"I was raped" T-shirt

[Aleadragonhawk]

I can see this as not being for everyone. I can also see her reasons for doing it. It's kind of weird but seeing the design for the actual shirt made me understand it better - it's not in huge print. It's not neon pink letters. It's small, hard to see almost, and ensconced inside an open safe - something that's no longer being hidden.

[dragon lady]

ummm I found the shirt I don't think it's a joke, but it's still messed up to me.

 

link removed

 

Well, if that's the case, then it is pretty ridiculous, but if the wear thinks it will help them in their healing, then good for them. I have no problem with it.

[rosephase]

I was raped when I was a kid. I wouldn't ware that shirt, except if it was a mass protest. I could see it making a good point about just how much of this is going on and how little of it we know about. I think just the fact that we are talking about it is a reason for shirts like that to be around.

[Excalibur]

I viewed the shirt.......and take my word for it - in 10 years the person who designed it and is promoting the wearing of it is going to regret it.

 

There's many phases to grief, and recovery from any type of victimization. She's in a phase where she wants to empower herself by stating 'this happened to me but it does not define me".

 

Unfortunately, that is a phase - it's not recovery in full - becuase in having to declare to the world it is not your defining marker - it becomes just that.

 

The design itself is inappropriate. A shirt that demands the reader stare to read small print is simply going to invoke stares, and when the reader actually is able to make out the verbage - there is going to be a more overt and public reaction to the verbage - than if it were clearly legible and able to be overlooked at a single glance.

 

It is one thing to wear the shirt in a protest forum, or in an informative session - as the people there are already in awareness of the topic at hand.

 

to wear it in public - makes a statement about the wearer and their insecurities and issues it's announcing to the public that one must treat me with kid-gloves or with excessive gentleness, as a result of my victimization.

 

People not inclined to deal with open, gaping wounds - are simply going to take pity on the person wearing the shirt, not take it as a statement. They're going to pity the plight if she endured the crime, but they're going to avoid the mindset that encourages awareness of her victimization in public.

 

At the point where you have no point to prove, you have proven your point. She's trying to make headlines and proving her issues - in doing it.

 

At some point, if her recovery from the victimization comes full circle - the rape will be what she terms the "best thing that ever happened to her." While she wouldn't wish it on others, nor on herself, she'll have taken the incident and allowed it to teach her volumes aboutu her own perceptions, perspectives, needs, and desires, it'll be what fueled her quest for self-responsiblity and self-awareness and acceptance. At the point she's an accredited success because she learned the lessons from the victimization, she is no longer going to want to be known as the person who wore the "i was raped" t-shirt..and she won't be able to get away from that reality, nor will sshe be able to make the point that the most awful circumstances in life can be the most inspiring to self-awareness experiences in your life - if you allow them to be.

[Lana0120]

I agree with Excalibur's comments. I also think that Daddy Bear has raised an important issue as well - that anyone who feels comfortable wearing it, will enforce their feelings on and may make others who have been victims, feel uncomfortable and even have flashbacks. There's something about those words.

[stella74]

I wouldn't wear it. If it helps her, great. But I think a lot of people will take it in the wrong way. As others have said, I think it screams out that she's a victim. She's identifying with her victim role.

 

What really bothers me about it is that the t-shirt may seem to be an invitation to some would-be rapists. The safe is over the breast area. I could see a guy saying to himself, "hmmm, nice * * * * , she was raped once, and she's flaunting it, maybe she liked it, maybe I can do her too." I think it might generate a lot of unwanted attention. Maybe that's the point, to create some sort of public dialog.

[rosephase]

 

People not inclined to deal with open, gaping wounds - are simply going to take pity on the person wearing the shirt, not take it as a statement. They're going to pity the plight if she endured the crime, but they're going to avoid the mindset that encourages awareness of her victimization in public.

 

 

At least it points out that there is an open gaping wound. And believe it or not that is important. It makes people uncomfortable and that is important to. Sometimes something like that out of context is what people need to see. Its way to easy to ignore rape. And although I think this might be a little tasteless it is at least trying.

