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well im 17 and ive just started having sex with my boyfriend but 4 some reason weneva i ask him to pull out or stop he'll keep going pushing harder and faster and it really hurts!! i ignored it for a few weeks but last night he went in so hard that i couldnt take it and i blacked out. ilove him so much but is this abuse and should i break up with him??? please help , i can neva say no 2 him coz im not strong enough, and i dont wanna hurt his feelings! thanx 4 reading and please tell me wat i should do!?

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He is being selfish, and only thinking of himself. I wouldnt say its sexual abuse, because your consenting to it.

 

He is a bad lover, he doesnt really care about you, he is treating you like a piece of meat.

 

If awoman tells me stop it hurts, I stop right there on the spot. period. this guy doesnt care about your pleasure, heck, he doesnt care if it hurts you, he is only thinking of himself.

 

Dump this creep right away.

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What he is doing is abuse. It is also rape from the time you tell him to stop. It does not matter that you consented up to that point.

 

You deserve better than that. If he loved you, he wouldn't threaten you. Get away from him immediately. For your own safety.

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Ultimate_you. Your first post seemed like the guy was a jerk and I would say, maybe not abuse, but not a great boyfriend, if my bf did that I would deffinately be really upset.

 

Your second post though, was slightly disturbing. Im concerned from your post that you may be in a very bad situation. What do you mean by "have a chance to get away". I think you need to talk to someone in your support group (do you have one? or are you isolated?) if this man is threatening to kill you, then YES he is abusing you. That is totally inappropriate. Abuse doesn't have to be a physical action, its about how someone makes you feel, words CAN hurt as much as fists. If you are hurting and scared of him, then you are being abused. If you do not have a support group, then please get in contact with SOMEONE a counselor, a shelter, the police. Good luck, you are not alone.

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This is abuse.

 

Are you living with this guy or something? You wondered about running way, which implies you are.

 

If you're not living with him, because of the lack of thought for you from him, and the threats (I'm assuming there was some level of seriousness) then I would have to advise not to see him again, or talk to him again. If you feel truly threatened, then maybe going somewhere for a few days until things settle a bit would help you emotionally.

 

If you live with him, move out. If there's stuff you need from where you are, take enough people along with you so you feel safe. If you have to see him again, do so in somebody else's company.

 

Do not be worried about this guys feelings, he has none for you from what you've written. He's using you, most likely trying to scare you into not changing things rather than a serious threat, but don't take a chance. Decent, caring people don't do that type of thing. It's not worth putting yourself through any more of this, consider yourself emotionally and physically and take care of you first. Then worry about others.

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I have some questions to ask you before you do anything. Please answer them here on the forum or PM me if you want it more private.

 

First question,

Has he ever hit or hurt you in any other way? (This is important)

 

Second,

Does he ever grab you or try to restrain you in any way while you are fighting about something?

 

Third,

Is he the type of guy that goes mental/bezerk at the littlest things in life?

 

Please answer this before I can go on.

 

Hubman

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No offense, hubman, but I tend to disagree with the part about not doing anything. Here's why.

 

If it does turn out to be a big misunderstanding, and he is in fact a nice guy, then there's no real harm done, and they may get back together. He'll understand why she reacted that way. The worst outcome form this is Ultimate_you loses a boyfriend.

 

But the on the flip side, the consequences could be terrible. Is it worth the risk, or any risk at all in waiting to see what happens? She's already been hurt, repeatedly. She's told him, he stepped up the tension level if nothing else.

 

It's up to you Ultimate_you. I'm not sure what advise you were hoping for. If you were wondering if this was in any way normal, I think you've seen it's not. Sounds like he gets off in hurting you. Be very careful.

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No No NO... I don't mean for her not to do anything. I may not have made myself clear. We cannot tell her what to do if he is the type of guy that is going to hurt her badly. I need to find out what type of guy this is. She is considering fleeing and I think I know the answer already but, I want to make sure before I give any suggestions. I don't want her to get hurt by him I need more information before I can make a suggestion. I want her to get out of this relationship safely but, first I need to know how and who he is. We don't know anything about this guy and maybe he is one of those guys that beat the crap out of their women.

