Largest Age Gap In Your Relationships?

[greywolf]

I see nothing wrong with it.

 

What age do you think is too young?

[Fudgie]

I see nothing wrong with it.

 

Eh, my situation was sketchy, I'll admit.

...the guy had a lot of messed up psychology going on in his head. He needed help. It just wasn't a healthy relationship, especially for me, since it was my first relationship.

 

That being said, I'm in a good relationship now even though the cap is over 2x as big!

[Sanesoul]

What age do you think is too young?

 

I am wondering this too. At 15 you're not yet fully developed as a women, so I find it highly inappropriate for a full grown 30+ man to find someone that age attractive.

 

It's disturbing.

[Fudgie]

To be honest, I wish it didn't happen.

 

My relationship with the man led to a lot of problems in my life and my teen years. It took a LONG time to get over. The legality of the situation was small potatoes compared to stuff I suffered through. I think it was because he was so much older (I wasn't ready) AND he had mental problems. I have a "lovely" thread about in the Cyber section.

 

I am not against age gaps, by any means. But the age of consent is there for a reason and now, I know why.

[Sanesoul]

To be honest, I wish it didn't happen.

 

My relationship with the man led to a lot of problems in my life and my teen years. It took a LONG time to get over. The legality of the situation was small potatoes compared to stuff I suffered through. I think it was because he was so much older (I wasn't ready) AND he had mental problems. I have a "lovely" thread about in the Cyber section.

 

I am not against age gaps, by any means. But the age of consent is there for a reason and now, I know why.

 

You have a good head on your shoulders Fudgie, and I have been known to be harsh on age-gaps due to personal experience. I simply can't deal with grown men taking advantage on young girls. I'm glad you are so logical about the whole deal.

[Fudgie]

You have a good head on your shoulders Fudgie, and I have been known to be harsh on age-gaps due to personal experience. I simply can't deal with grown men taking advantage on young girls. I'm glad you are so logical about the whole deal.

 

Yeah I don't like that idea either.

Personal experience will do that to you, so I don't blame you in the least.

 

I'm currently happy in my age gap relationship, but I was very careful going in. I got him thoroughly "checked out" and really looked at his actions and intentions with me. He treated me well from the start, went slow, and respected my choices and questions. I think the fact that sexual stuff isn't his goal (health problems) and his genuine interest in just spending time w/ me really made me feel good about the whole thing.

 

There are tons of healthy gap relationships out there. I think women (and men too!) just need to be smart about it and things will be ok.

[Sanesoul]

I think you have to be smart to take an age-gap on. There are a lot more problems associated with it ON TOP OF the normal problems in a relationship. Long-term, loving relationships are hard work at the best of times, so you throw in an age-gap, and you have to work that much harder.

 

That is...if it's between consenting adults. I don't care what the damn law is, no girl under the age of 18 should get into a relationship with someone many, many years their senior. It's too unbalanced and has too much potential for problems, legal or not.

[Fudgie]

Yeah, there are a lot of issues...family concerns, etc. Most of my friends don't know about my boyfriend. There is also the huge "what will happen in the future" question. That's hard enough to answer when 2 people are of the same age...

The stereotypes are also a pain. But it's ok.

 

18+ is really the best. Both parties are out of high school too.

I can guarantee you if I had been 18 when I met my past boyfriend, I never would have been with him because I wouldn't be naive and I would know that it was trouble.

[livinginsbi]

I am wondering this too. At 15 you're not yet fully developed as a women, so I find it highly inappropriate for a full grown 30+ man to find someone that age attractive.

 

It's disturbing.

 

Some 15 year old are fully developed physically and very mature, as I was one of those myself. I had a relationship with a man 10 years older than I, and he wasn't any kind of sick. I never lied about my age, but I never indicated that his assumptions about my age were incorrect. When I turned 16, he was convinced it was my 21st birthday and that's when I told him how old I actually was. I felt horrible about leading him on. I never felt that he was the 'love of my life' but what I did hurt us both. We tried to remain friends after that, but we drifted. He did contact me on my 18th birthday, but I was head over heels with someone else...We connected a few years after my daughter's dad and I split, but the interest wasn't really there anymore.

