Don't feel pretty enough around other female friends..

[JadedStar]

My absolute ideal woman is one dressed in tight blue jeans and a fitted white T-shirt. That's it. So this guy may have some other "look" he prefers. So what? Don't you have a "look" you like on guys?

 

I know a lot of guys who love this look as well...

[PocoDiablo]

I know a lot of guys who love this look as well...

Must be all those Levi's commercials from the 80's!

 

This thread reminded me of an article I read some time ago. The evil things people do when they call each other names, do things behind their backs, etc. This may be a little off topic, but I thought it was worthy of a re-post. It's from "Dear Abby":

 

DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, my mother and the other ladies in our church were extremely polite to each other. However, when one of them wasn't present, the others would talk behind her back. They would compliment a woman to her face, then criticize her as soon as she walked away.

 

Mother always defended this behavior as a "harmless" pastime. I don't know whether or not it hurt the people who were the butt of gossip, but I know it harmed me and the children who were listening.

 

Their behavior taught me not to trust anyone -- especially people who were nice to my face. Instead, I trusted abusive people because I thought they were being honest. I ended up running with a bad crowd and found myself dating abusive men because I couldn't trust polite guys.

 

When someone complimented me, I didn't believe it, so I never developed self-confidence. I was afraid people were laughing at me behind my back. I had trouble making friends with other girls because I was afraid to open up and reveal my feelings for fear that whatever I said would become grist for the gossip mill.

 

After a year of therapy, I have finally found the self-confidence I lacked. My sisters haven't been so lucky. Neither has friends. Both are married to abusive men.

 

Abby, please inform your readers that there is nothing "harmless" about gossip, especially to children who may overhear it. -- GAINING TRUST IN GEORGIA

 

DEAR GAINING TRUST: Your experience and that of your sisters has stated that fact more strongly than I could have. It brings to mind a piece that has appeared in my column before. Read on:

 

NOBODY'S FRIEND

 

(Author unknown)

 

My name is Gossip. I have no respect for justice.

 

I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives.

 

I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age.

 

The more I am quoted the more I am believed.

 

My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name or face.

 

To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become.

 

I am nobody's friend.

 

Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same.

 

I topple governments and wreck marriages.

 

I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion.

 

I make innocent people cry in their pillows.

 

Even my name hisses. I am called Gossip. I make headlines and headaches.

 

 

• • •

Readers, before you repeat a story, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it harmless? Is it necessary?

 

If it isn't, don't repeat it.

 

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No, I disagree. Plenty of women have an air of confidence, dress well, are not shy and can hold a conversation. I don't have an issue with wearing makeup and dressing well...I am not sure how much you have actually been out there in the dating world...but I can tell you from my lengthy experience that it is indeed the ones who flirt and whose "conversational skills" tend to be about fluff and nothing are the ones who have the flocks of men after them. It is the combination of dressing sexually or sensually (as opposed to classy or down-to-earth), the batting eyelashes and twirling hair, and the fluff and nothing talk that seems to attract the men.

[Batya33]

I was in the dating world on and off for 23 years until about 2.5 years ago. Those women you describe certainly got a lot of attention. I wasn't like that, went to countless events, singles dances, etc and I did very well for myself because typically the types of men who would flock to the women you describe would not have been a good match for me - I was more down to earth, enjoyed in depth one on one convos of substance and quickly got bored of the flirty fluffy banter. A little of that was fun to break the ice - i did my share, that's for sure - but on those nights where I just was flirty and fluffy I was not there to meet men to date (maybe to dance), and it wasn't "me."

 

Of course it's also that I didn't go for the gorgeous "hunks" so when I said I did well I mean that I met men who were nice to talk to, attractive to me, attracted to me.

[JadedStar]

No, I disagree. Plenty of women have an air of confidence, dress well, are not shy and can hold a conversation. I don't have an issue with wearing makeup and dressing well...I am not sure how much you have actually been out there in the dating world...but I can tell you from my lengthy experience that it is indeed the ones who flirt and whose "conversational skills" tend to be about fluff and nothing are the ones who have the flocks of men after them. It is the combination of dressing sexually or sensually (as opposed to classy or down-to-earth), the batting eyelashes and twirling hair, and the fluff and nothing talk that seems to attract the men.

 

 

I am not dating obviously, as i am married, but i am out and about where singles are quite often. I go to many types of places....

 

Personally if someone is out there going to places for the purpose of getting a date there is nothing at all wrong with them dressing nice or batting their eyelashes and doing a little flirting. I don't find this to be anything near a floozy it is a woman who enjoys banter and is trying to find someone to go out with. Makes good sense to me.....i guess to a person who is not flirty by nature it might seem odd, but there is nothing at all wrong with that if tihs is who that person's personality really is....

