I need some serious advice here, I really don't know what to do....

[tray25]

Some already know my story. Well, she contacted me and I agreed to meet with her at dinner. It was my first time seeing her in three months. It was okay, nothing special. I really am saddened and depressed about what she told me however. She had some major health problems (bulimia, depression) but she said that she is close to being diagnosed with cervical cancer. I couldn't believe this cause she is only 20 yrs old. She is going to her second biopsy. She is not lying and I know she is really concerned. She cried for 30 minutes. She has moderate changes down there and it looks like there is something definitely wrong. The doctor has contacted her three times this week and she won't tell her parents. I really felt bad for her because she is so young. She is frightened to death and it broke my heart to see her that way. I told her that I would always be there for her throughout this. I told her that she can always count on me. I had no idea what else to say. But when I told her this, I felt like I was signing something I couldn't do. I don't think I will ever be with her again, but I do know that she misses me because of the strength I give her. But honestly, I don't think I am strong enough to handle something like this. My question to all of you is this;

 

 

I feel like I am going to a place that I have never been with this girl. Everyone tells me to quit talking to her. But I don't know if I can turn my back on someone that is sick. I am stuck here. My compassion and heart say be there for her. But my mind says to get out soon as you can. She is in no condition for a relationship, she cannot give me anyting in return. But at this point I don't even care about that. Another part of me says I don't want to spend months, maybe years, so that she ends up with someone else, or that she leaves me an emotional wreck again. This of course is assuming that she gets healthy and beats this thing. My first concern is her health. I don't want to see a 20 year old girl go through this. She is still so damn young. But I do love her. I am not in love with her. But I do love her and care about her. I have no idea what to do. Should I help and be there, hope she gets healthy (what if she doesn't?) and hope that in the future she sees how I feel about her. Or get out now and let her fight her own battles and be a distant, very distant friend. The person that I am is that the more contact I have with her, the more I get attached. I am not trying to be selfish, I just don't know if I can handle something this severe. I try to be strong but if something happens to this girl, whether I help her or not, I feel like it could devestate me. I need some input please.

[mr me]

i would just say that i really cant be there for her because of the past u two had. I feel like she might just want ur support because idk why she would tell u this if u havent talked in awhile. I do see how girls have guys around to help them feel more strength because they might feel vunerable because of how emotional they can be sometimes. I dont think she mentioned anything about you gettin back together so any time u spend with her there is always the chance that u will get hurt. I feel like if she feels different then its up to her to really do something about it. I also see how she is young its hard but also that means that she doesnt really know alot about what life is like living thru pain and not being able to get over it so quickly like when u were young.

 

I feel like u being a guy u cant understand what its like for her because we live different type of lives and have different ways of coping with it. I almost see this as ur way to maybe try to get her back but eventho its hard and thats how we might feel its not like u can get this person to love u again. Its hard because u never know what the future holds and more than anything u want to get back with this person just out of fear or whatever it is. I really feel like u cant be friends with an ex that isnt really a friend towards u.

 

This is what its like for someone who got into a situation and didnt really know how to handle it from lack of experience. I have been there and all u can do is keep ur space from ur ex till u get over this person. Its not easy but you just need to find out how u cope with this. All i can say is the closer u are to ur ex who u still have feelings for the more u will get hurt and and still have feelings for them. I feel like guys and girls deal with break-ups differently. I wanted to marry this girl i wanted to have her kids and be with her forever but right now all i do is get hurt by her because she feels differently then me and idk why. Also it was an LDR and i never got to meet up with this person and it kills me. I just try to look at every negative thing and really try to turn it into a positive. Everything i said is stuff we both talked about but somehow girls just do things differently then guys and thats something we have to live with.

[mr me]

I would also say that anytime u would get back with a person u would have to heal completely and so would they because if not u might just end up making the same mistakes again and going thru the same thing. i would really hope for the best with her. I would also use this forum to maybe help out other people who have gone thru the same thing u went thru. Its not gonna be easy and but once u can kinda learn how to really deal with a break up and use it for a positive reason and just see why people go thru the things they do and how u needed to learn from this and deal with it.

[fieldstr]

Ther only answer is going to have to come from you. This is obviously not the typical situation that most of us are dealing with. This is a very special and complicated situation, and there may be no right way to handle this, only the best way available.

 

I understand that you don't want to get attached to her and get hurt in the end again, but you have to listen to your heart on this one. No one can really tell you what to do here. My advice is to think long and hard about what course of action you want to take. You don't want to become involved with her again, but you also don't feel like you can neglect her in her time of need.

 

She sounds like she needs your emotional support right now more than anything, and I wonder, and so should you, how will you feel if you turn your back on her. If she should lose her battle with cancer and die, I wonder how that will make you feel. Will you be ashamed that you weren't there for her or will you be proud to know that you stood by her to provide her emotional support? You really need to ask yourself these questions because no one can give them to you. This is definitely a situation where the answers have to come from within you.

 

You should definitely encourage her to tell her family. She is going to need all the love and support that she can get. And it is possible that their support will allow you the chance to step back a bit. That way if you do decide to be there for her emotionally, you can do so without her becoming totally dependent on you - she will have others to lean on as well, thus giving you enough distance to not get reattached to her, hopefully.

 

I hope this helps. Best of luck.

[asdfg123]

Tray25. I wanted to tell you...that she prob has HPV which is what causes most if not all changes in ur cells down there. I know someone who had this...the doctor catches it in time and freezes those cells off. So most people do not develop in to cancer...in fact I know 3 people who has had to freeze off cells....biopsy and all. Do dont let her get too scared. Of course when someone goes through it...they freak out etc...after they get treatment...they just go get tested to make sure the cells dont change again...if they change again u get treated again....but if u dont treat it...after a year or few years it could turn in to cancer...and sometimes the cells will just go back to normal on their own.

[Demond34]

Yes this is a tough situation, sometimes you have to put your differences aside as they become trivial in a situation like this. Follow your heart on this one, as for me if that was my ex, I would of said the same thing you said. BUt just because you said what you said, doesn't mean she is going to ask you for the world and take advantage of you. She doesn't want you to fix anything, just listen to her when she calls, be her "enotalone". Yes it may be tough for you to prevent yourself from becoming attached, but do the best you can and treat her as a friend in need.

[Dako]

Tray

 

I believe life gives us assignments like this, and the rewards can be huge for someone with the strength to accept them.

Many guys would shrug it off as her problem, and take the easier path.

Maybe you should, too if you can't handle it.

There's no shame in it.

 

After my wife dumped me she was found to have a brain tumor. It made our divorce seem like a minor detail by comparison. Some things are truly serious.

[Clabs]

Hi Tray

 

I think you answer your own questions here - you are too kind and compassionate a person to just turn your back on her. She is likely very frightened and scared right now - just be there if she needs to talk or a shoulder - you know her better than most.

 

It is such a tough one on you but if anything, this will help remind her of your unselfish and caring nature.

 

Good luck fella.

 

Mark

[DN]

i read some of your previous threads about this girl.

 

Are you absolutely sure she is telling the truth about this?

[Coyote9]

I PM'd you Tray as to my two cents on this.

L

[maylin]

do you think you could get on happily knowing you could but chose not to be there for this girl,if yes,then dont get yourself involved but if dettaching yourself feels wrong to you then be there for her.you dont av to put your life on hold for her ...just help her.