Day by Day Let us all know!

[hamsalad]

Only be a FWB if you let yourself be that. If you think he's a player, then he may just play you as the back-burner girl while he goes trolling for others. You'll be the safe-landing in case he strikes out when trying to get other girls. After awhile he will realize that it gets old after awhile, all these superficial short-term relationships. It'll be too late for him then. He'll have lost you. I played around a bit back in my mid to late 20s. I got tired of it and I grew up.

 

If you want to break off all contact, imagine this in your head:

 

The door leading to contact with him is made of metal. Close it. Lock it. Now, weld the seams of the door shut. The only way to open it now is with explosives or a grinder.

[eatingsnow]

i broke NC.. drunk txt him.. ahh... regrets..

[hamsalad]

Well, finally a spot of good news. I had been on an interview just days after my breakup and the company called back and made the offer today. Better pay, yearly bonus (none at the place I am at now) and more opportunities for advancement/learning. How cool!

 

Just waiting for the background check to be completed and then I can fully accept and put in my 2 weeks here.

 

Needless to say, I will not be giving my new work email address to my ex. I am still under strict NC. She does not have my personal email address, either as she has never been able to remember it reliably.

[eatingsnow]

yay. good news .

congratulations on moving forward.

[hamsalad]

yay. good news .

congratulations on moving forward.

 

Thanks, much appreciated. Hey you're in HB. I grew up there (Anaheim now) and the folks are still there.

[Keyman]

Day 5 of the new NC and I thought about her this morning when I wake up, but I can feel myself moving further and further away. God I can't wait.

 

I actually read my horoscope this morning and got this message: it's time to stop thinking so much about someone else, and time to start investing some emotional energy into your own well-being.

 

Too right! Get out of my head!

[JimmerJammer]

Home at last! I had to get up super early today to go to the gym and before work I decided to go with my family to my nana's to have lunch with her. It's amazing, she's 84 and still able to cook us a good lunch! She even made the pie crust from scratch! lol It was nice as we managed to have a good intellectual discussion about things ranging from local news and politics to grander ones such as forgiveness and what it represents.

 

We even got into spiritual discussions and how much of my family and myself included have been in areas that create what I would consider anxiety from within. Like how you can almost have a premonition that something is off or that something bad happened where you are even without anyone telling you. Then we went on to discuss our beliefs and what we felt happens to us after we pass on, something my nana makes light of given her age and current health condition. Now more than ever I work hard to get the best out of life. You can't harbor resentment or be unforgiving because if there's no point to life, what difference does that ultimately make? All you do then is allow that person to have a hold on you because you refuse to let go of the past. Even though you may not show it on the outside, it's in there on the inside.

 

I was mentioning to them a couple of articles I had read recently. One of them dealt with how a lot of the families that are struck by something tragic such as murder or another violent crime done upon them feel that when a death sentence is carried out on the accused, that they don't feel any better in the long term. Maybe the short while they'll feel like somehow justice was served, but they know it won't bring their loved one back or undo the damage caused to the individual who was victimized. I even asked them the question if someone were to come into your home, inflict harm upon your family and then get caught. Would you forgive them eventually? or want them killed in retribution?

 

The other article I mentioned to them was the one I posted here recently about feminism and how displeased a lot of people are with the way relationships play out in todays age. That it's very true how growing up I was told to hold doors open, give flowers, treat a woman like a queen and then discovered that a lot of the things I was doing I was getting taken advantage for and that in return my relationships failed. I didn't have a father growing up to teach me the ways of being a man and what it means to be masculine. I only had females growing up and my brothers were in the same boat I was. It becomes strikingly obvious that without the father there to help raise the kids, the males are unaware of how to display masculine traits that the women inherently look for. By that I mean if you see a woman act emotional or give you emotion during a fight or argument, they ultimately want masculine form being given back. At least when it comes to their partner. No woman I have encountered wants a blubbering, emotional, stammering, insecure, self-conscious, indecisive, wussy of a man. Yet this is how I was brought up to be. Sure I had myself to do something about it, but I never nurtured that desire until very recently.

 

Recently when I spoke to my mom on the phone, I did not realize how emotional and negative she gets. I try my best to speak positively of people in my life for I hate backbiting. Unfortunately I do fall victim and have been known to cave. As time goes on I do it very few times if at all. So when I find myself having her energy affect mine I try my hardest to keep my composure and give back positive, constructive energy instead. I often would wonder where it comes from and I'm sure who I am plays a part of that regardless of my upbringing. I know of course that there's a better way to handle myself and that surely I will overcome these trouble areas in my life.

