the new life of bobsiesprincess

[bobsiesprincess]

RBK, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that! I feel better today about it. Hope you get your stuff done ok aswell! Any your right.. were students.. thats what we do!

[RedBranchKnight]

RBK, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that! I feel better today about it. Hope you get your stuff done ok aswell! Any your right.. were students.. thats what we do!

 

 

No problem bobsies! Glad I can help. Things seem daunting but they arnt, just take it a day at a time, have a goal set for each day, but above all, just take it easy and relax, theres loads of time

[bobsiesprincess]

i wish so much id kept up with my irish dancing as a child. im watching this programme about riverdance and its so amazing to watch people doing irish dancing. damn me doing so many activities as a child! swimming, drama, music lessons, dancing, brownies etcetc. i shlda just focused on less!

 

ive turned really weird recently...... when im not kidding on to myself that im studying... im watching documentaries on sharks, police, prison and missing persons. im a loser! lol. ive learned so much tho.

 

i had the offer to go to watch my friends band last night. and i thought nah, ill stay in and write my dissertation...did i do it? no. i shlda just went out. im hoping to get a good bit done this afternoon. then im going up to my friends 2nite. shes going through a break up, on top of all this uni stress and crap going on in her family. i feel so bad for her.

 

i was just having a convo with someone about how i dont remember the last time i got a hug from someone, like a proper meaningful hug. not a quick hello or goodbye hug. then my eyes filled up cos the last time was when i met k in the club and we had that convo. he just wouldnt let go of me. man i miss him. every1 seems to be getting back together. i cant help but be jealous. ive been thinking alot recently about contacting him again... i dont know why, cos obv no good will come of it.

[karvala]

Hey Bobsies. Just wanted to say that I happened to come accross your journal here, and I read the first page, which broke me heart, and then skipped to this page, and although you still miss k a bit, the difference that time has made in your case is amazing. You're really coming through this, although it may feel a bit up and down at times, and it's an inspiration to see it. You've made a big difference to at least one person to today - me. Would hug you if I were up in the frozen north.

[bobsiesprincess]

Hey Bobsies. Just wanted to say that I happened to come accross your journal here, and I read the first page, which broke me heart, and then skipped to this page, and although you still miss k a bit, the difference that time has made in your case is amazing. You're really coming through this, although it may feel a bit up and down at times, and it's an inspiration to see it. You've made a big difference to at least one person to today - me. Would hug you if I were up in the frozen north.

 

i guess you are right, i am coming through this. i didnt think id ever say it, but one day i really will be over K! im proud of everything ive achieved with uni and so on through this which has been the hardest time of my life. thank you so much for commenting, i never would have though my journal would be an inspiration! and im so glad i made a difference to your day!

[bobsiesprincess]

I'm so touchy these days with stress. im surprising myself! i totally went off on one at my friend. it sounds so stupid talking about it... he basically kept going on about how mariah carey is fat. i just got so ragin and went on and on about no wonder so many young girls have issues with their bodies etc. i can laugh about it now, but i still feel the same about the issue.

 

im so sick of the way the world is. why does skinny mean beautiful? why do the media call girls with healthy bodies fat? i mean seriously, it pisses me right off. i realised ive mentioned this in my journal before, but it just annoys me!

 

so sick of my dissertation. i mean really, i feel like my whole life revolves around reading about rape. i cant wait until its handed in. but i dont feel like i have enough time to make it as good as i could. *sigh* at times i feel like punching people and flinging my laptop out the window, but im sure when its in ill be all proud of myself.

[stranded247]

Mariah Carey fat?!?!?! She's got a tiny waist and a toned body!!! God what a jerk, I would be angry too, it seriously annoys me that thin is considered beautiful, I'm not pro being a big plus size but seriously size 8-6 is not always pretty but I'd rather people were a little overweight than underweight. It annoys me, I'm hoping one day something drastic and life changing will happen in our lifetimes that will blow these things into perspective and no one will care about being a stick insect and all these shallow values and idolizing brainless celebrities will become a thing of the past.

[bobsiesprincess]

Mariah Carey fat?!?!?! She's got a tiny waist and a toned body!!! God what a jerk, I would be angry too, it seriously annoys me that thin is considered beautiful, I'm not pro being a big plus size but seriously size 8-6 is not always pretty but I'd rather people were a little overweight than underweight. It annoys me, I'm hoping one day something drastic and life changing will happen in our lifetimes that will blow these things into perspective and no one will care about being a stick insect and all these shallow values and idolizing brainless celebrities will become a thing of the past.

