Is there a new kind of player besides the common defintion?

[Tethys]

I was referring in the first instance of "women" to your friends encounters. You referred to multiple friends.

 

In the second I was referring to "all women" as in if some women who sleep with men on the first time they meet and expected something more, joined the other women who didnt then the dreaded player would have nothing to play.

 

No what you said is that men should be upfront with women when they first meet them and say "I dont want a relationship". You have put the honus on men when really it lies with both parties. Especially the party who has the most to lose. That is the one expecting more.

 

I dont think many men would feel guilty. Not healthy ones anyways. They would see it for what it was. Two people having an encounter who agreed to that encounter.

 

At this point, I think I am not understanding what you are trying to say.. I never referred to female "multiple friends," but I did mention that I had guy friends who said this or that.

 

I don't understand where this is getting complicated or lost in translation -- men who lie to women to get them into bed are players. Men who are honest, but women sleep with them anyway, and they get lots of "play" are simply good at it. No mystery there.

 

I think everyone, male or female, should be upfront about what they're looking for. This seems to have started because I said "upfront" and you wanted to know what I meant by that. I think I explained what I meant.

 

I am not looking for an us vs them or male vs female debate or anything. Just being honest. It's not about who bears the onus for a sex act.

[tylercdurden2004]

Anyways Mr Penguin,

 

Like I said I believe you are on the right track and the fact that you are asking these questions is very good at your age.

 

I think as long as you stick to what you value and what your wants and needs are then you will be fine. I will only say make sure you dont put anyones needs before yours. At least on a regular basis. That I believe is why so many people end up unhappy and in unhappy relationships or divorce.

[tylercdurden2004]

At this point, I think I am not understanding what you are trying to say.. I never referred to female "multiple friends," but I did mention that I had guy friends who said this or that.

 

I was referring to the women your guys friends hooked up with when I said "friends encounters". as in your guy friend had an encounter with a female. You said multiple guys friends i said encounters.

 

I

don't understand where this is getting complicated or lost in translation -- men who lie to women to get them into bed are players. Men who are honest, but women sleep with them anyway, and they get lots of "play" are simply good at it. No mystery there.

 

There's lots of mystery when only one party is "responsible" for the encounter.

 

I think everyone, male or female, should be upfront about what they're looking for. This seems to have started because I said "upfront" and you wanted to know what I meant by that. I think I explained what I meant.

 

I understand what you meant. But again its squarely aimed at the guy. Dont get me wrong if I hear guys complaining about women "using" them I say the same thing "what did you do to ensure you didnt get used."

 

I am not looking for an us vs them or male vs female debate or anything. Just being honest. It's not about who bears the onus for a sex act.

 

It is about that though. Both parties bear that resonsibility. Not one or the other.

[Tethys]

Tyler,

 

I hope you don't think I'm riding our a-- or anything, lol. I respect your opinion.

 

And nice pic of Leary BTW...

[tylercdurden2004]

Tyler,

 

I hope you don't think I'm riding our a-- or anything, lol. I respect your opinion.

 

And nice pic of Leary BTW...

 

Ah it takes a lot more to ride my bottom than that now!

 

How about spanking?

[Tethys]

Ohhh... I said "our" when I meant YOUR... lol. I am blushing now!

[itsallgrand]

Red,

 

I think there are guys who are good with women. Either through paying attention, natural gifts, or whatever. Doesn't matter.

 

Some are disrespectful. They lie. They are opportunists. They put themselves first without thinking of others. Some degree in between, too.

 

Some have more dignity. Respect for all people..whether female, hot, or not. Whether they want them in bed or in a relationship, or for ego stroking, or not.

 

So long as you stick to being respectful, it's all a go.

 

 

As far as flirting with girls with bf and such, I think that's a bit of a waste of time. For both people.

Be nice and whatever, but know when to draw the line. That's all.

[tylercdurden2004]

Ohhh... I said "our" when I meant YOUR... lol. I am blushing now!

 

Heres a cold towel to cool you down.

[Daddy Bear]

I think as long as you stick to what you value and what your wants and needs are then you will be fine. I will only say make sure you dont put anyones needs before yours.

 

Putting one's own needs in front of a partner's, as I'm sure most with experience will agree, leads to more unhappiness and divorce than the reverse. Experts tell us that the healthiest relationships are those wherein the needs of neither partner are given greater precedence, and that certainly make sense to me.

[Raiden]

Some will go to extreme lengths to obtain what they seek. Is it up to us to define whether that's "right" or "wrong?" How paltry.

 

Of course it's wrong. Because these men (Players) potentially steal the nice girls away from us nice, genuine, sensitive guys with their cheesy text book mind-manipulation tactics. Curse them.

 

It's crude, and it's lame. The saddest part is though, it works. Which might say a lot for the girls they're hitting on, in all honesty.

[tylercdurden2004]

Putting one's own needs in front of a partner's, as I'm sure most with experience will agree, leads to more unhappiness and divorce than the reverse. Experts tell us that the healthiest relationships are those wherein the needs of neither partner are given greater precedence.

 

Or where both parties take responsibility for their needs and communicate and set healthy boundaries.

[itsallgrand]

Putting one's own needs in front of a partner's, as I'm sure most with experience will agree, leads to more unhappiness and divorce than the reverse. Experts tell us that the healthiest relationships are those wherein the needs of neither partner are given greater precedence, and that cetainly make sense to me.

