SevenDeadlySins

Good for you for coming out =D I came out as bi not too long ago to my best friend and all of my close friends. I was scared, a little ashamed and kind of relieved. But my best friend is so cool and we talk about it all the time. I thought it would be awkward hanging around with them and talking to them about it, but it's normal... nothing's really changed. Except i have way more crushes than i used to lol =D

You know how every family has them arguments about something petty sometimes??? My family has them ALL the time... and they mostly have something top do with my mum. Mum is an angry woman who won't get over her past and keeps repeating how much of a bad childhood she has had. I have spoken to my cousin about it and she claims that some of my aunts and uncles have had rubbish childhoods themselves, and were treated loads worse than my mum. Ok so she had a bad childhood... who hasn't??? And if it was so bad STOP talking about it, it's just making you bitter inside ¬_¬ I get on with two of my aunts, but only visit my closest one 'cause the other one lives abroad... but i love all my family =] Yesterday i went to my aunt's house 'cause everyone was there... my two uncles, some of my cousins, all of my aunties and my nan =] Everyone was there... Except my mum, my sister and my brothers ¬_¬ so i was the only person from my house T_T "Where's your brothers? How's your mum? What's your sister doing today???" "I don't know" i said "when i went home noone was in" Everyone goes silent and there is a psycho tension in the air... And that was the truth... noone was in... "where'd they go?" they ask again... "i don't know" i would reply politely... but the truth was i did know... Mum had taken my little brother to work with her ¬_¬ instead of making me take him to see his family... poor child has to be ordered around by her and dragged places he doesn't want to go instead of doing what he likes. Can't wait until he's old enough to do what he wants, thanks to her he doesn't see his family T_T there have been countless times when i go "Can i take him to aunty's today?" and she would say "No i would prefer if he stays away from them"... how selfish... My older brother was probably out robbing old people, getting high and destroying public property... And my sister had work but finishes at about 5.30 or 6.00 so she could have passed by to see them seeing as her work is only down the road and she drives down the road to go home... Sad isn't it??? Every where i go i have to make up excuses to them 'cause my mum doesn't want to be involved with them ¬_¬ This morning i wake up and my aunt (the one who lives abroad) phoned my mobile phone and she goes "where's your mum?" i said "she's here... *LONG AWKWARD SILENCE* do you wanna talk to her?" "Yeah..." I hand mum my phone and they talk... mum gives my phone to my older sister 'cause she's not talking to me again... for some petty stupid reason i don't even know... i probably didn't say hello the right way? or i tidied up too fast? or i didn't smile enough? i don't know... she gets mad at me for stupid reasons while my brother is outdoors riding stolen cars, selling drugs, beating up people, stealing and destroying people's property ¬_¬ About half an hour after i got my phone back she bursts into my room and starts shouting stuff like >>> "How dare you force my family on me!!!" WHAT THE CRAP???? WHAT is she talking about??? "I told you i didn't want to speak to them, they just called on the phone and i didn't answer!!!" How the BANANA am i supposed to know what you do while you're sulking in the next room??? "My family don't tell me things!!! When mum's gone hospital they don't tell me until they feel like it!!!" HUH??? Am i supposed to feel sorry for you or something??? For the record they try to tell her but she doesn't pick up the crapping phone and 'cause they tell her a day later or something??? ATLEAST they try to call her and tell her... and they probably only tell her a day late 'cause they can't get thourhg to her... THAT's why they're ALWAYS calling my phone asking me where she is and how comes she don't call them or answer their calls!!! When she goes to me the other day... It's better if they don't come to this house after what your brother did... "what he do?" she just shook her head and turned up her mouth then walked and i got mad with her 'cause she woke me up with that stupid sentence and i'm all sleep and confused and she drops it on my like that!!!! Then she got mad that i'm mad ¬_¬ how childish... i can act like that... i'm seventeen but she keeps telling me i'm a child act like one... 'cause she's always going on like "you think you're a big woman blah blah blah" then she turns it around to "stop acting so childish" MAKE YOUR MIND UP!!!! And the day before she goes "If they ask where i am tell them i'm at work but don't tell them what time i start or finish..." When i reminded her about what she said she try shout at me "YEAH!!! I SAID WEEKEND ASWELL!!!! THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW I'M AT HOME, YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED ME BEFORE YOU PUT HER ON THE PHONE!!!" First of all... she didn't say anything about weekend, and not knowing about her being at home ¬_¬ And WHAT THE CRAP??? I'm not her personal assistant... she ain't paying me to work for her... actually she stopped giving me money... Her little personal lying assistant. Why should i lie for her and get sucked into her world of depression and self pity???? And she said "DON'T FORCE MY FAMILY ON ME!!! IF YOU WANT TO FORCE YOURSELF ON THEM THAT'S FINE!!! BUT DON'T INVOLVE ME!!!" Huh??? WHAT THE CRAP??? Okay i usually don't analyse things... but she made it seem like they don't want me around or something. THEN i was thinking that she doesn't want me around them so i can end up like her. I don't know, but what she said hurt. She keeps telling me that i'm like my dad... ah well fair enough i'd prefer to be like dad than be like her. She's comletely crazy. She complains that they don't call her.... but when they do she doesn't pick up ¬_¬ How stupid is that??????? Sorry for this being so long had so much to say, and sorry for it being confusing... so didn't know how to write everythng down lol Let me know what you guys think... and hope you enjoyed your christmas and new year

