shoegal21 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Lastnight the boyfriend and I were cuddling in bed watching one of our favorite TV shows. I started to feel frisky ....... so I got on top of him and started kissing him. So we were kissing and he asked me if I was feeling frisky and obviously I was. So then he tells me...I need to let my stomach settle and I have heartburn. I said okay and I got off of him. I told him it was okay if we waited. I guess he thought I was upset (I admit I was a little thrown off) so he got on top of me and started kissing me and we had sex. Afterward all was good...but my stupid little mind got to thinking..."he never wants to not have sex, he always wants to have sex...could he be cheating on me?" STUPID I KNOW! I KNOW OKAY, I KNOW! He said he wasn't feeling well...im sure he really wasn't feeling well and he had sex with me despite that. So he asked me what was wrong and I lied and said nothing. But he picks when he knows somethings wrong and I don't tell him. So I told him and then he got mad at me. Instead of talking about it he just turned over. So I got upset and told him that he asked me so why did he get mad. Eventually he apologized and we were fine before we went to bed. So this morning I told him that I wasn't going to go to work so that I could look around for another job and that like really pissed him off. He told me that if I didn't go to work that he would be really mad at me and that he just wouldn't come home??????? Im thinking what the hell is going on here?! Why don't you want me going to work?! So of course the first think is he's cheating on me ........ first the sex thing and now he doesn't want me sticking around ...... Im probably just being really really paranoid. But is this a little "off" to anyone else???????? Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I think you are having a bit of paranoia. I've been there, and it's no fun. I think he's worried you are going to lose your job. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 That is really weird that he doesnt want you around?!?!?! A few signs of cheating are 1. Causing arguments as excuses to storm out 2. Change in sex drive Although I think he probably was feeling iffy and the fact he did have sex with you shows he still wants you! I wouldnt worry about that, only the fact he'd get annoyed at you for being around. Link to comment
jengh Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I agree with MF... Is money tight? That could explain his getting madat you because you weren't going to go to work... Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I think he felt you were checking up on him. Maybe he had gas and was afraid he would blast you last night. It happens. Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 Money is tight. That is why I am looking for a new job. He knows that I have to take a day off to do that because I don't get off until late. He had no reason to get so mad at me for not wanting to go to work. HE got really mad. I mean come on, he said if he saw my car in the driveway that he wouldn't even come home. Makes no sense. Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 I think he felt you were checking up on him. Maybe he had gas and was afraid he would blast you last night. It happens. But he still had sex with me. He told me that I forced him to have sex (he was mad when he said that) I didn't force him. I got off him and said it was okay to wait. I wasn't even showing that I was upset. Link to comment
lana111 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 man... nothing feels worse than being rejected for sex by a guy. it happeneded ONCE in my 7 years of sexual activity and it broke my heart and i immediately thought of al sort of crazy things, i completely blocked out the fact that my bf of the time told me he wasnt feeling well and was exhausted. i would wait to see if his behavior continues or you come accross other suspicious activity before you jump to the conclusion that he is cheating. Link to comment
flower99 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 yeah honestly I think you're jumping to conclusions perhaps a little pariniod The sex thing...well that's fully justifyable he had heartburn.. I'd let it go, plus he obviously does care a lot about you cause he still had sex with you with it. do you usually doubt he's being honest & assume he's lying if he doesn't feel up to sex? or other things? And him not wanting you around today...well that could be a number of reasons. Like the other poster said, maybe he feels you're checking up on him. Maybe the money being tight is adding stress, maybe with your debt he thinks you should be at work & looking for a job with free time?? either way, I wouldn't read into it & assume the worst. However he did go a little over board with it. maybe I'd talk to him about that & why he reacted so strongly as to say he wouldn't come home if your car was in the drive way. that is weird, but I wouldn't thinking cheating Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 i knew i was being stupid and thinking too much about the sex thing. because i know how he is after he eats, we can't have sex right away. but i thought it had been long enough and it had at least been an hour since we ate. but then him freaking out over me not going to work just made me think about it again. i know it's stupid & deep down i know he isn't doing anything. we have sex all the time so it was just like WHOA, but we had sex anyways. before we had sex...he said "so you don't feel bad" and then showed me his mr. woody. but he had sex with me anyways. i was over it. but the stunt he pulled this morning got me thinking again. i don't know. im a worrywart. Link to comment
flower99 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 i was over it. but the stunt he pulled this morning got me thinking again. i don't know. im a worrywart. Yeah I'd definietly talk to him about this morning. yesterday is done & over with & I don't really see an issue with it. However the way he reacted this morning, he should have some kind of explanition- It seemed over the top. Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 do you think he reacted that way because he is cheating? or simply because he really wanted me to go and make money? cause money is tight. Link to comment
duchesstigerlily Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Oh please...tell him to grow up. You didnt "force" him to have sex with you...he said he had heartburn...you got off and told him it was ok to wait and then he got on top of you and it ended with sex. He didnt HAVE to get on top of you. Even if you WERE upset....if he doesnt want it then he just says no and thats it. I have turned my hubby down because I havent been feeling well and he's suggested us getting it on another night if he's overly tired etc. It happens and it shouldnt be a big deal as long as its not done in nasty way. As far as him not wanting you to stay off work...that IS strange in a way. If he was genuinely concerned that you might lose your job or something a long those lines it doesnt seem like blowing up and freaking out is the best way to address those issues. Why would he think you were "checking up" on him if he has nothing to hide? People who have nothing to hide generally dont worry about being "checked up on" unless you're behaving insecurely and accusing him of things with no evidence. I wouldnt jump to any conclusions right now but I think you really need to discuss with him *why* it was such a big deal that you were going to stay home to look for another job. You are perfectly within your right to be in your own home whenever you feel like it without his permission and he has no right to threaten not to come home if he sees your car in the drive way. Its a little bizarre. Link to comment
