PersonalMe Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 ok...as to not take sides...heres a scenario..tell me what you think... its a relationship of A and B...theyve been together for 2 years in a long distance relationship, its been fine until now, they see each other every so often, but enough, and they both really love each other. A cheated on B...(had intercourse with X) in the summer, and lets B know this a few weeks ago. B accepts it, of course B is angry and frustarted at the fact of what A did, but thinks they can get through it. B starts being a bit rude, B is angry with A, saying A is mean, and a hypocryte, and that A lies and its bad because A never told B what happened. few days pass, and things are rough, both probably feel like sh*t...THEN...B says "i think i needed to tell you this, but i cheated too in june" (kissing with Y)...A says its horrible what B did because now who is the hypocyte and liar? so whos worse? i understand cheating wise, obviously A right? logical. but what about lying and keeping it in for longer? does comunication not matter? or is physical cheating worse than lying about cheating? im confused... please dont relate this to boy or girl, or good or bad...just please tell me what you think. Link to comment
HappyAsALark Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 To be honest, I would rather be with someone that cheats that tells me about it, than with someone who lies to me constantly. I mean, really, I wouldn't be with either, but if I HAD to choose, I would choose the honest cheater. Link to comment
tmp0620 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I think it's less of a big deal to keep kissing someone a secret than having intercourse and coming clean with it. I think any kind of cheating is horrible, obviously, but there's differences in severity. A kiss is pretty minor compared to sex... Link to comment
PinkRoses Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 If my boyfriend/husband cheated on me and told me lets just say a day or so after he had, i would be more likely to forgive him then had i found out on my own. He may have waited a day or so but at least he was honest and i didn't find out any other way. I wouldn't want either but to me it would be easier to forgive him for it, if he told me. Link to comment
glegend Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Well the both of them cheated, on each other. The one that one cheated by kissing is way better then the one who had sexual relations with another person. They both kept it in. One finally confessed, which is good. Confessing your sins is better then keeping it in and finding out the hard way. Its better to cheat and just tell the person instead of cheating and lying about it. Its better to be with the person who is open about it rather then the one that just hides it. In the end once a cheater may always be a cheater, to stay with that person its a bit of a gamble. The person cheated at one point or another during a relationship with someone, that person is vonerable to do it again. Now if the person chooses to do it or not then thats a different story. Its like a theif, and when employers ask "if someone was stealing from the store should he or she be fired?". The answer is yes, cause they were stealing for one reason or the other and they may do it again or they may stop but the company cannot take the risk. So its like the same principals for cheating. Link to comment
MissTee Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 They're as bad as eachother. I would feel betrayed either way. Link to comment
PersonalMe Posted September 13, 2007 Author Share Posted September 13, 2007 "if someone was stealing from the store should he or she be fired?". The answer is yes, cause they were stealing for one reason or the other and they may do it again or they may stop but the company cannot take the risk. hmm i like this comparison about the store...THOUGH...dont you think (and this depends obviously ALOT on the person) that if the person stole, got in trouble for it, maybe even jail for days or whatever...depending on the crime...dont you think when they got out, or finished with the punishment, they would know not to do it again? SOME PUNISHMENTS r tough! and in this case of cheating, they both (both=this is almost like if the manager stole right?) did it and understood it was wrong, got punishment, and i think they have both learned. so Although very hard to do, and maybe not always convinient, do you still think there is a chance? they ARE just people, with feelings, who do love each other...do u think there is still a posibility that there is something there? Link to comment
Weeblie Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 A and B both suck. Didn't they both lie? Didn't they both cheat? Didn't they both tell the truth? I think the real issue isn't about what's worse, it's why they felt the need to cheat in the first place. If they want things to work out, then they need to address that part of their relationship. Probably need to work on the communication thing too, since they waited so long to tell the truth. Link to comment
littlestar Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Cheating involves lying and betrayl, there isnt such a thing as honest cheating. They are as worse as each other. Cheating on someone and telling them you did it, doesnt make it any better than cheating on someone and lying about it or not telling them about it. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I think A and B are playing a game of t i t for tat and they are both wrong. Neither have been honest or trustworthy. I would not say one is better than the other because neither are charecteristic of a loving and committed relationship. I'd say A and B need to rethink what they are looking for because mistrust like this suggests neither was fulfilled in their relationship or either are just not very trustworthy people. Both lied. One just lied AND slept with another person. It is interesting that A and B would be more concerned over who committed the deeper wrong than why those wrongs were committed in the first place. Link to comment
TXStar7128 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I agree with littlestar...who cares if they came clean? They still cheated in the first place, and this is unacceptable...at least to me... Link to comment