 

i know! him saying that makes me feel like obese or somn, which im not.

 

Obviously being really big isnt good cos of health issues. But the average size in the uk is a 16, and in my opinion at a 16 you can look fabulous, but not according to the media!

 

but yeh im with you, hopefully something will change all this.

[bobsiesprincess]

Freaking out. I'm getting to that panicky can't breathe stage that I used to get over K.

 

Its worth a third of my overall mark for the whole year. So why have I left it all to the last minute??? Its due Friday and I need at least another week to make it half decent.

 

Im so mad at myself. But like, at the same time, I know I've tried hard. I just can't seem to make myself work. I've ran out of steam. Let myself down.

 

*cries*

 

I so look up to my friend D. She is stunning. Beautiful face, great hair, perfect body. Amazing sense of style. The guys love her. Shes so spoiled........ has her own flat and car all paid for by daddy. She always gets top marks, she seems to know everything. Shes on top of everything - has had her traineeship sorted for years. And shes so strong. Doesnt show emotion. Like total opposite of me.

 

She called me the other day absolutely hysterical. Shes practically had a breakdown with stress over uni and shes on anti depressants and all that now. she might be getting an extension or deferring for a year. shes even talking about just walking away. shes NEVER spoken like that, shes soooo driven.

 

but that just shoes the extreme of the pressure were under right now. not from parents or anyone...from ourselves.

[bobsiesprincess]

Well the dissertations finished.

 

its weird, i was just talking to my brother and hes like dont you feel amazing its done, it must be a relief. and im just like... nah not really. its weird. i guess just cos its in doesnt mean you stop stressing about it. i cant get it out of my head, im so worried about marks etc. plus i guess it doesnt help that i have 2 essays, a presentation and 3 exams before the end of may, so its just head down again.

 

BUT, i am having the weekend off! tomorrow is my law ball, so after i had my dissertation in and go to class, me and G are goin to have a nice girly day. get lunch, go to a couple of shops, maybe see a chick flick and then pamper ourselves in our hotel room and vamp ourselves up for the law ball. it should be a good night.

 

then sat night a couple of the girls from uni are coming down to stay and we're gona have cocktails and stuff then go clubbing. hope K is not there! fingers crossed.

 

speaking of which, my friend J met Ks friend, the one who talked crap about me behind my back but was so supportive to my face. he was pure probing her for info on if im seeing anyone and so on. she did the good friend thing and was like yeh shes seen a couple of people but nothing serious. (what a loser i havent been out with anyone since me and K finished. i defo dont want a serious relationship, but a couple of dates and stuff would be nice *sigh*) and he went on to tell her about the night that I met K out clubbing and we had words. i really dislike this guy. why does he want to know if im seeing anyone? and what right has he to talk to my friends about me. wouldnt mind seeing him out on saturday so i can give him a piece of my mind. lol see cause of the stress, i can't keep my mouth shut these days. usually i get angry at people but i have a good poker face and never start anything, but right now i cant stop myself telling it like it is! lol.

 

maaan i really wish i was asleep, im still thriving on nervous energy i think. i took a couple of pills to help me sleep but it hasnt worked clearly. im getting up sooo early tomorrow. im driving up to uni, never done that before. im sure it will be a nightmare and i will get lost, but hey!

[bobsiesprincess]

well D-day is over. As is the law ball. I had fun.

 

I was puuure lookin forward to tonight though. Out of the uni girls I had 2 defos and 1 maybe. So I go into tesco 2day and spend over 20 quid on food for 2nite, plus a fortune on drink for cocktails. And then I get a text from one of the girls cancelling. So now I'm only 2 defo and 1 maybe. I feel like the whole nights gonna fall through now and ill be gutted. I always feel let down by people. I just wanna go out and let my hair down and I have a nice new dress to wear...... but no-one to do it with this just sucks.

[bobsiesprincess]

So last night went ahead. two of the girls came down which i was really pleased about. i am the actual cocktail queen, im so good at making them!

