Empathy Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I just had a conversation with my bf on AIM. A little background, he recently threw his phone when we got into an argument, so now he doesn't have a cell phone. I texted his roommate a couple of times to make sure my bf had gotten home ok and that's what started this conversation. At the end of the conversation he told me to get one of my AIM friends to look at it and see what they had to say. So I did, and now I'm taking it another step. Tell me what you think. Some more background...Kim was his ex gf that he broke up with, she was still in love with him but he moved in with her while we were together for financial reasons...So, its no big surprise she got pissed because I called her twice. (This sounds like one big trailer trash situation... If you do not intend to read the entire thread, then please don't bother replying. Thank you. ] Him: You need to do me a favor Him: well, a lot of people a favor Him: Can you please stop texting people to find me? You know where I am Me: Are you serious? Me: Ok. Me: I won't. Me: Jake * * * * * ing? Him: I've gotten complaints before, and I thought I told you before Me: What? Me: No., Me: I swear you didn't. Me: What are you talking about? Him: Kim used to complain, and I don't remember if you used to do it when I was still living with Dave or not Me: Are you serious? Kim was a jealous dumb * * * * . Him: I could have sworn you did that to someone else too Me: I'm not trying to come off mean. I'm sorry if you take it this way, but I think you have more of a problem with it than others do. If that's the case, just say so, babe. Him Sweetie... wouldnt you get annoyed if people were always texting you to give say... Austin... a message or such all the time? Him I'm not making this stuff up hun Him: yes, it's embarrassing, but above all else, people complain about it Me: I don't always text Jake. I texted him a bunch that one night because you were upset, I was out, I wanted to keep you updated on what was going on. Me: Ok... Me: I didn't know I embarrassed you. Me: I'm sorry. Me: I won't do it anymore. Him: stop that crap Me: What crap? Him: YOU Him dont embarrass me Me You don't have to say it like that. Me: I'm just saying. Me: Kim complained. Not people. Besides, she's hardly even a person. Me: But I'll stop for you. Him: kim complain, jake just complained, and like i said before, i could have sworn you did that to someone else too when i was living with dave Him: like.. dave or jello or someone Him: i dont remember Me: Jake just complained? Me: What did he say? Him: yea, when he got home Him: it doesnt matter what he said. all that matters is he is getting annoyed with the text message of that nature Him: i would get annoyed too, and so would you or anyone else Me: I knew you would say something like that. Me: Ok. I get the point that I've annoyed a lot of people. Me: I understand. Me: I'll stop. Him: i dont mean to sound liek a * * * * , but your either misunderstanding and taking this too sever, or your being melodramatic (sp?) Him: *severly Me: I'm not doing either. Him: its the constant message that are bugging jake, not the fact its you Him: *messages Me: All I was saying is that you've repeated several times that what I've done was annoying. Me: You've said so enough. Him: ok, your making it seem like i'm attacking you Me: No, I'm not! Him: thats why i kept repeating Me: I want to know what Jake said. Him: he didnt say anything bad and i dont remember his exact words anyways Him: why dont you call him up in a bit and ask him yourself Me: No thanks. Him: ive done all i can conserning the subject Me: What's with you? You have this, "I'm putting my foot down so deal with it" air going on. Him: this is where i start to get irritated and upset because thats not what im doing at all Me: I'm sorry. Because that's how it seems. Him: all i am doing is relaying what is going on Him: and all i can do is relay that he would like you to stop Me: Ok. Him: jesus Me: What? Him: im going to go now, ill be back later Me: I said ok. Me: What? Me: I was just saying ok. Him: if you dont understand why, then when you talk to your AIM buddies, show them this message and see what they think Me: What? Him: and make sure they are horribly honest Him: bye sweetie Me: I'm seriously lost here. Me: I don't know what I did. Me: Steve. Me: I'm sorry. Me 2] I didn't mean anything. Me: I'm sorry. Me: I'm sorry (15 minutes later) Him: look, dont worry about it. its just the way i was preceiveing your messages. sicne this is via IM, tone cant be accounted for Me I'm getting someone's opinion right now. Him 2] ok, Him: dave and them are coming over for a bit, so im going to visit with them as well Him: ill keep AIM up all night though Me Yeah, you do that. Me: Would you like to know what he had to say? Me 2] I copied and pasted the entire conversation, no changes whatsoever. I swear. Him: sure Him: who was it? ian or mike? My friend: you want my honest opinion? Me 2] I have a feeling its not in my favor. Me: But go for it. My friend: quite the contrary Me 2] Ok. My friend: if I had a girl say that sh*t to me, she'd be out the door Me: What he said? My friend: and I am not saying this because I want you...you're like 1,500 miles away...he just sounds like a pr*ck Me: (Talking to my bf now) Neither., Me: I asked my friend Dez Me: You told me to do it, so I did. Him: figures Me: What does that mean? Him: nothing Me: Why ask me to get other's opinions and then mock them when I give them to you?> Me: im going to see dave and them now,. they are here HIm 2] i didnt mock you Me 2] Not me. Me 2] The opinion. Me I love you so much. Him just knew that that would be the response. them being your friend sure helps a lot i bet Me I hate that you're in this mood. After that, he "stormed off" again. I've only texted his roommate about 2 times since the night I went out and wanted to keep the bf updated. Whenever I go out with my sister I have to let him know what's going on because my sister is big into the bar scene. I don't drink anymore but he's still paranoid. So, I was shocked that he would complain about it. I have no other way of getting a hold of my bf when he's not online and I figured he would understand that. I just like to make sure he gets home ok. All I did today (The thing that started this) was send Jake ONE text message asking if Steve made it home ok. And the sh*t hit the fan. I don't feel I have done anything wrong or too excessive. I'm sorry for bringing Jerry Springer to the boards. Also I do want ask the people that intend to respond to please use tact. I only say this because it seems to be lacking here these days. In short, NO MEANIES! lol. Thanks guys! Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 He sounds like a pretty together guy to me. He should be able to make it home every day with no problems. I'd suck it up if I were in your place. Most people find it annoying when you text THEM for that reason, because it's not so much checking ON but checking UP. To text his friends to see where he is could be quite the irritant. I hope you don't find my objective response tactless in any way. Honestly, I was fully prepared to take your side as a fellow ENA member until I read the whole post. Link to comment
DN Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Has he in fact asked you to not text other people about him before? Link to comment
Empathy Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 Has he in fact asked you to not text other people about him before? No, he hasn't. Hence the shock. Link to comment
DN Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 OK. Well, I think what he asked is reasonable for a number of reasons, not least of which is that it makes him look silly and as if he's on a leash. But it does seem that both you need to improve your communication skills, him in particular. Link to comment
havefaith Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I think maybe the way he approached it is what sucks. Why not be mature and use someone's phone to have this conversation with you? Perhaps you were being a bit clingy. But I tried to imagine having that conversation with my boyfriend and I would be VERY upset. He sounds so condescending! "You NEED to do me a favor." It's like everyone vs. you. It's unfair and he sounds like a 6 year old. What scares me the most is how you respond. Count how many times you said you were sorry. You said you understood when you didn't. You're really allowing yourself to be talked to this way. You seem like a sweet understanding girlfriend and he seems like a cold guy who thinks he can toss you around. I bet he would have his brain rattled if you dumped him. Personally, I wouldn't stand for getting scolded like you did, or making it sound like he was talking behind your back. It's almost like he and jake were saying, "OMG she is SOOOOO annoying." You can do better girl. Link to comment
Empathy Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 He sounds like a pretty together guy to me. He should be able to make it home every day with no problems. I'd suck it up if I were in your place. Most people find it annoying when you text THEM for that reason, because it's not so much checking ON but checking UP. To text his friends to see where he is could be quite the irritant. I hope you don't find my objective response tactless in any way. Honestly, I was fully prepared to take your side as a fellow ENA member until I read the whole post. It only seemed fair to me that I could at least know whether he made it home ok whenever he feels the need to keep me tied to the phone whenever I go out because he's paranoid. He's just as guilty as I am concerning the subject as well. If I don't let him know I made him home ok, he calls me several times (when he has a phone) and then calls my house phone. He even pitched a fit one day because I didn't answer his texts fast enough, so he got worried and as a result I ruined his day. That's why I'm so upset over all of this. Link to comment
caro33 Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I think the way you text people is one issue (and one I don't agree with - but you said you'd stop so that's fine) and the tone he took with you on that exchange is another issue. You did not read like you were being defensive or difficult at all. I wonder what on earth you could have said to make it "better". Always a problem with text conversations.... Link to comment
havefaith Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I just want to be clear in what I meant... It would have been one thing had he been like "Baby, can you try not to txt my friends concerning my whereabouts? Some of them have limited texting. When I have a phone things will be easier" He could have said a number of things to be nicer but instead he was nasty. I think it just shows a lack of respect. Link to comment
Empathy Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 And I should also mention that he calls my mother and my sister if he gets worried. I don't like hypocrites.... Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I don't get why he kept going on and on after you already agreed not to do it anymore. You said you wouldn't do it and that you didn't know it was bugging them, several times and he kept going. I think you sounded a little annoyed near the end, but understandably considering you said you would stop AT LEAST 5 times. He sounds like he needs to get over it. You said you'd stop, why can't he take your word? Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Who set the negative tone? Here are the opening lines: Him: You need to do me a favor Him: well, a lot of people a favor Him: Can you please stop texting people to find me? You know where I am Me: Are you serious? In the next few lines OP refers to his friend's protestation as "*****ing," she calls a girl a **** and then goes on to say a little further on that this friend is "hardly a person." And what was so bad about his end of it? I don't get that at all. CB (and possibly DN), you know I'm a staunch feminist at heart -- but I have to wonder what the consensus would be had the genders been reversed thus: Girl: You need to do me a favor Girl: well, a lot of people a favor Girl: Can you please stop texting people to find me? You know where I am Guy: Are you serious? Personally, I'd think that he was out of line. Link to comment
