So tired of being disappointed by people.. tired of life..

[HotCoko]

After a long time of trying to find a man to make me happy I realize it's hopeless. All men do is use me so I give up and it's time to focus on me I guess. Problem is I realize that I'm so lonely. Everyday is the same routine and I'm too bored and exhausted to try something new. I don't really care about trying anything. I don't care about making friends at this point. People are funny, it seems like I can't find a decent person. All of the friends I have either seem to use me for something to a certain level or they're too faced and don't really like me. It never fails.. am I the problem? I have yet to find someone genuine and real.. sad as it is.. it's a problem..

 

All of this has made me horribly depressed and my self esteem is very shot.I've led a very sheltered life by myself most of the time so I'm used to it. I didn't really get to live a good life because my parents are so paranoid and they refrain me from doing so many things out of fear of me getting hurt. They were right because I get hurt in everything that I do. I basically want a man because I want someone to love me and pay attention to me. No one ever does, even my parents ignore me. I used to love to write and sing and I would tell my parents and friends about it, but everyone would make that stupid smile and say, that's nice but I'm just too busy to read or listen to your work. They never bothered to come back to listen.

 

It's always me by myself and I feel no one has ever paid attention to me or loved me. I guess it has to take me killing myself to get some attention it seems which doesn't sound like a bad idea at the moment!

[Ampire]

your first problem is that i bet you cant spend a whole week alone and have a great time, second problem is your looking for someone else to give you happiness....you have to create your own happiness, someone else will just help compliment it....sorry if i sound like a a$$ but the reason people dont pay attention to you is probably because you dont give them enough to pay attention to...and you think killing yourself is an answer...then your wrong...

[buckdawg]

After a long time of trying to find a man to make me happy

 

as Ampire alluded to this is your first problem.

 

you're the one responsible for you own happiness, no one else.

[jmantra]

I find the whole "happiness comes within" mantra to be a double-standard,

 

Someone comes on this board saying they're unhappy because they can't find the right person, and their friends are treating them like crap and people say "you shouldn;t depend on others for happiness", but yet all throughout this board, their's all kinds of advice on how to pickup dates, and improve relationship. And not only on this board but society in general puts a lot of emphasis on relationship. Even the bible talks a lot about relationships.

 

But yet people have the audacity to say "you shouldn't depend on others to make you happy" seems to me like a nice of way of saying: "No one out there really wants you, so learn how to cope and accept it"

 

Lets have our cake and eat it too.

[buckdawg]

i think you're comparing apples to oranges.

 

i believe that in order to be happy in a relationship (any relationship, SO, best friend, co-worker, etc.) then you must first be happy with yourself. it all starts within. if you have insecurities or feelings of low self-worth then those will manifest themselves in your social interactions.

 

i'm just voicing my opinion here but it is something i have thought long and hard about. low self esteem and a low feeling of self worth are things i've battled since childhood. in my case, i didn't start to be happy (or happier) until i learned to accept me for who i am and not try to be someone i thought other people would like.

[HotCoko]

as Ampire alluded to this is your first problem.

 

you're the one responsible for you own happiness, no one else.

 

 

Ok I understand that and I've heard it before so many times!! How can I make myself happy?? I mean yeah people say I'm responsible for my own happiness I understand that, how can I get to that point when everything seems so grim right now. I just can't jump up one day and say.. I am soo happy by myself... YES I'm happy! It doesn't work like that..

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I find the whole "happiness comes within" mantra to be a double-standard,

 

Someone comes on this board saying they're unhappy because they can't find the right person, and their friends are treating them like crap and people say "you shouldn;t depend on others for happiness", but yet all throughout this board, their's all kinds of advice on how to pickup dates, and improve relationship. And not only on this board but society in general puts a lot of emphasis on relationship. Even the bible talks a lot about relationships.

 

But yet people have the audacity to say "you shouldn't depend on others to make you happy" seems to me like a nice of way of saying: "No one out there really wants you, so learn how to cope and accept it"

 

Lets have our cake and eat it too.

 

I think you are missing the point...relationships should complement your life but you should already be happy without a partner. People who get married or have a partner are not necessarily happy because they are unhappy within themselves. Being content within yourself doesn't mean you don't long for a relationship..BUT it means that you can function well without one...having a partner is simply the extra icing on a cake which already has tons of icing!

