When you first talk to a girl, do you compliment her?

[someguy88]

i think the above is more cheesy than saying someone has pretty eyes. sorry, i would just feel awkward saying something like that.

 

Cheesy works for some people. I'll admit, I can be real cheeseball. The way I see it is that if I'm honest with my feelings then I can't go wrong. I could totally see myself saying something to the affect of what HoneyPumpkin wrote, but I'd be less formal about it.

 

However, if I think a girl has really beautiful eyes I'll usually find something else to compliment them on. Eyes just seem too obvious. She's probably heard that she has beautiful eyes a lot of times. Find something that you really like about a girl that she may not even consider as an attractive quality and pounce. haha

[Brightest Dark]

At the end of the day and by reading this thread it shows that we're all different. Some girls like compliments and I guess some (strangely enough) don't. Personally I'd like it from a guy I thought was attractive or liked. I'd be over the moon if someone I was interested in said that to me. If however it was a random stranger at a subway station who was not my type then I might be grossed out. But at the end of the day, I am always flattered if someone thinks I look nice - if it's said in a polite manner. Maybe I just like being complimented. Maybe I'm insecure and compliments do make me feel good - whereas some females don't want a compliment based on their aesthetics.

[RedPenguin]

Speaking of cheesy, what about poems?

 

I don't mean love poems.

 

I mean just funny and silly poems just to make the girl laugh?

 

I always feel in a poetic mood and think it would be cool and funny to give a girl a cheesy and funny poem, just to get her in a good mood and laughing.

[Batya33]

Fine after you're dating for awhile.

[RedPenguin]

Fine after you're dating for awhile.

 

I see. I was curious because I've heard of a few people who used that to ask a girl out and it seems like it worked for them.

[servedcold]

You can certainly open with a compliment when approaching women, never overtly physical (nails and clothing are great). Do not compliment a woman you already know on a casual basis, rather try to trigger her emotions, talk about the way things make her feel (but do it on the sly, never "how does X make you feel?") Open your right brain. We tend to talk left-brained to women way too much, it leaves them cold. Even when you get a lively discussion on a non-shop issue, she is reacting because the discussion is triggering some emotion. When talking shop, on the other hand, talking to women is exactly the same as a guy. Don't talk shop with a woman you are trying to effect romantically though, unless you are certain the shop-talk elicits emotional response in her.

 

There are a few women out there, very few unfortunately, who get off on a man who shows left-brained analytical mastery (think of the wife in "A Beautiful Mind.") It's hard to spot them unless they throw themselves at you while you are babbling on about widgets or whatever you know something about, and this will happen to you exactly three times in your life (still waiting on my third time). Unless she is in a graduate science or math program of some kind, it's unlikely she's this type.

 

As far as poems go, only if you are a decent poet. I've had varying results from driving them wild to having them go "huh?" so I shelved writing poems for women years ago, still write them for myself though. If you hit the right note with a decent poem, however, the results can be immediately gratifying...

[ghost69]

Cheesy works for some people. I'll admit, I can be real cheeseball. The way I see it is that if I'm honest with my feelings then I can't go wrong. I could totally see myself saying something to the affect of what HoneyPumpkin wrote, but I'd be less formal about it.

 

However, if I think a girl has really beautiful eyes I'll usually find something else to compliment them on. Eyes just seem too obvious. She's probably heard that she has beautiful eyes a lot of times. Find something that you really like about a girl that she may not even consider as an attractive quality and pounce. haha

 

eyes are too obvious cause i look at them. it's one of the first things i notice.

[Dating Coach]

I see. I was curious because I've heard of a few people who used that to ask a girl out and it seems like it worked for them.

 

The only way it would work is if the girl was already interested in the guy. If the girl wasn't interested then it would be weird. But why would you want to risk this with a girl you don't know is interested? You wouldn't. Because what if she isn't interested? Now all of the sudden she has this poem you wrote for her and expressed just how much you have it in for her and everyone knows it... but she's not interested. So now there is all of this drama. Ick!

 

This is not Hollywood. No matter how much girls like chick flicks where a guy runs in front of oncoming traffic while reading a poem to a waitress he is crushing on at the diner, if it happened in real life it woudl create drama. It would only work in your favor if she has been hoping to be with you already. The chances are so slim that this is a good thing.

 

A comment made by a previous girl in this thread said something similar about compliments. If she already liked the guy, she would like it if he complimented her. But what if she looks at you with completely disinterest? Complimenting her in order to build attraction would be silly.

[RedPenguin]

Well even though a girl shows really no interest, you should still ask her out, no?

[ghost69]

if you suspect no interest, why would you? well, she could be very coy and hides her emotions. but there are for sure signs a girl isn't interested. what are your indications?

[RedPenguin]

Well, I have no signs of non-interest, at least not that I think.

 

I just mean, I've been told, that you should ask a girl even if she shows no signs of interest.

 

But for example, this library clerk, tends to smile a lot with me and is extremely polite (but this may just be her job). She isn't really flirty, but I still think it's worth a shot.

 

I was told to watch how she acts when I talk to her from one poster, but I try not to analyze if I can.

 

I feel that also because she's at work that she really can't flirt even if she wanted to.

 

Some would maybe tell me that because she wasn't flirting that she wasn't interested. But I don't think you can say it for sure.

[ghost69]

bro, you are going to kill me. talk to her already. stop analyzing. this is your downfall. every time. make a friggen move already. then we can analyze what happened either way. stop making excuses for not going through with it. take the nervousness and shove it deep down your throat and into your belly. go for it man. it's a person just like you.

[RedPenguin]

No I am going to talk to her.

 

I was just curious why some say just talk to someone even if they don't show a spec of interest. That to me sounds odd.

 

Anyway, you don't think it's silly to ask her out while she's working do you? I mean she's not often busy. Someone recommended, catching her on her way to work, but I never see her besides during her work.

[ghost69]

you talk to people to try and gauge their interest. and as you said you have no signs of nil interest. keep going. don't go up and ask about bookmarks this time though.

 

and while she is working? when do you ever see her outside there? don't lose opportunity.

[RedPenguin]

That's what I thought. I only see her in the library.

[ghost69]

i hope you aren't wastin time here when you could be there.

[Dating Coach]

Well even though a girl shows really no interest, you should still ask her out, no?

 

If you really thought she wasn't, then who cares, move on. If y ou think there is a slight chance, why not? Go flirt with her, tease her, and ask her for her number.

[RedPenguin]

ghost69, no I am not wasting time, I do not see her until Monday.

[someguy88]

I was just curious why some say just talk to someone even if they don't show a spec of interest. That to me sounds odd.

 

Not pursuing someone because they don't show interest right off the bat seems odd to me. I can't control who I like. If I want to be with someone I'm sure as hell going to try and get with them. For me, it's not really a thing I can make a decision about. I'll go wherever my heart takes me.

[ghost69]

did you talk to her?

[RedPenguin]

Yes, ghost69, it's the same girl that is in now that I talked to her thread.

[ghost69]

i saw the thread after. my bad.