[Clementine orange]

I just checked out the webpage just now. I think the person probably thinks they are doing a good thing (and making some money while) but will mature and learn

 

A little off topic here but I want to add this:

the shirt is $25 total.

$5 is being donated to some woman's charity

shipping and handling is included in price - could be about $5 value

Profit - can't be less than $10 a shirt I would think

 

thereforeeee the value of the shirt, including shipping from the factory located in a third wold country is $5.00!

Sweatshop labour perhaps. More than one way to victimize someone i think

[rosephase]

Wow that is a big jump. What is that saying about assuming?

[Clementine orange]

Wow that is a big jump. What is that saying about assuming?

 

Do you mean me? if so, it's just a theory - however it wouldn't surprise me one bit if the t-shirt was produced overseas in poor factory conditions. Most places that sell items that are fairly produced make mention of it somewhere - this page does not. Plus the price reflects the possibility of that being the situation.

I may be wrong - I hope I am.

[kuiks8]

speaking of rape and sweat shops...watch the movie Bordertown...its based on true events in Juarez Mexico where over 5000 woman have been raped and murdered...

[tiredofvampires]

Being raped is not a crime....but it does carry with it a stigma of psychological and emotional baggage.

 

It'd be equivalent to wearing a t-shirt stating "My 4 babies have different dads".

 

While I agree completely with your first statement, I don't agree with your second -- it's not a correct analogy, since rape is not under your control. Someone having 4 babies with different fathers is still an act (or acts) of volition. In one case, you are a victim, in the other you have made some choices ultimately (even if you have a victimized past that led you there.)

 

I haven't read through the whole thread, but wanted to add my half cent.

 

I thank god have not been raped, it's every woman's worst nightmare of violation. And I would need everyone in my life to rally around me, support me, demonstrate their unwavering ability to listen to me and let me tell my story, cry and grieve for the heinousness of what happened. But that is something I'd need to do in the safety and trust of my closest allies and confidentes. That is not something I could share with the whole world -- and nor would I want to.

 

I would like to support any woman who feels better doing that, if it gives THEM a sense of empowerment. Who am I to judge? But I can't help but find myself a bit mortified with this approach. I don't think this is the right way to "open the dialogue", personally. It just is a self-branding thing, and I think it would garner shock, pity, lurid aversion and has an almost confrontational tenor to it. It's like saying, "I was violated in the most private and hellish of ways -- NOW WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO THAT??!" Most passersby have only compassion for it, but there is nothing to do or be able to give but regretful pity for a total stranger who announces that. And I don't want pity.

 

Women's advocacy, speaking, lecturing, doing work in the trenches with sex offenders as well as women at crisis intervention...making a documentary, organizing to raise funds, etc....talking to young people about such things so that they protect themselves and young men are aware of the impact of this crime on women....these are the ways one can "open the dialogue". I don't need to be a "card carrying Victim of Rape" to prove something about dialogue.

 

But I do understand very personally, due to some things I've suffered, the need to shock people into awareness about taboo, hidden pains and scars. There's a place for that (I choose art, among others) -- but one must be discriminating in this, and choose a receptive audience, not just "attack" back in this way.

[Excalibur]

What makes it easy to ignore rape, pedophilia, and other topics of uncomfortable types is bringing up the topic - in a public way - that sparks opinions without accurate information. My point is that "I was raped" on a shirt is giong to cause discussion yes - but not an informed nature, but more of a prejudice type. That is going to futher decrease the accurate awareness of the crime, and th eproblem in general.

[tiredofvampires]

I agree with Excalibur.

 

I don't think the discussion would open about rape with such a t-shirt. The discussion would open more about the wearer of the shirt, and not in a good light. I think the last thing someone who has suffered rape should open themselves to is people thinking that they are in some way attention-getting exhibitionists (!)

[Gracelove]

Thanks so much for all of the replies!!!

 

I know I wouldn't wear the T-shirt, but if it makes a person feel good, then I don't really mind.

 

People had good points about parents out with their children. And about other victims also, how they might feel.

 

If I saw someone wearing a shirt like that, I could feel any range of emotions.

 

Especially if I never saw this on the news, if I didn't know the intentions behind the shirt were good.

 

I might think it's a cruel joke. Like, "Ha,Ha, I was raped ( not really )"!