[buckdawg]

Ok I understand that and I've heard it before so many times!! How can I make myself happy?? I mean yeah people say I'm responsible for my own happiness I understand that, how can I get to that point when everything seems so grim right now. I just can't jump up one day and say.. I am soo happy by myself... YES I'm happy! It doesn't work like that..

 

you're right but the fact you're asking the question is a good start.

 

let me ask you this. how do you feel about yourself? do you think you're a good person? a person worthy of someone else's companionship?

[Spugly Fuglet]

Lifes an odd thing, we place so much of it ion the hands of other, I mean

"I feel bad becouse you" seems to be saying You have power over what I feel

the truth is we give them that power, disappointent in people is an illusion

we in fact disappointed that our expectations of them was short. We did not get what we wonted to get, so wont is the core feeling.

 

I wonted better.

 

But is it right of use to place that on others, that wont that need we make for our selfs, and then to hand over power over our feelings to them and the acts.

 

For me the realization of what I was doing changed my life for the better, I know longer give power away over my feelings to others, I do not hand out wont to the as well, they are as they are good or bad.

 

We are out actions and as such I look to my own actions and deeds, Others I know look at me addly becouse I do not act as they feel I should but that is there wonts placed on me and I smile and let them wont on.

 

look to what I do, in that is where I am.

As some one once said

"words like violence. break the silence"

[itsallgrand]

I didn't really get to live a good life because my parents are so paranoid and they refrain me from doing so many things out of fear of me getting hurt. They were right because I get hurt in everything that I do.

 

^ I think this is a good start for working at improving your happiness. Start to challenge what you've been taught, what you believe, what you have known up til now.

 

What is in bold: I strongly disagree with that belief! I don't think your parents were right - about being paranoid and that it will somehow protect you. About how sheltering yourself and withdrawing makes life easier somehow.

 

I don't agree that you being hurt - which happens to everyone on this planet, we all hurt sometimes - proves that they were right to hold you back.

It's not a reason to keep yourself back now.

 

Therapy. Have you tried it? This is exactly the sort of stuff therapy is for! It has helped a lot of people including myself. And if you are feeling helpless and "oh god, I have issues, man! it won't help me!" Well..all I can say to that is : It helped me and I've experienced what you describe and a lot more ugly things.

 

It takes work, hard work, to turn things around. But it is totally worth it. And in working for it, too, even when you want to quit and crawl in a hole...you start gaining your own respect and really loving yourself...seeing the value of yourself and how strong you can be.

 

All you gotta do to start is imagine "What if I really could live a life without all these horrible feelings always on my back? What if I have been wrong and been doing things in a way that doesn't help me? What can I do differently?" and start trying things.

 

But it is in your hands. Nobody else's anymore. And you can do it.

[HotCoko]

you're right but the fact you're asking the question is a good start.

 

let me ask you this. how do you feel about yourself? do you think you're a good person? a person worthy of someone else's companionship?

 

Honestly I don't feel very good about myself at the moment. I hate how I look, I feel undesirable and I feel like nobody loves me which ultimately is having me sink into depression. I think I'm a good person, I think too good of a person where people take advantage of it which I hate. I'm constantly flashing back to all of the things that have been done wrong by me by family,so called friends and past relationships and it eats me up inside and after last week's stunt which you can read by searching my name.. I've just had it. I'm so tired of living in this selfish world.. I'm so tired of being nice and it gets me no where.. No one understands what I'm feeling.. No one really does.. I ultimately feel alone and it makes me cry.

 

I want to not care about these things and be strong but I can't do it anymore. I just want to avoid people altogether. I don't feel like I belong anywhere on this planet.

[Ampire]

Honestly I don't feel very good about myself at the moment. I hate how I look, I feel undesirable and I feel like nobody loves me which ultimately is having me sink into depression. I think I'm a good person, I think too good of a person where people take advantage of it which I hate. I'm constantly flashing back to all of the things that have been done wrong by me by family,so called friends and past relationships and it eats me up inside and after last week's stunt which you can read by searching my name.. I've just had it. I'm so tired of living in this selfish world.. I'm so tired of being nice and it gets me no where.. No one understands what I'm feeling.. No one really does.. I ultimately feel alone and it makes me cry.

