love vs. career vs. money

[Thornbirds18]

Girls, I wonder when you have a decent high-paying career with amibitions,

and you love a man but he doesn't have a decent career, nor money, will you

marry him and spend the rest of the life with him? He's very nice, loyal and treat you the best way he can, and works hard (on two or three low-paying manual labor jobs). He said that he wants to be able to provide for the family alone in the future. He dropped out of college and he doesn't have confidence in going back because he thinks that he can't handle it. He's still relatively young...

 

Opinions from guys are welcome too.

[lillie]

If i loved him and i had enough money to keep us,i wouldnt worry one bit..

[Hope75]

If he was the right guy and treated me well I absolutely would.

 

It would nice if I made more money in that scenario because it would be coming from one of us- does it really matter which one?

 

I think gone are the days when men are 'supposed' to support women.... these days it's more equal. I know some 'stay at home dads' who's wives work power jobs and bring home the bacon. Everybody contributes.

[Thornbirds18]

But how about the social circles and pride stuff? I'm not sure if he can handle my social circles where people are relatively more educated with decent careers.

[agent1607307371]

But how about the social circles and pride stuff? I'm not sure if he can handle my social circles where people are relatively more educated with decent careers.

 

If it became a problem, I'd end it with him.

 

But I wouldn't end it with him in case it became a problem.

 

If someone treats you right, that's the most important thing.

 

 

Can I ask something: you seem to think that because he dropped out of college he couldn't handle smart people. Do you think that a degree is a sign of smarts or just a garnish? Because I know some pretty stupid people with degrees, and know some pretty smart people who don't.

[Whiplash Girl Child]

Depends on if he has jobs that are dependable, and what his compensation packages are like (I'm not necessarily referring to amount of money). If it's some job that he could get fired from next week on the spur of the moment, or if it doesn't "take care" of him, then well that's a problem.

 

If the man had no direction, then that'd be a problem, too. For example: He doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, and has NO clear goals.

 

If the man lacked ambition or motivation to work, to improve himself, to make more money, to further succeed, then that'd be a turn-off, plain and simple.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think the problem would come in if you are ambitious and a planner, and he is not ambitious and makes lots of choices that financially hamstring you and drag you down.

 

for example, i don't get how he can say he couldn't hack college, but can work 2 or 3 jobs? that doesn't make sense, since working 2 or 3 jobs is really time consuming and stressful, and if he put that effort into school he would get straight As.

 

also, he can't work 2 or 3 jobs forever without burnout, and would never be home when you are.

 

if he had a lower paying career, and loved the career, that is one thing, but unwillingness to plan and make smart decisions while being stuck in dead end jobs would bother me.

 

there also might be problems if there was a big discrepancy in drive and ambition. you could start to lose respect and think he is too lazy or uninspired to work his way out of a lesser series of dull jobs when there is no reason whatsoever he couldn't choose to go to school intend to better his chances of a decent job.

 

i say this from the perspective of dating a guy who always had a million reasons why he couldn't take responsibility for developing a career, when the real reason was he was quite lazy and preferred to stay home and watch ESPN and have me take on all the adult responsibilities, including earning the money, taking care of the house, etc.

 

So just make sure that it is not a case of him wanting to freeload off your future success. this applies to either sex, as anyone can get stuck with someone who is trying to live off someone else's efforts while they dog it.

[itsallgrand]

Having no money would be a problem...the status and such wouldn't .

 

Him wanting to take over all the financial burden would be a problem...the lack of college degree wouldn't.

[Hope75]

But how about the social circles and pride stuff? I'm not sure if he can handle my social circles where people are relatively more educated with decent careers.

 

I can only see this as an issue if he associates money with self worth.

 

I would be proud to share my partner with friends if he was a good guy that treated me well.

[lady00]

This is very well put. I especially agree with the stuff about college. If he can do 2-3 jobs, he can do college and graduating from college, even if he doesn't have top grades, will make him much more attractive to employers such that he'll probably be able to make enough money with only one full-time job. That part worries me the most...I don't think I would be able to be with someone who didn't have a college degree if the thing preventing him from doing it is lack of self-confidence. That said, I wouldn't up and leave...I would encourage him to go to college and I would be supportive of that in every way possible. I'd be his lead cheerleader, just as I would be in any other worthy pursuit that a guy I was dating wanted to go after.

