JeckyllNHyde Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 I know! Classic example of do as I say, not as I do.. I agree with you. And I say that to her. She doesn't buy it. Even when I elbow her while I'm eating and try to make it look like an accident. I know I cant make accurate judgments just from posts but I think seeing how much she wants to change and control you you guys arent really a good match and it is not b/c of you. She wants to change you and refuses to see things your way or do anything to please you. Relationships are give and take, not rules rules rules and no giving. It's good when someone wants to change you in positive ways but not when they want to change your total behaviour and habits when they have no negative effects. Most guys get fed up of being with a controlling woman, since it later turns into nagging and all this only 3 months in.. Link to comment
superc Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 You got that right. Look for my next post.."rules" she requests that I follow...everything from sitting next to her in the booth at the restaurant, to keeping all the Hallmark cards she gave me on the frige...to facing her while I'm sleeping. I compromised on the first two. The last one is over the line. That's just.....weird. Link to comment
Idocsteve Posted October 9, 2007 Author Share Posted October 9, 2007 Most guys get fed up of being with a controlling woman, since it later turns into nagging and all this only 3 months in.. It's starting to get to me. Especially because she had really backed off with the phone calls, and the "I Love You's", but on 10/1, which was our 3 month anniversary, she picked the pace right back up again. Link to comment
LadyBrandon Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 That's just.....weird. More then weird...it is just *wrong*. If I had of given my bf a similar set of rules one month after we met he would have given me my walking papers right then and there. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 It's starting to get to me. Especially because she had really backed off with the phone calls, and the "I Love You's", but on 10/1, which was our 3 month anniversary, she picked the pace right back up again. Haha maybe that was her game plan as stated in her personal rule book: rule #789 Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 None of this is her fault and anyone who blames her doesn't understand how women think. If you wanna have successful relationships in the future, you're gonna have to change the way you act, otherwise you will just keep bouncing from girl to girl. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Why does HE have to change for her? Anyways.. She obviously doesn't know what love means. Especially if she says it in the first 3 months. I'm only 17 and took my relationship 9 months to start saying "I love you". Don't break up with her, just tell her that she needs to stop being possesive and let you have your freedom and that it'll be best to wait a little longer to start useing that word. If she has a problem with that, THEN break up with her. Good luck Steve Link to comment
RayKay Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 None of this is her fault and anyone who blames her doesn't understand how women think. If you wanna have successful relationships in the future, you're gonna have to change the way you act, otherwise you will just keep bouncing from girl to girl. Yes, the women on here saying that these lists and demands are unreasonable have NO idea what they think. I am sure they are both playing a part in this - him because he let it go on when she very early on showed serious issues and attempts at control. But to say this is how women "are" is a gross generalization. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Raykay, about the control things. I think I may let a girl "control" me to an extent. Not because of the fact i like to be controlled, but for the idea of knowing she "cares". Is that what you're talking about? When "he had a part of it?" I think women who like to control men have insecurity issues ( fear of infedelity ), or they just like to be in control. Which is awkward Link to comment
tommy_bud Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Damn, she must look like Jessica Biel or something eh Doc? From seeing all your advice and intelligent humor and what not from other posts, I'm surprised to see you are with such a controlling woman, so you must be thoroughly enjoying her company. All I can do is relate and say that if you have NEVER said I love you, don't start saying it now because if you ever don't say it one time after she has heard it once, the potential for a relationship ending fight can materialize. The controlling woman I was with expected that reciprocating statement as much as you expect that gravity will bring you back down to earth when you jump. (i'm awful with analogies) Link to comment