 

Last night when I was speaking to my ex, it felt good to get things out in the way that she was really opening up to me. I have a lot of respect for someone who is able to do so knowing it's hard and it may hurt. Fortunately I am a strong man and knowing how she feels, even if it means she's positive she doesn't want me as a life partner, is more than I could ask for at this point and I embrace without anger, resentment or hurt being done upon me. We do have every right to be mad at each other, but I don't want to be. I truly want her to be happy even if she does not want the same for me. I want to do something about what happened here and fix myself. Become more or less my true self. The one underneath the armour, underneath the child and rid myself of that which does not serve me. This way that I handled myself in the relationship? It's not helping me, so I choose to shed myself of my childish ways and become the man I am meant to be. All she has to do is want to grow, want to be happy, want me to be happy, respect each other, accept each other, acknowledge each other, speak to each other and choose me to live her life with. That's if she chooses to be my side.

[Keyman]

As the day goes on, I think about her more and more. It's such a pain, as I have been doing rather well with it all and not thinking about her much.

 

But I know why this is happening at least...There's a sodding full moon in Scorpio and I'm a Scorpio. Sodding sodding sod.

 

Full moons tend to mean a rise in brain activity and thinking. So it's making me think about her more.

And when it's in my sign, it means I being emotional about it, so all the hard feelings of being depressed are all back. At least I know why!

 

Anyway, back to normal life... Get out of my head, b*tch.

[eatingsnow]

As the day goes on, I think about her more and more. It's such a pain, as I have been doing rather well with it all and not thinking about her much.

 

But I know why this is happening at least...There's a sodding full moon in Scorpio and I'm a Scorpio. Sodding sodding sod.

 

Full moons tend to mean a rise in brain activity and thinking. So it's making me think about her more.

And when it's in my sign, it means I being emotional about it, so all the hard feelings of being depressed are all back. At least I know why!

 

Anyway, back to normal life... Get out of my head, b*tch.

 

yes.. remember the in-hate process..

and full moon does have strange effect on people..

[Keyman]

Thanks sharon, yes I remembered the other thread and wrote a massive entry, which has helped greatly!

[allypally]

We're going to see the new Indiana Jones movie on Thursday.

 

I saw my therapist yesterday who told me to focus on 5 things that I want to do for myself/which make me happy over the weekend that he is away.

 

Hamsalad, I hope very much he isn't a player. Maybe he wants me to think he is, the other 2 guys he is going on this lads weekend are in relationships: 1 is married with a child the other could well be married.

 

Excuse the next part (therapist babble)

She also identified my vulnerability (I have always had to be strong no matter how bad things have been and have never let anyone see my vulnerability). In other words people have always come to me so that I will be strong for them and I have always coped with the crap that life has thrown at me. I have never resorted to taking drugs, sure, I've binged drinked on many occasion but am off the alcohol as don't feel like drinking.

 

So for the next 8 weeks, she is saying that for that hour each week, I can be vulnerable and allow myself that luxury if that makes sense. She is going to be there for me so to speak. Outside the session, I'm going to try not to push bf away when things get too much as I also have difficulty allowing bfs to get too close to me because I feel vulnerable.

[hamsalad]

Ally, I do hope it works out for you whichever way it goes. Just protect yourself as much as you can without isolating yourself too much.

 

As for me, this morning was brutal. I had been feeling better and really felt like I was getting over her, but as soon as I woke up I had a flood, a torrent, of feelings come down over me. I didn't want to get up and out of bed. I wondered if the feelings were me missing her or me feeling bad from the way she ended it so abruptly. Then I realized it was both. The morning routine distracted me a bit so I could get moving, but I felt like I was swimming through wet cement. I'm hungry, but can't eat. I am sleepy, too. Sorry for the whining. Just venting a bit.

[allypally]

Hamsalad v sorry to hear that you are having a rough time of it. I know how you feel about some days being particularly difficult to face. These days I find it so hard to get up in the mornings.

 

I have had a strong desire for a long time to go on holiday to a desert region for 2-3 wks, maybe the middle east, to contemplate life in general. My dream is to sleep under the stars each night and fall asleep watching the shooting stars. Its such a peaceful and clean place. I went on a trip a few yrs ago now to Egypt, and Tunisia before that both of which were amazing.

 

Basically need a holiday from life but have such a busy job in projects that it won't be possible until next yr when I can take a decent amount of time off when the project has been wrapped up.

[Landon]

back to day 1 AGAIN, when we were broken up i tried to mess around with this girl but couldnt, anyway she found a condom rapper in the dryer the day we got back together, its really sucks cause i didnt use it.. i tried then kept thinking about her and just told the girl i didnt feel good, so she left.. i sat up crying damn near that hole night.. seriously what do i do.. im scared to tell her she'll just blow me off..

[civilservant]

Not a great day for me today, No contact now stands at 14 days though and I'm not going to set in back to square one.

[Panda2008]

But I know why this is happening at least...There's a sodding full moon in Scorpio and I'm a Scorpio. Sodding sodding sod.

 

Yep, I'm a Scorpio too. It's our second full moon in Scorpio in a month (oh joy!) The last full moon, I got dumped... I'm hoping this one won't end up so dramatic...

