Meeting with my Xgf to talk later today.Could use quick help

[akatoro]

Hello people.

I did not think I would start writing on these forums, but I guess this proves me wrong. Playing pretend-psychologist can be very dangerous but I do not believe that there are a lot of people here doing that. I found that giving out your own opinions can help others to come up with a solution that they themselves find is the right one..

 

Anyways.

My girlfriend broke up with me three weeks ago. It came suddenly and I was not really prepared. I had felt that something was wrong about a week before and when she said that she had lost her love for me I took it quite good. I assured her that it was not her fault, since she blamed herself or so she said, and that feelings are something that you cannot control. Afterwards, I visited my older brother who lived close-by and we talked and joked. But as time passed I grew more and more desperate. I hurried home and cried my eyes off.

 

When I came to pick up my stuff from her place, I again tried to comfort her, shedding only a few tears myself. But as I'm looking on photos from our trip to Rhodos this summer, I can't help but cry and fall into a pit of sadness and loss. I miss her so much and yesterday I told her so in an SMS. She never answered but on the Icq, she said that she wanted to talk to me today. I promised her that we'd stay friends.. But it seems that she has found someone new in her life.

If he is the reason for the breakup, I do not know. But as it came so suddenly.. I'm confused. We had great sex a week prior to the breakup, and she had assured me of her love for me when I felt sad and guilty over feeling jealous. She spent more time playing an online game with another guy, and more time with her friends than she did with me. I had a hard time getting noticed by her as well..

 

So today I'm going over there to talk things out. I don't know what do to. I suspect it will be really hard and I do not know whether or not I should take back my promise to stay friends. I have to think about myself beacuse I'm tired of having cried myself to sleep these past three weeks.

But I also don't want to shut her out of my life. She was my first girlfriend and the first person I have ever fully trusted in and confided in. I've never been so dependant on another person before either and then, all of a sudden, it just ends. We had talked about how we had to visit Crete next summer and skiing trips this winter..

 

Please people. What should I do? Should I severe all the connections that ties me to her? Or should I stay friends with her and keep replace my heart under her shoe?

[atticus]

go there, let her talk, see what she says, then see what you could say....

 

 

this is what i did... my gf, who i loved with all my heart, also suddenly left me earlier this year, but our relationship wasn't really good... and i now realized that breaking up was right...

 

but one week after breaking up, we became close friends, even closer than we were when we were going out....

up until now, we hang out a lot, almost everyday (in school we see each other... but over the weekend we hang out) and have A LOT of fun together, and there still is this love between me and her....

 

well i have come to realize, that if i try (and same with you) you can get anyone you want to, as long as they're in your league.... saying, you won't get someone like Pam Anderson if you look like the people on link removed (not offense to anyone intended)... but you will if they're in your league. i found that out, about 2 or 3 weeks ago, when thinking a lot. i have made an effort to get me and her together again, and it's working great, and i feel, that there is going to be another relationship in time...

 

so, i'd say.... stay friends with her, keep in touch and everything, and if YOU really want to, do what you think is right, and things will work out again, but just give it some time with the friends business.

 

of course, DON'T do this, if you're only looking for the relationship, but do it for yourself, and her, she was a big part in your life, you were a big part in her life, it's better for the both of you to stay together... as friends or more....

 

stay friends, and work from there if you still want to.

 

good luck.

[vfunkera]

hey akatoro,

 

i was in a almost identical situation very recently. u are obvioulsy looking to stay friends at the very least.

 

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

 

if u can sit next to your ex and not get hurt by the memories of her when u was a couple, then u can start a friendship right now. if not- like most of us- then it u need to take a break from her. No contact is the way to go whether u want them back or not. it will help u heal without being constantly reminded of her, and u will be able to sit next to her and treat her as a normal friend without getting torn up inside. u can stay in contact now and hide all those feelings inside you, but if u do this, they will always stay there. U dont want to get hurt everytime u see her do u?

 

its your call, but if u decide to just ease off her for now and remain friends in the future, then u should confirm it with her today, and tell her that you need time to heal, but that u will always be there for her. make sure u ask her where the 2 of u stand before u tell her this though.

 

good luck in whatever your decision is

[akatoro]

Thank you both for your replies.

I am talking to her over Icq as we speak. The feelings are bubbling up at each "uh-oh" and my fingers and feet are turning cold.

 

God.. I don't know what to do. Time will tell I guess.

I'll write here after the meeting.

[Cid]

Lissen to her and see what she has to say. Then deside if you want to try the whole friend thing.

