How to make him understand I don't feel special???

[YtheSADface]

I've been dating this absolutly Amazing guy for 1year and 5 months now. He is not like any other guy I have ever met and I think he may be the one. me start by saying that I am a VERY insecure person...

With that being said I'll go on. Throughout our whole relationship he has bought me flowers 1 time (for our one month anniversary), taken me to dinner two or maybe three times, he's bought me two gifts and sent me two love letters. Now, I am the type of person that when I appreciate someone in my life I let them know. I have written him numerous note, letters, poems, and emails expressing my feelings and thanking him for everything he's given me (in an emotional sense).

I have had at least 4 conversations with him in which I've told him that I don't feel special. Although he tells me he loves me and does a lot of things for me that I know he would NEVER do for anyone else (he's VERY inconsiderate, but with me he trys to be), I just don't feel it. I just want to feel like I mean something to him. Like he thinks of me even when I'm not around. The two presents he bought me and the two letters he wrote were given to me in that same week that we had our last conversation. I've seen nothing since. Is it that I'm being selfish? I don't want him to buy me anything I just want a simple text message that says, "hey I'm thinking of you!". I feel like if he's with me, he may feel obligated to tell me he loves me so I want to here it when I'm not around. Make sense?

I don't want to bring up that topic with him anymore because apart from the fact that it seems to be useless](*,), it makes him feel bad that he is making me feel bad. I don't want to force him to be considerate or think of me either. I want it to come from the heart. The other two girls he's been with he wrote emails to expressing his love for them. He's never just emailed me telling me how he feels, we talk about it in person but I want more.

Am I wrong?

[Momene]

I think he does love you and may not express it in the way you'd prefer. If you feel fulfilled with him, then I see no reason to worry.

 

I was recently reminded that my wife still loves me, even though we've had a rough patch and it's not always a grand gesture or anything in the "hearts and flowers" mould.

[YtheSADface]

the thing is, unlike me, he wasn't raised to think of other people. His mom died when he was VERY little and so he was raised by his father where he was spoiled to death. We actually started dating in the peek of my depression, to the point of attempting suicide. Throughout that whole thing he was very supportive and never gave up on me even though I tried to kick him to the curb. He had just moved here from Miami and I was the only person he knew. He is ALWAYS with me unless he's at work so I know it's not that he's with somebody else. I think it might be that he feels too comfortable with me and thereforeeee doesn't feel the need to go out of his way to SHOW me he loves me.

[Momene]

I think you've answered that one yourself.

 

When you're ready, can I be a bridesmaid?

[DN]

I think you should be very careful of giving him the impression that you judge how much he makes you feel special by how much money he spends on you. Asking for presents and and dinners makes you look as if all you care about is material things - and that can easily put many men off.

[agent1607307371]

I just want to feel like I mean something to him.

 

And him doing stuff for you that he wouldn't do for anybody else doesn't do that for you, but a lot of empty gestures that anyone who puts on a good show will?

[YtheSADface]

Oh no, I don't want ANY material things, and he's not in a very good financial situation at all. So that's not what I meant at all. I just want a note, a "hi baby" or something. oh and the thing is that the stuff that he does for me that he wouldn't do for anyone else, it's hard for me to grasp. See it's things that I would do for ANYBODY. Like helping take down the groceries from the car or asking if I want something to eat from where ever it is he's eating. For him they're unusual, but for me it's just being considerate, something that I think most people do for everybody. I'm not quiet sure if I'm explaining myself correctly.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Be clear with him. Make it that you don't want him to BUY you things, but that you want to know that he thinks about you - so a text telling he loves you, or a silly present that costs a pound. Just so he can demonstrate you hold his heart - but make it more than dinner/flowers, because that's a bit, well, not mercenary exactly. But a bit like - you EXPECT this because you're a girl, he's a boy, and that's what traditional romance looks like, right? Whereas what really counts is your relationship, and how he treats you.

 

But he might just not be the demonstrative kind. Me, I like someone who treats me well by being thoughtful, rather than big gestures. I guess you need to talk, and maybe he needs to say what he wants from you too.

[need2bme]

I think he does love you and may not express it in the way you'd prefer. If you feel fulfilled with him, then I see no reason to worry.

 

Exactly. We don't all express or feel love in the same way. Personally, I like all the poems and letters and such, but then I have to temper what I do with realism, in that being over the top romantic all the time, can either make someone think you aren't real or that you see things in a fairy tale manner.

 

If you really want the poems and songs and letters and such, then you might need to sit down and take a serious look at things, because it sounds like this guy is not the type of guy to do it.

[YtheSADface]

lol.. Now I feel like a complete idiot. He just called me (mind you, I called him first, he was just calling me back, but that's not important) and the first thing he said was,

"Baby, I miss you. Do you think you could come see me at work, even for just a few minutes?" It made me cry. Last night we had had a fight over something stupid, it was the first time that he's ever been upset with me, and so when I started crying he told me

"Don't be silly baby... why are you crying? Because of last night? Don't cry, I'm not mad, I HATE being mad at you. I'm sorry. Don't cry, I miss you." I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason I was crying was because I felt so stupid for complaining about not feeling special when he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

[Bunney]

That's SO CUTE.......... goshhh