from smiles to looking down

[oceanview]

I did something nice for this woman at my job about a month ago. Next thing you know she's all smiles and happy to see me...for a while.The things is I can be a little on the shy side. I think that maybe she misinterpreted this as being cold, or indifferent and I can't blame her. I've even caught her looking at me from afar. I didn't smile. Didn't do anything but...look away. Now there are no more smiles. She just walks with her eyes glued to the ground. If I walk in front of her she'll make sure to stay behind me no matter how slow I go.

 

I don't know if she feels I'm stuck up or mean. I wonder if I made her feel silly. Hopefully this isn't the case. Sometimes I think she's attracted to me, but I don't want to see something that is not there. I'm at a point where I don't want to try too hard, but I guess I would like to get to know her.

 

Any insight would be appreciated.

[applejack]

She makes sure to stay behind you, no matter how slowly you go? Maybe she is just shy? If I am going through a door, I, by nature, have a tendency to let someone go in front of me, unless they hold the door for me. It's just in my nature to not be obnoxious or overbearing. Perhaps she is the same way.

 

Can you give a bit more information?

[applejack]

Oh btw....does she know that you are bi or les?

[oceanview]

Oh btw....does she know that you are bi or les?

 

Thank you for your response. I don't think she knows. I'm currently trying to understand my feelings so I haven't declared my sexuality to world thus far. What other information would you like to know? I'll try my best to explain.

[oceanview]

The slow pace grabbed my attention because I constantly watch her zip about and then slow down when she's behind me. She acts preoccupied and avoids eye contact if she's in my vicinity. Did get a smile out her recently, but that's because I almost bumped into her.

 

Maybe I'll say something to her the next time she slows down. Guess I'd have more time to strike up a conversation. Not appearing weird or forcing things is a concern.

[mgirl]

It doesn't matter if you declare your sexuality or not, people just know. It's in the instinct.

 

By the sounds of it, i think she likes you. What she is displaying are all the classic symptoms of she likes you. She is shy etc. I think you should strike up a conversation and get to know her. Make a joke, make her relax. She will probably be happy that you made the effort. It sounds like she'd be receptive to your advances, all you need to do is try!

 

Good luck I know you can do it...

[applejack]

"If I walk in front of her she'll make sure to stay behind me no matter how slow I go.", you have proclaimed.

 

 

At the risk of sounding crude, I just have to say it. Maybe she's checking out your backside, and enjoying the view. Did you think of that?

[applejack]

What do you mean by, "appearing weird"? Is this girl a lot younger than you?

[oceanview]

What do you mean by, "appearing weird"? Is this girl a lot younger than you?

 

Don't know her age but I think she's a few years older than me. She serves cocktails. Don't know how to strike up a convo with her when I see her for seconds at a time. I'd ask if she'd like a beverage, like she did me, but I don't serve drinks. To suddenly try to strike up conversation esp if I know she's busy. Do you think that might come off as strange? I've seen her around for so long and never initiated a conversation. She's so busy looking down when she's around me that it feels strange for me to even try.

 

mgirl and applejack, thanx for the responses

[oceanview]

"If I walk in front of her she'll make sure to stay behind me no matter how slow I go.", you have proclaimed.

 

 

At the risk of sounding crude, I just have to say it. Maybe she's checking out your backside, and enjoying the view. Did you think of that?

 

LMAO......

[tomo]

What I can see by reading your post is whatever the nice thing was that you did for her made her so happy that she thought she had found a friend.When you didnt return her smiles an looking at her,maybe she is just as confused as you are,maybe she is just as shy as you are.As for her walking behind you no matter how slow you are walking maybe she does that hoping in her heart that you will turn around an talk to her,maybe thats her way of getting your attension.Talk to her,ask her out for coffee an something to eat,try an be her friend an see what happens ,if you want to get to know her you will have to make a move,if you dont then you will never know what could have been,go for it. lol good luck.What was the nice thing you did for her?

[applejack]

Just out of curiosity, may I ask what you did for her?

 

Another bit of advice: just relax and be yourself. Most women ( and yes that includes lesbians) like people with a sense of humor.

 

And, if you are acting freaked out around her, she may think that you are not comfortable with her because of her sexuality. If she in fact is bi/les.