[Catdancer]

My ex had a job that wasnt that great, I made more money, and he wasnt as educated as I am. I tried to make it work, we were together for about 5 years, but ultimately I got really bored with him. And honestly, in upper class social situations, he embarrassed me. There were several situations where I wish I had gone alone to company functions. The guy I'm with now is very intelligent, great with people, he makes decent money, although I still make alot more than he does, but we get along great. We had some problems in the beginning. He felt bad because in his mind he should take care of me...blah..blah..blah. But we've worked it out. And when either of us feels weird about the whole money-thing, we talk it out. I may make more, but I also have more debt and more responsibility (I run a business). thereforeeee, I work alot more than he does. We've been together for about 14 months now and we're still learning each other. The best and smartest thing that we ever did was agree to say what we feel when we feel it. And we agreed to listen and calm one another down. We're both Scots and quick to temper, but we love passionately too and we've learned that as long as we communicate what is bugging us, we work through it. As long as you dont get bored without the intellectual stimulation and as long as you're not embarrassed by him, it will work out. Do you feel any of these things? Be honest!

[i_win]

Do you love this person and do you want to be with him? If the answer is yes then that is really all there is to it. He obviously works hard and isn't a lazy guy who sits on the couch all day and maybe he prefers manual, labor intensive jobs over sitting at a desk all day? And maybe he is okay with the trade off that less paying jobs means he might have to have more than one.

 

And I don't mean to offend anyone on this thread, but as someone who has grown up around wealth, I blame you the partner for not being a better guide and example on how to act and behave in social situations. It isn't really that difficult to teach someone how to conduct themselves in social situations - I've done it many times. And if they are a partner worthy of your time they will listen to you and take direction.

 

If I was with someone from another country or another culture/religion I would expect her to teach me the customs and the proper etiquette. I see this no differently. And yes, manners and proper behavior can be taught with some time.

 

There really isn't anything all that special about the upper class/wealthy anyways...I don't worship the same God they typically do.

[Aurian]

You know, once I would have said "of course!" but now....

 

My ex dropped out of school. Dropped out of college. Dropped out of numerous jobs whenever things got a bit difficult for him. In the beginning he treated me great, but later on after marriage..... ugh. In addition to the abuse there was the constant fighting over money that I earned, and his constant spending over money that I earned, the constant temper tantrums if I tried to spend the money that I earned (what, he gets to loaf at home and buy video games and I have to starve because we don`t have enough money for me to eat lunch while EARNING that money at work?), and the constant bills and financial troubles....

 

I don`t think I would want to be with someone who didn`t pull his weight ever again.

 

I`d want to know WHY they were unable to work one full-time job. I would want to know why they haven`t improved their job. Is it stable? Can he pay his own way and not looking to me to support him? Will he be insecure if I earn more?

 

As long as the guy is stable, earns enough to support himself and doesn`t get macho about me earning more, I am okay.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Girls, I wonder when you have a decent high-paying career with amibitions,

and you love a man but he doesn't have a decent career, nor money, will you

marry him and spend the rest of the life with him? He's very nice, loyal and treat you the best way he can, and works hard (on two or three low-paying manual labor jobs). He said that he wants to be able to provide for the family alone in the future. He dropped out of college and he doesn't have confidence in going back because he thinks that he can't handle it. He's still relatively young...

 

Opinions from guys are welcome too.

 

 

For me it would be very important for the man to have a good career and to be financially sound. It would be important for me that his income is equal to or greater than mine...I would not feel comfortable having the higher income. Someone with a good work ethic, who works hard and does his job well..but also understands balance between work and personal life. I also value higher education because I myself am highly educated. But this is just me. I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with...what may not be suitable for some might be perfectly fine for you...this really is a very personal choice...no matter what other people say, it should be about your comfort level.