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My Boyfriends Female Best Friend

whitewaters

By whitewaters
in Relationship Advice

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sourpeach Rookie

sourpeach

Posted
Posted
Can a guy be best friends with a girl and have absolutely no feelings for her?

 

i think no. and i also think it might not even be about something as deep as "feelings".

 

i had a male best friend for 8 years, he dated all of my female friends. every time he was single he would "joke" that we should have sex. then 8 years later, he was single, and basically snapped and threw a fit, screaming at me that if i don't have sex with him he wasted 8 years of his life, and how there was a long withstanding bet between him and another friend about who would have sex with me first. neither of them did, and i no longer speak to this guy. or that other friend. with that said, i have in my life had 1 male friend (yes just one) who did not want to have sex with or date me, nor i with him. every other close male friend i can recall was either someone I wanted to date, or someone who wanted to date/have sex with me.

 

i personally think it is a very, very rare occasion when 2 heterosexual people of the opposite sex can be truly just friends. 9 out of 10 times, at least one of them has an ulterior motive.

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pinkelephant Community Regular

pinkelephant

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Usually, i think the term is friendzoned? apparently that's how it works for most people. If they've been friends for so long, they don't think of them as anything but a friend and find it hard to picture them romantically. On a flip side, if they've been crushing on them since the friendship started, it's hard to get rid of those feelings while staying friends.

 

Personally though, I had a guy bestfriend who I was in love with, just didn't realize and had a "my bestfriend's weeding" moment when his then gf was brought into the picture. We ended up dating, but it didn't work out.

 

If your boyfriend is trust worthy - and he is otherwise, why stay with him right? Then trust him.

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Jizzle Apprentice

Jizzle

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Of Course!

 

One of my best friends is a male, and there are no 'strong feelings' for eachother. And there never was.

The relationship i have with him is one thats like, i can sleep in the same bed as him, but have this big massive space inbetween us.. and nothing will happen, there is nothing sexual going on.

 

I also have a boyfriend, and they both get along great.

 

I definetly think that as long as there is trust in your relationship, then you have nothing to worry about.

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itsallgrand Grand Master

itsallgrand

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Well, as my friend they better have feelings for me! lol.

 

But some friendships are just that - friendships. I have a few good male friends where there are no sexual feelings whatsoever between us.

 

There is tremendous respect though for the fact of them being in relationships - strict boundaries.

 

For your situation, none of us here know what the case may be. Only saying it's possible to be friends and not have secret feelings.

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addictedblue Enthusiast

addictedblue

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My best friend is a guy. He's cute and everything, but I've known him my entire life, and is like my brother. We hang out all the time and he sleeps over my house, on the top bed of my bunkbed, but I have never kissed him or wanted to and vice versa. We're both straight, he's just like my brother. Nobody really understands this, they're like no, you guys are definitely having sex, or whatever, but we definitely definitely are not. Yes, a guy and a girl can be good friends and never want to sleep with each other. It just depends though.

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A Fish Called Wanda Newbie

A Fish Called Wanda

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I have to say I agree completely with sourpeach on this one...

 

And notice how most of the people saying "yes, men and women can be just friends" are WOMEN???

 

Most of the time, one person has an ulterior motive. Most of the time, that person is the guy. This doesn't mean a man and woman who are best friends will eventually sleep together. It just means that the man wants to sleep with the woman, and probably has since the friendship began.

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anggrace Proficient

anggrace

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I think it's possible, but I think most of the time someone would like more and is just settling with a friendship. I don't think there's anything wrong with that though. As long as they are respectful enough to not go there and that is not the basis of the friendship, why not be friends?

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chasey Rookie

chasey

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Yes - as long as the feeling of friendship only is mutual and both have respect for their significant others and their feelings.

 

Alot of people relate better to members of the opposite sex and can become great friends.

 

The problems start when one party is interested in more and the fine lines get crossed. Sometimes this can happen so fast and without even realizing it.

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jaded22 Apprentice

jaded22

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i think its terrible that in some relationships a partner dictates who their partner can be friends with. especially when it comes to people of the opposite sex. Luckily Ive never had a bf who has told me he isnt happy with me having male friends, and I never intend to. I think thats ridiculous and ignorant to think that all men and women think about when they are together is banging one another. I do see the point that men think women are attractive and may want to 'be with them' but not all men are going to act on that, most are respectful and lose that notion once they get the point that the relationship isnt going past a friendship. My bf has girl friends and I have guy friends and we trust one another and are secure in our relationship. I think that what it comes down to IS trust. If youre telling your SO who or who not to hang out with based on their sex, that just raises a red flag of insecurity.

 

ALLLL that being said, lol, I can see this being a problem ONLY IF the SO is choosing to spend more time with the best frined then their partner. OR spending time with them that is inappropriate. AGain though, i think its all about boundaries and priorities in your relationships.

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  • 4 years later...
mfan Rising Star

mfan

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//Can a guy be best friends with a girl and have absolutely no feelings for her? //

 

Of course. Most of my best friends are women and I don't have any romantic or sexual feelings about them. I love my friends and care about them deeply. I happen to relate better to women than men, maybe it's just the way they interact with their friends that's more compatible to me.

 

Any mature man should be able to separate or prevent "feelings" about a woman who is just a friend.

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Jinxi Rookie

Jinxi

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I think it's possible, but I think most of the time someone would like more and is just settling with a friendship. I don't think there's anything wrong with that though. As long as they are respectful enough to not go there and that is not the basis of the friendship, why not be friends?

 

I second that^

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S.Ken Enthusiast

S.Ken

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I probably have more female friends than male friends at this point.

I had a gf who had a lot of guy friends and I couldn't care less, however she had a problem with me being so chummy with so many women. Hypocrisy much?

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S.Ken Enthusiast

S.Ken

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I would say putting plans with your guy/gal friend above your significant other would be a big step towards being inappropriate. Even if I made plans with one of my female friends first, if something important came up with my gf then it would automatically override any previous plans.

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