 

Please don't get me wrong.

 

Hubman

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ive tried talking 2 him but he says if i tell ne 1 he'll kill me! and im 2 scared im thinking of running away! i have a chance on sunday so should i??? please help, i dont want 2 hurt his feelings but i dont wanna keep getting hurt just 4 him.

 

Get the hell out of there, you're not safe from what it sounds.

 

This guy has something wrong with him up stairs to threaten your life over sex.

 

GET OUT!

 

Good luck

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k heres the answers..

First question,

Has he ever hit or hurt you in any other way? he's neva hit me, yet and dont wanto find out if he is the kinda guy that'd do that!

 

Second,

Does he ever grab you or try to restrain you in any way while you are fighting about something?

he's grabed me when i told him i was going to leave him , and he didnt let go till i promised i'd stay with him. and he holds me down wen we're having sex.

 

Third,

Is he the type of guy that goes mental/bezerk at the littlest things in life?

all of the time, like if i go out with friends for a few hours he'll start screaming at me.

 

thanx 4 all of ur advice, if u could help more that would b great!!!! i'll probably leave of on sunday if i can!

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Ultimate_you,

 

I would like to say that from what you have stated from my questions that he will hurt you. I think that we all know that you have to end this relationship now. The problem is how do you do it? Well I would say make sure that you are in a public place with lots of people around and tell him everything that is bothering you. I would also make sure that you have some friends near by if you need help. You also might want to tell someone in your family that you trust about what is happening. You have to get away from this one because he is abusing you. Holding you down and hurting you during sexual intercourse is abuse. As soon as you say stop and he keeps on going is rape and abuse. You deserve better than this and you need to get away from this one before he really hurts you.

 

Hubman

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hey can we know how old is this guy?

because it seems that this guy could be older than you.

i was in a situation like that before, and im telling you you better leave him before you get hurt. that is not love, think of you for a second and youll see.

let us know if anything ok,

if you need anything pm me ok

good luck

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Girl, if it hurts you then it is wrong. Before you start worring about him think about you self first. Take care of number one and that's you. Love and respect yourself. You seem like a bright person, so listen to that little voice inside screaming that something is wrong. If I were, I'd leave. The honest truth is, this may be just the beginning of a rocky road. So pave that road smooth and leave, girl.

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Sorry I couldnt do a follow up, i was out of town.

 

You need to do anything you can to get away from this guy, he is abusive. in the original post it seemed to me you were with him because you wanted to be, after all he was your boyfriend, but was just being rough.

 

but in your second post, that cleared up alot of things, you are not with him because you love him but because you fear him, thats not love thats slavery. he threatens you with violence if you leave.

 

you need to tell your parents, authorities, yes, if he is threatening you to have sex, that IS rape, if you can get away, move to another family members home, do it. do what ever you need to do to get away from this animal. and keep him away.

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  • 2 weeks later...

confront the police immediately, what he is doing to you can also be known as rape.... try to see what they can do, and make sure that he stays away from you... if you need to castrate him for it is not worth the pain... he dosnt have any right to treat you like that, its just wrong.... you need to stay away from this guy... it will just keep getting worse, im always here if you need help... message me and i'll see what i can do

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i feel so bad to read that someone so young is going trough something like this when you are not sopose to. first of all you have to speak your mind if that person don't listen to what you have to say. he does not love you and only wants to take you as his sex toy. i recomend you to talk to a grown up you trust about this somebody really helpgull like a school teacher or a councellor. you should get out of that reltionship or you will end up dead.

 

 

please do imidiately you don't need to go through all of this nobody decerves it you are being abused.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 months later...

hey you,

 

I konw if my boyfriend kept doing that to me when I told him it hurt id just get up or w/e you can do to make him stop. He has no right to do that to you at all. Tell a parent or someone you can trust that can help you out..This is abuse. I truly doubt he will kill you I just think that he thinks your easy to scare. Just leave him because this type of thing will only get worse.. Dont run away just tell someone right away!!!

 

If you need to talk to me pm me or im me if you got aol

also you can write me at email removed

 

Do what you need to right away and I think you need to get out of this relationship!!

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