How much in common do you have?

[anon_a_mouse]

How much in common do the average couple have in order to be in a loving r'ship - What kinda of mix works well??

 

Do you have to like roughly the same things, same music - ish, same outlook on life, sense of humour, or does a mixture of views, opinions, tastes blend better?

[wayoverit]

The important thing to remember is adaptation and flexibility. You don't have to be 100% match, but it would be much easier to adapt if you start out with at least a few things in common.

[Daligal83]

I don't think it matters if you have interests in common. If you do, great, if not, that's fine too. But what I think is the most important is if you have common values and goals. If those don't match up, I don't see the relationship lasting.

 

Also, if the interests are different, it's important to have respect for those differences.

[pryda]

I don't think it matters if you have interests in common. If you do, great, if not, that's fine too. But what I think is the most important is if you have common values and goals. If those don't match up, I don't see the relationship lasting.

 

Also, if the interests are different, it's important to have respect for those differences.

I think this is spot on.

 

It's important to be "similar people" but that doesn't have to entail having the same specific interests. I actually prefer it if a girlfriend has different interests to me, because it adds more variety to the relationship. We can talk about my interests and we can talk about her interests, it's more expansive. Also, having separate interests means you are guaranteed to retain at least some independence. For example, I really love electronic music and going to raves - if my girlfriend had been into this too, we'd have just ended up doing absolutely everything together and having no time to ourselves. As it happened, she went to the nights she liked with her friends, I went to the nights I liked with mine, and things felt pretty healthy that way.

[anon_a_mouse]

All good points. Thanks

[livinginsbi]

I think it totally depends on the couple: here's what I've seen just from my short list of people I know

 

Couple one : Rarely do things together. She likes to go out, have a good time with friends. He's a homebody, rarely does anything but work on his cars and hobbies at home. They even take separate vacations (well he doesn't take vacations, she does) - married 18 years with 2 great kids - both seem happy. This type is NOT for me! I like doing things with my SO!

 

Couple two : ALWAYS together - and I mean ALWAYS.... he even waits for her in the bedroom - reading a book or something -- while she takes her shower. Every little thing in life is planned to the unbelievable detail and it always done together. I once told this couple about Netflix (something I recently started - yeah, I know, I'm slightly behind the times!!) and she said 'we have movie weekend three times a year - so that wouldn't work for us' Another time I called her on a day I knew she was off work and said, hey let's do lunch today. Her response was 'Oh I can't, Oscar wouldn't know where I am'. They have been married for 22 years, no kids and seem totally happy. EWWW, this type is definitely NOT for me. I need my space!!

 

Couple three : have common interests, but spend an amount of time apart, doing their own thing. She's gone away for shopping weekends with her friends and he's gone on golf weekends with his. They have been married 16 years, have a host of family vacations stories (too bad their kids haven't realized how lucky they are to have seen so much of our country) and seem totally happy. Personally this is my kind of relationship.

 

Of course you need common ground to start from - but how much is up to you and him. Communication and growing together is what is important. And realize that I said these couples all 'seem' totally happy. Outward appearances can be very misleading - just stay true to self.

[JadedStar]

How much in common do the average couple have in order to be in a loving r'ship - What kinda of mix works well??

 

Do you have to like roughly the same things, same music - ish, same outlook on life, sense of humour, or does a mixture of views, opinions, tastes blend better?

 

I think that it is only imperative to share the same relationship goals and values. The others are adjustable with compromise. A similar sense of humor I think is helpful just because someone with a good sense of humor might feel stifled with someone very literal and dry. I could not be with that type of person.

 

Differences in music, hobbies, etc I think are just fine.

[Cognitive_Canine]

My boyfriend and I are mostly opposites in how we handle things but he said that that's why we like each other so much. "we balance each other"

 

I hate his taste in music. I wouldn't eat half the things he eats on a regular basis. He loves the typical guy shoot 'em ups while I roll my eyes in the background. He is very religious but I haven't been to church since I was twelve. We have the same type of humor, morals, goals, and appreciation for the pursuit of knowledge though.

[SapphireNoir10]

Hmm. I find it works better if you agree to disagree. Its always good to have different interests and respect what eacother enjoys. if you were exactly the same and liked the same things it'd be boring but you gotta compromise like, if my fiance wants to go on a walk i'll go once in a while, and if i want to go shopping he'll take me once in a while.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Yea to me, even though I don't have much experience in long term relationships, I'm way happier when me and my SO have stuff like sense of humor, music, movies in common. Those small things in life.

And yea of course shared values and beliefs like where they want the relationship to go, what kind of life they want to lead, etc.

Views on what type of relationship they want too of course.

[Seymore]

My girlfriend is "old-fashioned" in her beliefs. That's how I was raised. We share the same morals and values. Here and there we have other similar interests - like certain movies, video games etc., but those are small potatoes. If we were exactly alike, we'd never learn to have any other interests. She listens to country, I listen to rock. We turn each other on to new music in that way. But we're both into family and have similar outlooks on life. The little things you can learn to adapt to and even appreciate with time. The bigger things are harder to shift.

[RayKay]

I think it is important to have compatible values and relationship goals, but aside from that if you respect the other persons individuality (and encourage their personal growth!) you can have a lot of differences and be fine.

 

That being said, I enjoy also sharing common interests and hobbies with a partner, I enjoy being able to do things together and be friends as well...some people I know whom share little in common seem more like roommates or sex buddies, and really seem to lack a "connection" in a lot of ways as they rarely share time together. Then again, I don't think doing EVERYTHING together ALL the time is healthy either....

 

My boyfriend and I share many common interests - love of the outdoors, cycling, running, adventure racing - but we have our differences too when it comes to music, or art, for example. We also pursue quite different careers and are "smart" in different ways.

 

Personally, for me, balance is important. Enjoying sharing interests together, and learning the others interests, but also being different enough that you have your own space, individuality and are still your own person.

 

As long as you share similar values, goals for the relationship, respect and love one another and are able to work together.....a few differences is actually a good thing in my opinion!

[ghost69]

they don't have to click with my lifestyle, but click with me as a person. same type of sense of humor. you can joke, they understand. (most of them anyways as i'm pretty out there) isn't scared of what other people think of her. i hate girls that are so worried about embarrassment. why? nobody knows you around.