Hunny1607307342 Posted March 27, 2008 Author Share Posted March 27, 2008 its not that i just want to talk to him because im so hurt. what he said about us being strangers it makes me want to throw up i need to hear him say he didnt mean it.i need him to just for once upon up about his real feelings Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 i need to hear him say he didnt mean it.i need him to just for once upon up about his real feelings That type of thinking is not going to help you progress. Dont be needy.Maybe you should just leave him be right now. You are not ready to speak to im without letting your emotions could your thinking. Chill out and regroup. BUT LEAVE HIM ALONE OR HE WILL NOT COME BACK!! Its true you may push him away unless you can keep your cool. Relax and take time for yourself. Link to comment
tatanya4me Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 i need to hear him say he didnt mean it.i need him to just for once upon up about his real feelings That type of thinking is not going to help you progress. Dont be needy.Maybe you should just leave him be right now. You are not ready to speak to im without letting your emotions could your thinking. Chill out and regroup. BUT LEAVE HIM ALONE OR HE WILL NOT COME BACK!! Its true you may push him away unless you can keep your cool. Relax and take time for yourself. If you've been the pushy one and have pushed the ex away, is there any way to reverse that so that both are eventually on friendly terms. Or is it a done deal when you have pushed them away because of your needy issues? Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 Needy behavior is bad. Nobody wants to take care of a brat. Nothing is garunteed once the damage has been done. One can only work on themself and hope in due time their ex will return. Nothing can be certain but you can heighten your chances. Ya smell me? Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 Hunny...instead of turning to him turn to people here, your friends and family! They will help you get to where you need to be. Don't contact him! Love yourself enough not to!! I know it's hard...I'm doing it right now!!!! So are many other people on here...so we know your pain! ((((hugs))) Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted March 27, 2008 Author Share Posted March 27, 2008 i know i know i knowwwww this but its just going to driving me mad if he doesn't open up to me. seriously insane. i need to understand his mentality i need to figure out why what where does this come from. what is it that he wouldn't open up to me about. how about in a few days i say- 'before i dissappear may i please talk to you in person for a bit?' Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 i know i know i knowwwww this but its just going to driving me mad if he doesn't open up to me. seriously insane. i need to understand his mentality i need to figure out why what where does this come from. what is it that he wouldn't open up to me about. how about in a few days i say- 'before i dissappear may i please talk to you in person for a bit?' Hunny - LISTEN to the advice. Everyone is telling you to let it go for now... just walk away before permanent damage is done. You'll only be right back on here after you post regretting your contact. Really listen to what people are saying... no one says he won't contact in the future... no one says it's over for good... they are just saying to let it go for now... If you don't you'll muck it up for sure. Trust me - I know this. Hugs Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 If there is love it will happen. Dont force it. Chill, take a deep breath, and get busy. Excercise, Go shopping, Go out with friends, go to the beach, go to the lake, go to the river, go for a bike ride, go to an arcade, go take up karate, learn to sew, play video games, go on ENA all day and talk about things, and whatever you do don't contact him if he says so. *I was a bit unclear about this earlier*. Just get back to who you used to be, not some sad heart broken lady. Thats what he does not want to deal with. Be strong and confident, that way you help yourself feel a lot better. Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 i know i know i knowwwww this but its just going to driving me mad if he doesn't open up to me. seriously insane. i need to understand his mentality i need to figure out why what where does this come from. what is it that he wouldn't open up to me about. how about in a few days i say- 'before i dissappear may i please talk to you in person for a bit?' The only way I figured out where my ex was coming fromwas through NC. Don't think of it as seperating you from him, think of it as seperating you from the problem. Only when e do this can we see the wood for the trees. I am now understanding where my ex is in his life after a month of NC - it sound like forever but the time has flown by! If I ever broke NC, (which isn't likely in the near future), I know how I would approach because I'm stronger and I have figured out what the problems in the relationship were. I feel I have a greater understanding of his feelings being away from him than with him. Learn this lesson through NC - it works I promise, and I never break a promise! x Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 I think miss hunny might learn the lesson the hard way! Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 I truly hope not, but sometimes we must learn by being burnt. I want to support her though. Rather then talk to him Hunny talk to us, read about stories similar to yours and try to learn. Thats what this site is for, to learn and to vent. I dont mind a PM and im sure no one else does. We all need someone to vent to and give us a good chat. I know ive been helped ten fold by some of the advice on here. Take what advice you can Hunny and use it the way you see fit. Plus you'll make a few new buddies to keep our mind off of the ex. Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 ok if i dont contact him... i'll just be constantly wanting to know why he resents me but at the same time wants to talk to me but is depressed by my presense, i want to know WHAT this thing is that he can't get out of his system, that he was referring to when he said "i'm annoyed but i cant let it out". And most of all why why why he said we dont know each other and that we are just strangers. i mean i would love to listen to the advice and vent to you guys instead, but how is that going to get me the answers to these questions?? Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 its making me go insane and the way he has cut me out like this makes me think no matter how much Nc i will do, its not going to make him apologise or take anything back, because he wants to forget about me, his words were " I dont want to remember you ". this hurt me more than anything. i know nc is for me , but ive done nc for months already , and its like im back to square one again because of the things hes said. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 man, this guy messes with your feelings!!!!! he contacts you and then tells him to stop calling him? sheesh, let this man go for good, never contact him again! a friend, someone who loves you and cares about you, doesn't make you feel worse. they don't play these games. from years of experience, if a guy makes you feel crappy more of the time than he makes you feel good and happy, then he's not the guy for you, and he's not worth your precious heart or time. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 After a while you will realise you cannot get a definitive answer. Thats why some call them issues within the other party. He does not even know why he feels that way its too soon to know. He may need counseling. If you love him, give him space and try try try to not worry about it. Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 What if he doesn't answer you hunny? You'll only end up torturing yourself with more questions. Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 i understand what youre saying he really doesnt do this on purpose, he clearly has issues and i dont think he knows how to handle most situations. its not something he does to hurt me , i jst dont think he realises how much it does hurt me and it really aggrivates me this is not the same person i met 2 years ago, and i know deep down that person is there somewhere Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 i jst dont think he realises how much it does hurt me and it really aggrivates me How selfish. Its called a lack of respect. You can do better on your own. I can bet you would have a lot less stressful hurtful days alone or with some of your buds. Take time to regain YOU! Be strong. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 i understand what youre saying he really doesnt do this on purpose, he clearly has issues and i dont think he knows how to handle most situations. its not something he does to hurt me , i jst dont think he realises how much it does hurt me and it really aggrivates me this is not the same person i met 2 years ago, and i know deep down that person is there somewhere it's not your job to worry about him, only yourself. he is acting like a selfish spoiled jerk. actually, the way you teach him this is not ok behavior is to stop talking to him altogether. Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 man, this guy messes with your feelings!!!!! he contacts you and then tells him to stop calling him? sheesh, let this man go for good, never contact him again! a friend, someone who loves you and cares about you, doesn't make you feel worse. they don't play these games. from years of experience, if a guy makes you feel crappy more of the time than he makes you feel good and happy, then he's not the guy for you, and he's not worth your precious heart or time. I go through this with my ex and I think it is quite manipulative, although I know it makes sense to her. Today she tells me that me wanting NC is pushing her away, when in reality I think its giving her the space she has said she needs (I am a Clinger, she is an Avoider). She tells me that if I go NC, she will just cut me out of her life. Now, at the same time, she is the one initiating most of the contact between us. These days, I do e-mail her sometimes, however I don't call her or text her except in response to a call or e-mail from her. And she keeps contacting me. So, it seems to me that she wants the contact, and I think that subconsciously she's afraid that if I don't need her anymore, that she will not be able to manipulate me anymore, and that she will have to be self-reliant. It sounds to me like this guy is somewhat similar. I think he calls you because he really cares about you and wants the contact with you, however I think he also wants to control the situation and your feelings, so he throws things like "this is depressing to me" at you so you'll feel guilty (like you seem to be feeling now) and stick around to let him keep doing this to him. I think its very immature behavior and could even be termed bullying. And in my experience, the only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them. I think that calling his bluff (as I am calling my ex-wife's) may be in your best interest. If he really doesn't want contact with you, then you'll know. And I suspect that you'll be hearing from him again sooner than you think. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Hunny -- Please follow everyone's advice and don't contact him. He's already put you through this before! He told you just recently not to contact him, then he changed his mind, then you had that whole IM conversation wherein he was claiming he was dating someone, then he wasn't, then he was...it's all just the games and childish antics of a very, very confused individual. The best thing you can do for yourself is to LET him be confused, on his own-- don't get sucked into his confusion! Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 i understand what youre saying he really doesnt do this on purpose, he clearly has issues and i dont think he knows how to handle most situations. its not something he does to hurt me , i jst dont think he realises how much it does hurt me and it really aggrivates me this is not the same person i met 2 years ago, and i know deep down that person is there somewhere Again, he sounds similar to my ex in that regard. And you may be entirely correct. However, I believe that he, like all of us, is doing his best at any given moment, and that everything he is doing makes perfect sense to him. I believe that the only way to understand why he is doing it is to get out of your head and get into his head. If you can accept that what he's doing makes sense to him, even if it doesn't make sense to you, I think it could be easier for you to handle. If you do get to talk to him, perhaps you could ask him "Hey, what you did the other day didn't make sense to me, even though I know it made sense to you. Can you tell me what you were thinking when you said that?" I think that my ex is an amazing woman underneath all her issues. And I've realized that I can't fix those issues for her. Only she can choose to do that. Similarly, you cant fix the issues you believe that he "clearly" has. Only he can choose to do that. And if he doesn't choose to work on these issues, do you really want to be with him? Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 My ex trivialized our whole relationship (we were going to get married) by saying..."sorry about the love stuff, if my feelings were genuine for you, I never would have treated you this way." OUCH! I let it go...didn't contact him. Yes...it hurt but I feel better about myself having let it go. I'll tell ya...men really do my head in!!! xx Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 Hi guys. I woke up in such rage thinking- why are you doing this to me you freak why are you so messed up what the hell has happened to you why did you take it out all on me why do you choose to be so aggrivated by me what is the matter with youuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Ok, after that outburst of inner thought, i just tried to calm and be rational. I figured this is really not his fault. he has problems and he did not mean those harsh things he said. I need to put this aside, stop thinking about myself and how i hurt i am by what he said, but focus on stopping the madness from his end. ive thought about what you said but ive figured that i should at least try to put myself out there to help him so.. i think i'll send him a text like this - " do you want to come and talk? you sounded like you have a lot you need to get off your chest. you'll probably say no to this but i cant think of a good reason why not. i dont want to be annoying, i just want to help.. its only me. im not saying i know how you feel but we are all in a weird place sometimes". Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Hunny, every day I wake up understanding him more and more.... That wouldn't be possible if I wasn't NC. I live in hope that he wakes up doing the same. The best way to show him you care is to leave him alone. He is not in the right frame of mind to talk. His words will be cruel and rehersed. You will not see the person you love respond, it will be a very broken and insecure immitation. I have been there. Link to comment
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