Whats the whole deal about not being TOO available with gals

[docz83]

My friend has been telling me all the time, that I am TOO nice with girls. That if I am ever interested in a girl, and ask her out on the first date or so, I should not seem available for the next couple of weeks or so. I should maybe even be a bit rude or just sometimes ignore her. Cause girls like it when they have to work to get you. So if something ever happens between the girl and I, like an argument, that I should not apologize immediately, I should wait till the next day or so, cause then she would be really waiting for it and would appreciate it more. I don't know, he is confusing me, I am not used to being that way, I have had two gf already by just being nice, though I have to admit it was hard getting them.. Right now I seemed to be getting along with this one girl quite well, today I sent her an SMS on her Mphone to ask if she wanted to hang out on the weekend and somehow it got into an argument and both her and I got really pissed off, well as I am, I immediately sent back an SMS saying what an IDIOT I was and apologized, wishing for her forgiveness.. Maybe I am annoying her too much, just give it some time... I dont know...... i would REALLY appreciate some help here........... Thank you.. I am feeling all a bunch of different emotions , but most of all at myself... for being an idiot...

[mermayd]

I think your friend is right to a degree. Everyone enjoys a chase whether they admit it or not. Playing a little hard to get is fun for you and the other person. You dont wanna seem too dependent or clingy or available. Have you noticed the hearthrobs of the movies are usually the guys that are independent bad boys that are busy all the time?? Im not saying you should change or be that person, but make yourself a little unavailable and make the girl question things and appreciate you and then watch what happens...

[cindydm]

I am a woman. I would say be yourself but do not seem too deperate and do not seem uninterested. You have a life of your own so enjoy the that time yet enjoy the time with the person you are dating as well. I would say dating once a week is sufficient but skip a week or two sometimes so that you do not feel like you see too much of her. You do not have to be a jerk by being rude but do not be too nice that she feels overwhelmed by your kindness. But you can do some interesting things to spark her attention. I am in no way suggesting the things listed below....they could get you slapped!!!!! Or no other date....from the woman.

 

When I first met my boyfriend he was polite and nice then we went to dinner and he took his thumb and pushed his food on his fork and smiled. My eyes were like what in the world did he do?? And I smiled. For some reason I liked this but only because enen though my boyfriend has the status that men desire, with the brains, and he showed me with that behavior that he is very unique and unlike some guys who have the body, house, car, and cash. He was not too much into himself....and to me that is exciting.

 

Another date we had was at my house. We watched a movie and he got naughty and poured water down my shirt so I would have to change clothes. If I did not really like him at this point he would have been slapped or put out. At this point he knew me well enough that I was not going to slap him for trying to be naughty.

 

We had other dates but when my birthday came around he treated me again and at this point I knew he had class....apart from the little interesting things he did.

 

So.....just be yourself.......but not wimpy. Be available sometimes.......but do not neglect your family, friends or things you like to do.

 

And oh.....my boyfriend does do the not be too available thing to me sometimes......but then again......I do it to him too!!!! And when we hang out with eachother we enjoy each other. Also, when we make love........it is really AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get to have the time to enjoy my life with my family and friends and I get my time with him. That is not all.....I would really like to marry him oneday. Then we could be together more.

 

So.......the time apart can make the heart grow fonder as long as something is being built.

[chakka]

Doc,

 

I agree with mermayd and cindy, but I don't quite agree with your friends suggestions of being less nice.

It is all about striking a delicate balance, but it's not as hard as it seems.

 

First of all, just be yourself.

Do NOT be mean or "bad boy" if it isn't really you.

 

You wanna know why? Because some girls, like me, want a NICE guy.

If you are a nice guy, these are the girls you want to attract. Nothing wrong with that, no reason to be "bad".

 

Please understand, there is a difference between being too nice and being too available.

I propose that you CAN be less available, and less "whimpy" in the relationship, WITHOUT being any less nice.

 

There is NOTHING wrong with being nice. The only thing I would consider too nice is if you are so nice to the other person, that you forget what YOU want and how YOU feel.

So if you have an argument and you feel bad about it, but you don't feel the you were wrong, here's an idea:

Instead of saying "I apologize, I was an idiot...", you can say something like: "Look, I care about you, I don't want us to fight."

If it is an important issue, you can try to both calm down and talk about it later, calmly, without fighting.

And if it is a really unimportant issue, such as "who's better - britney or christina", then just agree to disagree and forget the whole thing.

You can stop fighting without having to blindly apologize for everything when you didn't do anything wrong.

 

But definitely keep being nice.

 

As for availability - nobody wants to be called on the phone every second, especially at the start of a relationship. It gets old fast.

So if ever you feel like your girl is losing interest or tired of your calls, don't be mean, just call less.

Or when she calls you, assuming you feel like you're too available, you can be super nice and just say "Oh I'm so glad you called, I love hearing from you, but I'm really busy right now. Can we talk later?"

And if you want to cut down on seeing her for a little while, to make her miss you a little, do it nicely.

DON'T stand her up, or promise to call and then not call. Just say that you love spending time with her, but you're really busy, and it would be great if you could talk or meet up in a few days.

 

You see, you need to have a life, like mermayd and cindy said. And the girl you're dating should see that you have a life, that you are busy and have interests.

 

And finally, I just want to say that if you have had girlfriends before, you can't be doing anything THAT wrong, can you?

So keep being nice if that is your nature. Some women, like myself, and like your past girlfriends, want a nice guy and would never date a "bad boy" type.

It's just important to have a life outside of the relationship like cindy says, and not be too clingy and desparate like mermayd says.

[brandos lovechild]

i've noticed something about this "bad boy" trend, as a method of increasing a girl's interest in you. If you are good looking and play the whole 'bad boy' thing...then women find you incredibly attractive,even more so than a good looking guy who is 'sweet' ! But if you aint good looking and try and put on the whole " i don't care" attitude..girls will tend2 look at you as a pr ick . So if you don't resemble brad pitt, stick to being a nice guy and hope that a certain girl has just had her heart torn out by the good looking 'bad boy'.