Dougie_D Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 This question is for the girls but could go both ways. What are specific things to NOT BE? I can come off pervy,rude,disgusting,weird,strange, and desperate. I am also nice and funny... But it's the first things I mentioned that I think hurts me the most. But all these things are me!? That's my personality. You know when someone says.."Yeah, let's not go there."...well, I do!!! The fact that I know A LOT of people...I think they talk about the negatives about me to girls, and not the positives. I actually overheard a girl telling another girl(who I didn't know) "yeah,stay away from him, he's annoying and perverted." Is the only way to handle this is to move away?! When I'm not al rude,disgusting, etc...my guy friends * * * * * that I'm not acting like myself. Help???!! Link to comment
lana111 Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 well i wouldnt want to spend time with anyone who is rude or disgusting. i can deal with someone being weird and strange. however, a guy that comes of pervy is a guy you stay far away from. there is nothing creepier and uncomforting than a guy who homes of as a perv. pervy will override any funny or positive things about a guy always, for me at least. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Sorry, but very few girls would be okay with a guy that makes them feel uncomfortable. Maybe you shouldn't worry about your friends so much and do things to improve yourself. They are just enabling you. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 I think that if more than a cuople of people have that perception of you then you are in fact being perceived as pervy and rude by your own actions. Instead of being angry that people feel this way why not work hard to change it? You say this is just your way as if it is a given and you should be accepted by everyone even if they think you are being crude and pervy. That is not the way to win over any girls I can assure you. You say when people say let's not go there you do....why? You have to know that it is not portraying you in a very positive light when you do this. If a topic is sensitive or dirty enough for some of the members in the convo to say let's not go there, why do you feel you must? You sound like you are a slave to your bad habits vs looking to change them. Empower yourself and do some emotional growing. Is the only way to handle this is to move away?! When I'm not al rude,disgusting, etc...my guy friends * * * * * that I'm not acting like myself. Help???!! Sorry dougie but if you are like this (rude and disgusting) even some of the time than you are not going to attract females as friends or lovers. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 What she said...I ditto this completely. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Dougie i say this not to slam you but rather to help you, even your avatar comes off a bit creepy. Put a shirt on man! Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted April 26, 2008 Author Share Posted April 26, 2008 yeah...I feel like I am slave, I guess. Some people like it when I am like this(mostly like my guy friends)...Actually, I asked a couple a guys, "am I the only one who thinks dirty?" and they go "no, you just like to express it more" Well, when I don't "act" like this, my friends ask me "what is wrong?, you are not acting like yourself" I'm currently 27. It's like a basketball player that has always dunked and now that person should only do lay-ups. Well, after awhile, fans will want to see the dunks instead. I feel like I'm a show. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 It sounds like you've put yourself into the clown role to feel accepted. You've gotten some laughs - but it's "sad clown" wondering why he is doing these tricks when they don't really get him what he wants. Time to wash the paint from your face and give up the act. Remember, those same guys that get a few cheap thrills off you humiliating yourself are the ones taking the lady you wish you could be with home at night. Don't be the sucker left wondering "how did this happen?" Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Time to wash the paint from your face and give up the act. I strongly agree with itsallgrand's statement above. It might have been funny a few years ago, but now you are 27. Why be the butt of everyone's joke? Like she said...all the other guys are going home with the ladies. You can clean up your act...just give yourself a chance. Start believing in yourself. Stop acting like the "clown" in the group. You probably attract all the attention, and then the guys leave with all the girls. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 yeah...I feel like I am slave, I guess. Some people like it when I am like this(mostly like my guy friends)...Actually, I asked a couple a guys, "am I the only one who thinks dirty?" and they go "no, you just like to express it more" Well, when I don't "act" like this, my friends ask me "what is wrong?, you are not acting like yourself" I'm currently 27. It's like a basketball player that has always dunked and now that person should only do lay-ups. Well, after awhile, fans will want to see the dunks instead. I feel like I'm a show. It will take them time to adjust to a more serious and mature doug but they will eventually. When they ask what's wrong tell them that you are tired of not being taken seriously and are working to improve the way you are seen by others. You don't have to stop being a clown all the time, you need to learn how to pick your moments. so for awhile you might have to discard it completely so you can take time to learn how to better discriminate. I can be a real clown to - i love being goofy - but I know when and with whom I should do this with. YOu can't be "on" all the time Doug or yes you will be perceived as the dirty mouthed clown by everyone. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 LOL. Dirty mouthed clown. That's really true too...you don't have to give up completely. Just don't let it undermine the other great things about you. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 ^^Right. I would advise NOT telling a single pervy or dirty joke around females period Dougie. Save that for the guys when you guys are alone. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 ^^Right. I would advise NOT telling a single pervy or dirty joke around females period Dougie. Save that for the guys when you guys are alone. Again....I shall Ditto the ever so logical Ms. Jaded Star, who agreed with the wise Ms. Jeckle...;-) Link to comment