[applejack]

Also; the women I work with know that I am bi. Some I have told face-to-face, and some have heard it through the grapevine, I'm sure.

 

My point in writing this, is that I can feel the tension sometimes, when I am around certain ones. I want to say, "hey don't flatter yourself." I'm not into you. But as you know, some people think that just because you might be gay, that you want to jump every woman in sight. And that is just not so. But then, you know that.

[oceanview]

Thanx, Tomo. What I did wasn't special. I found $ and gave it to her. To at least say hello was last night's mission but didn't happen. We exchanged glances but that's about it. Again she seemed to avoid me. After things finally slowed down I took a break. This woman was headed directly for me but immediately changed her direction when she saw me. How do you strike up conversation with someone who avoids you?

 

Questions are running through my mind and I think maybe her actions are not due to interest in me. Applejack, I don't know anything about her sexuality. I know I can make her smile. I'll give it another shot tonight if it feels natural.

[tomo]

We need to fouces on one thing at a time here,you need to get to know her better be attentive to her smiles an glances,put yourself in her walkway bump into her every now an then say hello,you are know on a mission to find out why she is avoiding you,write a note to her drop it on her tray or hand it to her in passing, you could say hello in the note or say something like are you avoiding me,I would like to get to know you better.maybe you could walk slowly behind her an see what she does,just a thought,its time to take the bull by the horns we need to know why this is happening,be strong,best of luck. Merry Christmas have a happy one God Bless.

[Jinx]

We need to fouces on one thing at a time here,you need to get to know her better be attentive to her smiles an glances,put yourself in her walkway bump into her every now an then say hello

I agree with Tomo on this point from what I've read of your posts. It may be attraction, it may have been happiness for having did what you did and thought she found someone.

 

Personally, from my experiences, a lot of people I know who look at the ground are less confident and try to get to work so that people won't talk to them because they are unsure of themselves. Before I became the chatter box that I am today around people I was extremely awkward and would look at the ground, my shoes, if someone talked to me I wouldn't make eye contact, I second guessed everything I thought I was getting from the other person verbally and non-verbally.

 

During that stage of my life if I met someone who really talked to me and wanted to be social or did something nice, or just approached me in a friendly way and tried to socialize it made me more bold. Now, if the next time they suddenly acted in a way I thought might be cool I was back to square one and second guessed their intentions, that maybe they really weren't being friendly to become friends with me but just being nice or filling time.

 

For Tomo's comment again, I think just randomly making conversation at any given point is the key. For me now, if I find someone who is shy and seems the least bit responsive I will pointedly go over and try to talk with them until I get some results. My main route though is humor, if I find someone who was previously responsive and suddenly gets shy around me again I will make a joke about the matter, but not one that will embarrass, usually a chuckle opens doors again.

 

Making a point to happily chirp out "Good morning!", or whatever part of the day you meet her, for a couple weeks (or more depending) can help a lot too.

 

I think if you can just get her back on a level of talking and smiling again, perhaps get into a conversation about her, and express to her indirectly and smooth it into conversation that you're shy and sometimes come off cool may really help her understand your nature and prevent some awkwardness if she is just misinterpreting your behavior.

 

Then, you can go from there and better gauge how warm her behavior is to you, whether it be budding attraction or just someone wanting to be friendly.

[oceanview]

Thanx Jinx.

 

I tend to only see her in passing, but I can squeeze a greeting in there. I'll try to make small talk too. I like her. I want to add that I did initiate the hello's a few times, but she didn't say anything back. I don't know if she just plain ignored me or didn't hear me. So I stopped saying hello.

 

I see the way she carries herself and how she talks to others and it's not the same when she's around me. Makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

There is another woman at my job who has this thing about her and I've noticed it for a while now. The guys notice it too. She too serve cocktails. Unlike woman #1, she always stares so I try to blurt out hello or wave no matter how I may feel inside. I'll even say hi with my lips (no sound) and she'll say hi back. She smiled at me for the first time last night. It was so goofy (goofy is cool) and caught me off guard. I thought about what everyone on here posted so I forced myself talk to her later. She seemed very receptive. 3 of us were even talking and our glances met a few times when the other girl was talking.

 

I've never had two people occupy my mind at once. Think it's best for myself to assume they're both straight, but I will try to get to know them both. I don't mind making new friends.

