Is there a condition called Relationship OCD?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Whoa, something is wrong here, but I don't think its my relationship, I think its more in my head. But I'd hate to go along having not asked other people about it.

 

My boyfriend and I (22 and 19 respectively) will have been together 2 years this October.

 

Many Good Signs, In NO Particular Order:

 

-I still don't think there's anyone hotter than him, he's beautiful

 

-We have a lot of physical affection of a nonsexual variety, ie hold hands in car, hug a lot, kiss a lot, entwined sleeping

 

-We have a lot of sexual affection/good, varied sex ;-)

 

-We can and do talk to each other about anything, he's a more closed person than me but he "lets me in" more than he does anyone else, and I feel warm and honoured when he does

 

-We have roughly the same aspirations as far as wanting to live together, marry but probably no children goes

 

-Whenever I have that "I want a hug" feeling, its ALWAYS him I think of

 

-I had some slight minor cheating (yes...I know) going on, on my side earlier this year. Nothing major, but the guilt I felt afterwards was severe, and I knew then how much I was into my boyfriend

 

-I have a much better lid on it these days, but the thought of him with someone else...I'm not possessive but sometimes I do get insecure or jealous (natural enough I guess) but its a marker of how much I and I alone want him!

 

-I still get excited about seeing him

 

-My heart still gives a little jump when he comes online or send me a text message

 

-I saw him the morning before I went on a ONE week vacation, asked to see him randomly that evening too as I felt I missed him already, but when flooding meant he literally couldnt drive to see me I cried

 

-He is a fairly big factor in my choosing where to go to uni, ie I've chosen a much closer one, because I really want to NOT break up with him due to those "inevitable" uni pressures

 

So where's the BUT?

 

BUT......this is going to sound VERY odd.

 

I'm in therapy right now, for longstanding depression. I also have epilepsy, and a few weeks ago I started meds for that. Now, because they interact with and lessen the effects of the BC Pill, my Dr told me to take 2 pills a day, and tricycle.

 

All well and good for stopping pregnancy, but because I hadn't loaded up my meds to the highest dose (have just done so, feeling some side effects) they weren't "cancelling" half the 2 BC link removed result, a LOT of excess hormones. My Dr admitted it could well have mood effects. My anti epileptic meds also have "agitation" and "nervousness" as listed side effects.

 

Well, the day I went on vacation I felt completely normal (see above list!) towards my BF. Then we stopped at a service station. I saw a mens' magazine in the rack in the store there, and decided I hated men, I was ugly, I hated women being objectified, then I thought AND I HATE MY BF!

 

I was like...what?

 

And from then on - it got better when I came home from holiday, then got worse when I had to up my med dose again, seems a bit too coincidental but hey - "I" know intellectually and feelingly that I love my BF, I want to be with him, the thought of NOT loving him makes me ILL. I thought he was cheating on me about a week ago and was VERY upset...I think my thread in Infidelity is still up.

 

I can't explain why...not why I've fallen out of love with him because I havn't, but why am I obsessing over possibly falling out of love with him?!?

 

It got to the point where I was trying to enjoy a difficult, hormonal vacation and I'd get a "voice in my head" saying "You're evil, you DONT LOVE HIM" but it was wrong! But why....and it lead to obsession, and eventually just being constantly upset.

 

I don't feel any differently towards my BF, but from that vacation-time its like I picked up a "whats love?" "what if I cant love him" "DO I love him"?? obsession.

 

And of course I do. If nothing else, the whole list above is a sane reminder, and I just want to touch him and have sex with him and tell him everything in my life and share everything with him..

 

but my THOUGHTS themselves are giving me ...well, intermittent h-e-l-l. My therapist said it might be insecurity, I'm starting uni, dont have a lot to do right now, im on meds and/or im scared of losing him.

 

?!? I catch myself looking out for any signs I "dont love him" sometimes, and it makes me scared and sad and crazy, i just want to enjoy being with him...which i do, but not when these Thoughts take over.

 

But of course because I DO love him and we ARE close , I've talked to him about this. He said it was odd, but sounded like because I was so wound up over it I clearly cared as much as ever and I should stop pointlessly obsessing because we're fine..and we ARE fine.

 

so...wha?

[arwen]

Hey hun,

 

I think that there are a couple of possible explanations for what you are experiencing. First I want you to know that you are not being strange here. All relationships have their moments of re-evaluating your feelings, needs, the direction, etc. That being said:

 

1. you are on medications that affect your mind. You know I am experienced with some meds (from some ad's to benzo's, from strong painkillers to The Pill). Sofar all of them have messed with my mind in one way or another. That is because most of them are designed to work on the nervous system or neurotransmitters.

