When you first talk to a girl, do you compliment her?

[RedPenguin]

I'm going to be talking a girl tomorrow and I was wondering, is it a good or bad idea to compliment here, during our first conversation?

 

I mean she is a librarian like I said before, but I don't want her to think that I'm only talking business and that's it.

 

I was going to put in a joke like:

 

I like this library better then the one at the other campus because it's got a nicer and cuter librarian.

 

I think there is nothing wrong with the statement, but one time I told a girl she was cute, and she stared at me constantly and then ignored me when I tried to talk to her. LoL.

[LonelyMoondancer]

Compliments are always good because you make the girl feel good about herself, and that gives her a good impression about you. However I wouldn't give such a bold one the first time. Say that she's a nicer librarian, sure, but leave out the cute part. Complimenting something she's wearing is good too, but it's better to acknowledge something she does

[Zackinlaw]

Shoes ... compliment her shoes ... girl's like that.

[itsallgrand]

I would guess it depends on the individual person, but personally I prefer not to be complimented early on.

 

Nice conversation, asking some questions to get to know me. That shows interest to begin with.

 

But being light is good.

[Tethys]

No, don't compliment her.

[musicguy]

Complimenting someone is always good to do. Just don't tell her her she has a nice rack, body or ass, only if you want to be complimented with a slap in the face

[Tethys]

Reread itsallgrand's post. No, do not compliment her, unless you have a substantive compliment to give.

[backagain]

lol dude what a line!

 

well go with the other posters....i probably keep it breezy at first...then u ease in slowly at later dates...etc

 

if u throw her such a bold line u might scare her...especially if shes a librairian

[RedPenguin]

That's what i thought and that's why i wanted some of your replies.

 

I figured it defiantly did sound bold and like too much.

 

I figured, for the first time, just talk to her about students working in the library, get her name, ask her if she likes her job, then maybe give her a small compliment that isn't that bold. Though the compliment isn't as necessary as the others.

[someguy88]

I don't see anything wrong with saying that to her. However, I don't think it's really that great of a compliment.

 

IMO the best compliments are always specific. Sure I'll tell a girl she's cute, but I'll also tell her why I think she's cute. Just telling her that's she's cute without a reason devalues the compliment.

[RedPenguin]

I don't see anything wrong with saying that to her. However, I don't think it's really that great of a compliment.

 

IMO the best compliments are always specific. Sure I'll tell a girl she's cute, but I'll also tell her why I think she's cute. Just telling her that's she's cute without a reason devalues the compliment.

 

That is completely true also.

 

At least the second part mainly.

 

It looks like most people are against the first part.

[Luke Skywalker]

Don't just compliment her, just for the sake of complimenting her, but make it into an opportunity to engage her in a conversation. It's probably best to make a fashion compliment - notice something she is wearing, compliment her sense of style but ask questions about where she got it from....

 

For example, notice her shoes, say it looks great on her, but proceed to ask her where she got it or what the story behind it is (you can fib and say you are thinking of getting one for your sister if you feel uncomfortable or dont fib up to you). Or nice tattoo - where did you get that done? Wow, amazing necklace, what's the story behind that?

 

Point is to get her talking back to you and answering your questions, not just to make her blush and feel uncomfortable, so the right types of compliments are just a precursor to asking an open-ended question to keep a convo going for a few minutes to build rapport which is what you really want.

[RedPenguin]

That makes complete sense. I just hope I can start the conversation. I just gotta talk to her a few times then eventually ask her out. .

[Brightest Dark]

I'd be interested to know out of everyone who's said 'don't compliment her' who is male and who's female (ok, I'm guessing from the names that Luke Skywalker and musicguy are male LOL). Personally I'm female and I would LIKE that compliment. I don't think it's too strong yet it is still getting the message accross that you think she looks good. Maybe that's why some of you guys get nowhere - because you don't compliment the girls. I would go for it.

[Lucy_lou]

well I'm so glad you posted this question because it gives me an opportunity to tell you and anyone else reading how complimenting a woman on her looks is the wrong path.

 

I'm a chick so I know. I mean, think about it. we live in a society which makes women pay way too much attention to their physical appearance ahead of other things. and by highlighting it by complimenting her, you exacerbate it. And you are appealing to (or trying to appeal to) her lower, shallower side which places too much emphasis on appearance. as if women were two dimensional objects. Hell, I have friends I've known for years who might only mention what they think of my looks a year or 5 into knowing me. It's not a good thing to say to someone you're meeting for the first time. Do you want to get to know her? or do you just want to create awkwardness? I take compliments to my looks as an insult to my intelligence, becasue they assume that I'm so insecure that I need to be told I look good. And the assumption is in there that my most redeeming feature is my looks. and I don't want to talk to someone who thinks that about me. I mean, sorry if this sounds like a feminist rant, but it's just dumb. Even for someone like me who has a pretty big ego, I don't want to see you resort to flattery of any kind, nor do I want to be seen being sucked in by it. you have to build rappor, get some banter happening, get dialogue swining on any topic other than her or you directly. talk about anything. Both your characters will shine through the banter. compliments are for chumps.