I might think it was making fun of rape victims.

 

I don't know, it's a weird shirt to wear. I wouldn't want the whole world knowing something so......so personal.

 

If there was a "Support rape victims" day. Then I'd probably wear it. Because then no one would know whether or not I was a rape victim/survivor. They might just suspect I'm supporting a cause.

 

Aside from helping a victim who feels like wearing it...I don't see how the shirt will help.

[lady00]

What is sad to me about all this is that rape victims are stigmatized. A victim of any other crime would be OK wearing a shirt and people would see it as great that they are standing up for a cause. For instance...there are many family members of teens who have been killed by gun violence...they wear shirts with a picture of their lost loved ones with messages speaking up against gun violence...I think this is an important message that needs to get out there and people whom are affected by it often have a desire to get the message out there...yet they would never be stigmatized for it. I think wearing a shirt like this is a personal choice and I think just like anything else legal, people should be free to do it. That said, I am not aware of a society in the world that is ready for a shirt like this...that is ready to treat wearing of a shirt like this as a way of opening up dialogue, that is ready not to treat the wearer differently or look at her funny, rather than as an additional way of stigmatizing someone for something that is not their fault, and even as an additional way to target people for violence (I could see that being the response among many people unfortunately).

[livinginsbi]

I do not believe it is a positive statement to reinforce victimization of oneself, or a situation.

 

"I was raped" - it's a victim's cry. It screams to those that like to control or abuse, you're possibly an easy target.

 

"I overcame the victimization of rape" - quite another statement.

 

 

 

Oh good one! It displays the social awareness and the empowerment!

[embber]

Honestly, I'm not a fan of the shirt. Only people I date seriously and close family and really close friends know about me being raped. I would never want society to know.

I don't like the idea of the shirt, it screams for attention and such when all I want to do is forget it happened and be able to move on it my life.

It could be empowering to some women, but for me a constant reminder of the years I'm trying so hard to forget about.

[Seraphim]

No, I would not. People already do not know how to respond to you and either look at you with pity, look uncomfortable and walk away or look at you like a side show freak. So no.

[Lonewing]

It's really really not.

 

And I think this is the kind of thing the maker is trying to work against.

 

I think that the t-shirt and the surrounding publicity will raise awareness but I don't think that a lot of women/men are going to wear this t-shirt.

 

I remember reading about one that read "I had an Abortion". The aim was to highlight how many women this issue touches, and that it's more common than people like to make out and not something that should engender shame.

 

Regardless of how we think things Should be [idealism], we have to look at how things Are [realism].

 

In my area, wearing such a shirt will earn you snickers and not the yummy chocolate coated peanut caramel nouget kind, either. You may even get a couple Nelson Muntz {Simpsons} responses.

 

If we go back to that Long dialog I posted on that other Rape topic, Lonewing's Hypothesis is that Rape occurs when there is no respect. When you wear the shirt "I was raped," you let everybody else know at least one person does not respect you. And then they question why, and now you have a group that does not respect you. You may have a gorup of sympathizers too, but you probably already had this before hand, so it's not a great gain.

 

In my area, wearing the "I had an abortion" shirt will earn you scorn, some of it very vocal. Some it very hateful. Some of it far more harmful than the abortion ever was before; you could very well end up being mentally "raped' after wearing such a shirt.

 

Wearing either shirt, while you may get 100 positive responses, at the end of the day, the one you remember is that one super negative response...and you would be shocked at how mean human beings can be to each other, if you live in an idealistic bubble most of your day.

 

In public, it is best to "conceal your hand" and in effect, appear Inconspicious.

[Lonewing]

i don't think that is how they are meaning it...i think the point is that a lot of woman who are abused feel ashamed, like they have to hide, that they are no longer desirable...there is so much shame and guilt that goes with being raped that I think they want to give those women their life back and let them feel like they don't have to hide what has happened to them...i get the reasoning i just don't find it effective.

 

In all cases with such shirts, I think the intentions are very high, but the delivery is counterproductive.

 

These points you bring forward are far better starting points towards developing a {successful?} healing process than these T-shirts.

[agent1607307371]

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