SinfullySweet Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 He sounds like a jerk! My boyfriend has gotten mad (never at me) and broken his phone in the past. He's always used a friend's phone to let me know what was going on and has gotten a new phone the next day. There have been a couple of occasions where I have called his sister or best friend because I was worried about him ... his best friend actually calls me to get ahold of his own girlfriend sometimes and his sister's boyfriend will call me if he knows I'm with her. It isn't a big deal! Even if he thinks it's annoying... you said you'd stop several times. Were you spamming his friends? If not, I don't understand what the big deal is. I understand the problem with the ex - do you get along with his other friends? Link to comment
Empathy Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 That girl I said was "hardly a person" is his ex gf, who he hates. I hate her too. Well, hate is a strong word, but this girl used him for the little bit of money that he had and then kicked him out on the streets as soon as she got pregnant with her one-night stand. He moved in with her so he could save money and instead, she ended up charging him more when he had no where else to go. She IS hardly a person. And she is no friend of his. Also, to say that someone is b*tching is not derogatory to me, him, or his friends. It was not meant to be an insult at all. It was a light-hearted response. Link to comment
melrich Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 On the core issue of texting his friends...I'm on your b/fs side. I wouldn't like it, my friends wouldn't either. On the way this conversation went, he could have left it halfway, so could have you. Link to comment
Empathy Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 Well, like I said, I only texted the one. So, I didn't text friendS. I texted a friend. And I texted him twice in the span of 2 weeks. The ex gf situation...I called her one time b/c my bf was driving my car for the day and then I didn't hear from him when I was supposed to. He didn't answer his phone for a very extended period of time. I started getting paranoid he'd wrecked my car and/or was hurt so I called her to see if she'd heard from him. She hates me, so she doesn't count. lol Link to comment
DN Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 CB (and possibly DN), you know I'm a staunch feminist at heart -- but I have to wonder what the consensus would be had the genders been reversed thus: I think you are probably right but you will note that I said I thought her b/f was right about what he asked. I also said I thougt they both needed to work on their communication skills but he more than her. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 CB (and possibly DN), you know I'm a staunch feminist at heart -- but I have to wonder what the consensus would be had the genders been reversed thus: Had it been the reverse I would have said the girl needed to take his word and get over it. She agreed, he kept going. I don't know how feminism and beating a dead horse have anything to do with each other. Link to comment
Empathy Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 If anything, I'm kind of...being made to feel that its ok for a guy to keep tabs on his gf at all times but if the gf texts his roommate a couple times because she gets worried and wants to make sure her bf is ok, its wrong. I do agree that it would be wrong if I was texting his roommate for just anything and everything. I can understand 100% why my bf feels bothered. But I didn't do it that often and I saved it for when I really felt concerned. Link to comment
Jen5283 Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Before I had a cell, some of my friends would call my other friend that I was with most of the time looking for me. She was seriously annoyed because she was not my keeper! Unless it's an emergency don't do that. Communicate with him whenever he's home OR tell him to call you if you know you will want to get in touch with him when he's out. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Remember about 5 years ago, before everyone in the world didn't have a cell phone? Well they were able to still get in touch with each other just fine. Sorry but I agree with your boyfriend. Unless there is a dire emergency , there is no reason to text his friends. If he is with them and wants to get in touch with you, he can borrow their phone and call you. sorry... Link to comment
Empathy Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 Alright. I do get the point now. If he doesn't want to talk to me to let me know he got home ok I should just suck it up. I suppose I can't help it if he doesn't want to talk to me. I guess I'll just have to ask my shrink for some xanax so I don't worry too much. I've always been a big worrier. Anyway, the main reason I posted this here was to find out if he was out of line. I already understand why he might not want me texting his roommate. I knew that from the beginning. I've been here this many years and I still haven't learned how to be thorough...I apologize. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Alright. I do get the point now. If he doesn't want to talk to me to let me know he got home ok I should just suck it up. I suppose I can't help it if he doesn't want to talk to me. I guess I'll just have to ask my shrink for some xanax so I don't worry too much. If you have a boyfriend that doesn't want to talk to you I think you need a new boyfriend. Link to comment
Empathy Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 If you have a boyfriend that doesn't want to talk to you I think you need a new boyfriend. *sigh* I meant doesn't want to talk to me at the time. No one wants to talk to their SO all the time... Link to comment
LMKunkel Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 it sounds like this to me-- his friends are probably po'ed at him for bumming off of their cell phones all the time. i mean, if he lives with them and he doesn't have another phone then he's using theirs all the time. they're probably really sick of it. when his girlfriend texts him on their phones its probably the last straw. they're gonna complain to him... and it seems he either explained it really bad or it was taken the wrong way. Link to comment
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