Can Stability Coexist With Artistic Passion?

[barelyalive]

I'm working through a very traumatic break-up with someone who was a very poetic and passionate soul, but who also was capable of treating me deplorably and cheating on me multiple times. The pain is astronomical.

 

Lately I have been wondering if a person can be artistic and creative and passionate, like I am, but also be stable, loving, committed, attentive, compassionate and gentle?

 

My ex told me he was gentle and loving, but his actions spoke for themselves.

 

I am in such a disillusioned state, and I would appreciate any stories or anecdotes about people who have a deeply creative streak, who write, paint, play music, etc., but who are also capable of being a dedicated and attentive lover--a person who will not be abusive, withdrawn, angry and unfaithful.

 

Creative propensities do not have to go hand in hand with a troubled life, right?

[nickbroken]

I'm working through a very traumatic break-up with someone who was a very poetic and passionate soul, but who also was capable of treating me deplorably and cheating on me multiple times. The pain is astronomical.

 

Lately I have been wondering if a person can be artistic and creative and passionate, like I am, but also be stable, loving, committed, attentive, compassionate and gentle?

 

My ex told me he was gentle and loving, but his actions spoke for themselves.

 

I am in such a disillusioned state, and I would appreciate any stories or anecdotes about people who have a deeply creative streak, who write, paint, play music, etc., but who are also capable of being a dedicated and attentive lover--a person who will not be abusive, withdrawn, angry and unfaithful.

 

Creative propensities do not have to go hand in hand with a troubled life, right?

 

 

 

Nope, because all of that is who I am, sure I can be a jerk at times. But I am always fast to fix it, I don't cheat so. Never hit, not abusive really, Um some people tend to go off the wall with passion I guess and think that the rules of the world don't apply. So I will say to you yes I am a musician/poet/singer/etc and I am very dedicated and in tune with my lovers needs.

[barelyalive]

Thank you, nick. I needed to hear that. I keep thinking "I exist, so does not that mean someone like me could exist?" I don't want to abuse or cheat or hurt--I just want to love. And create.

[EyesOnThePrize]

My ex, who is tremendously creative, said that we may never see another Edgar Allan Poe, because these days, when someone shows that mix of creativity and madness, they give them drugs to make them act "normally." I think that its a matter of standpoint. I think what makes creative people in creative ways also extends their thought patterns outside of the "normal" range and they appear to be unstable. Since I believe that all people make sense all the time, they are only doing what is natural for them. And sometimes, yes, I think they cause a lot of damage in their wake without realizing it.

[Mavis VDSande]

I'm an artist, my partner is a musician and most of our friends are struggling creatives too. Sometimes it can be hard, but it never needs to be abusive in any form.

 

We've all been taken to our limits - whether we're with a highly creative & passionate person or not, so for me I would say you can have creative passion in a stable rels, it's just that when things heat up, your partner needs to know what is acceptable and what isn't, and you need to work as a partnership.

 

If you're with someone who's emotionally mature about life, however passionate they are about their art, I'm sure they will never take it out on you in a degrading or abusive way. And being an artist isn't a good excuse to be a jerk to your partner.

[EQD]

my expirience is when i became stable i lost all ability to create like i used to.

my art was bred out of torment and surrealism.

[barelyalive]

I like these responses--They are helping me cope with this great sense of loss.

 

Even though he abused me in the worst possible ways, I still lament the loss of his creative energies and his purported visions of the world, which matched mine exactly--Only I chose to live what I felt and believed, whereas he chose to keep his beauty locked in his art.

 

I hope soon I can stop blaming myself--Stop wondering why his new woman isn't getting the abuse that I did.

 

This is so hard.

[barelyalive]

My fear is that it is rare to find creativity with stabilty---even if it does exist.

[Mavis VDSande]

It's not rare - pls don't think you won't find someone as creative as you, who treats you with respect and love.

 

You can be highly creative and channel your passion and energy towards what you produce and what you love, but not use the people around you as punch bags.

 

Being creative doesn't mean you're incapable of loving someone & stability, having personal issues might though...

