A Part Of Me Died This Morning

[Hunny1607307342]

Ok, to those who know the deal of my story. I said I was going NC. I did. He contacted. I did not respond. he contacted again. I did not respond. He contacted a third time. I felt rude, so i sent him a brief closed response.

And then sent me an offline message saying how if id 'bothered to contact the first time' he would have sorted out a car to pick me up and take me to this fancy club one-off exclusive thing whatever etc.etc.

This obviously provoked me, so i came online and talked to him.

I explained i didnt mean to be rude etc. its not that i wasnt bothered i was jsut really busy. And then anyway eventually he seemed to forgive me.

The conversation got VERY cute, VERY jokey, Sooo light-hearted and funny.

I said on a few occasions " I gotta go" and he was like "no dont you go you idiot".

he even used our code for 'i miss you', and it was just the cutest thing. it was making me happy.

 

 

but then suddenly, he said " this is depressing".

the nature of the convo was so jokey that i didnt know what to make of it, so i was just like listen you prob just need a break from talking on msn you should go eat get some lunch or something. anyway, he signed off. then 2 minutes later he came back, and told me that hes about to eat.

So i was like okay... And then -

--says:

you are depressing me

-- says:

just stop contactin

ME says:

thats what you said 3 weeks ago

-- says:

about random * * * *

Me says:

and then you took it back, and you said it wasn't my fault

-- says:

ye but i dno why i took it back

-- says:

its not your fault

-- says:

its not your fault at all

-- says:

i cant handle this random * * * *

-- says:

just dont contact me

-- says:

i wont contact you

-- says:

i want everythin to be forgotten

Me says:

you cant just forget people

 

 

 

Anyway, and then the conversation continued, i said it hurts me when he does this, and he said "why are we talking?" and then i was like "because we get along" and he said "no we don't. I am just annoyed and i can't even let it out even though i wish i could". He didnt explain what he meant by this but he kept saying its not my fault over and over again.

 

He was starting to get annoyed that i kept bringing it up so i just abruptly said "ok look have a nice lunch i hope your problems get resolved lots of love x" and then said "lol i dont really know you. you dont know me. we are just strangers. so thats that. i dont know, who cares. take care" and signed off.

 

And then i was removed from facebook.

Please please please please help me, i was over the moon at first, then i was just suddenly torn into pieces. I am so depressed. his comment about us being strangers. i spent every second day with this person before he broke up with me. He used to tell me i was the most special person the world and we were intimate , everything. and now he says he doesn't want to remember me.

that we are strangers.

 

please help me before i just.. i dnt even know what is left of me right now.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Has he always been so care free then suddenly depressingly serious?

[ScenicBoy]

I think he's got some issues. I don't think he really knows what he wants. I think these communications only serve to pull you down.

 

I think remaining in NC for at least another 30 days is your best option. If (and only IF) he contacts you again (repeatedly), I think it's ok to send an e-mail telling him you both need time, distance, and space. Things are not healthy now.

 

Do not converse with him over the phone or IM. You two need time apart.

 

Hang in there

[CatsMeeoow]

Ok - he's REALLY confused.

 

He contacts you and then tells you not to contact him????

 

Girl - give him the gift of really missing you. Go back to NC and next time don't take his call. You need at least 30 days of NC before responding to him in any format.

 

And take your power back!!!!

 

If he contacts you later tonight (which he most likely will) and apologize for his XXXt tell him very briefly and politely that unless he wants to try to get back together with you then you have nothing further to discuss with him.

 

I know it sounds rough and he may be all pissy the moment he hears it BUT he will go off and think over the next few weeks... he'll wait it out to see if you meant it... and then after a month or two he'll be kissing your XXs trying to make it up to you. BUT - you must take your power back and mean what you say and say what you mean and then go about your life like he has NO place in it.

 

Chin up Girl!

 

Hugs!!!!

[Hunny1607307342]

Not when we were together for 2 years- thats why its so heart breaking to see him all messed up right now.

 

he has generally been a bit unstable about his relationship with me ever since we broke up.

but never this extreme.

