Day by Day Let us all know!

[Brokenhearted87]

5 weeks yesterday BU. He started burning me and blocking me 2 weeks ago tomorrow. Last contact on my part 7 days ago today.

 

Feel like an amoeba on a piece of poop.

[JimmerJammer]

awww Brokenhearted87,

that's unfortunate to be feeling that way right now. It just sucks. I don't know what you've been trying to let go of this guy, but surely there are things you can do for yourself to move on from this guy.

 

I know that for my ex's benefit, as well as my own, I won't be messaging her or texting her again, unless it's something she said that would compel me to respond. I know I did send her an e-mail last night that only said "have a safe flight" as she left today for the summer. It more or less wasn't something I would normally send, but it is my way of saying good bye as I doubt I'll hear from her again. So I guess it is up to fate whether we talk again and get back together or not, but in the mean time I'm going to use all the chances I get to improve myself any way possible and let it stick. Who knows, I might meet someone really special down the line, even if it's not my ex, that I am totally in love with. I'm just not expecting much right now.

[metrogirl]

He was in my office this morning. For a quick second, I was thinking about some of the good times we had in the past, how he was there for me emotionally and financially when my father died, but the good times didn't outweigh the hurt that he caused me throughout the relationship......

 

I'm ok....just taking it one day at a time.......It really sucks when you still have to see your ex everyday at the worksite.

[Brokenhearted87]

Thanks JimmerJammer. Yeah, I will be embarking on a period of self improvement for sure. Not for his benefit, he has removed me from his life now, but for my own. It's sad it ended as it did, but I have to look at it this way: he's the one treating ME badly. I don't deserve that, much as I feel down about not being able to contact him or have him respond, so I just have to get on with my life and live it for me, knowing that I would never and will never treat someone who supposedly once meant something to me like crap. Makes me feel better about myself.

 

 

[Anna.]

Well, it got the ugliest its gotten since the "break-up fight" last night. And this is sadistic (but he treats me so disrespectfully for me to be the mother of his child that I don't really care), but I actually feel better because I sad how I felt about his parenting (of all his children, not just ours) job in general (obviously negative) and it cut him straight to the core. and I know I'm horrible but it felt good to know for a second atleast that he felt as bad as I did.

 

I know that is horrible. He just continues to be contrary and avoid me until he feels like not avoiding me, regardless of what I need for our daughter, and he actually is great with our child on the days he has her, but he doesn't want to give me money for her or his bills he owes me. It's like I have to chase him down and beg him for money HE OWES ME, which I think he gets off on. And I'm sick of it and it hurts to be treated like you don't even matter when I'm doing my hardest to raise his child to the absolute best of my abilities, while he plays Daddy for 2 nights a week. You don't act that way to the person you brought another life into this world to. And I guess I see that I kinda did the same thing, but what I said was true, and he got atleast a small dose of his own medicine.

[barbielovesmac]

me ex is a douche.

[Landon]

that is not right at all, you need to sit down and talk to him, tell him that this is his child too and having him 2 nights a week doesnt make up for everything the child needs. You need to let him know you want a monthly child support payment. thats the only fair way to do it. if he denies your offer.. go to child services.. you CANT do this on your own and you need financial help from the FATHER. Keep me updated

[metrogirl]

Today is better......He and I actually had a talk yesterday. There is still no chance of us getting back together but I really hope that we can just be civil and cordial since we still have to work together.

[Anna.]

that is not right at all, you need to sit down and talk to him, tell him that this is his child too and having him 2 nights a week doesnt make up for everything the child needs. You need to let him know you want a monthly child support payment. thats the only fair way to do it. if he denies your offer.. go to child services.. you CANT do this on your own and you need financial help from the FATHER. Keep me updated

 

 

Thanks landon, but there is no "talking" to this guy. I have to deal with his mother instead of him (he moved back in w/ her) half the time.

 

It's got to the point that I am probably gonna go ahead and file for support. I've had the paperwork for weeks, but have been scared it will put us on even worse terms.

 

Also, he keeps threatening that if I go for child support I'll get less money than he'd give me w/o an order (yeah right), and that he'll fight for 50/50 custody.