 

 

aslong as you don't look like your avatar then your ok...honestly, the more you focus on anything negative the more it will show, look in the mirror and pick out your best feature, and focus on that, then from that you will begin to notice other things, when i was younger like 17, so 10 years ago I had a crap self esteem, I hated the man in the mirror cuz the reflection made the pain more real, but that was because i was focusing on stupid things, now i look in the mirror and I smile, i see a little bit of my dads features coming in a little, i think im a very handsome dude and I could care less what anyone else thinks because inside I know that I am, and thats all that matters. some people thing angelina jolie is hot, I don't, to each their own...

 

as far as being too nice, you can never be too nice, they have the quote nice guys finish last, it goes for females too, but it doesnt really mean nice guys finish last, it means in the end, nice guys get it all...don't look at what others have done to you and think negative about it, think about the good you have done to them and think positive about it and let that positive seed grow inside of you....deep down you know you are a good person, but it's all your negative thoughts and doubts that are allowing for that to come out and shine...so it may seem like people are letting you down, or treating you like crap, thats only because its become and expactation of yours...expect to live a great life and you will...

[buckdawg]

it sounds like you're a good person. you seem very contemplative, compassionate and thoughtful. last time i checked these were good things. i don't know how old you are but if you're in your teens or early 20's those are very tough years for everyone. kids can be cruel sometimes and it's important to not let things said or done affect you personally. i know it's easier said than done but once you truly start to believe in yourself it's easier to let these signs of immaturity roll off your back.

 

i'm not even close to qualified to help you on any other level than being a friend but as itsallgrand suggested therapy is a great help. it was for me. and it is very hard work if you do it right. you'll have to confront some very painful things inside of you to get through it but once you start you'll see improvement almost immediately.

[Proactive Paradigm]

No one understands what I'm feeling.. No one really does...

 

Not true.

 

Switch what you've written around to being a guy's POV and I may as well have written that, virtually word for word.

 

So yeah, I understand.

 

Unfortunately, the fact someone might actually thereforeeee understand my pain... does nothing for me at all. I hope it provides you some slight relief.

 

I don't feel like I belong anywhere on this planet.

 

Word For Word.

[Ampire]

Not true.

 

Switch what you've written around to being a guy's POV and I may as well have written that, virtually word for word.

 

So yeah, I understand.

 

Unfortunately, the fact someone might actually thereforeeee understand my pain... does nothing for me at all. I hope it provides you some slight relief.

 

 

 

Word For Word.

 

 

both of you will find your way...you arent looking, or allowing yourself to find your way because all you do is mope around in your sorrows, let go of the crap and start taking responsability for your own life, your own feelings and your own path...

 

noone can hand that to you...

[HotCoko]

Sigh confusion! I'll try to work something with myself.. I don't know how but I will. Ultimately there was a period where I didn't care what people did or say and I was getting stronger. But lately it's gettin overwhelming and it's like enough! I've been through a lot in my life and it's like the energy is draining me. I'm thinking about my environment and it's the people around me with the problem. Maybe I just need to take sometime to myself. I just fear loneliness so bad, but I'm going to have to face it for awhile until I can get my act together I suppose.

[sandyv]

For what it is worth, I feel somewhat like yourself right now, or at least I did.

 

I've decided though life must go on..... yeah, I don't like it either, but thats just the way it goes....

 

Don't give up, you sound like a very worthwhile and kind person, things have a way of changing when you least expect them too....

 

Take care

 

xx

 

Sandy

[jmantra]

I think you are missing the point...relationships should complement your life but you should already be happy without a partner. People who get married or have a partner are not necessarily happy because they are unhappy within themselves. Being content within yourself doesn't mean you don't long for a relationship..BUT it means that you can function well without one...having a partner is simply the extra icing on a cake which already has tons of icing!

 

 

Yes but think about the 32 year old male virgin who is never even had a kiss (they do exist, BTW). How is he supposed to be happy when he is going on 32 and has never even had a kiss?! How is he supposed to be happy when he is apparently so repulsive that at 32 he has never had a date?