TAB1234 Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 that's the part that hurts me the most when someone TOTALLY cuts you off ie. blocks you/changes their number (it's not as if i called her every day/week even) and treats you as if you're dead. I can maybe understand if there was infidelity involved but not when there was just one argument. Jeez it's been nearly 8 months and it hurts. she only lives 10 mins away so could confront her but whats the point when someone treats you like this. i did write her a letter apologising for any hurt i may have caused by anything i said and she sent me a text (1st time in 8 mths saying 'there's really nothing to forgive and i hope we both find whats best for us) and then she went and changed her number!!! on another post i read that every r'ship is salvageable but how can one salvage a r'ship when there's no respect and trust. without those one has nothing and i thought i was going to marry this girl. First girl i gave my heart to and i'm in my 30's and have known a few women but no-one has ever treated me like this. So why do i still harbour the pain and not let go? sorry am rambling Link to comment
enchiladaman Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 She's moved on and you need to move on too. Sometimes things just don't work out. She has cut you off and I think what you need to do now is cut YOURSELF off from her! The pain sucks but you need to focus more on yourself and stop thinking about her. No more calling, no more emails, no more contact. She broke up for whatever reason and when people break up there is no more reason for contact. She doesn't owe you anything. And the beauty of this is it works both ways so move on, let go and when the time is right start looking for the next girl that you can give your heart to. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 sometimes, it isn't about you. The other person has to cut you out in order to heal themselves. You need to do the same. Stop thinking about her, get rid of things that remind yourself of her. That should help you heal faster. Link to comment
TAB1234 Posted April 14, 2008 Author Share Posted April 14, 2008 totally agree with your replies. just hurts when it was a petty argument which could have been avoided and i never got proper closure. on the friday she was telling me to sort out a date for the engagement and on the saturday we had the argument and it was over!!! i understand what you guys are saying is the best way forward and i will start from today (well have had long periods of NC before) just sometimes get down abt it Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 She is doing what she needs to do for her! You have to allow her that! She may come around later on! Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 well, the fact that you broke up over an argument shows you that your relationship wasn't that strong to begin with. Why do you think that was? How was the relationship as a whole? I know it hurts to break up, but, in the end, it will be more worth it if you learn from it and apply it to your next relationship. Link to comment
TAB1234 Posted April 14, 2008 Author Share Posted April 14, 2008 Well the r'ship was fine apart from the sense that there was abit of mistrust -we'd been together before (v.briefly) and i told her i couldn't commit but this time i told her i was in it for good. actually you guys are right no more analyzing it's pointless -need to accept whats happened and sometimes life isnt fair but you just got to take it on the chin and move on. If she loved me she wouldnt have done this. End of. Thanks for your replies. God bless Link to comment
enchiladaman Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 totally agree with your replies. just hurts when it was a petty argument which could have been avoided and i never got proper closure. on the friday she was telling me to sort out a date for the engagement and on the saturday we had the argument and it was over!!! i understand what you guys are saying is the best way forward and i will start from today (well have had long periods of NC before) just sometimes get down abt it Totally normal to get down about it. That petty argument wasn't the reason you broke up...and you need to realize this. Sometimes the other person just can't take anymore and they need to find something else. Chances are also good that she had been on the fence for some time about the direction of you two's relationship and this argument was a clear indication that it wouldn't work long term. If it wasn't for this argument it would be the argument a month down the line. If you truly love her then let her go and be happy. Let her find what she needs. You are still trying to maintain contact with her through texting and phone calls. Most likely checking her facebook/myspace too? You need to completely close yourself off from her and start writing a new chapter of your life. Focus on yourself and in time you will completely move on and start meeting other women. You're still young, don't sweat it. Link to comment
TAB1234 Posted April 14, 2008 Author Share Posted April 14, 2008 Thanks for that -there sure are some real angels on here Link to comment