[Lionel Hutz]

Well,calm down first and foremost. Collect your thoughts. Its simple he is confused and does not know what he wants right now. Let him collect his thoughts, he seems to like you. Heck you guys were in a relationship. Take some time to sort things out alone. You both need space and time to think.Why did you guys split? How old are you and how long have you two been an item?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This guy is REALLY messing you about. I would suggest next time don't let him guilt trip you into responding. He seems to initiate contact with you and then pulls the rug out right from under you. Don't answer him anymore.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Go back to NC and keep it. It doesn't matter if it's rude - you're not ready to be in contact with him and he's not ready to be in contact with you. It's important to establish some distance right now, because no matter how good the conversation was, that bit at the end is what you have to be listening to.

[Hunny1607307342]

thanks guys you're really great to chat to about this.

 

we were an item for 2 years

i am 18 he is 20

 

we broke up 5 months ago.

he broke up with me due to a lot of arguing (which was my fault, i was really immature at times back then because i took him for granted).

in the end he'd had enough , another fight broke us up.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Believe it or not, I see some very positive signs in this. Even in the taking you out of facebook. Now, this is just my opinion, and he's talking because he wants to talk. He is probably not being honest with himself about wanting your company. Do you really think that you guys are strangers? Do you think he believes that? Now, it may be that you are discovering new things about each other, and I would guess that you are far from strangers.

 

He may have felt hurt and wanted to lash out, and that could be why he removed you from facebook. I think it was probably just an immature act, designed to provoke the rection in you it seemed to provoke. It also sounds to me like NC may be working here. He just may have a lot of pride and ego involved. I think you should keep the faith.

 

Edit...I just posted in the thread I started about a conversation I just had with my ex-wife. She blocked me on her MySpace so that it wouldn't upset me. She threatens that if I cut off contact that she'll forget all about me. I told her I was fine with blocking the MySpace (and I am) and I think her threat is a bluff to make me say "You're right, I do need you more than you need me." Your guy might be doing the same thing.

[Hunny1607307342]

the bit about us being strangers, and not getting along, him not wanting to remember me.

it breaks my heart more than anything

[mankow]

Don't pressurize him.

My relationship went off whenever she presurized me, I don't know if it was for her insecurities, but I somehow responded in bad way, and gave her conflict thoughts, in fact I was only giving her confirmation for her being sceptical.

I react bad under pressure, trying to change that now, but we broke up before that I came to that conclusion.

Now I am really fighting with my problems not letting them on backburner.

Hope this can change anything, but for me. At least this helped me to move on.

[Litgirl01]

Wow...he sounds very unstable! Stay away from him or he will just keep hurting you. I would make it so he couldn't contact me. Trust me...I know it hurts! He isn't the person you fell in love with anymore! xx

[Hunny1607307342]

i love this guy so much though, i just can't bear this.

is there anything i can do to have him let me in? i just want him to trust me and talk to me, not push me away like this. its madness, we were in love , we loved. each other. its just crazy that hes got this weird complex about me.

the thought of our contact depressing him is so odd. something which used to make his day

now does the opposite.

its just

i dont understand, it doesnt make sense.

he said he wont be contacting me. so i dont think he'll apologise for this.

[Lionel Hutz]

You two need some breathing room. Leave him off of facebook, matter of fact, check facebook every five days or not at all. Get out and try to keep your mind off of things. It will help you calm down. If you are not available he will have time to think and so will you. This way if you guys do talk later down the line it wont be so defensive. Take the balme for your actions and think of how you could have improved, if it makes you feel better apologize and thank him for the good time and go NC unless both of you seriously want to try and rebuild. It sounds like you guys are an item, but you guys need some time and some space.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

i love this guy so much though, i just can't bear this.

is there anything i can do to have him let me in? i just want him to trust me and talk to me, not push me away like this. its madness, we were in love , we loved. each other. its just crazy that hes got this weird complex about me.

the thought of our contact depressing him is so odd. something which used to make his day

now does the opposite.

its just

i dont understand, it doesnt make sense.

he said he wont be contacting me. so i dont think he'll apologise for this.

