kandb1115 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Hey this is the update to my previous thread a couple posts down titled 'The Guilt is Overwhelming' So last night I decided to tell my boyfriend what had happened in the beginning of our relationship. If I could've accepted the fact that I've made a mistake and it was done and over with in the past I wouldn't have told him but the guilt was too overwhelming and I want to be completely transluscent with him. I told him in the middle of the night when we were getting ready for bed. At first he took it well saying that was my only chance and it was ok. But then he started asking all these questions and was getting angry. We were holding each other because we sleep like that and he pushed me away. He started grilling me on the details and asking why?. There was nothing I could say I'm not one to make up excuses. He left his bedroom and I completely broke down and was crying all hysterical like. His friend was there and he went to go talk to him. About an hour later they came back and he said he would give me another chance. We slept together though he won't kiss me and doesn't reply when I tell him that I love him. He barely lets me touch him. I'm hoping that our relationship will eventually get back to the way it used to be. I spared most of all the details like I actually did it twice and not once like he thinks. Is that ok? He knows that I cheated and gave another man oral sex is that enough? Thank you to all of the people who gave me advice. Though it hurts really bad I'm glad I told him. --Brittney Link to comment
TechResQ Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Good for you! As I said in one of my posts in your first thread, give him time. Give him some space to think about everything. I know it's hard, but try not to smother him or expect too much from him for a few days. What you told him hurt him to the core and he needs time to absorb everything that was said to him. When I was cheated on by my fiance' I wanted to know all of the gory little details. I don't know why, but that was my initial reaction. It soon faded though. I gave him another chance and I am glad I did. Our relationship is getting stronger and stronger. My trust in him is building as well. One thing I would suggest for him, is to try to forgive you. He might never forget, but he can forgive. Forgiveness is a very healing emotion. You need to forgive yourself as well. Best, K Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I am glad you feel better and relieved. I feel sorry for your boyfriend having to hear that right before bed and to have to suffer because of your choices. It gives "honesty" a bad name when it is confused with being "honest" in order to unburden guilt and at the unncessary expense of someone else's feelings. Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 It is good that you have come clean to your bf, being 100% honest to him is important and you have taken this step. The part about having left out a few details, would you be able to live with this, knowing that there is something he still doesn't know? If you can live with it then that's fine but if the guilt is going to get the better of you again, it is best to admit to the "two times" asap, rather than a few years down the line. Get it all out on the table just now and give him time to forgive you. Link to comment
ryan123 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I'd wanna know how many times... Cause once is better than twice in the sense that maybe if you did it once and realized wow what a mistake I just cheated on my BF. But twice...That means you show not a care in the world for your BF to go back for seconds. And it shows that you enjoyed it enough for more. And are you being honest with us and him? I find it hard to believe any woman would suck a guy off twice and not let them touch you or have intercourse with you. Usually the woman wants some kind of pleasure also. Unless just the fact that you were doing something you weren't supposed to got you off...Then I would guarantee something like this happening again because theres a problem inside your head. Link to comment
Sketch Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 ryan123: I'd wanna know how many times... Cause once is better than twice in the sense that maybe if you did it once and realized wow what a mistake I just cheated on my BF. But twice...That means you show not a care in the world for your BF to go back for seconds. I'd have to agree with this. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 ryan123: I'd have to agree with this. Ditto the above poster........ Link to comment
mrmaximum Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 That was tough but you did it, good stuff. The most important thing at this point in time is to learn from this and make sure that this behavior NEVER repeats itself. To be honest, yes maybe he has said you've got another shot, this may change, but whether or not this relationship continues you need to get one thing straight and that is that cheating devastates all involved and should be avoided at all costs. Let the pain remind you of what you could lose if you cross that line again, no matter the reason. cheating is something that will ease in time, but it will NEVER fully go away. You have a second chance, don't blow it. Good luck. Link to comment
lady00 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I'm glad you told him. He deserves to know the truth and then based on that decide whether or not to stay with you. He also needs to know so he can decide whether he wants to get checked out for STIs which can be passed by the kinds of behaviors you describe in your other thread (yes, even if you used protection). Link to comment
lady00 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I am glad you feel better and relieved. I feel sorry for your boyfriend having to hear that right before bed and to have to suffer because of your choices. It gives "honesty" a bad name when it is confused with being "honest" in order to unburden guilt and at the unncessary expense of someone else's feelings. What about the risk of STIs? I think not telling is how a lot of people end up getting them and not knowing until much later when the condition has progressed and in some cases gone from being treatable to untreatable. I agree with your idea about not burdening someone else, in theory, but in practice...I think it puts a lot of people in danger and I think the lucky ones are the ones who are get the truth and are able to possibly get treatment before an untreated STI progresses into cancer or something like that. Even with condoms, infections can be spread, so I think that telling is the right thing if any kind of sex was involved. Link to comment
lady00 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 well i guess you could get tested...and if you're "clean"...not tell... Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 If you want him to ever trust you again you have to understand something. Telling him isn't enough. He's gonna have questions, he's gonna doubt you, he's not gonna trust you for a while. And even though he's giving you a 2nd chance, it doesn't mean that months down the road he won't decide that its just too hard. Good for you for telling the truth, but now its your turn. You have to be patient, very very patient. You have to earn his trust again. You have to make your life an open book to him. You have to be willing to answer any questions he may have and though they may become repetitive, you owe him that. Good luck. Time will heal his wounds, try and stand by him while he copes with your infidelity. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.