shattered self esteem from past relationships/rejections

[Caterina]

My self esteem is very low. Its been utterly shattered by a number of things...

- As a child I was overly sensitive and brutally picked on

- I validated myself somewhat later in life through friendships

- I continued to be happy until I started to realize that people viewed me as odd for not dating (I was 20, never dated)

- I dated and from there proceeded to fear relationships

 

Thats the background. Well, I finally met someone that I actually really could ... It was like a dream...I was floating. He took me to romantic places and told me I was beautiful. Not too long later I realized he was lying to me...probably to get me in bed. He broke up with me b/c I wouldn't sleep with him but not before telling me he didn't think we'd be sexually compatible anyways.

 

I've been utterly shattered by this. I've gone on a few disatisfying dates with men who liked me but I didn't feel anything for.

 

I finally made friends with someone who I started to fall for. He told me that he was sorry for leading me on.

 

And thats where I'm at now. I'm miserable and I don't see how I'll ever fall in love. I never meet anyone who I'm interested in. I never meet anyone, in fact. I don't know how to meet people.

 

Guys only like you when other guys like you. No men like me anymore.

 

Even if I did, I can't break free from my misery and low self esteem. How did I get to a place where I was just so limited? I used to have so much potential. I'm emotionally dead.

[SapphireNoir10]

I've always been described as over sensetive or at least over emotional. If someone says one horrible thing to me it can play on mind for ages and ruin my day. I was picked on as a kid too. Kids are all cruel to eachohter.

 

The first guy i was ever in love with, who was my first, dumped me straight after I gave myself to him. Which was heartbreaking and killed my self esteem.

 

Eventually I got more confident in myself. Made more effort with my appearance, went out with my friends. When your not looking for someone they seem to come along. Im with my fiance now. And Im still overly sensetive and take some of things he says badly or worry that hes cheating and it can be detrimental. But im working on it.

 

Your not emotionally dead, you've just been hurt by a lot of people. The world is a cruel and nasty place sometimes and there are a lot of horrible people. You dont have to activley search for that person. They have a way of coming along. Go out with friends more, or join a club doign something you enjoy and your bound to maybe meet someone with similar interests that way.

 

We all face rejection adn heartache, but we learn lessons from it and at the end of the day you'll be stronger for learning these lessons and you wont make the same mistakes again.

 

You WILL find the right person. You just have to be more confident in yourself and find yourself. You dont need other people to make you happy. Live your life for you.

 

You still have that potential so refind it, and make yourself someone who makes you happy

[NorthDallas40]

You've got a lot of bad experiences behind you, but somehow you're going to have to get past them. The more you let the PAST affect your PRESENT, the worse off you're going to be. If you enter into ANY relationship with your current attitude, you're almost setting it up for failure no matter if the guy is a jerk or if he's an angel.

 

I know it's hard, but my opinion is that you have to go into relationships with a good attitude and a good amount of trust in the other person, until they show you otherwise. I'm not saying to enter into situations blindly, but don't assume everyone hates you or is going to take advantage. You'll only seem less attractive to guys, and you may end up pushing away "The One" because he'll think he can never get close to you.

 

If there's one thing you can take away from this forum, it's that EVERYONE has been burned. There's not a single person posting on here who hasn't been seriously heartbroken. But the answer isn't to wallow in misery forever. Have a mourning period, and feel sorry for yourself at first. That's healthy! But then get back on your feet and be ready to accept the possibility of love again.

 

Because the only way that love will ever come through your door is if you open it when it knocks.

[musicguy]

I'm a guy and I feel your pain. I think the same way as you. I'm emotionally dead because of how I get treated by girls

[toshiba]

Stop looking so hard. Stop feeling like just because you're a certain age that you have to be doing the same thing that you ASSUME everyone else is doing. There are plenty of people who did not date as teenagers (myself included). I remember feeling the same way that you did at the time. But you know what? The world didn't end. I also saw a LOT of people in relationships make terrible mistakes that changed their entire lives.

 

Keep in mind that not all of those couples that you see are happily in love. There are many people out there who couple up due to fear of being alone. Some even stay in relationships where they don't get treated very well and you can't tell that by looking at a couple from the outside...oftentimes they can look very in love.

 

You mentioned meeting guys that you weren't that interested in. That puts them in the same predicament as you are, doesn't it? They may have really liked you but you showed no interest and they are wondering what's wrong with themselves. You're not alone in how you're feeling and there are plenty of others like you.

 

Building your self confidence up is key and that is independent of dating. That should be done regardless of your desire to get dates.

 

Make a list of the things that you like about yourself and your talents. Make a list of things you'd like to improve and then take steps to improve them. This will give you confidence.

[SunshinySpotlessMind]

To the OP: pretty much my situation now. Except I've never had a relationship with a guy so I don't have that unfortunate experience you detailed of feeling like you have something great. But I do have those great experiences of guys apologizing for leading me on.

 

Incidentally, toshiba, that's a really truly helpful post. Good job! I found it rather uplifting myself.

[ghost69]

i highlighted your problem. this mindset is blocking you from men more than likely.