Is there a way to stop being nervous and tense all of the time?

HotCoko · December 27, 2007

Usually when I'm out, I get anxiety! It's not really bad but I have a hard to time talking to new people or calm down in social settings where you have to speak in front of people. I literally start to shake and I get butterflies in my stomach and I can't relax which I hate. I just want to know if there are some methods to me relaxing in these type of situations and settings. I went to a party with a friend yesterday because she told me that I needed to get out more to forget about the drama I've been through recently. The whole time at the party I just sat there by myself not socializing with anyone nor did anyone seem interested in talking to me anyway.

Personally I'm just so tired of being the shy non talkative type and I want to be more social and outgoing. I think my main fear is what people may think or say about me which I need to get over. My anxiety has gotten so bad that even socializing with cashiers at the store is a task LOL. It was so funny earlier today, I went to the mall to get something from a clothing store. There was this guy at the register who I thought was cute. Even though I got the item and was ready to go to the register, I spent 30 minutes wandering around the store on purpose because I was too scared to talk to the guy lol. So when I finally had the guts to talk to him, I started to stutter and the butterflies in my stomach were going. He looked at me as if I was crazy, that was so embarrassing.

Is there a way not to clam down and not be so nervous and jittery all of the time?

buckdawg · December 27, 2007

anxiety is a very real problem in today's world and it prevents us from getting close to our potential. unfortunately there's no clear cut answer. the best advice i can give is take it up with a professional. if money's an issue then amazon has many many volumes of self help books on the topic.

NewPhillyGuy · December 27, 2007

Hi HotCoko,

You're talking to a guy who has dealt with the worst when it comes to anxiety - panic attacks and the whole deal. I used to take medication for the condition, but I have since learned how to control it, so I no longer need it. There are a few things I would recommend doing.

I am an advocate of professional therapy. If you feel that your behavior is disrupting your life, I would highly recommend counseling. Depending on your counselor's assessment, he or she may refer you to a psychiatrist to try medication. You may be opposed to this. I had good experiences with the medication. If you decide to try medication, read EVERYTHING YOU CAN about the medication, how it works, the side effects, your options as far as different types of medication. You need to follow the prescribing physician's directions to the letter! If you do, you will most likely have a good experience.

Best of luck to you. Feel free to PM me if you would like further detail on what to look for in a therapist, types of medication and how they work, etc. Happy to share my experiences with you.

itsallgrand · December 27, 2007

It used to be a big problem for me. I'm not a shy nor quiet person by nature, so it truly sucked.

I'd be trying to eat dinner at a restaurant and my hands would shake so bad. Yeah, it sucked.

There are a lot of things you can do.

Probably the one that helped me the most was putting real effort into taking care of my body and mind very seriously. A worn down body and brain usually, at the very least, makes nerves ten times worse.

If your personality is more naturally reserved, and you have been like this for as long as you can remember, it may take a bit more than taking care of yourself and throwing yourself out there again to practice.

Even so, it is something you can learn.

I spoke with and worked with my psychiatrist on it, and it helped. It was a matter of getting over certain beliefs as well. Unrealistic ones.

But I know for myself, the big thing is my body. So simple, yet so strong. A bad day healthwise for me is usually accompanied by nervous, twitchy energy.

ghost69 · December 27, 2007

the only real way to be less anti-social and scared and nervous is to do it more. have an outgoing friend around you to be your 'training wheels'. have him/her get you into the conversations more. it's the only way really. well, you don't need the friend per se, but you need to put yourself out there more.

maybe take a communications class. the force you to speak in front of people for a grade.

Night Pumpkin · December 27, 2007

I think most people feel anxious in at least some situations.

IT can be hard and paralyzing, esp. when you want to chat with someone of the opposite sex.

I guess the only way to over come it is with practice. Make a goal to go to the mall and talk with 25 cashiers. Even better, buy a transit pass, and hop from bus to bus, or train to train to talk to different people. Doing that at least guarantees that you will never see that person again, so you feel better if you say something you don't intend to.

Or even better, go right back and over come your fear by facing that guy again.....heha

arwen · December 28, 2007

I agree with the suggestions for professional help. Social anxiety can isolate a person and become a huge obstacle in life. While I agree that a certain amount of butterflies is normal and even healthy for most people, anxiety can be a disorder that paralyzes a person - resulting in becoming not functional (in work, personal relationships, ...).

You need not be imprisoned by this- you've already taken the first step by reaching out.

In the past I have been in cognitive therapy- I have been diagnosed with GAD- and this helped very much. I have read that cognitive therapy is especially powerful in the treatment of social anxiety, that's why I thought I should give you at least link removed. Google cognitive therapy and I think you will have many pages describing one form of another.

HotCoko · December 29, 2007

I guess I may need professional help I've always been shy but it seems as if it's intensified for the last month. I have very low self esteem issues and I hate how I look, which may be another reason why I'm so nervous all of the time. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder seeing if people are laughing or looking at me. I don't remember being this bad about the issue. Also when I'm out, it seems like everyone is beautiful except me and it makes me feel dirty when I'm out. I'm always examining people's faces and I'm saying to myself, I wish I could look like that. When I look in the mirror, I'm disgusted with what I see. I feel like I will never have anyone special in my life.

arwen · January 3, 2008

I guess I may need professional help I've always been shy but it seems as if it's intensified for the last month. I have very low self esteem issues and I hate how I look, which may be another reason why I'm so nervous all of the time. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder seeing if people are laughing or looking at me. I don't remember being this bad about the issue. Also when I'm out, it seems like everyone is beautiful except me and it makes me feel dirty when I'm out. I'm always examining people's faces and I'm saying to myself, I wish I could look like that. When I look in the mirror, I'm disgusted with what I see. I feel like I will never have anyone special in my life.

Hey coko,

I think the issues with your self esteem underlie your social anxiety. Why do you hate how you look? Did something happen in the last month such that this feeling became stronger?