Day by Day Let us all know!

[pumpkinmoon]

great post jimmerjammer!

[dream83]

My ex asked me out to lunch yesterday (I said no). In the beginning I was worried that he would be completely unphased by losing me and would just go on. Now, I find myself constantly feeling drained. I feel like he wants to continue to be a leech and absorb from me all the support, care, and attention I gave him during the relationship. Lately I've been wondering why this has to be so emotionally weird and uncomfortable. I'm constantly feeling like he wants something from me. At this point, I'm trying to avoid him completely for a while until I can start to feel better emotionally.

 

The most difficult part is that despite the fact that my ex is a creepy narcissist (for example, we were in an amusement park and I suddenly knelt to the ground and nearly passed out b/c for some reason I'm prone to heat exhaustion, and he accused me of "being dramatic" and "embarrassing" him), I still find myself feeling sorry for him. But, although I feel sorry for him I have no desire to be with him because I don't think his self-centered ways will ever change. I just wished the mixed feelings would go away. I shouldn't be concerned with how this guy feels, considering how little he actually cared for me.

 

What's worse is that I feel physically ill today, which just seems to make me more antsy, irritable, and uncomfortable. Gah. I just want everything to be better right now.

[JimmerJammer]

Well I had fun tonight. I had people over and we all hung out and had a good time. I realized something today and that is that I'm done thinking about the ex. I'm pretty well convinced that it's the right thing for me. It's no longer in my hands and thus I wish her all the best. That she have a great life and be happy with the guy she ends up with. That he treats her right and is always true to her. That he be forever devoted to her and respect her. Be honest and have integrity. That he see her as the real, flesh and blood person that she is. Always treasure and cherish her, for she deserves it just as much as we all do. She'll always be in my heart.

 

Cheers

 

I wanted to add this article for everyone to read. For both males and females it speaks such loud volumes, I had to read it right to the end. I must say although I definitely don't agree with any male cheating, the rest of what he says is very truthful/useful.

 

How feminism destroyed real men

 

link removed

[Bob3000]

How long has it been, JimmerJammer?

 

I was doing OK after talking to my ex yesterday. It wasn't the outcome I wanted, but I'd managed not to cry on the phone (or even betray my emotions) and I'm pretty sure I managed not to come over as needy. But there was nothing I could do to make her attracted to me, or to fall in love with me again. There was nothing I could say to get her to try again. So I know I need to move on.

 

But today hasn't been good. I've been unable to eat anything or really do anything. I've just been crying and punching myself. I don't think I regret yesterday. I think I'd have been continuing to hang on to false hope otherwise. But I do feel like I'm back to where I was two weeks ago; I've reopened all my wounds.

 

Tried listening to the radio - to fill both the silence and my mind - but every song reminds me of her...

 

I just wish that something had been different in the run up to the break up. I feel like if any one of about a dozen things had been different, we wouldn't be here now...

 

I'm going to stop counting the days and I'm going to try to get on with my life (although I'd really rather not...)

[JimmerJammer]

about three weeks since we broke up. There's no sense in letting myself go through the cycles of it anymore. It doesn't help me. So I really do wish her well. I want her to be able to have the happiness she's entitled to. That person that gets to be with her isn't me? So be it.

[Dogg]

Day 1 after breakup last night......miss her already....wasn't ready for this!!! I'm feeling totally miserable but hopefully strong enough to begin the NC phase.....I want her to miss me, i want her to realize that this breakup is a mistake.....I don't want to push her farther away from me by doing something stupid so I suppose I do nothing now and just try to better myself even though I don't even know where to begin

[Bob3000]

about three weeks since we broke up.

Thanks - that gives me some hope that I'll be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel before too long.

 

(Dogg I just replied to you main post...)

[hamsalad]

8 days now since she ended it. The pain has dulled a little and I know I am moving forward. Now I need to move ON. It'll come and there will be set backs. I do not think I will ever know the reason why it ended and I am sure I'll get to where it doesn't matter any longer.

 

Her loss, her loss, her loss, her loss...

 

My biggest struggle is filling my idle time. That is the killer here, I think.

[Landon]

day 11,

 

I guess it getting easie, its just weid cause some mourning i wake up good and some kinda depressed.. its just kinda hard cause i still have to see her and talk to her because of our son.. but i am not giving in this time, she calls me every day usually multiple times and i only answer half the time, and she text me a lot, i never even read them.. i think its just going to get easier from here on out? right?

[starlight40]

yeah, its been a week or so for me and ive done all the insane panic and crying thing until i couldnt do it anymore, i kind of just feel numb at the moment, my boyf is in thailand so have no way of contacting him which im starting to think is for the best

[chrissykissy83]

Um i dunno how long its been now, 8-9weeks,lol.

I think of him now and then, and all our plans that went to pot, but Im on an online dating thing and a guy has just asked me for a drink,lol. OMG i dunno what I'll do, havent dated in years.

[pumpkinmoon]

Um i dunno how long its been now, 8-9weeks,lol.