[allypally]

You guys don't seriously believe that celestial movements are influencing whats happening in your love lives do you?

 

I'm a non-believer in horoscope readings ....

[Panda2008]

 

I'm a non-believer in horoscope readings ....

 

You don't say!

 

No I don't act on what my daily horoscope says... but I have had my personality chart done and it was interesting. Just another hobby really.

[brian123]

I have some small items from my ex (car remote, some vitamins etc...). I have been NC with her for 1.5 months now. Should I just throw the items out, give them to a mutual friend and ask him to tell her that he has some of her stuff, or email her saying our friend has her stuff?

 

What is deemed "proper" in this situation?

[hamsalad]

I have some small items from my ex (car remote, some vitamins etc...). I have been NC with her for 1.5 months now. Should I just throw the items out, give them to a mutual friend and ask him to tell her that he has some of her stuff, or email her saying our friend has her stuff?

 

What is deemed "proper" in this situation?

 

My ex had left a few DVDs and other items so I bagged them up and hung them on her door at her place when she was not home.

[arcadefire]

Today feeling a little better. Shredded a letter I wrote for him a couple days ago. Saying I missed him, blah blah. I hate myself but thank goodness I didn't make the same mistake twice by sending it to him.

[hamsalad]

Today feeling a little better. Shredded a letter I wrote for him a couple days ago. Saying I missed him, blah blah. I hate myself but thank goodness I didn't make the same mistake twice by sending it to him.

 

Glad you are feeling better. Good for YOU. Stay strong.

 

I did the same thing, although they were typed on the computer. I deleted the 2 different ones I wrote. That was a few days after the breakup. Now, 10 days later, I have no desire to contact her. Nowhere near back to myself, but do not want to have any contact with her.

[Keyman]

You guys don't seriously believe that celestial movements are influencing whats happening in your love lives do you?

 

I'm a non-believer in horoscope readings ....

 

Like Allypally it's more of a hobby for me and can provide explanations for things that I'm already feeling. I certainly don't plan my day around it.

 

And don't be so quick to judge others beliefs if they differ from your own.

[Keyman]

Day 7 of NC and except for the intense emotional feeling continuing - damn full moon - but am feeling generally good.

 

Had a weird dream last night about the ex though. The bit I remember, we were standing there naked and I asked her if she wanted to have a shower with me. She said...You got more dishes to wash than I do. w.t.f?

[JimmerJammer]

Today my ex was being friendly and she talked to me despite what I know her ex bf is doing to her. It makes me so mad, and I don't like that I am and until I have developed control over my emotions, I'm going to leave her be to have her time. Truthfully, with what I tell her, I try my best to be honest, truthful and respectful about it; I would consider it being assertive, but I am still distinguishing between assertiveness and aggressiveness. I realize that even though it's the bitter, honest truth, that I know it may be hurting her all the same. So until I am in control of using proper communication, I will give her space. I want to be a friend for her because I still think that we have the potential to grow together and she could use that it seems. I want to work on myself though first, so that I can be that good friend and possibly a lover to her again as well. I only say possibly because there's always a chance that me and her happen to want each other again in time.

 

I mean she deserves better than this guy and he doesn't deserve her. She's making it difficult for herself because she holds him in such high esteem that she doesn't want to let that go. I wasn't always a prince, I know that, but when I pull through I'm a king. I know myself I wonder what it is about me that feels alright in feeding negative energy to others. I can only say from the love of my heart that this girl can hate the world all she likes for what it hands her, but it doesn't mean you have to accept what it brings. She makes these choices and wonders why she gets herself to these points. Then thinks her life sucks when it doesn't work out the way she wanted. I have felt that way before too.

 

Sometimes I feel like utter crap and I take it out unfortunately on those I love. Because I get upset over some of the choices that I make, when they don't turn out how I wanted. I'm pretty sure we've all been there at some point. I tell you though it would get to me sometimes because it's always this game where people have to put existential meaning on relationships and not face what great they have in front of their eyes. They instead fall short because they didn't want what they have, they wanted what they don't have or aren't getting. Then wonder why you hate life when you lose what you had and don't gain what you wanted. How we even manage to not see the crap that we keep doing to ourselves, alludes so many; including myself.

 

I sent my ex a message last night on my way back that I realize may be viewed as rather a crude way to tell her that when she puts herself back together, that she let me know what she wants. I figured already that she has made up her mind on this guy and I'll never be him. I am choosing to not feed negative energy anymore and I'm only going to focus on positive and keeping myself positive and being able to share my positive energy. I love her and I have my right to be happy and to find myself, so now it's time to look after me. I'm done with negative emotions, I have enough esteem that I'm only focusing on positive emotions now. I wouldn't be much of a friend or be useful to her or anyone unless we only share positive emotions. It's, at the very least, how can I be a friend to someone that does that to themselves?