 

unfortunately K was out. but fortunately, i was looking good. had my hair done nice, nice new dress and i was san tropezed. first night ive seen him where i didnt cry so im well proud of myself. im getting there! however, i was angry that he didnt talk to me. my friends were like why are you angry, if u spoke to him it would ruin your night blahbloah which is prob true, but i guess its principle. fair enough, the first time i saw him out i completely blanked him despite his attempts to talk to me. but ive texted him on a friendly basis a couple of times, and i approached him at the club the last time. i feel like its ME making the effort, but it was him that dumped me so he should make the effort. i know its over and i shouldnt care... i dont want him back... so why should i be bothered...but we were a huge part of each others lives and it would have been nice for him to speak to me.

 

i went for lunch with a friend today and through talking I came to a few conclusions. this break up has taught me SOOOO much. i think its changed me for the better, made me stronger and made me realise i can get through anything, although i think itll be hard for me to fall in love again and trust someone. but, i think its a blessing in disguise. I can go an fulfill my dreams completely, without compromising them for anyone. i do not want to settle down at 21, i have so much i want to do with my life. honestly, we were not right for each other. I truly believe everything happens for a reason.... and im sure ill find the reason for this happening.

[bobsiesprincess]

i am done with him. like trying to be friendly i mean. hes not who i thought he was. i am so disappointed in him.

[bobsiesprincess]

i have messed up so badly. and i know its only because of seeing K last weekend and his texts. and im hurting others in the process. i cannot stop crying right now im such a * * * * * .

[bobsiesprincess]

well im just back from the old firm game. for those of you who are unaware... the old firm refers to the rivalry between the two top football clubs in the Scottish Premiere League... Celtic and Rangers. I am Celtic girl born and bred.

 

The game was actually amazing. The atmoshpere was awesome. It was such a nerve wracking game tho, i honestly think my heart skipped a beat at about 3 different points. We won last minute tho, and I think deservedly so, cos we were cheated out of a couple of fouls and we played awesome during the first half, we were all over Rangers. My throat is sooo sore now from all the screaming and singing. The feeling when that many thousands of people have their scarfs in the air singing "youll never walk alone" cannot be beaten...all you see is green and white everywhere, love it!

 

Ive neglected this think a bit recently....

 

I think its cos theres some things I just don't want to face. I don't even know who I am anymore.

[RedBranchKnight]

It was a brilliant match! And the atmosphere is awesome, isnt it? Havnt been over to see Celtic play in a long long time, a couple of years nearly I think. Last time I was over they lost against Hearts lol

 

Iv been neglecting my own journal for quite a while too, pretty much because I have so much going on and Im so unsure and stressed about things that I just want to try ignore them as much as possible, but itll catch up with me eventually. Are you all set for your exams?

[bobsiesprincess]

It was a brilliant match! And the atmosphere is awesome, isnt it? Havnt been over to see Celtic play in a long long time, a couple of years nearly I think. Last time I was over they lost against Hearts lol

 

Iv been neglecting my own journal for quite a while too, pretty much because I have so much going on and Im so unsure and stressed about things that I just want to try ignore them as much as possible, but itll catch up with me eventually. Are you all set for your exams?

 

aw another celtic fan! loving it! yeh the game was amazing. did you see todays? i was on the edge of my seat for the whole thing haha. was a great game though.

 

thats exactly what im doing with my journal. but todays the day im gonna get it all out! get the journal updated mr so i can see whats been happening!

[bobsiesprincess]

HAILHAIL!!! yet another amazing old firm game. on the edge of my seat the whole time, screaming at the tv haha.

 

anyway, this is my journal...so im going to stop ignoring it, and the situations i get myself into and just write about it. maybe doing so will help me come 2 some conclusions about things....

 

so, I met a guy. he is perfect 4 me - he adores me and treats me well and so on, and he is a mechanic, i mean how hot is that! but i have a problem.... hes only 19. saying that tho, i have only been out of school one more year than him, we are pretty much at the same stage in life cos hes in the last year of his apprenticeship and im in the last year of uni, hes really mature, and looks older. he definetly looks much older than K. he looks all rugged and manly, hes so hot! but anyway, i just have a problem with the age thing. i wish i didnt. as my friend said to me, its really hard to find people that are good for you, so why should I let this get in the way? To be fair as well, hes put up with so much crap from me, crying and arguing with him etc cos ive been stressed. he just deals with me so well. i just dont know what to do. this wasnt meant to happen. i didnt want to meet anyone before i go away. and i definetly didnt want to meet someone younger. argh.