 

Totally agree. And the reverse: putting the other's needs ahead of your own.

 

Want a generalization? A lot of women put themselves in the bottom of the barrel, get trampled, and then want to point fingers.

 

It's always two ways. Always.

[Tethys]

I was referring to the women your guys friends hooked up with when I said "friends encounters". as in your guy friend had an encounter with a female. You said multiple guys friends i said encounters.

 

Understood.

 

There's lots of mystery when only one party is "responsible" for the encounter.

 

I never said one party was "responsible." I think I said EVERYONE should be clear on what is going on. If *I* wasn't clear, I am sorry for that.

 

But again its squarely aimed at the guy.

 

No, it's not, and I never meant to say that.

[Day_Walker]

Every guy has a different game with women, some are sensitive and on the other end of the spectrum some are bad boys. A guys game is dependent on his personality, over time if the guy is smart he will realize what situations he needs to put him self into in order to capitalize on his game. For some men this can take tens of years. Now that being said how a guy treats these women is completely different, that is going to depend on his personality and how he chooses to view women. So you say there are two types but I say there are many because there are many men out there with different games. The traditional bad boy type player is the one that gets the most recognition but I wouldnt even say that he is the one that gets the most women or action.

[Daddy Bear]

Or where both parties take responsibility for their needs and communicate and set healthy boundaries.

I think that an emotionally mature person seeks to ensure that a partner's needs are being met along with his or her own.

 

A lot of women put themselves in the bottom of the barrel, get trampled, and then want to point fingers.

And I think this is one good reason why.

[RedPenguin]

I'm glad I started this thread, I'm amazed it got so far (in pages) in such a little time, but I did learn a lot of good stuff.

 

I just don't like how some label guys who are just good with women, as players. I don't lie or wish to lie or deceit women, but I still feel I'm good with women. So it would be stupid to call me something bad, when I'm not really doing anything bad.

 

It's like how people call guys pimps, when they get a lot of women. That is not even what a pimp is. Pimp has nothing to do with getting women, it's being in control of women, prostitutes. So if you are good with getting women, what on Earth does that have to do with a pimp?

 

Pimp is used weirdly today. Like Pimp My Car? What does redoing someones car have to do with controlling prostitutes?

[Tethys]

Of course it's wrong. Because these men (Players) potentially steal the nice girls away from us nice, genuine, sensitive guys with their cheesy text book mind-manipulation tactics. Curse them.

 

It's crude, and it's lame. The saddest part is though, it works. Which might say a lot for the girls they're hitting on, in all honesty.

 

No, Ken, it doesn't work, but I am mainly responding to you because you have a beautiful pic of Willow as your avatar...

[Tethys]

I'm glad I started this thread, I'm amazed it got so far (in pages) in such a little time, but I did learn a lot of good stuff.

 

I just don't like how some label guys who are just good with women, as players. I don't lie or wish to lie or deceit women, but I still feel I'm good with women. So it would be stupid to call me something bad, when I'm not really doing anything bad.

 

No, you are nothing "bad," IMO. If you are good with women, great! More power to ya... but if you don't lie or deceive them, you are doing nothing wrong.

[tylercdurden2004]

I think that an emotionally mature person seeks to ensure that a partner's needs are being met along with his or her own.

 

And I think this is one good reason why.

 

So how do you ensure your partners needs are being met?

[Raiden]

No, Ken, it doesn't work, but I am mainly responding to you because you have a beautiful pic of Willow as your avatar...

 

According to 'Mystery: The Master PUA', it sure as Hell works.

 

And, glad to meet another Alyson Hannigan lover

[Daddy Bear]

I don't know anyone who would call you a player simply because you're popular with the ladies. That seems like petty jealousy to me. Only those who use games to gain access to sex and/or treat women as disposable truly deserve that label, imo.

[itsallgrand]

Haha. Male bonding and/or jabbing because of jealousy or whatever?

 

Degrading popular terms are a bit much, overused. Have even heard someone be told he's "pimpin'" because he is dressed nice.

 

I think part of it is just using words casually without even thinking of what they actually could or do mean.

[Daddy Bear]

So how do you ensure your partners needs are being met?

Through communication, of course. Between that and the setting of healthy boundaries, to use your own words, a proper balance amenable to both parties can easily be achieved.

[Raiden]

I don't know anyone who would call you a player simply because you're popular with the ladies. That seems like petty jealousy to me. Only those who use games to gain access to sex and/or treat women as disposable truly deserve that label, imo.

 

That's true. But, let's face facts here, guys like this are inexorably few and far between. Most of them are more than likely after 'something'.

 

RedPenguin seems like a decent guy, though. And I'm pleased to hear that he's popular with the fairer sex. I wish I was him, lol.

[Tethys]

According to 'Mystery: The Master PUA', it sure as Hell works.

 

And, glad to meet another Alyson Hannigan lover

 

You know, I hadn't heard about this "Mystery" fellow until I read about him online and he got his reality television show. (I don't have a television.) He seems to be all the rage, so I looked at some YouTube clips.

 

I don't see what the fuss is about -- these are time-tested "strategies" he markets. You can find books on it. It's nothing new.

 

"Act like you're not interested..." blah blah blah. Nothing new. (Yes, I know I haven't watched the show, but I could gather what he was doing very quickly!)

 

And Alyson Hannigan is gorgeous, no denying that, lol!