 

If a woman is out on the town and on her mind is hoping to be approached by a guy and she goes out in birkenstocks and a smock then she shouldn't be aggravated if the girl down the aisle in a nice dress and pumps who is going out of her way to be friendly gets more attention.

 

It would be like going to a job interview in overalls and expecting to be more professional looking than the guy in the three piece suit.

 

Presentation is VERY important in many things in life....if you are out hoping to get noticed then good presentation has its merit.

 

LIke I said I go out a lot and I am very good with people dynamics and i have met many women who are single and bitter about it yet they make very little effort on their appearance at all and gripe when not many men approach them...nothing wrong with that but they have to know that it is not going to attract as many men....and so what? If they are comfortable being that laidback they probably would not feel comfortable with gobs of male attention anyway. The attention they do get probably is more suitable for them ... different strokes....

 

Sounds to me that you just have smoething against the girly looking girl...its fine to not want to dress or act that way but I surely wouldn't be upset because some people have this personality. I am an even mix of both....somedays I am jeans and a t shirt but sometimes when i go out i like to look my best and I am extremely feminine and i am not a wallflower type, i like to talk to just about anybody....

 

Maybe it is just hard for us to describe these types over the Net because it seems based on the written description alone you are just referring to the feminine girly types with a flirty personality...that is just a type just like the earthy girl who doesn't like to flirt...has to be all kinds of people to make the world interesting. I like them all. Most all anyway...so long as they are nice at the core.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, I am talking about the girly girls. Non girly girls can be just as outgoing and friendly and good conversationalists...and they do dress well when going out...they just don't dress up like they are walking along the red carpet. What I find irritating is that the men flock to these women based on the girly girl look...they have no clue if that woman is intelligent or not, they just base it on appearances...and these same men do not look and dress like Brad Pitt or George Cloony...yet they all want the woman who looks and dresses like Angelina Jolie. They are looking a fluff over substance. In most of these functions I am referring to, the women who don't get approached are not dressed inappropriately or casually, they are just not dressed in the overtly sexual/sensual manner...and they can hold a conversation just as well and enjoy joking around...it is just not punctuated with the flirty clichés.

[JadedStar]

Yes, but some of those girly girls ARE extremely intelligent tho. Some people generalize and assume if she dresses nice she has nothing upstairs. Just like not all women who are not the girly girl type are not smart. There is an equal mix I think...

 

I LOVE fashion....it is just one of those things that is a hobby to me...just like on the weekend when i am home getting my nails grimey working wood is a hobby.....i like going from jeans to an en vogue dress.....but I also like to think I am highly intelligent and "deep" and would hope I am not judged as being an airhead because I like high fashion on occasion. I don't do it all the time but sometimes i love to get extremely dolled up.....

 

I got this from my mom. She was extremely fashionable and girly my whole life and it rubbed off. She is extremely intelligent tho and it is obvious when just talking to her for even a few minutes....no fluff comes out of that woman's mouth.

 

Anything that stands out either because of a lot of vibrant color or whatever usually gets more attention...be it the way a person is dressed, or a flashy painting or a flashy red sportscar. Flashy red sportscars turn more heads than a gray Volvo but the quality of each car is surely not determined by aestethics alone.....but that doesn't mean one isn't more of a head turner than the other. At a car show the red mustang convertible probably will have more admirers than the gray volvo but the volvo MIGHT be more dependable....or not. It all depends on the car and the quality under the hood.

[BronzedSkin123]

I've always felt insecure about my darkskin and appearance. I often get asked if I am from the islands or west africa

 

i know what most black guys think is really pretty and that is East African women, their skin is lighter, features are sharp, hair is straighter, and overall fit the ideal beauty. They always point to them as being the most beautiful black women. yet i look nothing like them. so I don't feel attractive. there used to be this site i used to post on a year ago, my self esteem would always get so low posting at this place. they had a section where all the black guys would post pics of attractive women and none of them were darkskin really. some were but they'd say she looked masculine or it would always be a huge debate if she were attractive. then they'd post pics of light women, latin girls, fair complected e. african girls and they'd all agree they were drop dead gorgeous. during that time i went to see a pyschiatrist because i was so depressed. eventually i stopped posting at that site and my self esteem got better. but it always stays in the back of my head

[PocoDiablo]

In regards to your thread, have you ever thought about posting a picture of yourself? While it's easy to say you feel unattractive, the folks here on the forum will likely give you some honest feedback.

 

For the record, I'm an average looking guy. I am not what would be considered as attractive to women. I'm tall, red hair, pale skin, and thin. So one thing I have learned is that you can use your mind to become more attractive to people. It takes work, it takes practice, but the rewards are very rewarding. Besides, if you only focus on your physical looks, you're forgetting something important - looks fade with age (for the most part.) If you don't develop your personality, you will be at a loss as you get older and cannot hold your own when talking to other people.