[Sanesoul]

Some 15 year old are fully developed physically and very mature, as I was one of those myself. I had a relationship with a man 10 years older than I, and he wasn't any kind of sick. I never lied about my age, but I never indicated that his assumptions about my age were incorrect. When I turned 16, he was convinced it was my 21st birthday and that's when I told him how old I actually was. I felt horrible about leading him on. I never felt that he was the 'love of my life' but what I did hurt us both. We tried to remain friends after that, but we drifted. He did contact me on my 18th birthday, but I was head over heels with someone else...We connected a few years after my daughter's dad and I split, but the interest wasn't really there anymore.

 

It's quite different if you KNOW the girl is a minor and still persue a relationship, IMO.

 

Thinking you are 21 to a 25-26 year old is very different than wanting a girl who is in her mid-teens.

[teabee]

Some 15 year old are fully developed physically and very mature, as I was one of those myself. I had a relationship with a man 10 years older than I, and he wasn't any kind of sick. I never lied about my age, but I never indicated that his assumptions about my age were incorrect. When I turned 16, he was convinced it was my 21st birthday and that's when I told him how old I actually was. I felt horrible about leading him on. I never felt that he was the 'love of my life' but what I did hurt us both. We tried to remain friends after that, but we drifted. He did contact me on my 18th birthday, but I was head over heels with someone else...We connected a few years after my daughter's dad and I split, but the interest wasn't really there anymore.

 

Aw, bittersweet story. This is like something from a novel. Thanks for sharing.

 

Goes to show you can never really lay down a blanket assumption for what people are like at any age. There are obviously mature 15 year olds that can be with an adult partner (although I absolutely get why consent laws are in place). Age can mean so little

[DerektheDomino]

I'm sorry but 15 years old and claiming to be fully matured? No way jose, I don't believe that. If you were that mature you would of told him your age straight away.

[Fudgie]

I feel really bad for the guy though...ouch.

 

It's a good thing he walked away though. I really don't think it speaks well of a guy who will date a girl knowing she's under the age limit, and I'm not talking girls who are 17 or so who are close to 18...but 15 and under. You're still very young then.

 

I was very mature at 15 with a good view of the world and a good heart. I still believe that. Despite that, I don't feel it was right for me to be with that guy that I was with.

[livinginsbi]

I'm sorry but 15 years old and claiming to be fully matured? No way jose, I don't believe that. If you were that mature you would of told him your age straight away.

 

Well Derek.. I can tell you a whole lotta of 'mature' people are not honest about their age or whatever. Think what you will, but more people than not thought that I was way older than I was since about the age of 12-13. Why would have I told him my age straight away? Do mature women go around telling their ages from the get go? I think not.

[teabee]

I was certainly not mature enough at 15. That's me personally. I would have been way too flattered by the attention of an older man. I can see myself being very easily manipulated. But just because thats how I was, clearly does not mean that's the level all 15 year olds are at. We're all different and we change and grow at different rates.

 

 

It's a good thing he walked away though. I really don't think it speaks well of a guy who will date a girl knowing she's under the age limit, and I'm not talking girls who are 17 or so who are close to 18...but 15 and under. You're still very young then.

 

I was very mature at 15 with a good view of the world and a good heart. I still believe that. Despite that, I don't feel it was right for me to be with that guy that I was with.

 

Yes pretty cool that he walked away then got back in touch when she was 18. Speaks volumes.

[Fudgie]

Yes pretty cool that he walked away then got back in touch when she was 18. Speaks volumes.

 

It does.

 

I think if a guy really cares about a girl and she's underage and he REALLY wants to be with her, then he'd wait for her.

 

That's true dedication and respect.

[Car Chick]

Eh, my situation was sketchy, I'll admit.

...the guy had a lot of messed up psychology going on in his head. He needed help. It just wasn't a healthy relationship, especially for me, since it was my first relationship.

 

That being said, I'm in a good relationship now even though the cap is over 2x as big!

 

Well that's what matters. If he's not right in the head, then it's definitly not a good relationship.

 

Glad you're in a good one now.

[Car Chick]

I am wondering this too. At 15 you're not yet fully developed as a women, so I find it highly inappropriate for a full grown 30+ man to find someone that age attractive.

 

It's disturbing.