 

but anyway, uni wise things are hellish. i have never ever been so stressed in my entire life. last week, i had an essay due in and a presentation to do. the essay was due at midnight, and i didnt get it handed in til 5am. ive never cried so much in my life. i was sooo angry at myself, because this is honours year were everything is so important, and i didnt meet the deadline so already lost 5%. it wasnt even from lack of trying, it was just stress holding me beack. but im so glad last week is over.

 

now, i have to start focusing on the exams. i really need to do well.

 

apart from that, my life is turning itself around. I saw K out over the weekend, and I didnt cry or get sad or anything. Don't get me wrong, I do miss him at times, and I still get angry at him for the lack of effort he makes to be friends, but I have come on leaps and bounds. I didnt ever think I would get over him, but im pretty much there. Meeting someone else has helped, because I truly believed I would never like anyone again, and that no-one could possibly be interested in me. But ive realised it will happen for me.

 

as i get over K, the more happy I get the better the social life becomes. because people like being around me when im not miserable i guess. things are on the up. as soon as uni is over its the start of the rest of my much better life! cos ive learned alot of life lessons for someone so young.

[bobsiesprincess]

im so let down in myself. i wish i didnt like this guy. im at the stage of, he could actually hurt me. like, at first it was really casual, and i totally had my guard up and wldnt let him in. but he kept doing really nice things for me, and saying all the right things and all that. after speaking to my friends i was convinced to just let it happen. so ive let my guard down. and i wish i hadnt. im so scared. i think im gonna have to walk away now before he does something to hurt me. i feel like im in a vulnerable position.

[bobsiesprincess]

i literally cannot take anymore of uni/studying. i have totally ran out of steam. i cant focus on anything. im just at the end of my tether and im going to crack up.

[bobsiesprincess]

i think i found myself a keeper.......... because he knew how stressed and that I am with uni, he turned up at my door with a gorgeous bunch of pink roses. i felt like crying it was sooo nice. i felt special for once.

[stranded247]

i think i found myself a keeper.......... because he knew how stressed and that I am with uni, he turned up at my door with a gorgeous bunch of pink roses. i felt like crying it was sooo nice. i felt special for once.

 

Awww I'm so happy for you!! Yay!! Your really getting over K by the sounds of it And yeah this guy sounds like a total keeper!

[bobsiesprincess]

i cant stop crying.

 

my mind is just so messed up right now.

 

im gona just type in the hope that i work out whats going on with me. i just want sum1 to understand me. i want sum1 who just knows whats going on inside my head. maybe thats just not possible?

 

i dont even know where to start.

 

its been pointed out to me, and i can see myself, that i am deliberately sabotaging this relationship with the new guy. i constantly look for reasons why its not gona work. hes 19.......i mean sooo what? he acts older, he looks older, its not a huge difference, were both adults. he treats me sooo well. i like him. so why should this bother me. if he was 21 it wouldnt.

 

but the fact that i like him scared the * * * * out of me. im terrified of getting hurt again. i just dont understand why someone could like me. i feel like the ugliest fattest girl in the world. my self esteem seems to have hit a low that even i didnt think was possible. i just have visions of him cheating on me with a younger prettier girl, or just getting bored of me and dumping me leaving me heartbroken. i dont think i can do this all again.

 

hes been so good with me. we had a heart to heart about stuff in the future...him travelling, me travelling, settling down one day etc etc. he says that he thinks i could be the perfect person for him. deep down i know he adores me and stuff. but hes just so busy, he doesnt have much time for me. i feel like im slotted in, an hour here an hour there. which is fine now while im busy with uni, but i know ill want more eventually. i know hes not a mindreader but i wish he was. sometimes i just need him to say the right thing and he gets it wrong and makes it worse. i know he cant be perfect. no1 is. im certainly not.

 

i know that im falling for him, but i dont know what to do about it. i dont really want this to happen. but i dont want to lose him. hes handsome, and driven, and funny and generous, and im crazy to be treating him the way i do. but i know its my defence mechanism.

 

all i know is i need to get my act sorted before he gets sick of me and my * * * * ed up mind and i drive him away for good.

[bobsiesprincess]

weve had a tiff. im thinkin this mite not be worth it. i should be with sum1 who makes me feel good 100% of the time right? not 50%

 

uff i cld just do without the drama or caring about it.

[bobsiesprincess]

tiff sorted after a chat. then we laughed about having our first tiff. *sigh* im falling for him big time even though im resisting it as much as possible. i didnt want this now. life is a funny thing.