 

 

Hunny, I'm kinda going through the same thing with my ex - we have both initiated NC for over 30 days.

 

He knows he was hurting me, (I told him I couldn't be myself around him anymore), and he said he couldn't do that to me so we split up. Both devestated - I had a pretty lousy day today, nearly text him..... Stopped myself. He needs to get himself sorted. He has priorities to face and he is no good to either of us when he is this depressed.

 

The best gift you can give to yourself and you ex is NC for 30 day minimum.

 

If my ex got in touch tomorrow I would not respond because in my heart I know he is unstable right now and I don't want that version of him. That version hurts himself and me. It'd be like taking 50 steps back, and I can't go through all that again.

 

Look after your heart and his by going NC. We all say cruel things when we are trying to protect ourselves.

[Litgirl01]

My ex is nuts at the moment too...his ex girlfriend died and he became VERY depressed! He completely changed! I wanted to be there for him and I tried but he pushed me away! He needs to sort himself out and he couldn't do that and be in a relationship. I realize that...so even if he contacted me, I wouldn't respond because I know he is not ready for a realtionship and he would just hurt me again. It sucks!!!!!!!!! Save yourself! xx

 

[Hunny1607307342]

would it be stupid to try to contact him once before i go NC? im just so hurt and need to make sense of all of this.

i feel like im living inside a nightmare.

 

i hate this situation because by contacting him to ask him explain what he meant and seek apologies, i look 'selfish' but by not contacting him i have no closure and everything is just a mess in my head, his words driving me insane.

[Mavis VDSande]

I'm sorry to here that the convo went a bit pear shaped. But I think that you should stick to some ground rules, like don't repond to him if he texts you or msn's you. In fact, just block him from msn. This cuts out meaningless "blabber" - like the convo you just had.

 

I truly believe that if someone has something important to tell you about how they feel about you, they'll spit it out - whether in a long email confession, or face to face. They won't randomly text here and there or msn you when they're unsure. Or, if you do open the lines of communication, it won't feel hot & cold, it'll come naturally, until you both start really talking.

 

I know a lot of people believe that it's a bit far fetched to say "let the ex do all the work" - but for me, it's not about that. It's about reducing the things that will hurt you most right now in your life, and understanding that if it's suppose to happen, it will, but not thinking ahead to the what ifs and all, just letting a natural line of communication happen.

 

I think you should leave him to cool off, and if he feels the need to come back to you and explain why he had a change of heart, he will. But stop chatting via msn, it's too confusing to get to the point.

[CatsMeeoow]

would it be stupid to try to contact him once before i go NC? im just so hurt and need to make sense of all of this.

i feel like im living inside a nightmare.

 

i hate this situation because by contacting him to ask him explain what he meant and seek apologies, i look 'selfish' but by not contacting him i have no closure and everything is just a mess in my head, his words driving me insane.

 

This is just volitile at the moment... let it go... walk away... don't contact now.

 

Give yourself (and him) some time and distance.

 

Hugs

[Litgirl01]

I think if you contact him he will just hurt you more!

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Hunny, I know you are trying to justify not doing NC this one little time, but the cycle has been broken by him.

 

If you don't respect his wishes, then he will push you further away. Just think good thoughts to him. I do that when I think of something I want to say to my ex. On his birthday on Monday I know I'll wish him a happy birthday in my head and send out a good thought. You can't do any more for either of you than that ok? x

[Lionel Hutz]

would it be stupid to try to contact him once before i go NC?

 

Thats not stupid at all, Its communicating and being clear about what you want and leaving it at that. If you feel nothing else can be said then its almost not worth wasting you energy. You cant force anyone to do anything, especially apologize. However you can if you feel obligated too. After that its up to him to grow up and realise that your'e not playing games.If not, move on.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

"Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”

[LilBear]

Well. He asks you not to contact him anymore. And he said he won't contact you anymore.

So why do you want to let him know you're going NC anyway since he's made it quite clear he doesn't want any contact already?