shoegal21 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Ok so when my boyfriend and I fight, I have this BIG problem with calling him constantly. For example, if we're fighting over the phone and he hangs up on me, I'll call him back IMMEDIATELY and he won't answer of course. So I'll keep calling and calling and calling and im talking for hours and he WON'T answer to save his life, but his phone is ON. Even when he is in the WRONG ill still want to call him, he won't call me over and over. He knows that it drives me NUTS when he doesn't answer but he still does it. I tell him if you simply answer I won't call 500 times. How can I just give space when space is needed during a fight? It just feels like if I don't call him then he won't ever call me. He knows that when he fight I WILL CALL and HE WONT ANSWER. I want to change that and I want to drive him NUTS by NOT calling. But even when I tell myself don't call him .............. I do. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Link to comment
PeanutButter Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 find someone you have long convos with on the phone, call them instead. have em help ya not hang up so you wont call him. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 PeanutButter has a good idea. Call a friend to vent and problem solve instead. Or go out and do something to keep you busy. Hit the gym, go shopping...just do something else. He knows he can drive you crazy by not picking up, so don't let that be a factor anymore. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Well, first of all. Why would you hang up on him and call him back instantly? Link to comment
Zackinlaw Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 What inventive advice, PeanutButter ... it's amazing you aren't Platinum yet ... let me do my small part to correct that injustice!!! Zack. Link to comment
PeanutButter Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 What inventive advice, PeanutButter ... it's amazing you aren't Platinum yet ... let me do my small part to correct that injustice!!! Zack. lol thanks=] Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Share Posted October 1, 2007 Well, first of all. Why would you hang up on him and call him back instantly? I don't know. It's just one of those "why did you hang up on me" "i want to fight some more" things? i tell myself over and over DONT CALL HIM BACK! cause I know he is used to me calling right back and he's used to me calling him OVER AND OVER. So do you think it will drive him nuts that im not calling??? And the easiest time for me to call over and over is while im at work ........ because i have nothing else to do LOL Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Yeah, it'll drive him nuts, but why not just stay on the phone instead of adding more fuel to the fire by hanging up for no reason. If you feel the need to hang up or whatever. Just tell him you'll call back in 10 minutes and that you need to cool off. If that doesn't work. Strap your hands to the couch so you can't hang up. lol. Link to comment
PeanutButter Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 it will drive him nuts that your not giving in to it. that your not like omg i need him. he will be like OMG, is she seriously not talking me? he may realize it, then he just maybe.. just maybe will call you! but its like hes used to you being the one to give in and be like oh im sorry or what not, that if you do nothing, he will be like woah what? Link to comment
lostnfound Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 You're not nuts at all, i used to do it all the time with my ex, and it was exhausting! We would get in a fight, and he would hang up and I would call and call and he would ignore me, or worse, pick up and we'd go round and round for hours. Eventually (towards the end when i started to try and get a grip a little more) I used to turn my phone off, and then write.... I would sit in front of my computer, put music on, and tap away until i felt better. It was all addressed to him, but i of course never gave it to him, and i always found after i had finished, my head was in a much clearer spot and i had somehow purged all the anger i had inside me.... i would then wait around an hour, and send a quick text either apologising if i was in the wrong, or leave it until he phoned me...(at which point i recommend not restarting the fight, but being polite and trying to forget it, because most of the time these sorts of fights are over silly things anyway...) worked for me...just a suggestion? xoxo Han Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 I HATE it when someone calls me 500 times. I feel that they aren't being respectful for my need for space. It just makes me more angry. You know he doesn't like it, so don't do it. take that time to cool off. Imagine, next time you get into a fight, and he hangs up, don't call him! I bet that he will call you in 30 minutes to apologize for hanging up on you and he'll feel bad about it. I think you would surprise him by not calling. Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 That's what I want to do. I want to surprise him by NOT calling. I want to drive him crazy by NOT calling. He is so used to me calling ALL the time that when I don't he will be like HUH?! I jsut have to find it in myself NOT to call. But it drives me so mad that I can't help but call. Link to comment