 

In the case of your ex - creative or not, he really hurt you. You may miss the passion he had for his art, but ultimately he treated you badly.

 

You are still creative right? You don't need him right?

[barelyalive]

I wasn't perfect by any means, and when he found my triggers, I would be so vulnerable and beside myself with pain. It was a tragic cycle--He would apologise, bring flowers, write lovely cards. I suppose that was the thrill for me--Having small moments where I was everything to him...his muse......his life.

 

But I just wish it as consistant. I thought it could be.

[barelyalive]

You are right Mavis--I am still creative. I have to separate out the image of him I have in my head, with the reality of what he was. I have to get it straight that he was not what he claimed to be-at least he wasn't with me.

 

So one of the things that keeps me going is what you have pointed out--that it IS possible to have a loving partnership with someone who is creative in the ways I appreciate.

[EyesOnThePrize]

One of the things I miss most about my ex is her creativity. To watch her in action always fascinated me, how she could create these amazing visions. She said that in the last years of our relationship, that she had lost her creative spark and of course, that was blamed on me. It wasn't her severe depression for which she refused treatment. She wants to get her spark back and believes that this move will help her, and even before she left she was lamenting how she just didn't have what it takes anymore. Its sad, because she doesn't seem to want to accept that it is not the external situation that makes her creative, it is her internal situation. I hope she does find her spark. I think the world would be less without her talent.

 

Moreso, her creative spark helped to kick my creative side into gear. I did things with her, explored avenues that I don't think I ever would have done on my own. I don't think I'll lose that even now, however I will always be grateful to her for helping draw that out of me. I just hope that one day we'll be a team again.

[barelyalive]

I have been following your posts, eyes, and I relate to the pain you are going through, and your hopes to one day reunite.

 

Like you, I was blamed routinely for things beyond my control with my ex--He saw his external surroundings as part and parcel to what he was able to achieve, thus he enjoyed attention from other women and is now feeling liberated in the artistic community he is living in. It really stung when he wrote that he would no longer be moving to where I am living, and instead was happy to be surrounded by spiritual people who were raising his vibrations (as he put it)

 

I still sit here and wonder why I wasn't enough. We used to write stories together, and he always told me that if he ever wrote a book, it would mean nothing unless my eyes could read his words. I recently heard that he is now writing a book, and the pain I feel knowing that his new woman is reading its pages instead of me--I can't really begin to describe the hurt, but I am getting through it.

 

So like you, my creative side was definitely brought out in beautiful and amazing ways, and I am suffering the anguish now realising that it is no longer to be.

[Mavis VDSande]

The problem with inner creativity is that it's emotional - I feel less creative when I'm generally run down, unhappy or under stress. I realise that I can't blame my partner for it - for I am the one whose responsible for what I make. The same is with him, I bare no responsibility for his art or music. We may influence or encourage each other but we have no say in blaming each other.

 

It is easier said then done though, as with any rels your day to day activities etc are the same so you do take your frustrations out on each other, even if you're not a creative couple.

 

And everything is so much more significant as struggling artists!

 

I would say - it's not the creativity or passion for it, but the rels dynamics that may be the problem between a creative couple. Or the private needs of the individual.

 

No one can take away your ability to write new material even if you feel that your ex helped your development - and you know that only you can carry on creating, pushing yourself to new limits!

[Mustang]

I'm a very creative person. I write songs every single day of the week. Music is my number one passion but that doesn't mean that I can't love anybody. To say that creative people are too "out of control" for love is a bit crazy. Even Pete Doherty got married.

 

Do I have stronger creativity when I am feeling the way I do now? Yes I do. Sometimes happiness prevents creativity in my opinion. But for others it enhances it. I find that anger, sadness and pain fuel my creativity. For others it may hinder it.

 

There is no black or white answer really.

[Litgirl01]

I'm a creative type...I like to write. I think I'm pretty stable! ;-) Shut up Eyes!!!

[EyesOnThePrize]

I'm a creative type...I like to write. I think I'm pretty stable! ;-) Shut up Eyes!!!

 

Me!? What did I do!? I've learned better than to makes jokes about the crazies...er, creative types.