[cobro]

I know exactly what you are going through. My girlfriend broke up with me almost 3 weeks ago after a 2.5 year on and off again relationship. It was turbulent, but I loved her with all my heart. She was also my first gf, my first sexual experience, the first girl I've ever loved. We actually broke up and got back together after a few months, I thought she was it, the one...But like your situation, she started to become distant, not wanting to spend time with me, etc... So we got into a big argument and I told her she wasn't ready for a relationship, 2 days later she dumped me. The best thing to do, and what has worked for me, is to not contact her for awhile after you meet and talk to her. It will be hard, but it will push her away even further if she wants her space and you keep calling her. If you want ANY chance of getting her back eventually, cut contact for a few months. If she really cares about you, she will start to wonder about you and possibly miss you! That is your only option. If you remain friends with her (I tried this too) it will hurt even more! You will cry after talking to her, knowing she is not with you. Stay away from her from a while and you will feel better. Good luck.

[akatoro]

Woho!

Thank you EVERYONE for your help and support in the matter.

 

It ended happily and we parted as friends. Some tears were shedd, but we left with broad smiles and laughter inbetween.

 

I know that sadness will find its way back to my mind sooner or later.

I still love her and despite my stupid ideas of her having met someone else, she told me it wasn't so, which was good enough for me.

 

When she finds a new boyfriend? I'll try to manage.. It is easy to say now when I am high from joy.. But I'd much rather keep her as a friend and experience those feelings, than to forget her and never meet her again.

It felt so good to laugh and just talk about what has happened to us lately.

 

I'll explain further whenI get back from the movies. Bub-eye =)

[lx2020]

im going through the same thing. My gf of 4 years broke up with me a month ago. At first she gave me the chance to be her friend. However i blew it, i was always talking about us getting back. It got to the point that she didnt want to talk to me any more. I would ask her if she would ever get back with me and she would say " i dont see us ever getting together again" this broke my hart.

We stoped talking for a while, i spend my time thinking as to why she left. Then i realized why she left it was because of my actions.

I called her the other day we talked for like an hour. I told her that i was sorry for being a asshole to her and im glad she left. Since she lefted i have realized how much she ment to me.

I asked her if she and i could get back together and she said "i dont like you but you are showing signs that you are growing up. I just dont wanna think about it right now, and like you said maybe one day ill be ready" so i tell you buddy just give it time and if she truly loves you she will return. Since she left i have realized a lot of things about my self.

[vfunkera]

i must agree with lx2020 completely. i am actually kind of glad about the break up because i have learnt sooooo much. what i was doing wrong, what i must do and what i shouldnt. the only downside is that she and i may never have the chance to give it another try. experience doesnt come only just after u need it. its a shame they wont recognise their new exes, the ones that will do it right, and have grown up. i can certainly guarentee that the relationship will be much much better if we get back together. Uv just gotta learn from this, and it will help u for who ever the hell life throws at u next.

 

good luck, its great that uv ended on good terms.

[akatoro]

Oi. Here's a longer explanation of what took place yesterday.

 

I went to her house and we had a talk on her room. At first a few tears were shed by the two of us, but after that we hugged and began talking about what we have done for these three past weeks.

We laughed and smiled a lot and it felt really great that we, after 11 months of relationship and three weeks after a breakup, could feel so "at home" that we could joke together

 

I know I'm going to be saddened again later on when she gets a new boyfriend, I guess that it is inevitable. But rather then shutting her out from my life, I'd like to keep good friends. This may result in jealousy of a future girlfriend.. But hopefully it would be understandable.

 

Anyways, I'd like to thank you all for your input and advice. I read this thread a number of times before I went to pay her a visit and it helped a lot. Thanks! You're all great \

[LightsDimming]

Hi akatoro

 

I am so glad that you were able to maintain friendship with the ex. That is a very tough thing to so sometimes.

 

I had a very emotional breakup last year with somebody I loved very much. I took everything I could emotionally to keep her as a friend. It was very tough but I knew that I wanted to be friends with her. It had taken me at least 3 months before I really started to feel better about the breakup. And yeah, when I found out that she was seeing another guy it was tough, but I was also happy for her because I knew she was happy. I see her on occasion now and we absolutely have a blast together. I have no feeling of regret or remorse. I am truly glad to have kept her as a friend.

 

If she is worth keeping as a friends, then you need to try.

 

Best of luck to you.

[akatoro]

Thank you, Lights

And good luck to you too, I've read and scribbled a few lines down on your thread as well