 

2. you ARE going through a serious stage in your relationship. Chosing universities and staying close together, those are all big steps. It is only natural to be scared you are taking them for the wrong reasons, although you know deep inside that they are the good decision.

 

Look, although in a different stage and on different meds, lol, I recognize a lot in what you write. My bf and I will move in together in a week time (!) and lately I have been in so much pain that the doctor prescribed me valium (it's for pain I have for ages in my neck). It makes me feel flat for days and than agitated for the other days. Great. I find myself obessing about the craziest things.

 

You have been through so many things with your bf, and he's very very good for you (that's the impression of your posts I think you will feel the same way when you move to the next stage.

 

And would it be possible at all that you are in fact obsessing over something totally unlikely because you want to avoid feeling nervous about uni, the next stage, etc?

 

Hugs,

 

Arwen

[jettison]

I thought that my last GF had ROCD. Google it. I found tons of articles on the subject, and they all seemed to fit her.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Arwen, you're great!

 

That is sort of what my mom said. I told her all this on vacation, and she said , basically

 

"Don't you think your mind might be choosing something "safer" or whatever rather than thinking about your epilepsy (I have quite bad fits), your new medication (because I had epilepsy for a year and was scared to try meds) or starting Uni?"

 

So you clearly think alike ;-)

 

After a while I soon figured that all week, whilst relationship obsessing, I hadn't thought about ANYTHING else...not meds, not uni, nothing I would "normally" worry over...hmmm!

[jettison]

link removed

[Siriana]

How about going to a gyno and having a talk about contraception?

 

I know this might sound as a reckless advice, but how about using a condom with one pill or using a condom together with calculating days when you can't get pregnant (in lack of the better phrase) - but of course do not decide on that alone, see a gyno and let him help you in deciding with info he gives you?

I think BC pills could be a very strong component in your current feelings.

 

Also starting a uni is a change -and a stressfull one.

 

Take some time to get used on meds.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Just found SIAD on Google..

 

Oh man, thats all that I'm feeling, right there...no joke.

 

I had OCD when I was approx 9-12, it was religious in nature..I ...oh im so SICK of various mental illnesses!

 

Argh!

 

I have to do to my doc in a couple of weeks for a review Syrix, so I'll certainly ask if it hasn't improved.

[arwen]

Hahaha, ehm... would it be of any consolidation to know what I am totally obsessed about?

 

We placed a floor over a wooden underfloor that is not totally suited for that floor. And now I am convinced all will be wrong, that the floor will break once we move in. I am browsing the net like crazy, looking for anything that confirms this and then I worry even more. This is EXACTLY what I did when I moved last time, and I was convinced I had all kinds of diseases. Although that seemed a more logical fear at the time, but it was just a different theme.

 

One obsession just takes away the actual 'little' fears and emotions. But if the obsession takes over, it's hard to get rid of in my experience. Now that I know it's JUST a way of coping with stress in big steps, I am better at taking things day by day.

 

hugs,

 

Arwen

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I am quite relieved to know its probably (because it causes me so much sheer anxiety!) yet another manifestation of my OCD (the religion thing then the "Not Eating Fat" thing that turned into anorexia, then the ...oh, never mind...suffice to say I have always over analysed, worried my rear end off, etc etc!) and the fact its a relief itself I think is a good indicator.

 

I hope your floor turns out to be ok...oh dear doesn't obsession hit you like a nasty wet fish..sux!

[jul-els]

What you're saying is very interesting to me, Anti-love. My girlfriend has these same kind of mood swings that make absolutely no sense to me. I try to talk with her about it but she dosen't seem to be real willing or able to vebalize what she's feeling. I feel like what you're saying gives me a little insight.

 

As long as you know you love your bf, that is what is of the underlying and utmost importance.

 

Your meds could be playing with your moods to the point that it's causing you to have feelings that don't seem reasonable. Anytime you feel these doubts or fears just stop and question it, which you seem to be doing, and ask yourself it the two of you love each other. If the answer is yes, and I'm sure it is, then hold on to that and accept it. Let the negativity fall by the wayside. Good luck with everything. Best wishes.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Thank you very much jul-els...do a quick google on Relationship OCD as someone suggested earlier, that would be extremely helpful to you, I think.

[jul-els]

Yes, will do.