RayKay Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Raykay, about the control things. I think I may let a girl "control" me to an extent. Not because of the fact i like to be controlled, but for the idea of knowing she "cares". Is that what you're talking about? When "he had a part of it?" I think women who like to control men have insecurity issues ( fear of infedelity ), or they just like to be in control. Which is awkward As I mentioned earlier, there is a line between caring and controlling. Someone can show they care, without placing a list of demands on the person they want fulfilled. All that is about is trying to force the other to prove THAT person cares; which is really not doing that at all. Putting unreasonable demands on someone does not show "care" for the other person, it shows a need to be in control or to manipulate. Link to comment
Idocsteve Posted October 9, 2007 Author Share Posted October 9, 2007 Damn, she must look like Jessica Biel or something eh Doc? image removed Link to comment
LadyBrandon Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Well now I see why he puts up with her. Link to comment
setsuko1981 Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Oh wow, I'll run as fast as I can if I were you, away from her! Link to comment
tommy_bud Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 "Well now I see why he puts up with her." Yah I like a girl with a nice smile too. BTW what is the penalty if you violate any rule 1 - 14? Link to comment
Idocsteve Posted October 10, 2007 Author Share Posted October 10, 2007 "Well now I see why he puts up with her." Yah I like a girl with a nice smile too. BTW what is the penalty if you violate any rule 1 - 14? There IS no penalty. Except..."the look"...and maybe a verbal lashing, such as "Honey you didn't do the dishes", as she walks over to the sink and pulls out the detergent. Link to comment
lovelyc Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 yea she sounds crazy....explain it to her and if she can't understand the simple meaning of "I will say it when I am ready and me not saying it yet is not a reflection of my feelings toward you" then it's her problem and she needs to get over herself, calm down, and GROW UP Link to comment
leo_s84 Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Wow..that definitely sounds like OCD to me Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 those rules are a lil funny tho. especially rule number 7 lol. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I've been seeing this woman for just over 3 months. She tells me she loves me, quite frequently, and is hurt and disappointed when I don't say it back to her. She now tells me that after this amount of time, I should "feel it in my heart". She says I will say it when "I'm ready", but she wants to be able to say it to me...so she does...and after she says it she looks at me, waiting, and says, "I told you I love you". If I don't say it back, then it's guilt trip time. If I say it, it's more like I'm saying it grudgingly, as in, "ok I said it now get off my back". I like her, I'm attracted to her, there is chemistry for sure, but I can't say that it's love. Does that mean there's a problem? It means you don't feel it yet. I think it's kind of pushy to expect this after three months. There are plenty of people we are attracted to, and even feel chemistry with, but yeah, it can take time to feel like saying the "L" word. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Wow. Steve. She is VERY high maintenance man. Link to comment
Idocsteve Posted October 10, 2007 Author Share Posted October 10, 2007 Wow. Steve. She is VERY high maintenance man. But...but...she cooks for me...and...and..she brings me FOOD. And...she does my laundry...and my dishes...and cleans my BATHROOM...the sex is GOOD. Life is full...of tradeoffs...Isn't it? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 But...but...she cooks for me...and...and..she brings me FOOD. And...she does my laundry...and my dishes...and cleans my BATHROOM...the sex is GOOD. Life is full...of tradeoffs...Isn't it? hahahaha.. Ok now for sure I see why you put up with it.. Yea in that case life is full of trade offs. As long as your ok with it it's all good. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 But...but...she cooks for me...and...and..she brings me FOOD. And...she does my laundry...and my dishes...and cleans my BATHROOM...the sex is GOOD. Life is full...of tradeoffs...Isn't it? LOL i guess so. If you feel the tradeoff is equitable, then go for it. But clean your silverware immediately after use? For shame, i think that would be a dealbreaker for me. LOL I won't even get into "keep apt tidy at all times" .LOL HOpefully her legs go behind her head or something cuz this is serious stuff. lol Link to comment
Idocsteve Posted October 10, 2007 Author Share Posted October 10, 2007 LOL i guess so. If you feel the tradeoff is equitable, then go for it...But clean your silverware immediately after use? For shame, i think that would be a dealbreaker for me.I won't even get into "keep apt tidy at all times" .LOL HOpefully her legs go behind her head or something cuz this is serious stuff. lol I don't do the dishes or clean the apartment, she does. She gave up on badgering me about the silverware and cleaning the apartment a while ago. If anything, she is an "enabler". She said her exhusband sat around for years while she worked, cleaned the house, etc. I can see why. Give us guys a chance, and we hit the sofa the first opportunity we get. And her legs...yeah they get up pretty darn high. Link to comment
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