 

As it is, he doesn't even have any legal rights at all to her b/c we were unmarried when she was born, even though he signed the birth certificate and a paternity acknowledgement statement, and she has his last name. But child support is totally separate from custody. So he can either pay to have a DNA test done for child support or just sign another paternity statement. And I can get support with him still having no legal rights.

 

I'm not trying to keep her from him and as long as he acts decent, then he will get his 2 nights a week. But he is a recovering drug addict and that's not someone i want having rights to my child, you know?

 

So, it's really COMPLICATED!

[Landon]

oh ok.. well if he's a recovering drug addict. there's no way in hell that he can get 50% constudy. Before you file, you just tell him that you dont want to have to do it but you need the finacial help for your child. Tell him that its 20% of his wages before taxes. try to do it that way first then, if he disagrees file.

[DieTeufelKatze]

I broke NC this weekend, ended up breaking down and going over to his place Sat. night. Back in a state of limbo now, but at this point I'm used to it so I don't really know how I feel about the situation, if I really feel anything at all. I'll just sit back and see how it plays out, I guess. I probably won't call him, just wait for him to make contact.

 

He was asking me what I want from him... all I could answer is that I didn't know! Because I don't.

[villet_vixen]

okay so I take back what I said earlier

today sucks!

 

I started a conversation just to see how he's doing, 'cause I didn't speak to him for a week and I was wondering, you know, if he's still alive and all that

my god did he blew me of??!!

how can they stop caring like that?

alright, so they left the relationship (in their head & heart) a long time before the dumped one did, but do they really don't give a crap about us anymore, at all? I mean, at some point in the past they did actually love us, so is there really nothing left of that?

how can they just STOP all their emotions?

 

I could probably just blow up tomorrow and he wouldn't know or care

[fozzy101]

I think everyone who breaks up has this same question. Did they ever love me or care about me? how can they leave so easily. I have been racking my brain with these questions for months. Guess some people are able to turn there emotions off easier than others rather than feeling the pain. We just have to convince ourselves that we are dealing with our pain the right way HEAD ON. instead of pretending. Dont think they really didnt care just cant deal with the pain.

[villet_vixen]

I hope your right,

 

I secretly even hope he's suffering a bit as well, even if it was just because of the guilt

I mean I still love him, and would still be there for him and don't want him to be in pain but, he deserves feeling awful, all the dumpers do i guess

[fozzy101]

Im sure he is suffering and as much as we say we hope they are not. we do want them to suffer. I know I want my ex to suffer just as much as I am and hope he thinks of me a hundred times a day and breaks down just like I do. I think that helps me to get through my day. Maybe its a little wrong to feel that way but if it helps me Im ok with it.

[villet_vixen]

it's not wrong to think that, in a way it's our right, we're in pain...

[fozzy101]

I know it helps me get through every day knowing that maybe he is hurting half as much as me. So every morning I wake up with that in mind and it helps a little.

[DieTeufelKatze]

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're feeling. I felt the same way after my previous ex broke up with me in a horrible way, and "moved on" to this ex of his a week after we broke up, and proceeded to wordlessly rub it in my face. For the longest time, I was so angry I only wished him ill and hoped that he would suffer eventually (I did not speak to him, nor even look at him, he was dead to me). Come to find out over 6 months later (and they'd broken up, obviously), that she was just a fling/rebound to try and get over me. I didn't know that at the time, I thought he was just doing it out of callousness and trying to hurt me. (He WAS trying to make me jealous, even though he now adamently denies it). He's now trying desperately to win me back, and I'm ignoring him again. If he didn't suffer before, he will now, because I would NEVER in this lifetime think of giving him a second chance. I really don't care at this point whether he's suffering or not, but I guess it's been delayed vindication for my pain.

[chrissykissy83]

Im still feeling ok, even though it is his birthday today.

I wonder if he expected a birthday email or a card even, and i wonder if he thinks of me.

[fozzy101]

I cant wait to be at the point that you are. When Im done thinking of him day and night. good for you for not considering taking him back. My ex has also moved in with another woman twice his age, sure thats a rebound as well. Hope it lasts long enough that I wouldnt consider taking him back.