flower99 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 do you think he reacted that way because he is cheating? or simply because he really wanted me to go and make money? cause money is tight. Based on this post...I don't think cheating. people snap due to MANY reasons, crappy day, stress, due to money being tight,lack of sleep...anything. I would not jump to cheating. I still think you should talk to him about his reaction today. But Like Ghost said below, you don't need to take a day off work to look for a job. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 doesn't sound like he is cheating. i think you need better signs than this. i have a high sex drive. i've eating a ton of food before and just needed a minute before getting it on. not all the time, but sometimes like a thanksgiving dinner. unless u want stuffing on your body. and the job thing. you said money is tight. i find it weird you just wake up and decide to not go to work that day. you can lose a job that way. look for a job in spare time. they have ads, websites, etc. you don't need 9-5 off to find a job. Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 i dont think he thinks i would be checking up on him. my staying home wouldn't mean i was staying home to check up on him. so i still dont get why it would be a big deal. he knows i wouldn't lose my job because i never call out of work, ever. unless im really really sick which is rare. the only thing i can think of is he doesn't want me around for SOME reason or he really wants me making money. i work 30 miles away if that matters? Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Don't you see that he would suspect you are staying home because of this fight? It seems to be very out of character that you would do something like this out of the blue. The fight, then staying home from work? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 do you get paid for days off? i like MF's idea. now he is thinking the fight last night spawned you staying home to check up on him. just like you are thinking he is thinking you are checking up on him. this goes back and forth. out of character for you to just up and stay home. i know i would feel alienated when you all the sudden stay home to look for a job after a ridiculous fight the night before. odd, dontcha think? Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 Don't you see that he would suspect you are staying home because of this fight? It seems to be very out of character that you would do something like this out of the blue. The fight, then staying home from work? but he did mention that i was only going to stay home because i was upset. then he said something like "i would never stay home because we were fighting." but that was all after the fact because things were FINE when I told him i was going to stay home THEN he got mad. ghost - no, i do not get paid days off. money is really tight because of gas prices. its taking alot of my money just to drive to work because it's so far away. im completely broke and only had a quarter tank so i said i don't have gas anways so i'll just stay home today and look for a job. he got mad and started coming up with ways...like can't you use your credit card AND HE ALWAYS GETS MAD WHEN I USE THEM, so it was odd for him to tell me that. he really wanted me to go to work even though i had no gas. then he threw me his last $5 and said go to work. it really makes me wonder why he would rather me use a CC then tell me that he had 5 bucks. Link to comment
duchesstigerlily Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Hmmmm, well, it seems as if he thought you were still holding something against him concerning the night before. Maybe he felt that you were being passive-aggressive towards him. However, he isnt your parent so if you have a real reason to stay home from work and you generally dont do it (which means you wouldnt be putting your job in jeopardy) then I think it is your decision to make. My hubby has stayed home for various reasons several times and I dont flip out about it and vice versa. Link to comment
flower99 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 well like duchestigerlily it does sound like he felt you wee holding something against him concerning the night before. And also it is your choice to stay home.... However I don't see you logic in the lack of gas, Unless you get paid tomorrow - wont' you still have this exact same problem tomorrow...so you will have to put it on credit card like your bf suggested, or you stay at home again...And staying home means smaller pay cheque which meaning digging a hole in the future. so I just don't see the logic. it doesn't seem odd he'd suggest your credit card - he may hate you using it, but when you don't have another option than you've got to. and you are using the credit card to put gas in the car to go to work & make more money...so it makes sense to me. but you are a grown women & you make your own choices. you should discuss what his problem was this morning...cause right now we're just guessing & so are you. so the issues won't be resolved until you know. Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 your right flower. there is no logic in the gas thing. and no i don't get paid tomorrow. i don't get paid until thursday and up until today i've been asking my parents for money. i hate asking them for money. i i didn't want to ask them again because they've been helping so much already. i hate asking anyone for money. this is why i am looking for a new job, because all my money is going to gas. he suggested i use my credit card before he offered me money. its like he thought i would use my CC or maybe he thought i wasn't serious about not going to work. so when he figured out i was he THEN offered the money. before he left he told me again that he would be mad if i didn't go and to promise him that i'd go. like he's got something up his sleeve. grr. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 It was his last $5. I can hardly blame him for hanging onto that 'til the bitter end. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 not going to work cause you had no gas is ridiculous, yet you are going to look for a job? how many more excuses you got for staying home now? why did you really stay home shoe? Link to comment
flower99 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 sounds like money is stressing you both out. And thats a big common stressor in relationships. So maybe when you said you were staying at home...he just thought -less money, more problems & immediately got pissed off - it doesn't justify his response...however, that would be my guess on why he was mad. honestly I probably would be too. talk to him & figure this out. and search for jobs on free time, not during work...you both need the money. hugs Link to comment
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