Hey, I didn't know which thingy to post this is in, but i like this one so i thought i'll just do it here =] Can anyone tell me what do find attractive about a woman's/girl's butt? And which do you prefer? big ones? or small ones?

Yeah i'm a british citizen =] Ohhhhhhhh i didn't know counseliing was free... thanks for advice =]

I'm looking for jobs at the moment and i don't want to be a burden on my friends cause they have boyfriends and it would feel like i'm in the way...etc... And about the respect thing, it's hard to show her any respect at all cause i dislike her as a person and during the time that we haven't spoken i've really bgean to know the REAL her. Today was so the the FINAL thing that made me snap, i never thought i'd say this but i'm beginning to hate her as a person... Oh and my dad has an apartment not too far from here, but i've already asked him and he said no... but only cause my older half brother is staying down there and they kind of fell out... i think they had an argument and my brother pushed my dad down the stairs... so... yeah... oh and he smokes cannabis =] but i like him... he's alright with me...

Oh the schools and stuff over england (where i am now) are completely different to the ones in america... lol. Other family members will probabl be reluctant to take me in seeing as when she kicked out my brother and he went to stay down there, it resulted in oone big argument and who said what and so on... My nanny lives tooooooo far away and is tooooo sick to take me in, besides i still got colege to go to =] And i don't think she was abused, that sounds bad... she was disciplined... and she can't even complain cause my older aunties got the worst beatings out of all of them, she's just exaggerating... she blames my youngest aunty for everything that happened to her which is completely stupid because my aunty only lied on her one time and she keeps going on about it. Infact i saw that same aunty yesterday and she doesn't go on about stupid things like that... And counselling costs money, which i am short of at the moment seeing as i don't have a job and i don't think counselling would work cause she only hears what she wants to hear... she's right, everyone else is wrong... she thinks we all talk about her. Like today at the little family renunion thing we had she thinks we all sat down and had a good long chat abotu her... which is so untrue, we were actually catching up cause we haven't seen eachother for a long time and my nanny is unwell so i was talking to her for a while...

LOL no i just really don't fel like calling her my "mother" it's like she's completely different compared to the rest of the family. Yeah we do have our little arguments but she just goes over board. And over the past few months i noticed i don't like her personality. No offence yeah but i think she's racist, i am offended by most of the things she says about white people and/or asian people cause i hang aorund with alot of different people and race has never been an issue for me. She is stubborn and one time i must of asked her "if your mum's dying wisdh was to speak to your brothers and sisters, would you do it?"... can you BELIEVE the woman said "NO"...