[J_man]

yesterday i went to a small party and met a girl there who seemed nice. not like magnetic, just seemed like an attractive, good person. i asked my friend about her when she left, and they said next time they have a party they'd make sure we're both invited, she's single and my age and works in a similar industry.

 

so it was this nice distraction in my mind for a bit. helped me get to sleep at night. in the morning it became very clear to me that i'm not in any shape to actually start down the path of a relationship with anyone, and more importantly perhaps, i don't want to. i'm still entirely in love with my ex. i feel like i ought to honor that and not try to so quickly scribble over it. just let it fade gracefully.

 

so i just have to get myself into a mindframe where i'm just focusing on day to day things, work, exercise, diet. just trying to become pleased with myself and my life.

[Anna.]

Im sure he is suffering and as much as we say we hope they are not. we do want them to suffer. I know I want my ex to suffer just as much as I am and hope he thinks of me a hundred times a day and breaks down just like I do. I think that helps me to get through my day. Maybe its a little wrong to feel that way but if it helps me Im ok with it.

 

Of course, it just feels fair. And there may be those true altruists that don't, but I'd say the majority of people do whether they admit it or not. They hurt us, we want them to hurt as well. It's like emotional justice. My problem is and has always been, that once its done, I've got to realize it's not my place to make sure he hurts. I'm a big believer in karma and natural justice. And I've got to learn to let things happen as they may. That it's my job to take care of myself and my child to the best of my ability and try to let the emotional pain he inflicted go, cause: (so cliche) it's only holding me back.

[JimmerJammer]

This is what I think. My ex felt that I was behaving like a deuche and more or less got sick of my behaviour. See I consider myself a pretty great catch. I have a lot to offer in the way that I show my appreciation and love for the one I am with. I am willing to compromise, sacrifice, work on myself, to listen and try to work through things. To respect their wishes and stand to reason. I won't lie, I won't cheat, I won't be unreasonable. Yes I've made mistakes, yes I am not always forthcoming, yes I get emotional and overreact, but you can expect that I will man up and be honest with you. Even go so far as to recognize my behaviour and correct it. Not many people even try to do this. I won't tell you what you want to hear, I won't cater to you to get in your good books or get something from you, I won't make you to be perfect. I can cook, clean, dance, sing and do most anything lol Ok really I know that was lame, but really I am willing to do so much and offer so much, that my only real downfall right now is how I still react to things. I bring up past things, I get upset and can't control those emotions, but I still say that with what it is I am willing to do, you try to go and find someone who would be willing to do the same. Consistently.

 

Today I got a little angry again because I thought about all of that and it really just erked me that someone would be willing to throw something away like that. It's why I'm so determined. For myself, it's what is owed to me by myself. Because I deserve what's best for myself and I'm going to achieve anything I set my mind to because it's about time I start doing that for me. People want to be selfish? Well then fine, it's about high time I be selfish too. This time you better believe I'm not going to let anyone get in my way. Not if I can help it.

 

You know? It's funny, next Wednesday is my birthday. My ex's is at the end of the month. Before she went away I bought her things for her birthday. I don't expect anything from her. I doubt she'll call or email or text me or even send me anything. Why? Because THAT'S what I meant to her.

[Brokenhearted87]

Well said JMan.......I won't be rushing into anything for a long time. I am still completely in love with my ex and I don't know when/if that will dissipate? I don't think it will ever leave me completely. He is my first love.

 

Good on you for going to the party though.........I'm not even at THAT stage yet haha

[dr_loomis7]

I am one month in BU and it is rough. My ex still calls all the time and texts and wants to hang out constantly. It is hard to tell her no since I am in a new state with no friends and it gets really lonely living in a hotel room. It seems that when she is not around I am over her and look at the future with optimism. Even sometimes when she is around I feel that it is better we are no longer together, but other times emotions take control and my heart breaks all over again. I feel that if she wanted to get back together, I wouldn't hesitate but also know that it wouldn't be the best thing for me.

 

In my most logical of states, I see that I don't miss her so much as I miss the normalcy of a relationship, the connection that I had with her, and having someone to fill the loneliness that surrounds me.

 

As Chrissy has mentioned in her previous posts, I fear that I will never love someone as much I loved her and that no one will love me as much as I thought she loved me.