[tomo]

Thats wonderful you spoke to her[am happy for you]just be friends with them both an everything else will fall into place,keep up the good work an enjoy your new friendship,keep us posted on how things are going.

[oceanview]

Just an update.

 

Waitress #1 is atleast smiling and speaking at times. I don't know if she still avoids me because I don't pay as much attention. I would like to get to know her more, but I'm not as interested because...

 

I feel comfortable around Waitress #2. Everything seems so natural now. We exchange glances and smiles. I even paid her a compliment the other night which really lit her face up. I usually just see her in passing as things have been busy at the job. When I get the chance I'm going to make conversation.

 

I'm aware all of this is most likely in my head so I'll continue to assume that she's straight. I have yet to see her smile at someone other than myself. Compared to the way the other waitresses look at me I can't help but think there's something there. I don't know.

[tomo]

Thats great keep doing as you are an stay thinking that they are straight,proud of you in time you will find your answers.lol

[oceanview]

What do you mean ask her if she'd like a beverage like she did you? Did she ask you out for a drink before and you said no? Elaborate here...i am not sure what you mean.

 

Oh. I just meant she'd approach me to ask if I'd like a beverage. This was before I even noticed her. Never once did I say yes. Needless to say she no longer asks...boohoo

 

#1 is no longer avoiding me. Quite the opposite really. We held a gaze as she walked TOWARD me. We smiled and said hello. It's a start.

 

I no longer feel too shy to talk to either one and I've learned from my fumbles. I think I'll do just fine IF I ever get the chance to talk to them as I'm not really the type to try and jump through hoops.

 

Thanks tomo. I hope something happens soon.

[tomo]

Things will happen in time,good things come to those who wait.It will be a slow process. Keep up the good work lol.

[oceanview]

#2 really surprised me the other night. We got the chance to talk and I truly enjoyed our conversation. I was impressed. A very nice exchange. Surprised actually. IMO most people tend to go on forever about themselves not caring about the experiences of the next person. She wasn't like that. She asked so much about me. I too asked her things but I didn't really feel comfortable asking if she was in a relationship, etc so I figured I'd work on that.

 

Somehow we got on the subject and I told her that I was taking a trip soon. She told me that she wishes she could come along. I smiled and didn't think anything of it. The conversation continued and I noticed she repeated the same thing a few times more so finally I told her I was traveling alone and she was more than welcome to come. She said, "I really wish I could but MY HUSBAND won't let me." No good! LOL. The look on her face read, "You're lucky you're not married." We talked more but she had things to do. I hate to focus on little things but I noticed she touched my arm. I even got her to smile a few times. Too bad she's married.

 

I tell myself that I think she'd make a cool friend, as I really do enjoy talking to her. It would've been easier if she was good looking but lacked conversation/personality, but NOOOO. She has to have looks AND a brain. Shame on her!

 

Someone mentioned that intense stare in another thread. I do that to her all the time. I feel she does it back. We stare and it's to the point where I have to force my eyes to fight some kind of magnetic energy when I try to look away. I've never felt that....ever.

 

I thinkthat maybe I should stop staring so much. She's married. Also, I don't want to freak her out. My mind is starting to mess with me. I don't want to get too wrapped up, but at the same time I don't want her to think I'm brushing her off. I'd like to be her friend, I'm just concerned about my emotions. Does someone have suggestions?

[tomo]

So she is married thats ok just be her friend,as for your emotions just think of her as a workmate that hang out sometimes to relax ,unwine have a drink an chat an enjoy eacher others company after work, nothing wrong with that.If you are happy thats all that matters,be yourself an be proud of how far you have come along way from the shy girl who was to who you are now that is an achivement with in itself well done oceanview.

[SevenDeadlySins]

But as you know, some people think that just because you might be gay, that you want to jump every woman in sight.

 

LOL! My cousin can't stand lesbians 'cause she thinks that they're gonna jump her and rape her, or try to touch her leg or her derriare [butt] by "accident" and secretly enjoy it. People can be so small minded ¬_¬ I wonder what she's gonna say when she finds out about me lol.

 

Oh and well done with waitress #1 and waitress #2, it seems you have come a long way lol. It's a shame about waitress #2 having a husband though.