littlestar Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 And then there's also the reason for why they came clean, maybe they thought they were going to get busted so better let you know upfront they had cheated. Link to comment
beeter64 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Right on. I agree. Honest cheating is still cheating.My fiance cheated on me and the only reason he came clean was for himself. It had nothing to do with me. They both need to find out why they did what they did and work on their character flaws. Link to comment
Olive.Juice Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I think it's less of a big deal to keep kissing someone a secret than having intercourse and coming clean with it. I think any kind of cheating is horrible, obviously, but there's differences in severity. A kiss is pretty minor compared to sex... I agree entirely Link to comment
catwalk Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 that particular situation SUCKS, and if I was B I wouldn't have told A that I cheated so long as nothing like that ever happened again. Also, kissing & sex are VERY different things. In any case, to answer the topic title question: lying is worse. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Cheating and lying are equal to me. Link to comment
glegend Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 hmm i like this comparison about the store...THOUGH...dont you think (and this depends obviously ALOT on the person) that if the person stole, got in trouble for it, maybe even jail for days or whatever...depending on the crime...dont you think when they got out, or finished with the punishment, they would know not to do it again? SOME PUNISHMENTS r tough! Its a very good comparison, its practically the same thing as cheating only a bit differnt. You are right, it does depend on the the person and why he or she did steal in the first place. I would hope that they would know not to do it again and not do it. But some people are easily influenced and get tempted tp do it again and again. Anyways it comes they would get fired from the job because the company cannot risk keeping that person on the job. and in this case of cheating, they both (both=this is almost like if the manager stole right?) did it and understood it was wrong, got punishment, and i think they have both learned. so Although very hard to do, and maybe not always convinient, do you still think there is a chance? they ARE just people, with feelings, who do love each other...do u think there is still a posibility that there is something there? Anything is possible. But the real question that needs to be asked before your question can be answered is "Why did they cheat on each other in the first place?". Once you have the answer to that question you can see if they still have feelings for each other and then you can come up with conclusion if they still have a chance with each other and if there is something left in the relationship or if something is missing. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 The kiss is like getting a speeding ticket going 70 in a 65 mph zone. The sex is like going 120 mph and getting hauled off to jail for exhibition of speed and reckless driving. Link to comment
catwalk Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 The kiss is like getting a speeding ticket going 70 in a 65 mph zone. The sex is like going 120 mph and getting hauled off to jail for exhibition of speed and reckless driving. SO true! I'd say 120mph, and drunk! I'd say kissing was more like..... littering. heh Link to comment
pregnantkitty_1985 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I think cheating and lying often go hand in hand, and that lying is a betrayal as well as cheating. Link to comment
loveistough Posted September 15, 2007 Share Posted September 15, 2007 I think cheating and lying often go hand in hand, and that lying is a betrayal as well as cheating. I totally agree with this. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted September 15, 2007 Share Posted September 15, 2007 My husband cheated on me and lied right to MY FACE about it OVER AND OVER AND OVER again for 10 years. He also had at LEAST 2 one night stands with woman who were complete strangers who he met via the Internet that he lied about for 2 and 3 years as well. I found out this information MYSELF. ONLY in the face of THE TRUTH did he even begin to admitt it. To be cheated on and lied to are both HORRIBLE betrayals. To be DECEIVED for YEARS is just uncomprehendible. It is like living with a stranger. To answer your question: IF my husband had come home after the FIRST affair and told me THE TRUTH and shown remorse, we could have worked it out. But THIS TYPE of deception that he has put me through?? I cannot even wrap my brain around it...the pain in unbearable. The DECEPTION hurts more than the fact that he had 3 affairs. It's the complete BETRAYAL...the DECEPTION...how could be do this and then come home and "live" with me like nothing was wrong? How could he look me in the eye? How could he lay in bed next to me? Make love to me, KNOWING that he was exposing me to HIV (he did not wear a condom with his one night stands, who were woman he met off the Internet), how could he celebrate Holidays with me...live with me day in and day out, act so normal...Who is this man? I would rather be cheated on than deceived. I NEVER saw this coming. I feel violated....I lived with a Stranger for 12 years. He knows me to my very soul...yet I knew NOTHING about the real him....... Allie Link to comment
Luckee7189 Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 umm I think lying is worse.. lying leads to cheating too Besides I rather have someone tell me the truth about cheating and why etc. then maybe there is a chance because they were being honest about it.. instead of catching them in the act! You cant really have a good relationship if you have no trust... Link to comment
Gracelove Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Lying is definitely worse. Link to comment
princess_summer_blue84 Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 There both worse! If someone lied to me then I couldn't believe a word they told me anymore but then cheat on top of that there goes the trust! So both of them are really extremely bad! Link to comment
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