I'm turning 17 this week and i have a younger brother of 15 (but he will be 16 in the next few months). He has always been the one to cause trouble and police come round the house to collect him or arrest him for something stupid he done, and being the moron that he is he is also dumb enough to get caught. He has been suspended from school from a young age and has now been kicked out of high school. I have only been suspended twice but i have finished school and i am now at college. Just after i started college...my female birth parent decided to scream and shout at me because i was teasing my little brother (which is what older brothers and sisters do basically). Then being the stubborn that she is she also stopped talking to me, which i had no problem with. Less conversations wih her means less hassle for me because she was always angry with me EVERY weekend for some stupid reason. And it's never what i say, it's the way i say it... which is stupid because there's only one way to say things. About two weeks ago now i was running a bath for myself, and she popped up out of nowhere saying she wanted to use the bathroom. After i let the water out she decided to jump up and down and scream like the hysterical crazy she is, so i turned up my music so i coudn't hear her. When she burst into my room she ORDERED me to turn it down, and i didn't so she picked up me cd player and threw it on the floor. I picked up my cd player and turned it back on. So she came back in and decided to smash it against the radiator... in the end she finally broke the cd player my uncle bought me as a GIFT last christmas... or the christmas before i can't remember... So i decided i am definitely not talking to her after she broke my gift from my uncle. Every sunday i go to my aunty's house, this sunday my nanny was there and i went down to see her. Crazy birth mother didn't go because she is not talking to my uncle, my aunties and neither one of my cousins that were there... she is also not talking to me or my younger brother. NOTICE THE PATTERN, EVERYONE IS TALKING TO EVERYONE ELSE EXCEPT FOR HER...So instead of her visiting her sick mum she decides to stay down here and swim in self pity. I assure you she can swim in it cause she feels that much pity for herself. She is always feeling sorry for herself, and complaining about how she had a bad childhood. But instead of she just try to forget it, she keeps bringing it up and reliving whatever pain she went through back then ¬_¬ She alway said she was the one that got picked on, she was the one that got beaten, and she was the one that got in the most trouble...but she never did anything wrong ¬_¬ riiiiiiiiiiight... Today she was in my room talking to my older sister (aka the suck up/mini-mum) so i went in the bathroom to wait for her to come out and as i open the bathroom door she flies at me telling me i have no respect for her???? This is coming from the women who goes out of her way to walk all the was down the stairs if she sees either me or my brother near the stairs. This is the same women tha hasn't talked to me for weeks, hasn't asked me how college is, doesn't bother to offer to give me money for lunch... (no i don't have a job, i'm looking and have been since july ¬_¬ no luck at all)...the same woman who doesn't talk to her three out of four sisters and one of her two brothers... the same woman that won't visit her sick mother (my nanny) ¬_¬... so while im telling her to get off of me my sister is shouting at me to shut up. You see it? MY SISTER WANTS ME TO SHUT UP WHILE MY BIRTH MOTHER IS ATTACKING ME ¬_¬ So i'm telling my sister to leave me alone and she does for a while, but stupid crazy skanky mother pushes me into mine and my sisters bedroom to attack me somemore, and while she's doing that i'm telling her to leave me alone and go away. But she decides to jump in my face and spraying everywhere while she's screaming for me to get out of her face ¬_¬ oh and has she never heard say it don't spray it. So i'm trying to get out of my room so she and mini-mum can converse about how i have no manners... but she won't let me. Instead my dad has to come and open the door and grab her off of me... while my mini-mum is ginoring what i said earlier and telling me to shutup and have respect for mum. So basically i'm a big soon-to-be-seventeen year old girl that has to stand there and get beaten up ¬_¬ And i've noticed everyone that has come in her life has called her crazy but i didn't believe it... of course... me being the naive little daughter she expected me to be forever... but i've come to realise she is crazy... i see it, everyone else sees it... final conclusion >>> i hate her MY handis now swolen, and my eyes were stinging me when she was tackling me... i have also got a cut lip. Thank you for your time you guys =]

I was reading your "Dear Diary" journal thingy and i know this is SO random and no offence but are you crazy??? you said --> "I mean look at me i'm huge and ugly i don't deserve food. And stupid me can't even throw up properly. I wish i could. I wish i could be beautiful"... You are so NOT ugly... honestly your gorgeous... *sigh* can't believe YOU said that... PS. Apologies for random outburst =D

I believe in lust at first sight lol... hmmm... i do grow to love my all friends on different levels, but have never really been attracted to and/or have thought that we could be more than close friends. They are gorgeous, i just have never really thought about them like that ... but ya never know... it could happen lol =P Thanks for the words of wisdom on body language =D

Read my other thread --> search up angrytear (got new user cause this one sounds cooler =P lol) Since that thread i have told a few of my closest friends that i am attracted to men and women... women probably a little more and they are fine with it, part from one of my friends is a little uncomfortable but she treats me the same so it dont matter. My family still doesnt know, and my three other closest friends dont have a clue... i think. I dont want to tell them because they can get so critical and that annoys me, especially when its going to be about osmething i wa really confused about for so long... so they will confuse me more. And i don't really think im ready for everyone to know, word travels fast... people have big mouths and love to gossip. OMGosh! there's this girl in my college, she's like so beautiful and flawless (in my eyes). I dont even know her, don't know her name, we study two completely different subjects and her lessons are at the other end of the building mostly. Seriously she's like jaw dropping gorgeous... unbelievable... I just stare whenever i see her.. One more thing... i saw her smile last week... OMGosh! seriously... i think im like infatuated with her or something... So... don't so much need your advice but feel free to give it, just needed to tell somebody.