversation last night. I said something in a sexual type manner to another guy and my boyfriend called that cheating. The guy asked me "where have you been I haven't seen you in my bed lately?" everyone knows he is always joking like that so I told him "I've been away from this site it's bad plus I wanted to give you and your wife some qualiity time" The guy is married and lives in South Carolina while I live in Georigia. So my boyfriend called that cheating. It was a lot of going back and forth but I think we've worked it out the best we could for now. I told him if he wants me to stop getting on that site all the time he will have to cut down talking to that girl I don't like too. It is not fair if I ditch that site cuz he wants me to but he won't cut back like I've asked him to so many times I don't know what they talk about he is lucky he can see every thing I say. I told him "I guess her friendship means that much to you, that you would rather talk to her than me" and he said he would cut back talking to her and all.....I just hope he is for real. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 i think your comment clearly seems like a joke, especially the jab about the wife. clearly, you wouldn't REALLY say that to your lover, c'mon. i think he knows that and he's just using that as an excuse for his behavior with this other girl. blah!!! i don't like the smell of this!!!!! Link to comment
redhearts Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 So he has you on a leash, thats nice. Be a strong woman and get the courage to leave the dirt bag, before you find out a few months later you were wasting time because he cheated. Guess what, regardless of that message you had with someone, SOMEONE ONLY accuses you of cheating if they have. (Okay, well nearly most the time..) Link to comment
VtecQueen Posted May 22, 2008 Author Share Posted May 22, 2008 I know this may be a little old but here is his last bill the date is 4/11 not many days before i made this thread....just wanted you to see what I was going through. the 4043 number is mine and the other number is her. the last number is the amount of minutes spend talking. 04/11 12:06PM xxx-xxx-4043 4 04/11 12:19PM xxx-xxx-4043 1 04/11 12:25PM xxx-xxx-4043 4 04/11 12:55PM xxx-xxx-4043 2 04/11 01:07PM xxx-xxx-4043 2 04/11 03:52PM xxx-xxx-4043 8 04/11 06:51PM xxx-xxx-4043 7 04/11 07:12PM xxx-xxx-4043 1 04/11 08:35PM xxx-xxx-9318 17 04/11 09:22PM xxx-xxx-9318 4 04/11 09:34PM xxx-xxx-9318 10 04/11 09:58PM xxx-xxx-9318 73 04/11 11:10PM xxx-xxx-4043 6 04/11 11:39PM xxx-xxx-9318 18 04/11 11:57PM xxx-xxx-9318 136 Edit: found some more 04/14 07:03PM xxx-xxx-9318 91 04/14 09:09PM xxx-xxx-9318 53 04/18 09:57PM xxx-xxx-9318 64 Link to comment
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