ProtestTheHero Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Lol, so basically, gives the girls what they wanna hear and see when you're around them, then let your true self come out with your guy friends. Pretty common thing to do. I can't tell you the amount of guys I know who pull a 180 degree swing when hanging around with his gf compared to us. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Lol, so basically, gives the girls what they wanna hear and see when you're around them, then let your true self come out with your guy friends. Pretty common thing to do. I can't tell you the amount of guys I know who pull a 180 degree swing when hanging around with his gf compared to us. And that isn't not being true to yourself, that is being respectful of the ladies in the group. Once you get to know a girl really well and there is a mutual like going on then you can put your feelers out to see what will or will not offend her. Pervy jokes around a girl you don't know isn't going to go over very well. Save that for your guy friends you have known a long time and have time tested. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 It's not "you" - you choose the behavior. If you want you can make a different choice. It's not easy but it is simple. Link to comment
hers Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Rule of thumb: when first meeting a girl, dont act in a way that you woudl with your guy friends (ie farts arent funny!) haha Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Rule of thumb: when first meeting a girl, dont act in a way that you woudl with your guy friends (ie farts arent funny!) haha good point..... Link to comment
ProtestTheHero Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 And that isn't not being true to yourself, that is being respectful of the ladies in the group. Once you get to know a girl really well and there is a mutual like going on then you can put your feelers out to see what will or will not offend her. Pervy jokes around a girl you don't know isn't going to go over very well. Save that for your guy friends you have known a long time and have time tested. Nah, I agree with the jokes. I think it would be a pretty epic mistake to approach a group of women you don't even know and start dropping edgy jokes and acting strange. Restraining yourself in that department, well, that's just being smart. Some guys are a little more extreme with it though. I see confident guys in my circle absolutely die when trying to approach a woman, and different variations of that. Obviously they treat women differently, but I'm not sure if that's giving them the results they want either. I think there's a middle ground. Link to comment
littlestar Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Good luck finding someone to accept you for being those things and more! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 it's okay to be perverted and say little quips. i do it all the time. but when you do it ALL THE TIME it's really annoying. repetition burns itself out quick. a good example. larry the cable guy comedian. was funny the first time i saw him on tv. but second time, the fake accent and the trying to hard country stuff was really annoying. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 it's okay to be perverted and say little quips. i do it all the time. but when you do it ALL THE TIME it's really annoying. repetition burns itself out quick. a good example. larry the cable guy comedian. was funny the first time i saw him on tv. but second time, the fake accent and the trying to hard country stuff was really annoying. That pretty much sums it up. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 so, does this mean I have to move away? Everywhere I go, I seem to run into someone that "knows me." I'm too afraid of this rep thing now. I feel really, really, doomed. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 no. maybe stop frequenting the same places. venture out solo or something. i've done it. Link to comment
Carmine Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 I'd just like to bring up that this goes both ways - in other words, guys aren't the only ones who refine their personalities when they are around women. I've been in situations where it's been me and at least six other girls, and they can be just as vulgar as guys can, with non-stop gossip added...it makes me wonder what they're like when there're no guys present. I can somewhat relate to your situation, but I know I control it well. I say some pretty vulgar things now and then around my guy friends that go past the limit, but I know it's just for a laugh or two and I don't over-do it. When I'm around girls I don't totally alter myself to fit what I think they want of me. I will say some different things to establish myself as being unique, intelligent, and open-minded. For example, I have a list of really far-fetched places I want to travel to and explore in my lifetime because I find them fascinating (north pole, Chernobyl, Southwest Tasmania). I tell this to my friends and they think I'm a weirdo, of course, but I'm also not afraid to bring it up when I'm talking to a girl. Most of the time they find it unique and interesting. It separates me from the average run-of-the-mill party-guy as an open-minded and intriguing guy who goes a lot deeper than drinking beers and shouting at girls. There's nothing wrong with being different, just know where to draw the line between material appropriate around guys and girls. Link to comment
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