 

 

Like I said though, it depends on the person. At that age, I was pretty well grown up. I had to grow up very fast because of some circumstances in my life. If a girl that age has the mind of an adult, why restrict her dating choices?

[Car Chick]

You have a good head on your shoulders Fudgie, and I have been known to be harsh on age-gaps due to personal experience. I simply can't deal with grown men taking advantage on young girls. I'm glad you are so logical about the whole deal.

 

I have noticed the harshness. I can be in the other direction. But what I don't get with the whole legality thing is this: If two 15 year olds have sex, even though, I don't think they are ready at that age, neither one gets in trouble. The 15 year old guy won't go to jail for having sex with a girl that's not ready yet and taking advantage of her as you call it, but yet, if an older man does the same thing, he goes to jail. Even if they are 18 and 19, because one is over 18, he'd go to jail. You could be a year or less apart and it could still be illegal! That doesn't make sense to me. You could be one day apart and if one is over 18, it's still illegal. Do you really think that between 18 and 19 you magically go from child to adult?

[Car Chick]

It's quite different if you KNOW the girl is a minor and still persue a relationship, IMO.

 

Thinking you are 21 to a 25-26 year old is very different than wanting a girl who is in her mid-teens.

 

No one ever said that someone with an underage girl WANTS someone that young. Sometimes, they just fall in love. My bf doesn't look for young women, but he fell in love with me and he can't help that. All of his ex's were his own age.

[Sanesoul]

No one ever said that someone with an underage girl WANTS someone that young. Sometimes, they just fall in love. My bf doesn't look for young women, but he fell in love with me and he can't help that. All of his ex's were his own age.

 

And sometimes they are creeps. Not all, but definitely some.

[Sanesoul]

I have noticed the harshness. I can be in the other direction. But what I don't get with the whole legality thing is this: If two 15 year olds have sex, even though, I don't think they are ready at that age, neither one gets in trouble. The 15 year old guy won't go to jail for having sex with a girl that's not ready yet and taking advantage of her as you call it, but yet, if an older man does the same thing, he goes to jail. Even if they are 18 and 19, because one is over 18, he'd go to jail. You could be a year or less apart and it could still be illegal! That doesn't make sense to me. You could be one day apart and if one is over 18, it's still illegal. Do you really think that between 18 and 19 you magically go from child to adult?

 

I never said that, and I don't think that either, but at 18-19 your choices are your own and you are considered an adult.

 

14, 15, 16 year old girls need to be protected more. Most are still naive about life and can get hurt much more easily. Hell, at 17 I was raped by an older man because I didn't know any better, and was alone with him.

 

The fact is that this world is full of shady people, and there are reasons why those laws are in place.

[Car Chick]

I never said that, and I don't think that either, but at 18-19 your choices are your own and you are considered an adult.

 

14, 15, 16 year old girls need to be protected more. Most are still naive about life and can get hurt much more easily. Hell, at 17 I was raped by an older man because I didn't know any better, and was alone with him.

 

The fact is that this world is full of shady people, and there are reasons why those laws are in place.

 

Sorry, I meant to say 17 and 18, since 17 isn't legal yet.

 

Anyway...

 

Grown women are raped too. I am sorry that happened to you. I've been there so I know how it feels. But I don't think that because some men take advantage of young girls that it means these girls can't be free to make their own choices. I know a women who's in her mid-thirties that's immature and naive and gets taken advantage of by men too. But as a teenager, you're old enough to make a choice as to who to date and whether or not to be sexually active with men your own age, why not older ones too if that's what they like? Do you think 15 year old guys don't take advantage of 15 year old girls just as much as older men do? In my experience, the younger ones tend to be worse about taking advantage of girls.

[Sanesoul]

I don't mean to be insensitive, but I thought you were a virgin?

 

Anyway, you are entitled to your opinion, just as I am. We will have to agree to disagree on this issue. I'm done with it.

[Car Chick]

I don't mean to be insensitive, but I thought you were a virgin?

 

Anyway, you are entitled to your opinion, just as I am. We will have to agree to disagree on this issue. I'm done with it.

 

I agree, some people can't agree.

 

And yes, I am a virgin. I have never willingly had sex. I don't deserve the label of a fornicator because someone raped me.