 

ahmen.

[Batya33]

It all depends on context, tone, vibe but I tend to agree with Lucy Lou that complimenting on looks first time out can be objectifying/patronizing/too familiar -- you're taking a risk with someone you don't know.

[someguy88]

If you take compliments about your looks as an insult to your intelligence...well, I think you should learn how to take a compliment for what it is.

 

Furthermore, why would you assume that guy would think your looks are your "most redeeming feature" if he compliments you on the way you look?

 

Compliments aren't for chumps. If you're not genuine with your compliments then yes you're a chump. However, if you're sincere then I see nothing wrong with telling people the things I like about them.

[Batya33]

I don't take it as an insult but if it comes from a stranger and it's the first compliment and only compliment he gives me I might, depending on tone, context, feel a bit objectified.

 

Also it sounds like he's rehearsing this compliment in advance and that adds the risk that it will sound fake.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

you think to much

 

just compliment her on her hair or if she look nice.

 

dont matter what she say back

[Lucy_lou]

well I often get that reaction when I say that I take it as an insult. But I'm just making a point. It doesn't make me feel good about myself. and if I did happen to be having a weak moment where compliments on my looks did boost my self esteem, I'd still think less of the person who said it to me. now let's see, who was the last person who told me I looked good.... It was a stupid guy who I know has a lot of trouble relating to women as people, and who reads a lot of porn. It may be only one example, but I assure you the correlation is no coincidence. It's a sign of cluelessness and disrespect. Just don't do it. Hear me? ALL GUYS OUT THERE. Don't do it! But if you do do it, don't do it early on, and it should be embedded in 99.99% of other banter unrelated to her looks.

[itsallgrand]

The thing about compliments on looks, for me, when I don't yet know the person and they don't know me - the inside of me and seen me 'in action' at some of my goods and bads - is that it is either so banal and meaningless as to be almost suspicious, or plain to be ignored.

 

It's "fluff" at best,quite likely annoying, and at worst, it can be offensive or threatening.

 

A comment on my hair, clothes, shoes, stupid crap like that , that has got to be the lamest.

 

If you really gotta compliment, at least learn enough about the person to compliment on something that will have meaning for them.

 

Even then, the compliment should leave some room for a response. "Your eyes are pretty."

 

Uh. Wow. What can you respond to that. "thanks." ....conversation pauses and she looks into your eyes dreamily?

 

Uh. Maybe a little girl , or maybe if there was some sort of build up to that and you actually knew each other quite well.

 

To talk and show interest? Easy on the ego stroking and get to the good stuff!

[ghost69]

i compliment girls all the time. even if i don't know their name.

 

'you have really pretty eyes.'

[Honey Pumpkin]

I would say something like..."You know, you've got a really welcoming manner - you have such a nice smile for everyone who comes in" or something SPECIFIC (and believable). People do like being told things they don't know about themselves. Try it - tell someone they have elegant elbows, just really adorable the way the bone juts out, like a sculpture. That person will be eyeing their elbow for the rest of the day feeling pleased.

 

Don't go for sexy/cute/beautiful etc - meaningless. But if you say - "Your hair is the exact colour of melting toffee, it's soooooooooo unusual and beautiful", bonus. It's all in the detail, and sound like it's a thought that's occurring to you as you're speaking, rather than a premeditated 'You're so hot' comment!

[ghost69]

i think the above is more cheesy than saying someone has pretty eyes. sorry, i would just feel awkward saying something like that.

[Dating Coach]

I'm going to be talking a girl tomorrow and I was wondering, is it a good or bad idea to compliment here, during our first conversation?

 

I mean she is a librarian like I said before, but I don't want her to think that I'm only talking business and that's it.

 

I was going to put in a joke like

 

I like this library better then the one at the other campus because it's got a nicer and cuter librarian.

 

I think there is nothing wrong with the statement, but one time I told a girl she was cute, and she stared at me constantly and then ignored me when I tried to talk to her. LoL.

 

You don't want to come accross as if you are seeking validation. Giving out random compliments in order to build interest is almost certainly going to be sending off signals that you're seeking her approval.