TAB1234 Posted April 15, 2008 Author Share Posted April 15, 2008 Hi Kitty, thanks for your reply. I dnt knw abt ur situation but in my r'ship i held back a little while my ex gave me her all. she's the type that will give all or nothing. only when i lost her did it hit me and it hit me harder than i ever thought it would. i thought i'd be ok but 8 months on it still hurts. i know i can't change the past but only if i'd gone to her house and reassured her that i cared she would've been ok and i was standing outside her house and my head was spinning and i didnt go in. i regret that. if i did we wouldnt have split up and would've been engaged soon after and she would've got that commitment from me to show i was serious. oh rambling again -pointless 'cos its over. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 that is the best part....why linger around..out of sight out of mind Link to comment
SRufus Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Sorry- stupid question, but how do you know if they changed their number? Link to comment
TAB1234 Posted April 16, 2008 Author Share Posted April 16, 2008 Sorry- stupid question, but how do you know if they changed their number? 'cos i replied to her text and it said txt not delivered and then i tried ringing it and it said no. not been recognised. so she must've changed her number -that hurts so much. it's not as if i've been stalking her, i rang her on one day after 8 months. have sent a few texts (single figures) in that period so its not as if i've been bombarding/stalking her. i know that she didnt want to cover old ground again by not having any contact with me but to change her number REALLY HURTS. Link to comment
J_man Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 hey man, i have an idea of what you're going through, though not on the same scale, we weren't engaged. but yeah, try not to trap yourself by thinking about how it was only a small argument that set it off, and how it could have been avoided. it very well may be true, but if that kind of reaction came from her, if it wasn't that specific argument, it would have been another. it's exactly how it went down with me. one stupid thing that spiraled, and i feel like shouting "it doesn't have to be this way! that was jsut a stupid little detail!" but it's not helping me any to indulge those thoughts. i gotta accept what is. i was reading Life of Pi recently, and there was this scene about how what pained the protagonist most was the lack of a proper goodbye, how someone else (in this case a tiger) could just move on without a proper goodbye, some acknowledgement of what they shared. it was really poignant for me, and i agree with it, but the fact of the matter is that it does me no good to think about that. life is what it is. sounds pretty stupid to say it like that, but sometimes it really calms me down to just try and accept what is. focusing too much on the past will drive you nuts. same iwth focusing on the future, and all the possible 'what ifs'. best thing to do is try to come to an understanding within yourself, and write it down if you need to. if a sticking point for you is 'how could she just cut me off like that', find a response that works for you. people here have said that perhaps it isn't about you, but that it would be impossible to heal without that. whatever the understandings are that you reach, try to let those be the end of the mental conversation each time it comes up. it's a constant struggle, man it sucks so much sometimes. but life is too short to prolong the pain. we got to just keep at it, and we'll pull through and better times are ahead. in my mind, i've been picturing this translucent blue barrier i'll erect when i catch myself thinking about her and wondering what she may be up to and what i'd like to set straight. i put up the barrier, walk forward and focus on what's in front of me, and not what's behind that. each day's a new day. good luck man Link to comment
jamieboy Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 i know how you feel, my ex dumped me and i tried contacting her and got no response, i got really angry and sent her quite a harsh text and then she did respond, we got into a hell of an argument and alot came out, although i didnt like alot of it to be honest it kind of helped me because when she was angry and wanting to hurt me, everythig she hadnt been happy with in the last 2 years flew out her mouth. Anyway a couple of days later she sent a text saying" i know we are angry right now but i do knwo you have been the biggest part of my life, and i wont forget what we had". it was nice to get that acknowladgement but honestly, it just gave me more hope and i started texting her being nice again, photos of my new place etc and wishing her happy bday. i got a text back saying " thanks for your birthday wishes, wherever your going on holiday, have fun". Nice as it was, it was still formal and i was stuck thinking, maybe the argument was better because at least i learnt things from it that she wouldnt have told me had she not been so angry. Strange thing really!!! Link to comment
TAB1234 Posted April 16, 2008 Author Share Posted April 16, 2008 Thanks for that m8 -i really appreciate your quote. helped a lot today and i will try and remember it. i would normally 'waffle' on a bit more about what happened but feel ok at mo and don't want to waste a few more seconds thinking abt her. will save that for when i'm feeling blue next time. Just thought i'd thank you for your message. cheers Link to comment
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