A Part Of Me Died This Morning

[Phedre]

I'll apologize in advance because I am going to sound harsh and maybe too bold.This guy has some serious isssues but he is also TOXIC and DANGEROUS. He'll do whatever he wants, says whatever he wants to say and distroy you and your confidence in men bit by bit until nothing is left.

 

The reason why I am able to state this is because I have been in a very destructive relationship of the sort may years ago. I was really hard to get out of it but I can say I am so better off!

 

So to conclude: when you say it's not his fault I don't agree. He is responsible for what he says. And if he cannot behave properly, it's none of your business. Unless you want to be some kind of care-taker for him. That's the main trick you'll need to away from: feeling like with patience and love you can change him. Only himself ca change him and only if he wants to.

 

My 2 cents.

 

I hope you'll be ok whatever you'll do.

 

J

[Hunny1607307342]

guys i did it, i asked him to talk through things. everyone told me its the wrong thing to do but- im sooooooo glad i did it .

seriously only because things could not get any worse

i could not have been feeling any worse

anything i would have heard would either have made me feel the same way i did , or at least better. I just wanted him to explain things to me, his depressive mode, the way he suddenly flips the coin into backing away.

He was understanding about the fact that things made noo sense to me so he agreed for us to go for a walk in the park and tell me why he behaves the way he does.

its really helped clear my head. im gonna make a new thread about it though so you guys can tell me what u think of certain things he said xxx

[EyesOnThePrize]

Hunny, every day I wake up understanding him more and more.... That wouldn't be possible if I wasn't NC. I live in hope that he wakes up doing the same.

 

The best way to show him you care is to leave him alone. He is not in the right frame of mind to talk. His words will be cruel and rehersed. You will not see the person you love respond, it will be a very broken and insecure immitation. I have been there.

 

Stella,

 

That really hit me. I am really working on understanding my ex-wife better, and I find it very difficult (or perhaps make it very difficult) with her in such close proximity to me. I love her and am so sad that I won't see her every day or almost every day, and I think I need this distance to be able to think about her clearly, and I think I need the NC to not have all the little problems keep popping up and having my mind blow them up into big problems. I'd rather have NC for a month or 3 months or whatever if that could help give us 30 years of happiness, then have more months of misery.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

^^^^

 

Sometimes we just need leave to be alone with our own thoughts for a while - as long as we are still thinking about he people we love, love will never leave.