Unsure about Relationship

[Beaker5]

Hi everyone,

It's me. I haven't been here for a while but I'm here now because I need all of your help in making a very important decision.

 

As some of you may remember, I was in a horrible relationship that lasted 3 years and ended about 1 1/2 years go. You all helped me through the healing process and in keeping no contact and I can honestly say that I have gotten completely over my ex. Unfortunately, the negative relationship left scars that have been healing but still seem to not have completely healed.

 

In the 1 1/2 years of being out of the relationship, I hadn't planned on getting into any relationship. In fact, I planned on remaining single for a long time..but then something unexpected happened...I ended up giving a guy a chance and kissing him and have let it progressed on from there. He's the sweetest, kindest guy I could ever ask for. And he's crazy about me. We've been hanging out for some time and have a lot of things in common.

 

Here's where the problem starts:

Yesterday, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I told him I wasn't sure. The reason why I told him this was because I felt an immense amount of pressure suddenly and felt afraid of what could happen in the future. I care about him a lot and would love to be with him but there's something holding me back. It's almost as if I feel that I'm not grounded enough to get into a relationship at this certain point. In fact I almost feel like a helicopter seed that's floating about freely but also being carried by a strong wind and I'm just not ready to be planted. But I'd also like to be with him and am not sure if I should just take the chance. What should I do?

[DN]

Whatever you decide you had best decide fairly quickly otherwise he may make his own decision.

[random_stranger]

Do you really see a future with this guy? Or is he just somebody whose nice to have around?

 

Becoming his gf isn't necessarily an all-or-nothing decision. You can accept his proposal, but if you later find that you're better off or happier being single, then break up with him. If you're worried about his feelings, then let him know how you feel. If he still wants you to be his gf regardless, then give him a shot... at least he knows what he's getting into.

 

Do you feel "something holding you back" because of what happened in your previous relationship and you're scared? Or because you don't feel settled enough to get into another potentially serious relationship?

[Beaker5]

I guess it's mostly because I'm afraid of what may happen. I know he's a great guy so I know he wouldn't hurt me and I care about him so much. But what I'm actually afraid of is that I'll hurt him with my indecisiveness.

 

The interesting thing though is that I'd be extremely jealous if he decided to become interested in another girl. Is that selfish of me?

 

I mean, isn't every relationship a chance you're taking? You really can't predict what will come of anything. So...maybe I should take a chance?