I think of him now and then, and all our plans that went to pot, but Im on an online dating thing and a guy has just asked me for a drink,lol. OMG i dunno what I'll do, havent dated in years.

 

GOOD LUCK YOU XXX

[chrissykissy83]

GOOD LUCK YOU XXX

 

Thanks, lol.

[Keyman]

It's day something like 5 of the new NC and honestly I can't even remember what she looks like. I still think about her occasionally, but I really don't care. My life is getting busier, and things are going well.

 

I've been dating since pretty much the weekend I moved out - yes I had some time to prepare my safety net. Things have gone okay, been out on several but nothing going anywhere yet.

 

I'm spending a lot of time alone doing stuff, and while I don't mind being alone, I guess I am a little lonely. My flatmate has a new girlfriend, so that isn't helping, but the good thing is that I'm not wanting my ex, I'm just wanting company. It doesn't help that I have officially met my flatmates girlfriend twice and she's said more to me than my flatmate.

 

I suppose the next step to getting on with my life is meeting more people. A girl I met on the weekend suggested Dragon Boating, so there is an option and a good way to meet people. So it's time to get out there and mingle. Shame none of you lot live down Australia way!

[Dioufy]

I have made some new life choices today. I spoke to my ex today and told her I needed a week till I got my head sorted because I have such an important week at college - I really hopes she doesn't block me on msn because we can be mates in the future and if she does - I will be very disappointed because she knows it would hurt me a lot. Although a part of me expects her to hurt me and just do it, so I have took some action and prepared myself for it - I simply expect it to happen. I just hope she doesn't hurt me because she knows it really would.

 

Although I loved her I have realised that she did treat me quite badly when it come to us. And she simply didn't do the very little things I asked of her and my only mistake was making decisions when I was mad, but my councilor has helped me eradicate these problems. And make me a better person - I owe her so much.

 

Perhaps she still thinks of me and wants to get back together but I doubt it. I really hope that she finds happiness and I would die for her to be happy, even if it were with another man. I have to move on though - I don't have a choice. I love her so much but today is a new day and I will concentrate on me and my mates. A part of me doesn't want her no more, because I changed so much and she wouldn't even give us a chance. Although this experience has helped me, and I this experience will help me in future relationships - I hope anyway.

 

Can somebody please be honest and tell me if I sound like an ***hole or a selfish person because I really am not, although I don't want to come accross as one on here. So does anything I say sound wrong?

[Keyman]

Dioufy,

 

No you don't sound like a * * * * * * * or selfish, in fact just the opposite. However, I do think you still have her up on a pedestal, but that will change as time goes by. You shouldn't think about her happiness, you should concentrate on your own.

 

Good on you for seeing a councellor, it helped me see things that I was hiding from myself.

Tomorrow is a new day and you are getting there in good measure.

[hamsalad]

Keep on going guys...the days passing will make it better. Keeping busy will, too.

 

Wow, today was the first good day I have had in over a week. Thoughts of her float through my head, but it didn't drag me down like before. I know she lost a good thing when she bailed.

 

Along with time away, my friends and parents (visited them today) have been there for support as well as this board.

[JimmerJammer]

So it turns out that my ex sent me a message today that more or less was meant to entice me to speak with her. I mean I know I initiated it by letting her know that I wanted her to be happy and that it's all that really matters. She told me she wasn't and I had every right to ignore her as she's not my responsibility anymore, but I'm not self-righteous to turn my back on someone that obviously was experiencing something pretty heart breaking. I'm fine and this doesn't bug me and I know where to draw the line, so to be there for her in a moment like this is not a problem. Thankfully for her she is fortunate enough to have that as I'm not obliged nor foolish enough to do so continually. I have myself to look out for and in this case I hope she can see why I am the way I am and thus happy to be there for someone in that moment who needs someone to help them grow.

[JimmerJammer]

After a nice peaceful evening of staying in to relax, I ended up passing messages back and forth between myself and my ex. I soon discover how she's been feeling, it took me back. I sympathized with her because I've been where she's been and despite what has happened, I don't want her to have bad things happen to her. Who would? Even though we hurt each other pretty deeply, who would wish that upon someone else? I ended up getting mad over what happened and I didn't want to take it out on her, so I didn't tell her why I was mad. For to do so would have made me feel better at the expense of hurting her and that's something I refuse to do. To hurt someone so that you may feel better, I don't believe in doing.

 

You know? I know better so I don't understand how it got to the point it did. How I lost sight. She acknowledges she could have been more honest with me and she confirmed tonight how I more or less felt about how I was acting and behaving. I'm honestly better than how I was and I didn't understand how I let myself do that. Then I remember that when you love someone so much, you want to be with them everywhere. You want to see them when you wake up and lie next to them when you go to bed. I know I got carried away when I invaded her life.