jul-els Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 If you are the one hanging up on him then it doesn't make much sense as to why you would call him back, so you kind of lost me on that one but... If you are arguing and one of you needs to step away from it for awhile then set a later time to discuss it when you have cooled down a little. For example, You: "This argument is going nowhere. I need some time to cool down and think about it. Let's discuss it in (15 min, an hour, a few hours, tomorrow) when we are both being more rational. Ok?" Him: "Ok." Or vice versa. And if you're not feeling too angry or upset at the moment, throw in an "I love you" at the end, if you're feeling up to it. You: "Goodbye" Him: "Goodbye" Then take your allotted period of time away from him to settle down and get the issue sorted out in your head. When the time comes for you to talk about it again, do so rationally and respecfully to avoid another flare up and get to the bottom of the disagreement in a productive manner. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 disconnect your phone. leave the house. the fight can wait. if anything, it's probably better for you two to take some time to cool down and take things into perspective and work things out calmly. by the way, what are you fighting about in the first place? Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 im NOT the one hanging up. but yeah im probably the one annoying him Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 disconnect your phone. leave the house. the fight can wait. if anything, it's probably better for you two to take some time to cool down and take things into perspective and work things out calmly. by the way, what are you fighting about in the first place? well we're not fighting now. im just talking about when we DO. it's normally over stupid little things. and i guess i just make him so mad and annoyed that he wants to hang up and not talk to me ....... Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 well, don't fight over stupid little things. make a joke of it, and move onto the next topic. are these fights really worth it? some people really get addicted to the drama. Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 well, don't fight over stupid little things. make a joke of it, and move onto the next topic. are these fights really worth it? some people really get addicted to the drama. they aren't worth it at all, no. and you are right about people getting addicted to the drama. not talking to my boyfriend for HOURS is not worth our stupid and petty fights. Link to comment
xmrth Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 I would ALWAYS do that!! The reason why it's so easy to psycho call is simply because he won't pick up. And it's even EASIER for him to not answer because you'll keep calling! The absolute surefire answer to your problem is to STOP calling him if he gets frustrated and hangs up. He shouldn't hang up on you anyway-- and that can absolutely stop, too! Just don't let things get heated over the phone, try your best to just keep it cool with the phone. For me, it was always over petty things too, so not worth it in person or on the phone. After a while you'll both be out of that groove and neither of you will feel the impulse to hang up. If you do that first it will be easier to decrease the instances that you would be hung up on or feel a need to keep calling. When you get that feeling, just DON'T. DO NOT call him. I promise you it will work that he will stop hanging up and even when you two DO have a disagreement over the phone and if you just end the conversation and call back he will be more inclined to pick up. I no longer have issues with the phone with my boyfriend, it's been a looong time and this is how the problem was solved! We never hang up the phone on eachother ever anymore now... never. Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 That's exactly it! I only call OVER AND OVER for the simple fact that he WONT ANSWER. And what ticks me off the most is that I KNOW HE KNOWS THAT I AM CALLING. He is just choosing NOT to answer. I love all your advice guys! Thank you Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Yes, imagine his surprise when instead of calling back 200 times, you go and get your nails done. After 5 minutes, he's still mad at you. After 10 minutes, he noticed you haven't called yet. After 20 minutes, he's picking up the phone to call you to apologize for hanging up! isn't that far more satisfying than calling him again and again? Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 Yes, imagine his surprise when instead of calling back 200 times, you go and get your nails done. After 5 minutes, he's still mad at you. After 10 minutes, he noticed you haven't called yet. After 20 minutes, he's picking up the phone to call you to apologize for hanging up! isn't that far more satisfying than calling him again and again? that sounds amazing Link to comment
DN Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 How about finding a better way to resolve conflicts than fighting and hanging up on each other? Then neither of you will be driven nuts by any sort of phone behaviour. Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 How about finding a better way to resolve conflicts than fighting and hanging up on each other? Then neither of you will be driven nuts by any sort of phone behaviour. he gets so stressed out when i go on a nagging spat........ i dont blame him Link to comment
DN Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Then don't nag him. There are better ways to get what you want - at least some of the time. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.