 

Something that violates our rights in a relationship. I overstepped a boundary and she called me on it. Only she never told me and it wasn't up to her, I should have known better. I lost respect for her when she did what she did, but I also know I wasn't a saint. So my focus now is that I address this, face this and overcome this. I still love her and would want to try it again once I do, pending of course she wants to try it again herself and try to be more assertive. I do know that I am happier now having this opportunity to make a positive change in my life. One that benefits both myself and many others in it. The weird thing is, I discovered my behaviour was veritably sparked from the thought that my ex wouldn't allow me to live my life and be with her. I was afraid of losing her. Something that wasn't my choice and because it's her choice whether she is with me, I can't control that. No one does.

[Dogg]

Day 2 of NC -

 

Yesterday was the first day that I did not see/speak to her since a few months before we had gotten together. It was very difficult!

 

Low and behold she texted me saying "i just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you"

 

I did not know what to say....so I said nothing

 

It made me very confused and then angry that she woudl say that to me after she is the one that decided to end things to begin with.

 

about 15 minutes later, she texted me saying "are you ok?"

 

Again I did not respond because I don't know what to say......god I miss her

[Bob3000]

Gah.

 

I was determined to make today the start of the rest of my life. She made it clear on Saturday that she wasn't in love with me any more. But despite the things I could have done differently, I still can't understand how her feelings could have changed so much so quickly - when mine haven't changed at all. No wonder I've been finding it so hard to move on.

 

Then the radio played "our song"...

 

So I've been crying a lot. And kicking the furniture. (I'll need to go and put those videos back on the bookcase later...)

 

Everything reminds me of her. And everything that reminds me of her is like another blow to the stomach. No, I'd rather have a blow to the stomach - just as long as she was there to hold my hand...

 

I wonder if I should have played our conversation differently on Saturday. Or simply not called her or her friends at all. Just one more thing to add to the list of things that I'd change if I could...

 

She says she loves me like she loves her other friends. But even before we were a couple, I was her best friend. I was the only one who was always there for her. And since we broke up she's called her other friends but she hasn't called me. So I feel like I've gone from being the most important person in her life to being an insignificance.

 

I love her so much. I miss her more than words can say. This wasn't supposed to happen. I don't necessarily believe in "the one", but what we had was special. I can't believe she just let it go...

[allypally]

Synopsis of bizarre break-up events

Last sunday the relationship finished after staying up virtually the whole night to talk about it. We shared my bed holding eachother very tightly.

He came back for a chat on Monday evening and he stayed over. We agreed on a month apart.

 

Tuesday night he tried to ring me on our landline but I didn't take the call and asked my housemate to answer.

 

On wednesday he tried to ring me and also sent a text message re: weekend. I responded that I was fine but couldn't go with him to christening of friend's son as moving house etc.

 

Thursday he went to work do curry so didn't hear anything.

 

On Friday he tried to ring me but I missed the call so asked him to call me back. He called me back and we had a normal chat. He offered to help me move and said he could come on either the Sat or Sunday. I asked him if he would come on the Sunday.

 

Saturday morning I get a phone call at 9am, its him. Have only just got up so tired and disorientated. Anyway, he spent the whole day helping me move missing the other thing he was going to be doing because he said he felt guilty. I was flabberghasted since he has never gone out of his way for me before.

He left that evening to stay with his friend for the christening the next day.

He said he would call me the next day re getting together on the Sunday evening.

 

Throughout Sunday, I didn't hear from him the whole day. He pitches up at our new place at about 7:30pm (luckily we were there as we had just got back from picking up our last car load from the old place). I told him I was surprised to see him as I had no idea when he was coming and that he was lucky we were actually there. He took me out for dinner at the pub next door and talked about himself non-stop, told me about his up and coming long weekend with the boys and how they would talk about cars, women etc. This morning (Monday) I teased him about the weekend he was going to be having with his mates, and that it would be a case of "what happens on tour, stays on tour" nod, nod, wink, wink. I just don't fully trust him. He didn't seem to happy to hear that and I told him I was just joking. He then told me the worst thing that has happened on one of those weekends that he was playing pool with a whole load of flirty girls.

 

What the hell is going on here?? He is carrying on as though nothing has happened, and now taunting me with what he could be getting up to on his lads weekend.

[allypally]

My question is why the hell is he totally ignoring me?

 

He asks me what I want to do about x, y or z and I tell him what I want and then he goes and does what he wants anyway. He doesn't tell me when hes turning up - trying to slip beneath the radar??

 

 

I now have the strong desire to cut contact again since the last time, he called and texted every day after I finished it as though everything was normal.

 

What is going on?

[hamsalad]

Ally, I think he is just playing games now at your expense. Focus elsewhere and worry about your well-being. You don't need games and questions with little or no answers. Your time is more important than that. Fill it with good distractions for yourself.

[allypally]

I have suspected this Hamsalad. I think he has said enough really to convince me that he is someone who enjoys 'experiencing' as many women as possible. He has told me enough things on that front for me to be sure in my own mind that he is a player. He seems innocent enough, but I know only too well he is not.

 

All I want is for him to be out of my life so that I can concentrate on the things I enjoy doing without the hassle of someone bombarding me with texts and phone calls - he can't take no for an answer. Looks like he is treating me as a FWBs?